How I Discovered My Husband Was a Narcissist

And What I Did About It

And What You Can Do, Too

The Signs Were There

You may be able to relate . . . for years I wasn’t sure what was wrong with my marriage. He lied all of the time. He kept secrets. He had abusive anger outbursts – both emotional and physical. He used pornography. I walked on eggshells all of the time and spent 7 years trying to “fix” our marriage. Sometimes things were good, but it never lasted. I felt lost and helpless.

What I didn’t know at the time was that his behaviors were consistent with pornography users. Men who betray their wives and families with lies, pornography use, infidelity and abuse are not safe enough to be in a healthy marriage. I needed to get myself in a safe place, emotionally and physically. With assistance from trusted and experienced women, I was able to set and hold the boundaries I needed to hold to bring peace into my home and create a sanctuary of safety for my children.

What Is A Narcissist?

In a nutshell, a narcissist is someone who is unable to interact in the world in a healthy, loving way. They have no sense of self – so they must obtain a sense of self from others. This leaves them open to behaviors and choices that aren’t good for them or their marriages. If he were to truly be honest with himself and others, he would admit the lies he tells himself and others, his unquenchable lust, his pornography use, his compulsive masturbation, his constant desire for the praise of the world (especially when it comes from a beautiful woman), and admit that anger and jealously in his heart toward his fellowmen. This makes husbands with narcissistic traits dangerous to their families. They are unable to have integrity because they refuse to tell the truth.

The narcissistic behaviors correlated with pornography use are:

  • Lying
  • Lusting
  • Pornography Use
  • Masturbation
  • Cheating Emotionally & Physically
  • Gaslighting
  • Explosive Anger
  • Property Damage – punching walls, throwing things
  • Physical Intimidation – yelling and spitting right in your face
  • Hiding
  • Being Secretive
  • Obsessing About Perceived Slights

I knew something was wrong. I felt like "me" was gone.

Therapists Were Telling Me How To “Fix” My Marriage, But It Was Fruitless

Believe it or not, there are many therapists or even clergy that tell women that by modifying their own behavior, by being extra kind to their abusive husband, that his behaviors will stop. But modifying your own behavior will not stop his pornography use or his abuse.

What I Needed to Do Was Get Myself To Emotional Safety

Once I learned how to create safety in my home, I was able to start healing. I was able to see things for the way they really were, and find peace. We’ve been able to teach other women how to establish emotional safety and peace in their home.

The Problem

Many professionals don’t recognize narcissists in their offices. They take the narcissist’s word as truth. They see both partners as equals and don’t realize the narcissist is lying, manipulating them, and playing the victim. Many victims are confused and try harder or do better.

The Solution

Victims first need to get out of harm’s way emotionally and get grounded in reality so they can recognize what is really happening AND BEGIN HEALING. We can show you how.


At Betrayal Trauma Therapy, We Get It. We’ve Been There.

Every woman on our team has experienced betrayal trauma first hand. Our online support groups are inexpensive and really help women heal!

More Affordable Than Traditional Therapy

For $125 a month (the cost of one specialized therapy session), you have access to live, daily group sessions in multiple time zones.


APSATS Trained Coaches That Get it Immediately

Don’t waste time trying to explain what is happening or train your therapist or clergy about betrayal trauma. You need help! Our coaches get it, and can help you right away.


Attend As Many Sessions as You'd Like

Attend any or all of our live, daily, group sessions in multiple time zones. Help is always less that 24 hours away.

Safety and Healing Quicker

Women who have a safe network of support are able to get through the fog of lies and manipulation more quickly – and therefore save themselves years of pain and confusion.


All of our services are online. So you never have to find childcare or drive anywhere. Similarly, you can get the privacy you need by attending a session in your car or anywhere where you have internet access.

No Stigmas

Because every woman in our community has experienced betrayal trauma, there is no judgement. We all get it. We’ve all been through it. You’ll be validated and loved – not blamed.

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