If you’re married, have you just discovered that your husband watches gay pornography or is hooks up with men? Have you wondered, “Is my husband gay?”
This kind of betrayal cuts deep, and it makes sense that you feel angry, confused, and sad. Not because you’re mean or hateful, but because he lied to you and broke your trust.
You’re not alone. Betrayal can hurt a lot, but there are ways to get help and feel better. Here are three signs that might show if your husband could be gay, along with some ideas on how to move forward.
1. You Find Gay Pornography or Evidence of Same-Sex Relationships
Have you come across gay pornography on your husband’s phone, device, or search history? Discovering this can feel like a devastating blow, particularly if it’s not the first time.
If he’s previously assured you that he isn’t gay or promised to stop, the betrayal can be even more painful. This can feel especially conflicting if he identifies as religious and claims not to support homosexuality.
Similarly, if he’s had same-sex relationships in his past—or you’ve recently uncovered evidence that he’s involved with other men now—this might confirm worrying suspicions.
It’s important to remember that these discoveries aren’t your fault. He’s been lying to you and your community and maybe even your church, and that has nothing to do with you.
His lying and hiding the truth likely amounts to emotional and psychological abuse. Before you answer whether he’s gay, consider answering this important question: Is he emotionally abusive?
Take this free emotional abuse quiz to see if he’s using any of the 19 types of emotional abuse to keep you in the dark or make you feel like this is your fault.
2. He’s Spending Time in Gay Bars or Similar Spaces
If your husband secretly frequents gay bars or visits establishments connected to same-sex encounters, and has been purposefully trying to obstruct you from discovering this double life, it’s a sign that he’s emotionally abusive, regardless of his sexual orientation.
To learn more about this type of abuse, listen to the FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast.
3. Your Intuition Tells You Something Is Wrong
Sometimes, even if you don’t have proof—like suspicious messages or clear signs—your feelings might tell you something isn’t right. You know what? Those feelings happen for a reason. Your brain can notice little clues even before you realize it.
If you’re feeling confused, trust yourself. You might not be able to explain it immediately, but honoring your intuition can guide you toward the truth.
But What If He’s Still Intimate With Me?
One question many women in this situation ask is, “If he’s having sex with men, why does he still want to be with me—physically and emotionally?”
To learn more about why some men see marriage as an opportunity to exploit a woman, rather than a loving relationship, enroll in The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop to determine what your husband’s true character is.
The Living Free Workshop will help you determine if your husband is gay and then know what steps to take next to make sure you’re emotionally, psychologically, and sexually safe.
What You Can Do Next
If this sounds like something you’re going through, it’s time to focus on finding peace and feeling better. Whether your husband is gay or making other bad choices, what matters most is your feelings and mental health.
Feeling isolated is common, but help is available. Betrayal Trauma Recovery (BTR.ORG) offers daily group sessions in every time zone, so no matter where you are, you’ll be surrounded by women who understand.
This is a safe space where you can share your thoughts—or just listen until you feel ready. Take the first step toward healing and connect with the amazing women at Betrayal Trauma Recovery TODAY.
Please could you let me know if there is a support group. My husband has been cheating on me with multiple online affairs with other men and transwoman, and has been watching a ton of stuff online. We are working on our marriage but I need help with my own healing.
We have a daily, online support group for women who have been cheated on. And we also have individual sessions. We hope to see you soon!
Recently found out my husband is gay or bisexual. Our children found videos on his phone of him performing for men on the internet and vise versa. Husband moved out and we are getting divorced. My children and I are in therapy. But I’m looking for a support group or women that have been through something similar.
Our daily, live support group is for women who have been lied to and betrayed. Check out the group session schedule.
I was in the hospital after an accident, and when I got back home a week ago, new neighbors had moved in next to me. The man came over and asked my husband to come outside and meet him. Later, I met his wife, and she told me she found out her husband was gay—even though they had kids together.
Now I realize my husband is gay too, but instead of being honest, he just wants to hang out with this neighbor. They’ve been sitting outside together, drinking and getting drunk. I’m done.