Is It Possible That My Husband Is Gay?

Imagine waking up one day and having your whole world change in an instant. That is what happened to Tera Brown, wife and mother, after her husband told her he experiences same sex attraction and had recently been acting out with other men.

Tera describes her shock, “In one morning the whole paradigm of my world flipped. That was the day I woke up.” She states, “I asked myself the question, is my husband gay?”

Besides being incredibly difficult to comprehend, spouses who are in similar situations often feel confused, conflicted, and befuddled by the circumstances they find themselves after a disclosure such as this.

Tera’s healing journey began eight years ago when she awoke from a lifelong pattern of avoiding and denying her own emotions. It was at an experiential weekend she realized the pattern of numbing and avoiding even the most simple emotion. This led her to focus on assessing and healing her trauma.

 

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Is Being Gay Different Than Having Same Sex Attraction?

Because of her life-changing situation, Tera started seeing the need for healing and connection based groups for any and all women who have experienced some type of intimate betrayal in their relationship. “I wanted to have a place where all women could come together in unity to draw strength from each other’s unique perspectives,” she adds.

That’s when she, along with a small team of friends, created the La Loba Retreat.

During the La Loba Retreats, the 3 main focus points are:

  1. Healing
  2. Strengthening
  3. Connecting

Can A Man Married To A Women Self-Identify As Gay?

Although her husband does not self-identify as gay, Tera states that plenty of men in these situations do identify as gay. Delving more into this area of identity, Tera adds, “There are labels that we choose to take on everyday. My husband doesn’t choose to take on that label because he views this part as just one part of him, not his identity. There are others who feel differently and identify differently of course.”

Knowing it can be a controversial issue, Tera explains, “We feel that it is important to let people self-identify. Whatever term is helpful for them is what they should use. This is also encouraged within the La Loba community.

Gaelyn, Betrayal Trauma Recovery Coach, has attended La Loba Retreat previously and states, “I went in to the retreat with so much and pain and grief and I left with a sense that whatever happened in my life, I had choices and I had connections.” She adds, “It was absolutely worth it.”

For help in your healing, check out an Individual Session with one of our amazing APSATS coaches. If you are able to make a monthly donation to help strengthen the BTR community, please do.

Until next week, stay safe out there.

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