When a woman finds out about her husband’s secret pornography use, her agony and devastation are often minimized. It shouldn’t be. Here are 3 reasons why pornography is an abuse issue.
At Betrayal Trauma Recovery, we assert that pornography is an abuse issue. To test this theory, if your husband uses porn, take this free emotional abuse quiz. See if you’re experiencing any of the 19 types of emotional abuse.
Pornography Is An Abuse Issue? But How?
Pornography is accepted, encouraged, and normalized in our society, while its effects are denied, minimized, and even justified.
Here are three reasons that pornography is an abuse issue:
- Pornography fuels sex trafficking.
- Using pornography is spousal abuse.
- Pornography leads to self-abuse.
Pornography Is An Abuse Issue “Pleasure” Comes From Another’s Abuse
When men choose to use pornography, they exploit and abuse women – many of whom are underage. Violence against women is common in pornographic material.
Men literally have a sexual response to the video proof of women and children being brutalized and raped. How could that not be abusive?
What About “Ethical Porn”?
Many porn users will rally against the truth that pornography is abusive. They tout that “ethical porn” empowers women.
However, this fallacy is both dangerous and offensive. “Ethical porn” is the ultimate oxymoron. There is no healthy way to view pornography, even so-called “free-trade” or “ethical” porn.
Viewing Pornography Leads To Spouse Abuse
When men use pornography, they are, by default, abusing their wife because
- They’re engaging in a secret sexual life – manipulation, lies, and withholding the truth are forms of emotional abuse.
- If he’s not honest about his porn use, it’s sexual coercion because she can’t make an informed decision.
- Pornography users often pressure their wife to engage in dangerous, dehumanizing, and painful sexual acts. This is sexual coercion, a form of sexual abuse.
- Pornography users often use psychologically abusive behaviors, including gaslighting, blame-shifting, and abusive defensiveness.
Pornography Teaches How To Abuse Others
As men consume pornography, they are being conditioned to abuse women and underage girls.
At BTR, we understand the depth of horror and pain that women experience when they are betrayed in this way.
Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group offers victims a safe place to process trauma, share hard feelings, and ask questions. Attend a session today.
21 years I’ve been with my husband, married 17.5 of those years. I’ve caught him more times than I would like to admit over the years lusting over women or watching porn. I recently found out of his infidelity from 16 years ago. For 16 years he lied to my face. Of course I now feel the entire 21 years have been a lie. I have frantically searched the Internet for helpful information. This is by far the most realistic, logical & informative information I have found. You are articulating everything I’m feeling & living. My husband says he wants to change, actions speak louder than words. His infidelity started six months after we married. It was at its peak when I almost died during an in-vitro cycle & continued when we were finally blessed with our daughter months later. When it finally ended, his porn addiction ramped up. So did his torment, emotional, verbal & physical abuse. I don’t recognize myself, I once was a bubbly, annoyingly happy fun person. I try to find glimpses of that person, but it’s almost impossible now. I have not told a single person, I am so ashamed and humiliated. I feel like there’s been a death in my family. My life as I knew it is now nonexistent. I feel like I woke up on another planet. This is so incredibly painful I don’t know how I’m going to get through it. Man, that was pathetically sad! This was supposed to be a heartfelt thank you!! Thank you!!
I’m so glad you found us! Welcome. We understand the pain and the hurt caused by the emotional and psychological abuse and sexual coercion. We’re glad you’re here:). Hugs!
Sobering. I needed to read this. Thank you.
The advice I was given years ago was this, “If you get pornography completely out of your life, most of your problems would go away.” The person who told me that was 100% correct. My wife is way happier, my conscience is clean, I don’t feel angry, stressed out, anxious, and I don’t snap and my kids. Well, I don’t snap at my kids nearly as much. LOL. I’m in a good spot right now.
Pornography destroys families. My goal is to stay completely away from pornography because it has put my family through so much pain. I love my wife so much and I never ever again want to hurt her.
Our wives are so precious and they need husbands who love them not just in word, but with their actions.
Wow. I knew it was addictive. But not to that extent. I am in the process of dissolving/divorcing spouse of 33 years for this issue. As well as financial and psychological mental abuse. Two years of marriage therapy and 24 years of individual therapy. While in marriage therapy I found a trauma therapist privately after attending 6 weeks of dv support group. I have been planning my exit for more than 2 years. I am happy to state I move out soon. The divorce will be finalized either in late July or August. This group gave me strength while in dv group to keep moving forward. Thank You!!!