Have you asked yourself, “Is my husband manipulating me into sex, or did I actually want to do that?” Identifying sexual coercion in marriage is difficult. Here’s what you need to know.
If My Husband Is Manipulating Me Into Sex, Am I A Victim Of Sexual Coercion?
If your husband is manipulating you into sex, you’ll likely feel confused, embarrassed, and have trouble knowing for certain what actually happened. Here are some questions you can ask yourself, did…
- Your husband do something that you’re afraid to tell others?
- Something happen that you are ashamed to tell others?
- You experience fear before, during, or after?
- You find yourself wondering, ‘Is this normal?’ ‘Do other husbands do this to their wives?’
- He claim that he was going to be in physical pain if you didn’t do what he wanted?
- He say he’d be depressed, or otherwise threaten you, even if the threat was extremely subtle?
- You feel unsettled or unsafe during the experience?
Did He Manipulate Me Into Sex, Or Did I WANT To Do That?
You may feel manipulated into sex if…
- A sexual addiction recovery program leader/sponsor/manual/member told you that it’s your responsibility to “meet his needs”.
- A religious leader or program has explicitly stated or implied that you should submit to your husband sexually, often from individuals who either fail to recognize or choose to ignore that such advice amounts to coercion.
- You’re afraid that if you don’t, he’ll seek it elsewhere (even if he’s never said it out loud).
- You understand “intimacy” as a way to manage his mood.
In these situations, you may be being coerced to protect yourself and resist his emotional and psychological abuse.
That’s not the same thing as mutual sex, and means he’s likely manipulating you.
If Your Husband Manipulates You Into Sex, Get Educated
Many women have found answers listening to The FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast.
Our BTR.ORG Group Sessions are a safe place to ask questions, process trauma, and express your emotions.
If you’re unsure if what you’re experiencing is normal or toxic, take our free emotional abuse quiz to see if he’s using any one of the 19 different types of emotional abuse.
The public health crisis is that women are taught from birth that if a man doesn’t “LOVE” them, they are NOTHING. Men do not love women. Men love sex and power and money and praise, etc. They do not seem to even have a concept of love. Once that is a given then women can protect themselves. My “pet pig” says that “the secret to happiness is low expectations.” For once, he’s telling the truth.
Makes me think that arranged marriages (like corporate mergers) may not be such a bad idea. Just write a good contract and then hold thier lying, stinking, slimy feet to the fire.
Yes, I hate men. I have NO reason to feel otherwise.
I feel like this woman and I shared a life. Our stories are practically identical, including me reaching out to his people after for help and ME becoming the “crazy one”. Yet, when I first met him they loved me and were so grateful that he finally had a God fearing woman in his life. The fact that he abused me, walked out on me, and had a secret girlfriend (and daughter for 18 years) somehow made me the bad guy.
Thanks for exposing this insidious behavior!! I can relate to much of what is described and I’m sickened that I didn’t know I was being abused either. We were together for nearly 30 years before he ran away with 2 of 3 teens. I’m really worried for my two kids that he’s alienated from me and that yet another generation of perpetrators and or victims will now be unleashed into the world. I have only seen my kids once in three years! My daughter has no idea that she’s been the victim of covert incest, by becoming her father’s surrogate spouse. He love bombs them with $$, new cars, trips, out of state university, new expensive house, etc. They have no clue what the truth is. He’s smeared me throughout the family and beyond. Sometimes it feels like he’s trying to drive me to suicide to literally erase me for good. Lucky for me our youngest teen caught on and chose to stay with me instead of going along with the colluding runaway gang.
Thank you so much for this! When I separated from my husband, I gradually realized how much fear I had been living in. I couldn’t believe how often I felt manipulated into sex, but didn’t even realize it. Thank you for the wonderful work you are doing.