The long term effects of emotional abuse in marriage are different for every woman. Here are 6 long term effects and 3 way to overcome them.
6 Long Term Effects of Emotional Abuse In Marriage
- Low self-esteem and self-worth due to constant manipulation or criticism.
- Anxiety and depression caused by prolonged emotional distress.
- Confusion of not being able to make progress with your goals because your husband is exploiting and undermining you.
- A sense of isolation and loneliness from emotional invalidation.
- Chronic stress, which may lead to physical health issues like fatigue or headaches.
- Post-traumatic stress symptoms, including inability to sleep and flashbacks.
1. To Heal From The Long Term Effects of Emotional Abuse, Learn What Type You’re Experiencing
Did you know there are 19 types of emotional abuse? To discover which types of emotional abuse your husband is using to exploit you, take this free emotional abuse quiz.
2. To Avoid the Long Term Affects of Emotional Abuse, Get The Right Support
Many women report that couple therapy or addiction recovery only escalated their husband’s emotional abuse.
It’s important to get the right support. Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions are the best way to get validating support from women who understand. All Betrayal Trauma Recovery staff has been through it.
3. The Abuse Will Escalate During A Crisis, So Prepare Now
Emotional abusers escalate during a crisis because it’s the perfect time to assert control. If a victim is desperate and scared, she’s less likely to set boundaries.
One of the long term effects of emotional abuse is not realizing how much danger you’re in. In a crisis, an abuser may feel a lack of control. As a result, his controlling behaviors may escalate.
Protect Yourself From Emotional Abuse Long Term
When abusers use controlling behavior to abuse their partner, it looks like:
- Taking away her privacy
- Coercion (including sexual coercion)
- Verbal abuse, including yelling
- Physical intimidation
- Shaming the victim if she does anything he doesn’t want her to do
- Becoming overly dependent on the victim
- Dictating the victim’s choices and not letting her make decisions
- Starting arguments over trivial matters
While some crises may limit your access to domestic abuse shelters, professional help, and seeking a new place to live, women can always find support on the online by attending a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session.
What Boundaries Can I Set When I Can’t Leave My House?
In the event of natural disasters, pandemics, or other large-scale crises, women may wonder what boundaries they can set to separate themselves from abuse when they can’t physically separate from their abuser. Here are some ideas:
- I will call 9-1-1 immediately if I feel physically threatened by my partner.
- I will not have sex or sleep in the same room as someone who is abusive to me.
- Seek daily support if I am not able to leave the home during a crisis.
- I will make a safety plan so that as soon as the crisis is over, I can avoid the long term effects of emotional abuse.
Transcript: How To Overcome The Long Term Effects of Emotional Abuse In Marriage
Anne: It’s just me today. I wanted to talk about the long term effects of emotional abuse in marriage. I want to take everybody back in time for a minute. To when at least in the United States everything locked down due to the COVID-19 pandemic. I remember the day they canceled school. And I felt relief that I wouldn’t share an enclosed space with my ex-husband.
Because by that time I was divorced. I remember the relief. Like that was the first thing I thought of. I’m so grateful that I’m not stuck in the house with him. Being in close physical proximity to emotional abuse. Will harm you long term, but it will also harm you in the short term.
Understanding Emotional Abuse Types
Anne: So number one, you need to learn what type of emotional abuse you are experiencing. Did you know that there are 19 types of emotional abuse? To discover which types of emotional abuse your husband uses to exploit you. Take our free emotional abuse quiz, just click on that link. It’ll indicate how he’s emotionally abusive to you, because emotional abuse is so hard to see.
Or maybe he’s not. You’ll know from taking that quiz.
Number two to avoid the long term effects of emotional abuse. You need the right support. Many women report that couple therapy or addiction recovery only escalated their husband’s emotional abuse. So make sure that when you get support, it’s from someone who understands this type of abuse. And our Betrayal Trauma Recovery group sessions are the best way to get that type of validating support. To see the group session schedule, go to that link. And I’m going to spend the rest of today’s podcast talking about number three.
Preparing for Crisis Escalation
Anne: Emotional abuse will escalate during a crisis, so prepare now. The rest of this episode I recorded during COVID years ago, but it will help you understand why abusers escalate during a crisis, this is also called emotional battering. And to heal from the long term effects of emotional abuse, you need to be prepared. Because we can have a crisis happen at any time. So the rest of this episode was recorded years ago during COVID. Here we go.
It’s early in the morning today. Everyone is concerned for good reason about the coronavirus outbreak. And also all the flights that are canceled, the stock market, people being quarantined, and employers telling people to work from home, et cetera.
I wanted to talk about how men who exhibit abusive behaviors tend to escalate during a crisis.
Although they may put on the opposite. They look really, really good during a crisis. But just to prepare you, especially if you’re quarantined with a man who exhibits abusive behaviors. Many women have trouble, and abusive episodes happen when they’re on vacation. Or on the weekend, or other times where they’re with the abuser full time. And he doesn’t have an outlet to either act out, excuse himself, or get out of family duties.
Abusive Behaviors During Quarantine Or Other Situations
Anne: Generally speaking, abusers like to use anything they can to get out of housework. Or things they don’t want to do to escape a situation they feel uncomfortable with. Work is a good excuse. So we hear a lot of abusive men saying things like, “You don’t respect my work. You don’t respect me. My job is important. I need to work in peace.” So if you are about to be quarantined with an emotionally abusive man, just observe what happens if they don’t have an outlet to use their drug, use exploitative material.
They may create a fight so that they can get away so that they can use. That’s not your fault. They want to blame it on you, but don’t buy it. You’re gonna notice things that you wouldn’t notice before. For example, I have a friend whose ex husband remarried and it was going well. And she was a little confused, because she was like, wow, he was extremely abusive to me. But this new marriage seems good.
They’re active in church, things look good. His new wife traveled for work. And so she was gone frequently, and things were good. And then about seven years after they got married. The new wife got pregnant with twins. And within a couple of years, they were divorced. Because once the new wife didn’t travel anymore and interacted more with her husband. She started recognizing these abusive behaviors are not working for me.
And they got divorced. So we see that a lot. I know many of you have thought, can I count on this man during a crisis? Well, the crisis is here, and you’ll see we are here during this time.
Seeking Safety and Support
Anne: Thank goodness I created Betrayal Trauma Recovery this way, so that no matter what happened, we are safe. We can help you. You can attend a Betrayal Trauma Recovery group from your closet. You know, you can just go get in your parked car. If you have to be in your room and lock the door or whatever you need to do to get some semblance of peace, You don’t even have to go anywhere and lock the doors and have a safe space. We’re not going anywhere. You can join us. You can see our daily schedule by clicking on this link.
Know that during this time, I’m praying for all of us, that this might be the miracle that you’ve been praying for. Because emotional abuse is domestic violence.
It might enable you to see what you thought were abusive behaviors weren’t? I don’t know what your situation is. But I do know that during your crisis, things can get tricky. When abusive men feel a lack of control, because they get their power from power over. Healthy people get their power from mutuality. We’re on a team, we’re working together, we have mutual respect.
Abusers get their power from power over. So if they’re feeling a lack of control right now because of the stock market crashing, Because they can’t go to work, because of other factors, they’re going to try to get their power back. It might be an argument over cereal.
Resources For Help with long term effects of emotional abuse
Anne: They try to assert themselves and take a stand for something that seems pointless. Because they’re flailing, because they have no power unless they feel they can control someone else. They are not in control of themselves. We have a lot of books on our books page, btr.org/books. If you’re in close proximity with someone exhibiting abusive behaviors, and you still want to get educated during this time, an audio book is a great way to go.
This is modern day. And I know so many of you have horror stories from those times where you were stuck in your house with your abuser. Another crisis will happen at some point. And so we need to be prepared and have this in our minds. That the long term effect of abuse, the long term effects of emotional abuse and marriage, is that we’re never safe in our own homes. And that is the best reason to start protecting yourself.
Since then, I’ve created the Living Free Workshop to help you determine what your husband’s true character is. And then learn emotional safety strategies. To learn more, click on this link.
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