For many women married to emotionally abusive men, it might feel like “the more I pray the worse my husband gets.” If you’re feeling this way, here are 8 things to consider.
1. If Your Prayers Aren’t Being Answered, Maybe They ARE Being Answered
In the silent moments of prayer, many victims of emotional abuse question, “Does God even care about me?” or “Why won’t He answer my prayers?”
It’s a painful place to be, feeling as if divine help is just out of reach. However, expressing raw, honest emotions through prayer, including anger, can be a powerful way to stay spiritually connected and grounded in your reality.
If you’re husband is getting worse, consider that perhaps God is SHOWING you your husband’s true character. Perhaps God wants you to see who your husband really is, so you can make decisions that will lead to your emotional safety.
2. Telling a Victim of Emotional Abuse That Prayer Alone Can Change Her Husband is Victim Blaming
Victims often hear clergy or friends say things that aren’t helpful. Telling a victim of abuse that prayer can change her abuser is one of those things.
If a victim hears this, she may feel like it’s her fault she’s emotionally abused by her husband. Nothing is farther from the truth. Consider that God may be trying to tell you that there’s nothing you can do about his character if you’re praying and feeling like God isn’t answering.
3. God Doesn’t Want You to Reconcile With Wickedness
Reconciliation with an emotionally abusive person isn’t safe for you emotionally.
Throughout scriputure, God continually asks the righteous to separate themselves from wickedness.
If you feel like, “the more I pray, the worse my husband gets,” consider studying these concepts in scripture: deliverance, separation from wickedness, and departing from wickedness. What do the scriptures say the righteous should do when they encounter evil?
4. Praying The You Can Forgive Might Mean Something Different Than You Think
In the scriptures, there are multiple times where the word forgiveness is paired with the concept of debt. Matthew 6:12 –
forgive your debtors.
If your husband owes you fidelity, love, and loyalty, what happens if you forgive him of that debt to you? That would enable you to move away from him (not closer).
Consider the debt your husband owes you, and how forgiving him of any debt will help you create distance between yourself and the harm he causes in your life.
5. Try Praying For Yourself
Shift the focus of your prayers from your husband to yourself. Ask for strength, courage, and clarity.
This self-focused prayer can empower you to make decisions that are right for you and your children.
We’ve also been commanded to pray for our enemies and those who despitefully use us, but scriptures admonishing us to do that don’t ask us to be in proximity to our enemies or subject ourselves to those who despitefully use us.
6. Pray For Emotional Safety
Pray for the emotional safety.
To be emotionally safe means to exist in an environment where one feels supported, understood, and accepted without fear.
If someone is lying to you, it’s not an emotionally safe situation. Trust and respect are necessary for emotional safety. If your husband lies to you, consider how limiting your exposure to his lies could help you.
7. Pray To Be Shown Correct and True Information
Many women who are being emotionally abused by their husband are unaware of what’s going on because they haven’t been educated about abuse.
To paraphrase Hosea 4:6 – My daughters are destroyed for lack of knowledge.
Clergy and therapists are sadly not aware of how to assess for emotional abuse and genenrally give bad counsel to women with emotionally abusive husbands.
The FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast is a great way to learn about what an emotionally abusive husband looks and sounds like, so you have the right information.
8. Pray to Be Led To The Right Support
Seeking support is vital for healing. Pray for guidance to find the right people and resources that can help you on your journey. Whether it’s a support group, therapist, or community resource, the right support can make all the difference.
When The More You Pray, The Worse Your Husband Gets, Hold On
Feeling abandoned by God can make life seem impossibly dark. It’s easy to feel as though the suffering will never end. You’re not alone. His emotional abuse has isolated you, but reaching out for support can bring light back into your life.
Our Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions meet daily in every single time zone to provide the community, validation, and compassion that victims need.
You deserve peace. That’s why the Savior came – to deliver us from evil and bring us peace.
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