How Do I Heal From Narcissistic Abuse?

Learn how to heal from the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse by learning the three steps to narcissistic abuse recovery.

Learn how to heal from the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse.

Recovering from narcissistic abuse is a challenging journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and support.

Laura Kelly and Michelle Martin from the UK organization She Honours Herself offer validation and support for narcissistic abuse victims on this episode of The BTR.ORG Podcast. Tune in and read the full transcript below for more.

Heal From Narcissistic Abuse: Acknowledgement

The first step in healing from narcissistic abuse is acknowledging the reality of the situation. Whether you’ve been subjected to gaslighting, manipulation, or emotional control, recognizing the abuse is crucial. It’s common to feel a sense of denial or self-blame, but accepting that the relationship was abusive is the foundation for healing.

Establishing Safety Boundaries Helps You Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

Boundaries aren’t statements or requests – they’re courageous actions taken to separate or distance you from harmful, damaging behavior.

Safety boundaries are essential to your recovery journey. As you work toward establishing emotional safety through boundary-setting, consider asking yourself these questions:

  • Are there areas in my life where I feel emotionally, physically, or sexually unsafe? If so, identify those areas.
  • What action can I take today to separate or distance myself from what is making me feel unsafe?
Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Requires Support

Appropriate support is essential for victims of narcissistic abuse.

Sadly, many victims seek support and experience further traumatization when folks minimize the victim’s experiences, blame the victim, or simply don’t believe them.

As you seek support, remember safe individuals and organizations

  • Believe you;
  • Do not blame in whole or part for the abuse you endured;
  • Trust your understanding of the situation;
  • Do not seek to control your choices or decisions moving forward;
  • Support your recovery and safety rather than pushing for reconciliation.

BTR.ORG Is Here For You

At BTR, we know how difficult the healing process can be as you work toward narcissistic abuse recovery. Our BTR.ORG Group Sessions meet daily to provide healthy, compassionate support for victims. Attend a session today.

Full Transcript:

Anne (00:00):
Welcome to Betrayal Trauma Recovery, BTR.ORG. This is Anne.

(02:38):
Today I have Laura Kelly and Michelle Martin with me today. They started an organization called She Honours Herself, and it’s based out of Scotland. The idea behind creating this program came from Laura and Michelle’s current line of work. Michelle supports high risk victims of domestic abuse and facilitates group work supporting survivors of domestic violence and their children. Throughout their work experience in the organization and within their own personal lives. It became apparent to them that there is minimal access to support and information in preventing women from entering into relationships where their self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth is compromised.

Their goal is to provide every woman with tools and information to build resilience and self-empowerment to work as a prevention method to keep them safe in the first place, but it also helps women through post relationship trauma and building themselves back up again. You’ll hear from their amazing, wonderful, delicious accents that they are from Scotland. Laura, can you start by sharing your experience prior to starting this organization?

“I was like, okay, so we can help women recover from narcissistic abuse, but how can we prevent it? That’s why we decided to start this organization.”

Laura Kelly, She Honours Herself

Laura (03:48):
I started working supporting women that have experienced domestic abuse three years ago, but prior to that I qualified in social care and what I do is use some CBT like cognitive behavioral therapy, relaxation and visualization methods to support them and help them through their experiences. This also empowers the women and helps them realize their own self-worth. It gives ’em that self-awareness to think this was not all about me. This was what happened to me, and it’s not because I am a weak person or a bad person. The same again with the children. It’s more like a recovery process to ensure that the women and children recover from their traumas.

They actually realize it’s not only me and I’m not this person that he’s made me out to be or I’ve felt about myself all this time. This is how Michelle and I started to talk about it. I was like, okay, so we can help women recover from this, but how has this ever prevented? How do we prevent women from getting into relationships that are abusive or controlling or they’re just unhealthy? So that’s why we decided to start this organization.

Rediscovering Self-Worth After Narcissistic Abuse

Anne (05:17):
I felt like before I married my abuser that I had a very strong self-worth. Now I know through recovery that my self-worth is much more robust and much more deep than I felt before, but it’s very interesting because we really don’t know where we’re at until we have the experience.

Michelle (05:38):
That’s right.

Anne (05:39):
Yeah. It’s a process, right. So Michelle, can you tell us about your personal experience developing your own self-worth?

What Does Narcissistic Abuse Entail?

Michelle (05:47):
I was married for 10 years, even before I was actually married, I had maybe three bad relationships, one which was violent. The guys have tended to get in relationships with have been just emotionally unavailable or not been able to show affection.

Women can get confused, and I think that’s probably why I was confused before I really researched it to try and help myself is people can think abuse is just violence or really severe mental abuse, but actually a lot of intricate parts of a relationship, someone cheating on you or someone being emotionally unavailable and withholding affection and you come home and they just don’t want to be around you or don’t want to talk to you and that kind of thing. So I didn’t really know that I had low self-esteem. I knew there was something not right because you ask yourself, why does this keep happening to me?

“I was really at rock bottom. That’s probably the lowest point I’ve ever been.”

(06:40):
I have two children now, two daughters, that’s with my husband, who I was with, and when we split up and I ended that relationship, I was really at rock bottom. That’s probably the lowest point I’ve ever been. That was only three years ago. We separated and I think the whole year I must have read about a hundred self-help books. I mean, I just read night and day.

Every spare minute I had, I read. I didn’t really go out much or socialize. I thought I have to help myself because there’s something wrong here because of all these continuous cycles I was putting myself in. AndI think that’s what can happen with a lot of women. You go along, you think you’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine, and it isn’t until you hit rock bottom that you’ll actually do something about it, doing everything I could to help me.

I remember at the time thinking I wish there was somewhere I could go, an affordable retreat, which I couldn’t afford. I was on my own with my two children, just ended the marriage. So finances and everything was changing for me. Obviously. At the same time, I was also working as a domestic abuse advocate, so I’m working with high risk victims at work and I’m going through my own thing as well. It just made me completely reflect on everything with everything that I’d researched and learned for myself, trying to pull myself out of this hole. That’s when me and Laura, we sat down and decided to create this program.

Narcissistic Abuse Makes You Think You’re The Problem

Anne (08:09):
It’s very interesting that when you set out to discover what your quote unquote problem was, you discovered that you do not have a problem. The only problem that you had was that you didn’t realize how amazing you were and you didn’t realize how worthwhile you were and you didn’t realize how much you had to give and what you deserved. Isn’t that interesting? It’s very ironic. Laura, can you speak to that for a little bit?

“It’s almost like your whole life revolves around trying to please [the narcissistic abuser].”

Laura (08:39):
Yeah. I think when you’re in a relationship like that, all you do is overcompensate. You’re always thinking it’s your fault. You should be doing more. You should be a better person. It’s all about you and it’s never about the other person. It’s almost like your whole life revolves around trying to please this person. When you get to that rock bottom place like Michelle talks about, because I’ve been in the exactly same place where I want to just be out of this universe, I felt like I cannot deal with this pain anymore.

My ex-partner who I have children with, he was exactly the same. Me and Michelle have a very similar story with that. I just couldn’t believe that I had children to a person who treated me so badly thinking, okay, well he’s doing this because of who I am. It’s not because of who he is, and I would do everything I could.

When Narcissistic Abuse Victims Choose Healing

(09:32):
It was exhausting. I would do everything I could to try please this person. It never happened until one day I just thought, I cannot do this anymore or I thought it was going to kill me. I did. Now, looking back, I think there must have been some kind of inner strength within you, Laura to do that.

All I could do the same as Michelle is really reflect on and think to myself, I cannot allow this happen to me again. I only live once. I need to have the best quality of life for me and my children, and I will never allow that to happen again, and I can’t control what he done. And I can’t control about what half the men do out there, but I can control how I act on it and I can control my happiness and I am on my own now and all I think about is my own happiness and my children’s happiness.

Narcissistic Abuse vs. Healthy Relationships

Michelle (10:24):
When you’re in a good place and you’re going into a relationship, it’s a win-win situation. A few years ago, I didn’t know what I was willing to tolerate. I would just see, oh, this guy, he’s gorgeous, he’s got a good job. He’s so nice, he’s treating me so amazing, and then I could find out, oh, well, you may be cheated on me. Okay, well just give him another chance. I’ll just give him one more chance. He’s saying he’s going to change, so I’ll just give him one more chance. So that’s kind of why we say know your worth and know your boundaries.

BTR.ORG Advocates for Your Emotional Safety

Anne (10:56):
There’s two points that I’d like to make here. First of all, Betrayal Trauma Recovery does not advocate for divorce. Our first priority is a woman’s safety. For example, if a woman wants to get divorced, we support her in that. If she chooses to remain married, then we support her in that, but we do want to make sure that she gets to safety, and I have seen that women who are being continually abused, whether they’re married or not, cannot find the space to build their self-worth back up again.

For me, I did no contact with my husband, did not file for divorce for nine months, and he decided to file for divorce, so he made that decision for me, so I’m now divorced and actually very sad about it that that’s what he chose rather than choosing to recover and choosing to change. But the cool thing was by that time, I knew what I was looking for, so it was very clear to me that he wasn’t changing.

It’s Okay To Take Your Time, We Support You ❤️

(11:57):
It was very clear to me that I could see, okay, this is not the type of relationship I can tolerate. I don’t want to file for divorce because I just can’t bring myself to do that, but I’m going to hold this boundary. I really could have held it I think forever, and the reason was is I wasn’t looking to date again. And I thought, you know what? I’m going to just work on myself. I’m going to focus on myself, and whatever he chooses to do is his choice.

He happened to file for divorce, but I really want women to think about that option because many women come into a domestic violence shelter and they can stay there forever. They don’t have to file for divorce. You can get a protective order. You can get all kinds of legal protections while still not divorcing if you’re not ready to make that decision and then get yourself strong enough to where you can say, okay, I’m ready.

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Can Help You Make Healthy Decisions

(12:47):
I have a friend who she was separated for 18 months, worked on herself and really focused on her own recovery until she finally got to where she felt like I can file and when I file now, I can do so with strength and with confidence and with support, and when she filed, her divorce actually went very, very well because she had taken the time to make herself strong before she decided to go that way. It’s something that I think a lot of women need to think about because divorce is not the solution to our trauma problems.

We could file for divorce really quickly and be like, okay, I’m done. You’re out of here, and then we’re still going to have the residual trauma. Also, if we have kids with this person, they’re likely going to be continuing to abuse us. I’ve seen some of the most severely abused women after their divorce who are still being severely abused by their ex.

Laura (13:37):
Yeah, we see that all the time at work. We see it all the time.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse Means Honoring Yourself

Anne (13:40):
I love the title that you chose. She Honours Herself. I would like you, Michelle, to talk for a minute about the difference between honoring ourselves and holding ourselves in high esteem and conceitedness or pride in a bad way. The difference between honoring ourselves and narcissism, for example, when we’re being abused, if we try to take a stand, we’re accused of being selfish. We’re accused of not doing our duty. We’re accused of not respecting men. There’s so many things that we’re accused of. What’s the difference between honoring yourself and just being selfish?

“It’s all about knowing what you’re worth.”

Michelle (14:22):
It can be misconstrued even by women that they think, yeah, you’re manipulating a situation. This is treating men badly. No, it’s not. It’s all about you knowing what you’re worth. Having the ability to be able to make choices and be confident about them. I mean, I never used to be able to make a decision. I used to have to run to my mom forever. Mom, I don’t know what to do. She would do this, she would do that. Now I’m like, it’s my decision. Women have got a lot to give.

Laura (14:51):
We’ve also shortened into the shush project. It’s a peaceful silence within you. All your power and all the light comes from within. A lot of the times, the life and the soul of the party is the narcissist or they are the abuser. I think a lot of people that you do see as really outgoing, they’ve got lots of issues right underneath, and no matter what kind of personality you have, if you stick to your beliefs and your values, you have that self-worth, and if you live by what you believe, that is what makes you honor yourself because you’re not going against anything just to please other people.

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse – When You’re Experiencing Conflicting Values

Anne (15:36):
I think that’s where it gets very tricky. For example, I am Christian and many women that listen to this podcast are and many aren’t. We have listeners from all different faiths, but for me, my marriage vows were very, very important and I wanted to keep them. So that value conflict between saying, this is what I will tolerate and also the values of forgiveness and love and service come into play here because you cannot forgive and love and serve yourself out of abuse.

You have to boundary yourself out of abuse. Learning to value themselves and learning to value true peace, which is what I think God wants for us in this life. He wants us to have true peace and he does not want us to be harmed if we’re being harmed. He wants us to set boundaries to keep ourselves safe, and I believe that God, although he can handle anything, he doesn’t like the chaos either, which is why when someone is being abusive, God’s spirit leaves.

Healthy Boundaries Are Key to Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

(16:40):
God also has boundaries. He says, you know what? I’m not going to be in this place. If you’re going to choose not to obey the commandments, if you’re going to choose to do this, this, and this, then you can’t be with me, which is why there’s a heaven and the Hell, the people who create chaos and the people who aren’t willing to be honest, I don’t want them around. They’re miserable to be around. So you go there, and if you want to be honest, if you want to be true, if you are able to actually live your values, please come live with me. Laura and Michelle, thank you so much for coming on today.

Michelle (17:12):
Thank you for having us.

Laura (17:14):
Thank you so much. It’s been lovely.

35 Comments

  1. Jacki Lash Idler

    I need more experience, strength & hope in this area. I am married to this. Everything this couple had the courage & wisdom to share I could relate to & I am grateful. Thank you Ann for finding them as well & providing their assistance.

    Reply
  2. Ellen

    Should there be a link to a podcast in this article?

    Reply
  3. Nancy Carter

    This is my husband to a tee. He has abused me in every way, cheated and lied and tried to make me look crazy even pushing me to kill myself. Yet he says he LOVES me! Cheated like crazy, yet it is my fault he says. Extreme cheating and put downs in his childhood by mother. Making the connections finally. Father killed himself driving head on into 18 wheeler when he was 13. OM’s wife called my husband as child asking him to stop his Mother. Still, I am only faithful, true, loving woman in his life, yet he abuses and cheats on me? A very complex issue.

    Reply
    • Anne Blythe

      Yes, it’s so difficult to understand this type of emotional abuse – so many professionals don’t see the porn use or the infidelity as abuse issues – but they totally are. Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
      • Anonymous

        I just recently discovered that I have been living with a Narcissist and I would love to join a support group.

        Reply
    • K Casillas

      Nancy, when I was reading your response, I felt like you were telling my exact story.

      Reply
    • Staciemarie Williams-Cornish

      It worked for 15 plus years I have no family because I was adopted by much older people. Actually writing this just helped me understand that. He won’t by food or pay bills now whenever he does come it’s to do things nobody believes he’s doing from tainting my food to urinating in my laundry detergent. I had to stop taking my meds so that I didn’t have to sleep when he was around. I don’t know what he’s done or said or how long it’s been but I’ve actually been living in a state of fight or flight for at least 5 years. I have managed to document everything I also have a host of people still willing to make a sworn testimony. There’s plenty of medical evidence as well but for some reason I can’t get the appropriate individuals or agencies to follow thru and no lawyer will touch my case. I’ve researched filing on my own behalf but I know I only get one shot. I don’t ask for money just guidance. I’ve been victimized my entire life but I am no victim I am desperate to move past this and I have no problem doing what I’m asked. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this I just need help just a little. This is not a joke. I can’t even get the right words out if someone called. So please contact me via email I will send clips or highlights of the evidence. I don’t even need a person to take my word. I have myriads of irrefutable evidence more than 70% of that evidence is independently reproducible I’ve done almost everything. I’ll do anything as long ad it is clearly legal. I just want to live like a regular human being

      Reply
      • Anne Blythe

        Nancy, we don’t make calls here, so we can’t call you. I’m so sorry about your pain! We have the podcast so you can at least listen and know you are validated!! Know that you are loved!!

        Reply
      • Valerie

        Staciemarie Williams-Cornish

        Why can’t you move out of there? If it’s financial reasons find a shelter because that’s better than what you’re going through pleeeezzze. I’ve been there and yes I am too damaged to even pack my stuff, find a place, find a job and finish school, so I’m really not one to talk . . . My ex narc is hardly ever home which is awesome and when he is here I . . . stay away . . . yes I need to make a move also

        Reply
    • Sara

      Nancy please leave this monster as they NEVER EVER change. I’ve lost myself to one completely.

      Reply
      • Gill

        Totally agree . Mine never did change

        Reply
  4. Gretchen

    I love how Anne described her ex as being very vulnerable at times. That was totally my ex. That’s why the narc rage and issues with them are so hard to understand because of the extreme mood changes. Nothing I have read has described the vulnerability act. Maybe that they act like they are always a victim and draw you in by making everyone else the enemy.

    Reply
    • Anne Blythe

      It’s so hard to spot when they act like that. They play on our compassion and kindness. I’m so glad you found it helpful!

      Reply
  5. Kunga Dzomkyi

    Can a Narc abused with C-PTSD get well? I wish you wrote about how does one recover? Who cares about the abuser. Those of us with this damage, it is living in hell because of C-PTSD so everything triggers and normal people can’t understand. So please ASK – CAN the victims recover?

    Reply
      • Sandra Carol Collins

        I just found out I’ve been living with a narcissist for 14 years. I broke it off with him 7 months ago. But he still he lives 5 seconds away from me with his brother.

        Reply
    • Sarah

      I’m just figuring all this out and suffering PTSD I dont know what the C means in front of it but I need help with this. 8 years of horror for me, 3months since disclosure. I have been watching your Podcasts Ann, your my shero the only sane person I have found anywhere in the world who gets me.

      Reply
  6. Sabrina

    I will never be the same person I used to be, and I will NEVER have compassion for the man that did it to me, whether you call him sick or not. They do not change. They cannot process empathy. They need to be locked up before they ruin more lives.

    Reply
  7. Lanelle Dardie

    I am currently separated and did not see that I was caught in an emotionally abusive gaslighting cycle with my husband! He recently got caught cheating and because of his ongoing gaslighting behaviors, I literally am struggling to believe that he really did it even though I saw him with the other woman!

    Reply
  8. Kelley

    My forever Superman and my kryptonite
    My darkest nightmares and my brighest light
    My “Oh My God” and the worst kind of devil
    My safety and tranquility to my unbalanced level
    My gods given solace to my absolute worst pain
    My biggest loss but my hearts biggest gain
    My one, my person to my biggest foe
    The greatest of heights to taking me to the very depths of low
    My worst nightmares and my wildest dreams
    My happily ever after to only What seems
    My worst backstabber and my greatest lover
    My dislikes in someone to a man I’ve loved like no other
    My biggest mistake and my absolute soulmate
    My complete brokenness  and my most amazing fate
    My body heat furnace and then to instantly cold and creul
    My loss of belief and The reason why I drool
    My incredible toxic love and my wildest desire
    My ultimate fears and the ignitor of my fire
    My tantric electric shivers and the one who has power over my soul
    My belief in being the love of my life and the mindfucking that took its toll
    My reason of so many smiles and laughter and the one who shattered my heart
    My teacher to learn faith to the one who destroyed my core and ripped me apart
    My completeness and contentness and to my empty, lost and only feeling numb
    My being so proud of you and my finding out I’ve been a fool and made to look incredibly dumb
    My one I would chose every day and the reason I lost all the others
    My unknowing he was denying our relationship to my words that can’t even describe my absolute best lover
     My every want in my future husband any my new actual reality if I even know you at all
    My hearing you deny we were ever together to broken promises told for our future that you were in for the Long haul
    My one who promised would never hurt me to the one who purposely and cruely got pleasure from abusing me the most
    My one who says I’m the most amazing woman he’s ever met and my total smearing of everything I am when he suddenly disappears and suddenly ghosts
    My instant euphoria when he holds my hand as we walk and my absolute emptiness when he continues to cheat and constant lying
    My reason and want to keep living  and the reason of my absolute losses where I feel like I’m dying
    My going insane with all the unknown of if there was any truth on your part
    That has made it impossible for me put back together the shattered pieces of my heart
    My all in… my 100% Faith, Trust, belief, hope and dreams come true you constantly spoke
    To my finding out nothing about us was real and a sick game to you.. all just for your crack to smoke
    My one who still gives me butterflies turn my one who physically makes me sick
    To my one who always pretended to be mine Prince Charming to the person who just abandon me and Now talks to me like the biggest dick
    From praising me and adoring me and making me feel like an absolute Queen
    To being the man that smears my name with lies and being cruelly mean
    My nievity in trusting I felt I found my perfect partner for life
    To finding out you denied even us being in a relationship let alone talking about being your wife
    To my every good in my being being used against me just to get your next fix
    To my learning I as a true empath and natural Giver to you being a sociopathic narcissist is a fatally toxic mix
    All the psychological, mental and emotional abuse has destroyed me in every possible way
    Back then to my getting the the love bombing and gaslighting just so you can continue to get your way
    To you actually accusing me and blaming me for you leaving me like this and tell me just to pray
    My begging you for over two years now just to let me go if you didn’t actually love me
    To my absolute love for you and you telling me once we start to heal from our demons that you will come back for and to me
    From being my absolute strength and safety to my ultimate weakness and absolute Danger
    So my person who tells me I know him better than anyone to finding out nothing was true and who he is is actually a stranger
    I don’t know up from down or left from right I feel looks like I’ve been your yo-yo
    I’ve lost everybody and everything and then you smile asTurn and walk away and go
    My craving for you just to give me a little more love and my finding out you’ve been cheating the whole time
    Already having the next ones lined up because you know I gave you all and I am left without even a dime
    To me being numb and Confused trying to figure out what the fuck happened and how I didn’t even see any of it
    To you trying to throw it in my face how good you’re doing and happy you are even though I know all that’s just bull shit
    The way you absolutely and intentionally truly destroy all the women you play
    Doesn’t even phase you one second to feel any guilt  or responsibility in any way
    From your hands being the most incredible touch that I crave to feel
    To having them around my neck choking me instantly dropping me to a kneel
    To standing above me with your hand still on my throat and you do that evil grin knowing you have the ultimate control
    Watching me as you make me beg for mercy taking the last little bit of my soul
    How it gets you totally excited so you pick me up and start kissing me with those amazing lips
    Which makes me give into anything you need knowing I’ll never be able to escape your horrific grips
    To my roller coaster of I’m everything to nothing, from the most amazing woman to being a crazy bitch
    You giving you take away to punish me and I instantly see the Jekyll and Hyde switch
    To me now constantly doubting not just the person you are, but in myself in every aspect of my being
    To my constant brain fog, confusion, and absolute turmoil and Trauma Bond to you makes it impossible for freeing
    Your addiction to the crack and everything and anything you did to get more
    Manipulating, using, lying, abusing completely destroyed the woman you used to adore
    You constantly needed, asked, or just took what I found out later you didn’t already steal
    Finding out all of that near the end killed me and is hurt me so badly that wound will never heal
    You are so very calculated, cunning, creul.. yet so very Charming, you are always five steps ahead in all your planned deceit
    You would literally leaving my bed in my house I’m go straight to hers without even missing a beat
    I literally I’m not knowing if you truly care about me and love me or if you actually hate me and just continue to torture me even more
    How you told me there would not be any other women and you would absolutely be walking back through my door
    Your constant abuse, the and taking, hot and cold, the loving and the hating,  grooming me and keeping me on the hook where I could never walk away
    You have done this for so long to everybody in your life, you are the most narcissistic predator in every single way
    My trauma bonding and peptide addiction to you that you purposely manipulated into of course our love would take
    Even though my mind knows now I’m still processing how everything on your end was absolutely just fake
    It keeps my head spinning each and every day, it keeps me in this internal Place worse than hell
    I will never understand why… why and how you could willingly and knowingly continue to keep me under your spell
    I’ve lost it all trying help you, love you, and fight through every battled you created from the way you made me believe you and I together were the ultimate deal
    You’ve not only killed me in every way, you’ve destroyed my friends and my family so badly I don’t know they will ever heal
    I hate you for so many things and I love you for so many more
    I hate that I still say I love you and finding out who you really are is not any kind of man I would ever adore
    I hate that you walk away so easily already into the next relationship leaving us all in absolute chaos with our head spinning
    And you love how we react knowing exactly how confused we are so you call us all crazy and play the victim once again just to portray like you’re the one winning
    I have so much self guilt and shame for not being able see clearly
    And feel the need for the truth to be known so more people don’t have to pay so dearly
    My loving you has killed me and taken away my whole life
    All because you made me believe I would be
    By your side as your forever when you made me your wife
    The monsters in my life were never hiding under my bed or in my closet, they slept beside me in bed and told me they loved me
    I hope they all forgive me for all the pain and hurt and are able to remember me as the woman I used to be

    Reply
    • Teresa

      Kelly, I’m stunned and actually crying as you poured your heart out about the man you couldn’t resist as he was stabbing you in the back causing you such horrific pain and your words are exactly what I would say but not able to put together, I feel the exact same pain in the exact same way in every aspect of your words so I know how broken you are, I am too but you have got to remember time does heal and you will get better and one day you will wake up and that sick feeling you feel inside will be replaced with a overwhelming feeling of happiness as you look down at your sleeping husband that is EVERYTHING that sets yourheart beating like mad and a burning desire inside you, you will then be whole again and find out you are not broken you are strong because you survived the sheer terror and torment at the hands of a monster and you feel alive inside again. I truely hope you so much happiness and this pain becomes nothing but a distant memory. I hope to hear from you.

      Love
      Teresa

      Reply
  9. Princess

    @Kelly… I have spent many years…10 somehow… I was 21yrs…and he was 31yrs old… I time spent & years wasted= 10 years…I’m almost embarrassed to admit that our song is your own”song”…same EXACT rhythms for every beat, melody (the highs&Lows) right down to his dance!(his behaviors)and the damn thing uses our faith also… I Googled the term, “psychological abuse…FIRST yada Yada I read this sites description and every one on that 1st page and went here… I NEVER THOUGHT that I would be writing one,, but I was only reading the comments because for a split second of this bad dream, I have others stories like my own to compare and to forget my own… consider that just maybe he’s not the same…but I haven’t been able to find anything ever until now. I was just wondering if I could or should continue to be used for the sake of my own 2 boys not losing the longest man and only father figure they’re used to having around and having a comfortable (stable) living situation…but you’re bio… was like reading my very own words and Autobiography if I didn’t…

    Reply
  10. Maria MunozPiz

    How can we join the support. I need help. I have been healing for the past three years. You think it gets easier but some days all just falls apart.

    Reply
  11. Toni

    I am interested in joining. It isn’t getting any better. I have been isolated and emotionally destroyed.

    Reply
    • Anne Blythe

      The best free resource out there is the Betrayal Trauma Recovery podcast:). You can listen here on the website, or subscribe on Apple Podcasts.

      Reply
  12. Anonymous

    I was in a “relationship” with my narcissist for four years until last week when I finally filed a restraining order on him. He told me how much he hated my guts with every fiber in him and that he’d pay so and so to “take care of me” That was finally enough for me. He constantly cheated on me. I found out that I allowed this man to abuse me while he was confessing his love to his baby mama. That totally destroyed me. We go to court next week.

    Reply

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Susan Powell's Story: Betrayal & Abuse | Betrayal Trauma Recovery - […] mental and emotional toll that narcissistic abuse takes on victims is extreme. Becoming educated about narcissistic abuse, and protecting…
  2. Meditation & Narcissistic Abuse | Betrayal Trauma Recovery - Victims of narcissistic abuse can suffer indescribable trauma: from physical symptoms like insomnia, weight loss, and chronic health problems.

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