Is it possible to heal from betrayal trauma and emotional abuse?
Feeling “Stuck”? Use These Three Tips To Start Healing Today
Many victims of betrayal trauma and emotional abuse describe “feeling stuck” as they try to process trauma.
Abuse, by its very nature, is meant to make women feel powerless, small, and “stuck”.
Using these three tips, women can move forward with life: safe, strong, and empowered.
1. Start Giving Responsibility Back To Your Abuser (And Stop Taking the Blame)
Many women suffering from the effects of betrayal trauma and emotional abuse are conditioned by their abusers to believe that the abuse is their fault, rather than the fault of the abuser. This is called “victim-blaming” and it’s all too common in today’s society.
When victims set a boundary regarding what they are willing to take on as their personal responsibility, they are making a powerful move toward healing from emotional abuse.
Victims Cannot Cause, Cure, or Control Emotional Abuse and Betrayal
You can start healing today by handing the responsibility to your abuser: he betrayed you, he has committed relational abuse. You are not to blame. There is nothing you could have done to control, cure, or cause the abuse and betrayal. Give him the responsibility back and shed the blame that you’ve been carrying.
2. Start a Self-Care Routine That Includes Positive Self-Talk
Most, if not all women in betrayal trauma, have also suffered from extensive verbal and emotional abuse.
Their sense of self-worth as well as their awareness of their own needs have eroded over time because abusive men feel entitled to be the “center of the universe” and in doing so, condition women to ignore their own needs and their own powerful selves.
I would definitely go back and tell myself I am more than worth it! That I will get through this, that this is his stuff and not mine, and that I don’t need to know all the answers right now.
My needs are important. My feelings are valid. I would definitely talk positively to myself as opposed to beating myself up and talking negatively.
Jen, member of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery community
Victims of Emotional Abuse Are “More Than Worth It”
Start a self-care routine today, and begin by simply saying,
“I am more than worth it.”
Other self-care essentials include:
- Setting and maintaining boundaries that separate you from abusive behaviors
- Joining a support group
- One-on-one trauma coaching
- Working toward healthy sleep and nutrition
- Sharing your story with a safe person or through writing
- Meditation, yoga, walking, or breathing exercises
3. Start Sharing Your Story With Other Victims of Emotional Abuse
I first made the decision, I want to heal. I deserve to heal. I’m going to do this no matter how scary it is with everything I have.
Jen, member of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery community
As victims of emotional abuse share their experiences with other women who can relate to what they have gone through, they find healing and validation, empowerment and strength.
Many women have tried to share their experiences with clergy, therapists, family, and friends who have ultimately responded in unhealthy ways that have enabled the abuser and shamed or blamed the victim. This is tragically common and extremely difficult for women to process.
Betrayal Trauma Recovery Supports Victims of Betrayal and Emotional Abuse
As victims of emotional abuse seek safe places to share their stories and courageously speak the truth, their journey to healing begins. Often, it is with other women who have endured the same abuse that women find solidarity and healing.
When I first was introduced to BTRG (Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group), my world had turned upside down and I was lost in overpowering emotions. The coach me through the emotions and guided me to discover what brings me peace and to advocate for myself. I have found deep friendships and support that I would never have found otherwise. I have found a place of healing and strength. BTRG is amazing!
Anonymous member of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery community
The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group meets daily in every time zone. Women all over the world meet to process their pain, share their triumphs over trauma, and ask questions that facilitate discussions and empowerment over trauma, abuse, and addiction-related issues. Join today and begin your journey to healing.
I didn’t feel like it was my fault. It confirmed that my istincs were right!
I had an idea of what healthy marriage was… though the years, I didn’t understand the bouts of sexual anorexia from my husband, the sex toys that would show up, but his inability to talk about the sex he wanted.
I tried to be all the things he wanted, but felt like I was losing myself. And Injust stoped trying to make myself something I was not.
My disingagment of the process shines the light on a bigger problem.
I truly was shocked when his secrets life was relieved. That I never expected, but as soon as I found out. I knew with out a doubt it was Porn/ Sex addiction. And said it out loud within 5 min of finding out.
I was raised by Addicts all kinds. I’d made a promise to myself to never hurt myself or put myself in danger.
My marriage looked so different than my childhood. I thought I was safe.
But the moment I learned my husband’s truth, it all suddenly made sense. I did wonder what my role was… and I was scared out of my mind. But I never ever took responsibility for his abuse.
No one deserves to be cheated on, initially, I thought I was just feeling insecure, but now I understand that my husband is abusive. I hope he will change.
This episode totally hit home with me. At the end one of the speakers said before “recovery” she would have told herself to run…But after recovery she said she wouldn’t change anything. When she stated how she never knew marriage could look like this….Tears cane to my eyes. Thank you so so much for this podcast and group of women who know what it’s like to live in betrayal. God bless you all!
I’m so happy it was helpful to you!