Betrayal Trauma In Relationships: What No One Explains

A lot of women are looking for answers about how to heal betrayal trauma in relationships on Reddit or other forums. Here’s what those forums get wrong:

1. Betrayal Trauma isn’t “JUST” About the Cheating – It’s About ALL the Abuse

Betrayal trauma victims on reddit often share their stories about how their husband cheating on them and they can’t get the thoughts out of their heads. BUT they’re posts make it clear that they’re still unaware of all the other abuse they experienced.

For true healing, betrayal trauma victims progress more quickly when they’re aware of the truth. Understanding the emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, and spiritual abuse will help things make more sense.

When it comes to betrayal trauma, knowing the truth is the first step to true healing.

2. There are Things That Make Betrayal Trauma Worse

Therapists may accidentally blame you by trying to help you figure out what you did to “get yourself into this mess.” But you didn’t do anything to deserve it, and it didn’t happen because you needed to learn something.

Women betrayed by an intimate partner don’t need therapy because nothing is wrong with them.

3. Many So-Called “Relationship Recovery” Resources Don’t Help Women Heal

Reddit or other forums contain many links to resources for couples to recovery from infidelity. However, they fail to mention two facts:

1) Infidelity is an abuse issue, not a relationship issue.

2) Couple therapy is never indicated when abuse is present. For this reason, any couple therapist who doesn’t understand that infidelity is abuse won’t be is not only unhelpful, but also unethical

These unethical therapists often pose as victims and link back to their practices to promote their business. Women in our community have often been to multiple therapists spending thousands of dollars on therapy, and the therapist doesn’t help them identify the abuse.

If you need actual support from women who understand, attend a live online support group for betrayal trauma TODAY.

The Right Support To Help You Identify if Betrayal Trauma In A Relationship

If you discover your husband betrayed you, knowing what to is difficult. Sometimes clergy, therapists, even the legal system dismiss women’s trauma after betrayal.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery empowers women when they become educated about what to do. One of the key things to do if you’ve been betrayed is determining if there has also been emotional abuse. To discover if his betrayal includes emotional abuse, take our free emotional abuse quiz.

Transcript: Betrayal Trauma In Relationships

Anne: We have a very special episode today. Women who’ve experienced betrayal trauma in relationships share what helped them heal—I asked them to record their thoughts and send them to me, and here are those recordings.

She Learned How to Create Boundaries Due To The Betrayal Trauma In Her Relationship

Betrayal Trauma Victim #1: We tried many counselors, including CSATS, and have been doing that quite some time. Being on BTR for just a few weeks has made all the difference, and I can see the behaviors now much more clearly, the dysfunction. Being on every day and getting the validation from the coaches and other women has been tremendously helpful to me. Life changing.

She Received Life-Changing Support

Betrayal Trauma Victim #2: I’m grateful for Betrayal Trauma Recovery. I gained clear thinking about what I saw and what was happening. I listened to the podcast, then coaches talked with me one-on-one. They helped me name what I faced—grooming, gaslighting, and more—and gave me simple strategies to handle it. Before BTR, I didn’t even have words for it. It’s the best support for betrayal trauma.

The biggest shift came when I took what I learned and used it in real situations. One of those was with my husband’s counselor. He pushed for marriage counseling, like many do. But BTR taught me something important: both people need a basic level of health before that can work.

So I said it clearly. My husband’s behavior—sex outside our marriage, pornography, all of it—was not a marriage problem.

They cause marriage problems, but they are his personal problems until he addresses them. Marriage counseling will not be successful, and I will not participate. But it was BTR that empowered me to understand, one, I have a voice, and two, that was a very logical way to handle the situation. The counselor looked surprised, but he understood my point. He chose a different course with my husband, and that helped him more.

So I’m very grateful for BTR and the coaches, and thankful for the daily presence of having somewhere to go where I felt supported and peaceful.

She Learned That She’s Not Crazy

Betrayal Trauma Victim #3:  BTR Group Sessions have amazing coaches who have also walked this path. They can give appropriate advice, encouragement, and help answer questions and guide you along the path of recovery.

BTR gave me the words and the terminology to put to how I was feeling. And knowing the right words to describe my feelings helped calm my soul and helped me to not feel so crazy. There have been several moments when I was full of panic, anxiety, and fear because of the situations at home with my husband, and I was able to get on Betrayal Trauma Support Group within a couple of hours and talk through it, get the comfort and validation that I needed and advice if it was needed.

BTR Group has been a lifesaver for me on many occasions. It’s a safe place where I can cry and let it all out and share my fears, no matter how silly they may seem to others. The coaches and other women in the group understand and get it. It’s a judgment free zone where I can be me and fully accepted for who I am, for all my faults and failures and my accomplishments.

Gave Her Strength When She Needed It

BTR helped me to set and hold appropriate boundaries for my safety, which helped me to feel confident and empowered. The coaches and other women in the group give me validation to know I am not crazy, and that others have been through the same thing. I love being in the group and hearing other women’s stories and questions.

And often they have the same questions I have, and sometimes questions I had, but I didn’t know that I had, or how to ask. And so many times the advice given to other women was just what I needed to hear.

I’ve been doing BTR groups since the beginning, and it’s great to build that relationship with the coaches, and to have them tell me how much improvement and growth they have seen in me. BTR group is the friend I never had and needed so desperately. I have felt so alone for so many years. BTR came into my life when I needed them most, and to have the coaches with me through this journey of healing.

I honestly can say I don’t know where I’d be without the BTR Group Sessions. I credit so much of my healing and strength to the coaches and other women in the group. BTR Group has helped me become a better person, healthier person, stronger, more confident, and empowered.

The Horrific Experience of Betrayal Trauma In Marriage

Betrayal Trauma Victim #4:  I was going through a really ugly part of the divorce. I was dealing with a lot of very covert abuse, very mean and horrible to me and my younger daughter, but nice to everyone else. A family in our church took my 16 year old daughter and I into their home. She was going through some issues also.

And she said, “You’ve got to attend BTR Group Sessions.” And, I started attending BTR Group Sessions and listening to BTR Podcasts, and was surprised at the connection with the pornography. It has the best betrayal trauma resources. I actually went to counseling. I’d been going to counseling for years, with my marital problems. And nobody had ever made that connection before. https://www.btr.org/best-betrayal-trauma-resources

And when I brought it up to my therapist at Kaiser, she said, “Oh, that’s interesting. I’d never made that connection before.” And I just kept listening to BTR Podcasts and it was so intriguing. I hadn’t even thought about the connection of with coercive control.

That hit me really hard. I think it gave me more validation because even though I really can’t confront him about that, we were on zero communication.

It gave me a lot of validation to know that I’m not crazy, that no matter how this looks to everyone else, I’m suffering horribly and I’m not crazy. I appreciate the BTR podcast and the Group Sessions. It’s been invaluable to me, and I just thank you for it.

I Learned Self Worth and Self Care

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Victim #5:  BTR was recommended to me by my counselor. She recommended that I get into group. She said it was important that I get into group while still seeing her. The great thing about BTR group sessions is how they’ve helped me. So you have all different coaches who bring with them all different areas expertise.

I have found that when I get on these groups, I get all this coaching and support, and hearing other from other women’s experiences.

It has helped me know that I’m not alone, because it is so easy to feel so alone in all this. One of the things that’s important is having safe people. If you have people around you that don’t necessarily understand your experience, you don’t feel safe. And BTR creates that safe environment.

So the women in these groups are safe. You never feel judged. You’re not going to have people tell you how you should think or do. It’s completely safe. And while each woman’s experience is unique, we all share commonalities. And having that support helped me through the most traumatic relational experience in my life.

She Experienced Betrayal Trauma In Her Relationship

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Victim #6:  I truly believe Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions saved my life. I’ve made lifetime friends, the only ones who understand my feelings, who have gone through the same things. Each coach has their own special traits, and seeing the different views of the same subject or seeing things in different ways or suggestions helps make you feel safe.

She Found Clarity After Years of Marriage Trauma

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Victim #7:  My husband was in recovery and having. All of these meetings each week and having all the help he needs and counseling. And I felt like I was being left out in the dark. I was at the end of my rope.

So I started searching for something to help me. I found BTR. I decided that’s what would be best for me. So I started attending the group. I have found that having this group has been the best thing that ever happened to me. It has taught me what self care means. It’s taught me a lot of things about gaslighting and DARVO and things I’d never heard of before.

They’ve helped me through a lot of really hard situations. The group has been so supportive. The women are amazing. Everyone has their own story to tell, but each person gets validation and support that they need and feedback from the coaches as well as each other. It’s been great to know that I’m not alone in this, that there’s other women who have struggled the same as I have, and that I can be there to support them, and they can be there to support me.

She Finally Had A Name For Her Experience

This group, I lean on it a lot. When I’m going through hard times, and I don’t understand everything happening with my addict, they help clarify situations for me, and give me options. They also give me a place to share, and I feel safe, and I’m not being judged. I just want to let others know how wonderful the BTR group has been for me, and I would recommend it for anyone who’s going through betrayal trauma, so they can learn and grow.

I feel like I’ve learned and grown from the first time I attended to this day. I’ve learned self worth. I’ve learned what self care is, things that I didn’t even understand when I started attending Group Sessions.

So I just want to thank all the coaches, everyone.

Received Validation & Encouragement

Betrayal Trauma Victim #8:  I really appreciate how you validated everybody, first by listening, and then by encouraging them in their own insights and giving them, you know, advice.

permission to do and be whatever they needed to at that moment. I have not experienced that with counseling, though I’ve been through a lot. Yeah, it’s been a trial. And so I recognize the uniqueness of it and it’s just amazing.

To learn more, please check out our Group Schedule as well as The Living Free Workshop.