You deserve the best betrayal trauma resources as you navigate the deeply personal journey toward emotional safety.

Some resources can be more traumatizing than helpful. If you’re not sure you are emotionally safe after betrayal and you think you may have betrayal trauma, take our free emotional abuse quiz.

What Are The Best Betrayal Trauma Recovery Resources For Women?

• Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions: daily, live, online support in multiple time zones
• The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast
• Individual Sessions with a BTR.ORG Coach
• The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop that helps women determine their husband’s character and learn safety strategies.
• The BTR.ORG Books Page – offering a curated selection of books about addiction and betrayal trauma. Most books can be found at your local library or purchased on Amazon.

Transcript: The Best Betrayal Trauma Resources For Women

Anne: My friend Lindsay and I were hanging out in my basement and talking about why I started Betrayal Trauma Recovery. I wanted all the educational material: the podcast, the website, and the transcribed articles to be free. And I wanted women to get our professional betrayal trauma resources from anywhere.

And they needed to be accessible within hours of an abuse episode. You could either get into an individual session or a group session that you never had to call your therapist and get the sad news that they couldn’t see you for two weeks or that you had to be on some wait list. I just wanted to make sure that women had a safe place to go for the best support for betrayal trauma.

When I first started Betrayal Trauma Recovery. I thought BTR would be to shorten the time span between trying to get help while in the abuse cycle. It was basically to shorten the time span to find out about their pornography, and immediately notice abuse. So women could figure out the difference between emotional abuse and normal conflict. And immediately you can set boundaries, with their emotionally abusive husbands, right? That was like, okay, I’m gonna like make sure that no woman has to go through 10, 20 years of this again.

Well, what I have found is that most women have to go through that stage. And so for women who are like, oh, I’m so stupid. Why didn’t I see it before? Why didn’t I do that? Almost like you had to go through that. No woman goes straight from, I found explicit material on his phone to the hardcore boundary. Usually, I mean, maybe if you’re the miracle out there, email me and we will have you on the podcast.

The Importance Of Education

Anne: That would be awesome, then I realized, no, this podcast is to educate women. We’ll just speak our truth and wherever they are is okay.

Lindsay: Yeah, take you where you are.

Anne: Yeah, and we’ll grow together from whatever stage we’re in. And hopefully in the process, number one is safety, and number two is that post traumatic growth. That people talk about a lot. Being able to grow. And I feel like I’m finally getting to that stage. I mean, I’ve changed a lot and grown a lot, but I also now, I’m like, oh my word, I’m wearing makeup! There are so many things now that I’m working toward, and it’s so exciting. So many women come on the podcast and share their emotional abuse survivor stories, and it’s so inspiring.

Now, you’re at a really, really tough, messy stage.

Lindsay: Yes.

Anne: Right now, you are separating as a boundary for repeated lies and infidelity. You don’t know what the outcome of your boundary setting will be.

Lindsay: Absolutely.

Anne: Right, it’s I believe, your best chance for a happy future, and I also believe it’s your husband’s best chance to get healthy. But how are you feeling now in the context of your own personal growth?

We’ve All Been There

Lindsay: One thing that was truly powerful was just remembering. Not that I didn’t know this before, but remembering that this is painful and will be painful. If I am stabbed by a knife, I can’t control whether that hurts. It’s going to hurt. And so letting myself feel those emotions, in a real way. That’s awful. It’s awful to sit there and bawl and cry and have a pile of Kleenexes.

Anne: We’ve all been there. It’s the worst. You feel like all the liquid in your entire body has come out.

Lindsay: Yes.

Anne: It’s awful. And you need the best betrayal trauma resources. A lot women try all sorts of stuff like herbal medicine for betrayal trauma.

Embracing Pain & Healing

Lindsay: It’s awful. And none of it will be fun, and it’s not going to be easy. And I’m going to make mistakes. I mean, yes, I’m holding a boundary, but oh my word, I have no clue if this is the right thing, the right answer. And that’s okay. I don’t have to be perfect at this. And it’s okay for me to be messy, raw, and in pain, and that has been one thing.

Anne: For me, it’s been years of pain and unresolved things that I can’t fix. And they’re still here. I still can’t fix them. There’s one woman I talked to on the phone, and her situation was bleak. She had no support. Nobody understood what she was going through. She actually lived with her in laws. And they didn’t understand. So everything was bad.

I just prayed with her on the phone. Because I was like, you can get a coach, but still, your situation is so bad that you need help from God. And she believed in God, so that wasn’t a stretch for her. So we said a prayer, and she emailed me a little later and said, you know, I haven’t had any huge miracle happen, right. I told her there were so many times where I was screaming, yelling and jumping up and down.

And saying like, send help now. I need help now, I need something to change now. And nobody came and nothing happened, but things have happened slowly over time. Then I developed my business to have the best betrayal trauma resources. That has been cool to watch. And I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen 10 years from now.

Betrayal Trauma Resources For Newcomers

Anne: It makes it exciting knowing that it’s all working for my good. And having that faith that it will, even if I can’t see it.

Lindsay: Right, so I had a question for you. So, let’s say there is somebody out there, and they’re totally new. I mean, this is their first introduction to anything recovery.

Anne: This podcast right now?

Lindsay: Yes,

Anne: Okay.

Lindsay: What betrayal trauma resources are available? And if the resources available to them aren’t healthy. What can they look for in what they have available to make it still work for them?

Anne: Yeah, you’re in the right place now. If this is your first time and this is the first thing, and you’re like, what resource? You are at it, Betrayal Trauma Recovery is the best betrayal trauma resource. I created it so I’m a little biased. And the reason I feel confident about saying that is because women have gone to lots of other places and then come back and said, well, that wasn’t safe for me. But let’s say a woman tries something and it’s not, right?

She goes to a COSA group, for example, or a different 12 Step Group, and it’s like, no, this doesn’t feel right. It just isn’t safe. So I would say that’s why I built Betrayal Trauma Recovery. Knowing that you’re looking for a place that sees it as a victim and perpetrator situation. So someone said to me the other day, how do you feel about the drama triangle? You know about the drama triangle, right, victim, perpetrator, and rescuer?

Lindsay: Yeah.

Choosing The Right Resources For Betrayal Trauma

Anne: In this context, there is no triangle.

Lindsay: Right.

Anne: Right? And the same thing when people say it takes two to tango, both sides of the story. There is one truth.

Lindsay: Right.

Anne: And for me, for nine months, I prayed every day to know what the truth of my situation was. And I was open to knowing exactly what that was. So that if it is me, I want to know.

Lindsay: Right.

Anne: And what I discovered was that you are in an abusive relationship. That was the truth of my situation. Being educated about what abuse looks like, what manipulation looks like, is important. For someone just starting out, I’d say, enroll in The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop.

That one helps you determine what your husband’s true character is, and gives you safety strategies. It’s important to know what those are in the beginning. So that you can start practicing those while you observe to figure out what’s going on. Obviously listening to this podcast. Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions are incredible, because she can hop on at any time.

And then the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Workshop.I wrote all the meditations in the workshop, and I used all of the strategies to help myself. And then other women tested them. And so they are like proven strategies and meditations that work.

I’m like, now? And you’re like, it’s okay if you get around to it, like, in a week.

Lindsay: It’s their journey, right?

Anne: I know. It’s your journey. And so with inexpensive books to read, our books page is a compilation of all those books.

Books Available

Anne: And most of them you can get at your local library free.

Lindsay: Yeah, even on audio book.

Anne: Yes!

Lindsay: Which is awesome.

Anne: And guess which of the betrayal trauma resources are free? This podcast! I was just recently reading, I hadn’t done it before, the ratings on iTunes. I was like, oh, they’re so nice. They said like, listening to your podcast has done more for me than 10 years of therapy. Stuff like that. And I was like, really? I’m so glad that’s the whole point of it. Healing from abuse is long-term, emotionally, physically, and financially expensive endeavor.

Lindsay: It is.

Anne: It is worth it, though.

So whatever resource you choose, even if it’s just reading books, even if the only thing you do is go in your closet and pray. And that’s your “recovery plan.” It will be worth it. Something that concerns me regarding 12 Step Groups as a resource for betrayal trauma. Is the way some women are made to feel responsible for their husband’s choices. Or the healthiness of the marriage, even though they are not and have not been the abusive one.

Here’s an example. When I went, women said, when I started coming here, that’s what made the difference to my husband.

Lindsay: Right.

Anne: And I just was like, stop saying that. The other thing I thought was interesting is that in that stage they thought their husband was doing well. I’m not saying one particular person, but I’ve seen this happen many times.

And then later they find out that he wasn’t even in a good stage, and they thought he was.

Understanding & The Shortage Of Safe Betrayal Trauma Help

Anne: So that’s another thing that’s difficult about this journey. Is that understanding what a safe person looks like takes a lot of time.

Lindsay: So much time. I mean, even for me, I’m still developing my understanding of what that looks like. I gather all the resources I can.

Anne: Lindsay is a very intense researcher.

Lindsay: Yes, I am.

Anne: I would say, very organized.

Lindsay: I’m working on letting that go. It is still a work in progress.

Anne: Well, I’m grateful that you felt safe enough here. Number one, just with me as my friend, that means a lot to me. But also to share your story here to help women know where to find the best betrayal trauma resources. And again, any route is fine. Anything that works is great, because there are so many women in this situation. There’s no shortage of victims. Unfortunately, there is a shortage of resources.

Lindsay: Yeah.