Leaving a narcissistic husband is a brave and difficult thing to do. It’s not just about ending your marriage—it’s about escaping lies and manipulation. If you’re looking for the best way to leave a narcissist husband, here are 4 important things to know.
1. Nothing is Wrong with You—It’s Not Your Fault
The first thing to know is none of this is your fault. A narcissistic husband thrives on making you feel like everything bad happening in the relationship is your fault. He’ll manipulate you into thinking you’re the problem.
However, you’re likely experiencing many of the 19 different types of emotional abuse. So take our free emotional abuse quiz to find out all the ways he emotionally harmed you.
But here’s the truth—no matter what he says, you didn’t cause his behavior, and you’re not responsible for fixing him. His narcissistic behavior is a choice.
2. Communication Won’t Help
If you’ve spent countless hours trying to explain your feelings or set boundaries, only to be met with denial, deflection, or outright anger. Then you already know this—talking to a narcissist doesn’t work.
Narcissists don’t try to solve problems or see things from your point of view. Instead, they use conversations to trick you, shift the blame, or make you doubt yourself.
Protect yourself from him exploiting your energy by focusing on creating a life of peace. To learn more about this type of abuse, listen to the #1 Betrayal Trauma Podcast.
3. Don’t Get Others Involved Thinking They’ll “Talk Sense” Into Him
Many women think it’s a good idea to ask friends or family to talk to their narcissist husband and try to make him understand. At first, this might seem like a smart plan. However, involving other people can go wrong when dealing with a narcissist.
Here’s why—it’s likely he will try to trick them, just like he tricked you. Narcissists are very good at acting like the “good guy” to others. At the same time, they may try to make you seem unreasonable, too emotional, or even silly.
Trying to get others on your side will leave you feeling even more isolated.
Instead, keep your plans private. Seek support from people who are 100% on your team. Get the right support from a group of women who can totally empathize with you. Check out the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session Schedule.
4. You Need a Strategy
Leaving a narcissist is not as simple as packing a bag and walking out the door. Narcissists will do everything in their power to maintain control over you, even after you leave. That’s why having a clear, thoughtful strategy is critical.
The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop will give you step by step instructions. It will help you see exactly what’s going on, so you can anticipate what he’ll do next. It will also give you thought, communication, and boundary strategies.
Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. There are people and resources ready to help you every step of the way.
You Are Powerful
Leaving a husband who is a narcissist isn’t just about leaving him. It’s about keeping yourself safe, so he can’t hurt you anymore. It’s about building a future where you don’t feel scared all the time.
So take it one step at a time—use the Living Free Strategies to focus on what you can do today. If you’re still unsure how to start, visit Betrayal Trauma Recovery to find a supportive community for women experiencing narcissistic abuse.
Transcript: The Best Way to Leave a Narcissist Husband
Anne: It’s just me today. Many women are searching for the best way to leave a narcissist husband.
Because everyone is different. There are the best strategies to use. And these strategies can be applied in different situations with different women’s personalities, and also the different narcissist personalities. So even though it might not look the same for everyone, there is definitely a best way to leave your narcissist husband, by applying specific strategies.
A Glimpse into the Past
Anne: And I’m going to be vulnerable today and share with you a recording I did years and years ago. Kind of praying into the universe that God would help me. And he definitely came through. It took so much longer than I thought. Everything I’ve developed over the years came straight from him. Certainly, it did not come from therapists, clergy or anyone else.
I have a master’s degree in education. And since this recording, I have interviewed over 300 victims of betrayal trauma. And I started educating women about the patterns I’ve seen through all my interviews. What I know now is the best way to leave a narcissist husband. And my hope is that through my harrowing experience of figuring these things out, I can save you all those years of absolute chaos and pain.
So here is this recording of my voice long ago. I was so terrified of my narcissist husband when I made the recording, so I altered my voice. I was trying to document what was happening to me and move forward with faith. If you listen to this ancient recording and relate, know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel for you too. Okay, here we go.
Recording of Anne Years Ago
Anne when she was Anon: As a wife, trying to support her husband through addiction. Most of the discussion about this, therapists or others try to help women deal with an addict husband. Like let us help you manage this. Just learning to cope with the fact that your husband is causing you a lot of pain and so much trauma in your life.
Although my husband cheated on me. I didn’t even know what that meant. So I’m working on a solution to this problem. Not knowing what it will look like or where it will lead me. Often I’m in tears, trauma, and so much emotional pain. Sometimes I pray and pray and pray and pray and still feel I’m getting nowhere. The trauma is too intense and I don’t know how to get my husband out. In that place of brokenness, I’m just hoping God will help me.
In fact, I’m crying and desperate, hopeless. But I know that God’s working in my life. God has his own way and his own time. And I don’t know how it works. I don’t know how to set boundaries. he does it. But setting boundaries and focusing on my own recovery has invited God into my life. I can’t learn how to do it unless I’m actually doing it. A lot of pain has brought me to this point and God. God, thank you. I don’t understand how you work, but I know you’re leading me. And God, I hope I never have to go through anything like this again.
The Best Way to Leave a Narcissist Husband: Finding Hope & Solutions
Anne: So there’s that recording. Subsequently through trial and error, trying all the things everyone else suggested and having that, not work for me. Then I was inspired by God to discover the Living Free strategies. I used them, they worked. And if nothing else has worked for you. These strategies might be what you’ve been missing. To learn more about the Living Free Strategies, click this link.
Hi there.. I have a boyfriend who severely struggles with an addiction. I love him more than anything and I am so grateful that he wasn’t secretive with me no matter how difficult it must have been for him to tell me. He still went ahead and mentioned his addiction to me right in the very beginning of our relationship.. He has apparently struggled with this ever since he was 10 years old. At first, I was in shock because I’ve never dealt with something like this before ESPECIALLY with someone I love and wanted as my eternal companion someday. It was all so new to me. But with the Lord’s help in the very beginning I somewhat was able to be there for him, guide him, trust him and just continuously pray for his recovery.
Several months passed and I soon came to realize that praying seriously wasn’t enough. Trust was broken and my love for him was dimming because I had no idea how to cope with this… I felt broken beyond repair because even though I KNOW without a doubt he loves me with all his heart and shows me everyday.. his mind is hard wired to his addiction and it destroys me. But more than that, I’ve started to realize how much of a narcissist he can be. He’s so charming and convincing when he apologizes, but sometimes I feel like he manipulates situations to make me feel like everything is my fault. Most people I’ve known to struggle through this have been married couples so for him and I to be pushing through this together as boyfriend and girlfriend soon to be engaged it is truly eye opening, leading me to believe that we are dealing with something beyond our years.
But oh how wonderful it is to know that there IS hope for me and recovery for ME and strength and healing for people of all ages because unfortunately I am still suffering with the after effects of his addiction and the way he makes me question myself sometimes. He’s been attending his over the phone recovery meetings recently but I haven’t found anything that could possibly help me until today. My boyfriend Jonathan and I literally just said a prayer together about finding healing for me and I happened to find this site here and for that almost immediate answer to our prayer I will forever be grateful. I really need healing more than anything right now as he and I are soon to be married because we have a child on the way.. So all of these things tied together is a lot to manage but I have faith we can do it as long as we’re on the Lord’s side and with the help and recovery we need. Our new beginning to marriage and family life will be a joyous and exciting experience where we’ll already be able to handle these challenges and all that life may throw at us.