If you’ve just discovered your husband lied to you and was cheating, and you’re wondering what does the Bible say about cheating husbands?
Every woman is welcome at BTR no matter what her faith paradigm. A lot of women of faith come to BTR in a spiritual crisis because of how their clergy responded to their husband’s infidelity or lying and part of their healing is processing what the Bible actually says about these betrayals.
Here’s the truth that you’ve likely never heard anywhere else.
What does the bible say about LYING
Since cheating and infidelity involve lying on every level, what they do with their time, what they’re thinking, how they’re using their phone, lying is really the heart of this.
One thing a cheating husband really lies about is the reason he lies, and usually he blames that on his wife. He’ll accuse her of things she didn’t do, attribute motivations to her that she doesn’t have. This is called false witness in the scriptures.
Exodus 20:16 – 16 Thou shalt not bear false witness.
Psalm 101:7 – He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight.
God does not like lying. He wants His followers to be treated with honesty and respect. If your husband is lying to you, it means he is not treating you in a safe or kind way.
What DOES The Bible Say About Cheating ONLINE
What does the Bible say about cheating when it’s “JUST” in the form of inappropriate media online?
For example, if he’s lying to you about how he’s using his computer or his phone or his time, and he is lusting after women, supporting an exploitative industry where women are used and coerced. At the very least, this is adultery.
Exodus 20:14 – Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Matthew 5:28 – 28 But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
2 Corinthians 6:14,17 – Be ye not unequally yoked…for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?…Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.
If you’re husband has been using pornography, it’s adultery. If you’re experiencing this, you need support. Attend a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session TODAY.
To determine if he has the type of wicked character that God says we need to separate ourselves from, learn more about The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Workshop.
What DOES The Bible Say About FORGIVENESS After he Cheated
Well in the Bible, forgiveness is more about debt. Like, “Forgive me, My debt as I forgive my debtors.” Debt is something that binds people together. If you don’t forgive someone of their debt, then you’re always constantly thinking “Hey, you owe me this.” And then they stay tied to you.
So forgiveness in the scriptures is actually a way to move away from them.
Ezra 10:11 Separate yourselves from the strange [husbands].
Hebrews 7:26 – Who is holy, harmless, undefiled, separate from sinners
Many women’s situations get worse when their pastors support quick forgiveness and reconciliation with their abusers. Moving away from an abuser may or may not mean divorce, but it certainly means that you don’t keep yourself in contact with someone who’s harming you.
FINDING HOPE FOR JUSTICE IN The Bible Says If he’s Cheating
Deuteronomy 32:4 – 4 He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he.
Psalm 10:17–18 – 17 Lord, thou hast heard the desire of the humble: thou wilt prepare their heart, thou wilt cause thine ear to hear. To judge the fatherless and the oppressed, that the man of the earth may no more oppress.
Isaiah 9:7 Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end…to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever.
When Churches Give Victims Harmful Counsel
The scriptures have so many examples of how Christ asks us to separate ourselves from evil. And if your husband’s lying to you all the time, deceiving you, that is certainly an act of harm.
If you are being harmed in this way, you’re technically a victim of emotional and psychological abuse. So many faiths say, “Hey, we don’t want you to be abused,” but for some reason if it’s “just” betrayal, then you may not identify as a victim of abuse, but it’s really important to learn why his lying and infidelity are abuse.
Many of the women in the BTR community received harmful counsel that actually kept them in harms way. For example:
- Just have more sex with your abusive husband
- Submit to sex however and whenever he wants you to do it
- Divorce is always the devil’s plan; if you decide to divorce your abuser, you are listening to Satan
- The church will abandon you if you choose to leave your abuser
- If he abuses you, it is because his needs are not met, so be a better “helpmeet”
- He uses pornography because you, the victim, are not sexual enough
- He lies to you because you are an angry woman
- Forgive and forget
- Trust him again, right away, in order to save your marriage
- There are two sides to every story – be charitable and see your part in this
Harmful and downright abusive “counsel” can send victims into a downward spiral. Many victims can become so traumatized by clergy that they face a faith crisis and may feel unable to participate in organized religion at all.
To discover if you’re emotionally abused, take our free emotional abuse test.
If Your Church Has Harmed You, Practice Self-Compassion
If you are or once were a member of a faith community, now facing a faith crisis, or have distanced yourself from church. You may feel ashamed, guilty, and isolated. Know that the secondary trauma you experienced because of ignorant, harmful and/or abusive clergy is not your fault. You trusted your church leaders, and they should have been there for you. But when churches don’t believe abuse victims, it is crushing.
Please practice self-care, seek support, and douse yourself in compassion. The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group is here for you. Join today and begin your journey to healing.
I would have a greater respect for what you are trying to do if you didn’t disparage lds bishops.
I understand. We have absolutely no intention of disparaging bishops, but to tell stories of abuse to protect victims. These stories help people understand the great obstacles victims face when trying to get to safety. Hopefully it can help educate everyone, so they can help victims get to safety. Rather than harm them more when they’re in their moment of greatest need.
Sounds like someone is trying to enable and justify uncharitable bad behavior performed under “clerical cover”.
Clerics these days are as accountable as any one else when it comes to abusive behavior. Let every man stand for himself before God.
Agreed. Our aim is to educate everyone about emotional abuse and how online exploitation and infidelity are abusive to women so that we can put a stop to it.
Yes, the bishops are part of the problem in many cases! I could tell you experience after experience! Bishops are men. They are not trained. They are volunteers who sometimes get it very wrong. The are not infallible. They are not gods. I hope you will never have to suffer like this woman then have to go to the bishop like this one.
I’m a faithful LDS woman and almost 64 yrs old. After a 32 yr marriage filled with abuse he left me for a 30 yr old. My bishop was as kind to me as I believe Christ would have been. I could not even say the ‘D’ word I was so ashamed. Which is why I stayed in that marriage. I believed my husband walked on water and so did he. Even though I was completely conditioned by his abuse emotionally, mentally and spiritually I wanted my forever family.
Eight years later I was remarried and sealed in the temple again. Right after the marriage his mask came off. Lies and betrayal sadly was who he really was. I tried not to believe it, coming up with all sorts of excuses for why this or that happened but this is who he really was!
For 6 years we went to counseling. Not until the 4th counselor was it finally found out that he is indeed a covert narcissist. It was horrifying, still I tried thinking surely he can be helped. I could not ever go through a second divorce! Ooh he was so good at what he did, I was manipulated, lied to, gas lighted and every form of abuse no woman should ever endure. He was a physician, and because of his calm covert victimization stance was completely believable to anyone who wasn’t in an intimate relationship.
Through all of this, I started digging into what the Bible says about men and husbands who cheat and betray their wives. I’ve been searching for answers about what God really expects us to do in these situations because surely, the Bible can’t be telling us to submit ourselves to men who lie and manipulate, can it? I’ve poured over scriptures and prayed, trying to understand how to reconcile the teachings of love and forgiveness with the reality of living with someone who destroys trust and breaks covenants. It’s been such a struggle trying to figure out what’s right.
This is the reason I’m responding to Mis Miller, not only did my bishop and RS Pres shame me for this divorce, but I was told to move from the house I purchased 4 years before meeting him. I was questioned and ridiculed so badly by them it felt like I was living in a nightmare. The church has been my life! Both my son and daughter served faithful missions. It’s quite obvious a bishop or RS Pres come with their own personality! Just because they are called does not mean they don’t have their own agenda and cruel judgments unfortunately! I would have given anything to have had compassion and love poured out to me like my last bishop. It’s been a year since their unjust talk to me at my home, and I’m still in shame mode. Not only that but my daughter ask for a meeting with the bishop and RS President that night she the RS Pres even had her husband be in this confidential meeting. They did not know my daughter was recording the entire time. When I heard what was said it’s been all I can do to keep the faith. Her husband making horrible judgments about me as well as the 2 leaders.
If you think leaders are above this horror, think again!
Thank you for this article! You are 100% spot on. I experienced everything you mentioned here, and then some. 3 different Bishops knew about the abuse and saw the bruises. But, yet did nothing to help us “get out.” In fact, one Bishop screamed and yelled at me over his desk and confirmed my husband had a history of abuse, but had “repented” of it. My husband was such a dangerous sociopath, he could convince anyone of anything. When we finally escaped, my children and I began intense counseling. All of us were diagnosed with trauma a PTSD.
Talking about the “lack of knowledge and training” that these Bishops have is not in an effort to be “disparaging” but an effort to educated, inform, and bring to light a problem that we need to start addressing within our churches and congregations. We are losing saints, because of this “lack of awareness.” Children are being harmed and scarred because we want to “bury our heads in the sand” instead of educating and offering resources within our wards, stakes, and branches. Many suffer….if we stand in places of “ignorance” on this issue.
Angela, thank you so much for sharing. I too went through this, and it was like the jaws of hell were gaping after me. Thank you for helping educating EVERYONE about abuse so that we can protect victims and hold perpetrators accountable. Hugs!
I am LDS and something very similar happened to me. It was so hard to listen to this podcast and yet I was bursting at the seams thinking, “Me too! Me too!”. Thank you for sharing this podcast for free.
It’s happening with a lot of women. As we share our voices to uphold truth and righteousness the church will improve for good:). Hugs!
Yes bishops are not trained in social work, while at the same time they are put into very respected authority positions and should dedicate themselves to learn how to help and learn how to refer out appropriately when a situation is out of their realm. Not all abuse is physical. Yes any church leader should learn what verbal abuse is, mental abuse, and spiritual abuse is.
Stop telling the wife she needs to forgive more or be more sexual. That is abuse in and of itself.
Wow wish I had this in 1966! Never got any help for many years. He was Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. Everyone thought he was wonderful. One man called him a “gentle giant”. 50 yrs. later and my poor adult children are still suffering.
It’s so sad how people are weaponizing Mark 10:9 Let no one separate what God has joined together against victims of abuse.
Now surely God did not bring the two together if he is behaving like this? A sinful and abusive marriage is not a marriage in the eyes of God if you ask me. They don’t get to just pick and choose from the Bible.
I love this – really informative – putting the safety of the victim and the children first.
Keep it up.
I am going through abuse by the church how and where do I get help ??
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! We suggest two things: attend a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session to talk with other women who have been through this and understand.
And enroll in The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Workshop – the workshop will teach you safety strategies to deal with the emotional and psychological abuse you’re dealing with from the church.
How do I forgive a cheating husband without remorse?
It makes total sense that you’re asking this question. Our Living Free Workshop will walk you through all the questions you have about that. Get more information here: https://www.btr.org/livingfree/