Most women would probably not describe their husband as misogynistic. But some examples of misogyny are so subtle, you may be surprised to realize your husband is doing them.
3 Examples of Misogyny
1. HE NEEDS A LIST FOR EVERY HOUSEHOLD CHORE
Your husband might say he is happy to help around the house, but only if you tell him exactly what to do. He might expect you to write detailed lists, remind him to finish chores, or walk him through basic childcare tasks. By waiting for your directions before lifting a finger, or leaving things unfinished, he forces you to carry the entire mental load of running your home and maintaining your relationship.
When your husband doesn’t help with the housework it shifts those responsibilities completely onto your shoulders, leaving you feeling more like his personal assistant or his mother than his equal partner.
2. HE CHOOSES INAPPROPRIATE MATERIAL OVER TRUE INTIMACY
Many women might not even know this is happening. What a woman might notice is that her husband doesn’t seem truly interested in her. He might ignore her by spending long hours in his office or on hobbies, until he needs something from her. He may give excuses like, “I have a ton of work to do. You go to bed. I’ll come when I’m done” or “I’m stressed and I need to go cool off,” while secretly using that time to pursue fantasy over his real-life marriage.
This behavior undermines the emotional and physical intimacy that is foundational to a healthy marriage, leaving you feeling isolated, unwanted, and unloved.
3. HE APPLIES DIFFERENT STANDARDS TO YOU THAN TO HIMSELF
Misogyny often shows up when your husband holds you to different standards than he does for himself. For example: he might criticize you for buying clothes or something for your home, while he spends freely on his personal hobbies, or he expects you to keep a tidy house while leaving his belongings scattered in every room.
This double standard often extends to shared finances. He may hide money, refuse access to bank statements, or pat you on the head with phrases like, “I’ll take care of the finances, you don’t need to worry about it.”
This behavior strips you of your voice and agency, leaving you in the vulnerable position of not having access to resources you need to live in emotional safety.
To find out if your husband is using any one of the 19 different types of emotional abuse, take my free emotional abuse test.
For strategies to deal with this type of abuse and establish peace in your home, enroll in The BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop.
I was a very young naive woman of 19. I married a man who was ten years older than me. He was Jewish. I was protestant, but new to religion. I had been raised with no religion.
He had affairs and impregnated other women. He left me for one of the women he impregnated.
I was expecting our second child. I moved into an apartment with the children. When I reached out for spiritual help the terrible pastor came to visit and verbally propositioned me – with two children in the room. I lost any faith in his church … you’re absolutely right. A the time I had no friends. I was totally vulnerable. I had two children nine months apart. I was in terrible shock. It was a terrible reality. The pastor wanted to try to take advantage of my poverty, my brokenness.
Today I’m 66. My life was profoundly difficult after becoming a very religious oriented person. I was marginalized and still am. Still trying to heal from spousal abuse. I was abused by another husband as well.
I have known many abused women – religious women who are sexually abused by their so-called “righteous” husbands. I suffered from so much spiritual abuse. I’m justifiably distressed about religion, but still need to develop a support network. Women always need to be a part of a supportive family. It’s crucial to find a support group.
We recommend our daily, online support group for women who have suffered from emotional abuse, psychological abuse, and spiritual abuse. You’re welcome here!
My mom was dying 18 hours away from me and i couldnt say goodbye
I found on my husbands phone text between my best friend and him, all about a trip i was on and friendly banter. He called her to call me because i was having trouble finding a job. But he failed to mention we were fighting and he knew what was wrong with me and it was him treating me poorly because i couidht find a job and said i lied and never wanted to work i called him at work because he had upset me so badly and instead of worrying about that he called her making sure he was the hero husbsnc and protrayed me as crazy implying i was going to hurt myself which wasnt true, he flat out lied about who i was and she fell for it and never told me. This friend was an over 50 year friendship and she gave me no heads up and has nothing to say to me now
None of its normal
I still feel like there are things i still dont know
My husband blames my reaction and nonstop puts me down. He wants to move forward and never talk about it again. I’m suppose to take this crap and just be fine with him making no changes. I’ve given him over a year to make changes and all I’ve gotten are promises that never happened. He will treat me great but it’s conditional because I can never mention how I feel
I know I never deserved any of this and deserve better. But leaving is difficult due to finances and I don’t have a job at the moment. If we divorce our girls won’t get financial help for one paying off school loans and the other trying to finish up college classes. I just had two surgeries April 3rd and 4th had gallstone removed and gallbladder removed. Things were very bad and I wasn’t sure I’d make it because I have Crohns as well. This surgery was 4 weeks ago and he’s back to his same bs if putting me down and refusing to care. He made these decisions but still insisted he didn’t think it was a big enough deal to upset me with. But that should’ve stopped him. I’m suppose to believe whatever he says and move forward. He humiliated me and lied about who I was and made himself look like a great worried husband. I don’t trust him and he isn’t working to earn it back. His idea of resolution is going to eat and do things together and bought me a greenhouse but complains and threatened to send it back 5 times
He only does anything nice to throw it in my face as an excuse as to why I have no reason to complain
Anything I tell him good or bad he will tear it down asap in a fight
I’ve told him he has to take full accountability and he’s like it’s your fault that will never be enough for you it won’t matter what I say or do
He’s never tried and he’s even told me during fights he’s not going to then says he didn’t mean it. When I am upset he tells me if you don’t like the way things are go find someone else and divorce me. I’ve had to take what they did to me was nothing good but at the same time no big deal
I’m not healing right because I’m upset all the time
If my dad lived closer I would have left already, and I’d leave now but I feel terrible
I’ve seen the anger and hate he has for me in the way he disrespects me and this isn’t who I thought I married but apparently the friendship wasn’t what I thought either. The friendship is over and I will never speak to or see her again
I’ve been married almost 36 years and it’s not something I’m proud of at all because I feel like a fool who has wasted her life on a controlling liar.
He hates his job and blames me
Instead of talking when I’m upset he screams at me and starts telling me what I won’t have if we divorce
Better question is what do I have now?
I’m married to someone I don’t know anymore that did this to me and was committed to never telling me. But I find out and he refuses to make changes.
None of my family are close by, our youngest daughter lives with us but spends most of her time with her loser bf. My other daughter is married with a 7 year old daughter and she refuses to have a relationship with us or her sister
I don’t want to move 18 hours away from my youngest daughter and we’ve lived away for 18 years and I don’t want to move back there
But staying here being treated this way isn’t right.
I do volunteer work and just got a job and well I’ve lost 50lbs. I’m trying to make friends and put myself out there
My husband works 2 hours away and is there 3 to 4 times a week
When he’s here he’s tired and angry about his job and I feel ignored and this has become a vicious cycle
At the very least I’m going to visit my dad but long term all I can do is keep moving forward
My husband hates me for living here and complained no job and now I’m out with a job and meeting people I can tell he’s jealous
He can’t be pleased
Yes to all of this…..My question for Anne would be, “What are we going to tell our young women? Women who want to get married and have children. Or just who want to have children?” Are we going to tell them to get artificially inseminated? To find a few girlfriends to raise their kids with? Really…..My teen wants to get married young and have 12 kids….How does she want this after seeing what her dad has put me through, I don’t know….I don’t know how to advise her. The numbers are not in her favor. No one is talking about the this. Misogyny is ramapant and no one seems to care.
My mother told the pastor our dad was whipping us hard for minor, offenses and she had to call us in school to school because of our injuries. The pastor grabbed the salt and pepper shakers on the table and pushed them apart in opposite directions. “This is how Satan uses children to separate the parents and destroy marriages,” he said. Then he wanted to pray on each of us so Hod could make us obedient.
My brother and I got whipped because we didn’t want to join the church when we turned 14.
Dad said girls couldn’t work to “protect” us but it was really to keep us from saving up to leave. All of us had to run away to get out of there.
A new ebook tries to explain the process of becoming a misogynist: “Misogynization” by Franz Jedlicka. Not well formatted, I have to say, but insightful ..