Liz just wanted to keep herself and her family safe. She didn’t know these 3 signs of spiritual abuse that every woman needs to know.
Liz sought support from trusted church leaders after she experienced abuse. But rather than receiving the help she deserved, Liz experienced severe spiritual abuse from clergy and continued emotional and psychological abuse from her abusers.
What is Spiritual Abuse?
Spiritual abuse occurs when individuals use their authority, religious doctrines, or practices in order to exert control, manipulation, or power over others. Spiritual abuse can also occur when a leader dismisses, minimizes, or refuses to take proper steps to protect victims of abuse and crime. abusers when they hold victims responsible for the abuse.
Recognizing The Signs of Spiritual Abuse
It’s important to become familiar with the 9 signs of spiritual abuse. Knowing how to identify spiritual abuse can help those in faith communities recognize and move away from situations where they may be exploited, misled, or traumatized.
Identifing Signs of Spiritual Abuse:
- Church doesn’t consider turning yourself into the authorities part of the repentance process.
- Asking victims to reconcile (forgive) when emotional and psychological safety haven’t been established.
- Continued deceit and dismissal of sin while professing to be righteous.
To learn more about how to recognize this type of abuse, enroll in the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop.
Other Signs of Spiritual Abuse
- Blame & Shame: Spiritually abusive leaders use blaming and shaming tactics to instill feelings of guilt or unworthiness. In our community, this looks like a pastor or other religious leader blaming a wife for her husband’s infidelity, telling her that if she was a better wife, he wouldn’t have been unfaithful.
- Overstepping Ethical Boundaries: When spiritual leaders offer marital counsel, therapy, mental health counseling, label individuals with any kind of diagnosis, or use a deity to “discern” anything outside of their scope of professional, ethical boundaries, this is a serious breach of propriety and is considered severe spiritual abuse. In our community, this often occurs when clergy labels abusive husbands as mentally ill individuals requiring more love, service, and sex.
- Encouraging Isolation: Spiritual abuse occurs when leaders encourage individuals, especially abuse victims, to distance themselves from outside sources of support. This occurs when clergy counsel victims not to report abuse to the authorities, or attend support groups not sanctioned by the church. Leaders may counsel victims to stay tight-lipped about the domestic abuse to everyone but the church leader. This conditioning to isolate can keep victims trapped in a devastating cycle of abuse.
As women set safety boundaries, appropriate support can be extremely beneficial. Clergy have the unique opportunity of lovingly supporting victims as they identify abuse and seek safety from abusive behaviors.
Liz faithfully sought support from her clergy, only to experience further betrayal and abuse. As you listen to Liz’s story, difficult feelings may surface.
Please seek support if you experience triggers. Our daily, online Group Sessions are available to you – attend a session today.
Victoria, Australia. Royal Commission into sexual abuse in the Catholic Church indicates 95% of the victims to have been boys. In fact boys have been raped on an industrial scale in these institutions for centuries. Our communities, knowing full well it was going on, either ignored it or made jokes about.
In this instance they’re only being ignored. At least you’re not making jokes about them.
I appreciate your insight, Greg! I agree, more people need to understand these issues. Our mission is to bring to light and support wives of pornography users, liars, and emotional abusers. Women who are victims of their husband’s repeated adultery and infidelity and lies. Thank you for your work to bring child abuse of the Catholic church, especially to young boys to light.
My ex went to the preacher first. Told him his sad tale of woe. Having a difficult wife who insisted on divorcing him, etc. Then I went to the preacher and said: you’d divorce him too if all he wanted to do was rape you. And the preacher refused to “take a side” in this. And so I left the church and the ex remains a deacon in good standing. I beseeched the preacher to not allow this man to chaperone any youth activities ever again……and the preacher asked me if the ex had ever been arrested. THe preacher also remains in good standing. And I have been encouraged by everyone(friends, therapists, acquaintances…..) to find a new church family……I don’t know what to do to get my point across. My children even want me to place nice and get along. It would make their lives so much easier, etc. I am losing this fight.