In marriage, many women feel off, meaning they feel like something is wrong, but they don’t know if what they’re sensing is real or just anxiety. Anne, Blythe, M.Ed, an expert in emotional and psychological abuse, sheds light on the murders of Angela Craig and Tausha Haight. And gives practical tips for how to listen to your gut and understand what it’s telling you.

If you relate and wonder if you’re emotionally abused, take our free emotional abuse quiz to determine if you’re experiencing any of the 19 types of emotional abuse.

What Does It Mean To Feel Off?

“Feel off” means you think something isn’t right, but you’re not sure what it is. Sometimes you might have an idea of what’s wrong, but if there’s no proof, it’s hard to know if what you’re feeling is correct. Too often, society conditions women to dismiss feelings of uneasiness, fear, and concern with dismissive phrases like:

• You’re holding on to the past.
• You need to forgive.
• You’re holding it over [your husband’s] head.
• You need to move on.
• You’re letting your anxiety get the better of you.
• You aren’t allowing the atonement/grace/Christ/healing to work.
• You’re imagining things.
• You’re crazy.

Instead Of Dismissing Your Sense That Something Is Off, Consider…

Rather than shunning, ignoring, minimizing, dismissing, or denying your triggers, consider inviting them in and sitting with the emotions, feelings, and thoughts that accompany them. The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop gives women a step by step guide to learning how to use their senses to determine the truth. Wives never experience physical violence without first experiencing emotional and psychological abuse.

If you’re sensing that something is off in your marriage, you need support. Attend a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session TODAY.

Transcript: Feel Off? When Your Gut Is Warning You

Anne: It’s just me today. In marriage, many women feel off; meaning, they feel like something’s wrong, but they don’t know if what they’re sensing is real. I’m going to share two women’s stories today. Both are victims of emotional and psychological abuse that culminated in their abuser, murdering them. The first murder happened in Colorado.

Anne: The perpetrator is James Tulver Craig. He murdered his wife, Angela. James had multiple affairs with several women. He is a explicit content addict. And he’d drugged Angela five years previously. The first time he poisoned her, none of this is true. He said when he got caught poisoning her. And he had to come up with a “plausible reason” for doing it. He said the reason he poisoned her was because he was planning on suicide.

James Craig’s Manipulation & Lies

And he wanted her to sleep through it. And then he chickened out and didn’t commit suicide. So she experienced her husbands gaslighting and manipulation to believe he’d poisoned her because he was going to commit suicide. And he loved her so much that he didn’t want her to find him. But no, that wasn’t what happened. The first time he tried to murder her through poisoning her. And it didn’t work. She discovered it and went to the hospital.

So after this attempted murder, she does not realize it is an attempted murder. She does not feel off; meaning, she’s still living in the home with him, and they’re going to therapy. He’s doing pornography addiction recovery therapy. And five years later, he poisons her again.

This time it kills her. But not before she senses something is wrong. She doesn’t feel good. And she gets to the hospital. I went through all the police reports, including all his texts to his wife and members of his congregation. In fact, click here for a link to all this documentation. You can see them with your own eyes.

Gaslighting & Manipulation Tactics

Anne: I want to highlight the gaslighting he used to manipulate her and everyone else. Because this is happening to so many of our listeners. They find out their husband is having an affair, or soliciting prostitutes. He gives this reason. Oh, I’m an addict. Then he starts going to therapy or 12 step for and acts like he’s not doing it anymore. And she starts to go to 12 step for wives of addicts. And she feels like something is off, she’s still feeling uneasy.

She’s still feeling like something is not right. Rather than acknowledge that feeling might be about current things happening. Both the perpetrator and maybe a therapist or clergy or other people might say, oh, this is a trigger from what happened before. But it’s not currently happening. I was doing that before. And now I’m a changed person. When they are still doing it now.

The reason women feel uneasy and get “triggered” is that they still experience deception, manipulation, emotional and psychological abuse. It is not about the past. Alright, a friend in their congregation says, which hospital is Angela at? Do you need anything? To the man who murdered her, her husband. And he says, Parker Adventist, thanks for offering. But for now, I think we’ve got more support than we can handle. Got to love the church.

And then the friend from the ward. This is a congregation of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, says, do they have a diagnosis yet? And he says, no diagnosis. And she’s like, I’m so sorry. We’re all praying for her. And then he says, thank you. And then she says any news, nothing yet. They just admitted her to the hospital for overnight observation.

The Deceptive Husband’s Texts: When Something Just Feels Off

Anne: Now he has poisoned her. So he knows exactly why she’s in the hospital. He knows exactly what’s wrong. He could have said, hey, I poisoned my wife. This is what’s going on with her. And maybe they could have saved her life. But he’s acting like he has no idea. The neighbor texts the next day. How did Ange do overnight? The murderer says, low blood pressure all night, vomiting in the morning. Still trying to figure this out.

The neighbor says, I’m so sorry. Tell her we love her. And he says, I sure will, thank you. Later, again, the neighbor asks how’s she doing? Do you need anything? The neighbor does feel like something is off, meaning she’s concerned. The murderer says, thanks, Michelle. It’s been pretty rough, not having any answers. I’m getting pretty nervous. They did so many tests. They have done four or five different blood draws. The regular blood panels all came back okay.

And she is negative for autoimmune disorders, negative for diabetes, for a one C blah, blah, blah. They seem concerned right now about blood pressure. He keeps going on and on. And again, if you want to read his text messages to his neighbors and other people, I’ve linked to the police report with the texts in the police report above.

And later he says, if it wasn’t my wife, this would be a fun puzzle to try and work out. He says that to the neighbor. If it wasn’t my wife, this would be kind of a fun puzzle to try to work out. And then he says, “I’m surprised they haven’t figured it out yet.” So he’s gaslighting the neighbor. He sounds like a caring, loving husband.

The Importance Of Trusting Your Gut

Anne: One of the most psychologically abusive messages in the entire police report is one he sent to his wife. Because she hasn’t been educated, and this is not her fault about what to do when she may feel off but does not know what to do. She does what most victims do. She reaches out to him for clarification. In The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop. I tell you how to do this in the most effective way so that you can really see what is going on.

She knows he poisoned her before, but due to his manipulation, she can’t see his true character or his true intentions. I mean physically, obviously she feels terrible, but she’s also feeling something else. So her message to him, trying to figure out why something feels off, she says, I feel drugged.

She texts him this, and then this is what he writes back. I want to share this main message with everybody. So everybody listen, because this might sound like what your husband or ex is saying right now. And if you’re saying something like this, but you feel unsafe, you feel like something’s not right emotionally and psychologically, you feel like something is off.

I don’t want you to discount it, thinking it’s just trauma that you haven’t healed from yet, and the danger was in the past. It’s likely the danger is still current. The emotional and psychological danger is still current. So she says, I feel drugged. And he says, given our history, I know that must be triggering. Just for the record, I didn’t drug you. I’m super worried though. You looked pale before you left.

Listen To Your Sacred Internal Warning System

Anne: So if you feel uneasy, if you’re thinking, I think my husband’s using pornography again, and you say, hey, are you using it? And he says, no, but given our history, I understand why you might feel triggered. I want you to consider that he’s just saying that and currently uses it. That he is lying. I’m not saying everyone’s husband is poisoning them. That’s not what I’m saying. What I am saying is you need to listen to your sacred internal warning system.

Don’t let clergy or therapists, your husband or anybody else, tell you that the uneasy feeling you are feeling is due to something that happened two years ago. When you found out about his pornography. And as you approach him and say, hey, are you using pornography again? And he’s saying no, but I bet you feel triggered because of what happened in the past. If your internal warning system is going off, if the spirit is talking to you. Or if you’re not religious, get really quiet with yourself.

And trust your gut. If you’re a prayer, pray. Ask God to reveal to you the truth of what is currently happening. Please, please, please do not think it must be left over from a year ago. I think one thing is being gaslit by therapists, clergy, and your husband. Is it just the trauma that you’re still feeling? I hope you can heal. I’ve been praying for you. I’m worried about you, and maybe you need therapy because I’m awesome. I’m doing great. There’s nothing wrong with me.

He Poisoned You Before, Trust Your Gut

Anne: But you’re still healing from when you found out that I lied to you two years ago, but I’m telling you the truth now. Like, no! No, no, if he lied to you two years ago and you feel off, the likelihood that he’s lying to you now is off the charts. So please, please, please listen to that and get to emotional and psychological safety, whatever that means for you.

Now, after this exchange with his wife and the deceitful manipulative messages, he’s sending the congregation. She dies in the hospital. In the meantime. His dental partner, he’s a dentist. This is another dentist that works with him, found poison in their dental office. And this other dentist has been talking to people and also talking to the police about what he found. So the murderer sends this other dentist. An extremely long message.

He says, good morning. Thank you for taking my patient load today. I want to make an urgent plea to you. If we were ever friends, please do this favor for me. Please don’t talk to anyone about what we talked about last night, including any law enforcement officers. You are under no obligation to answer their questions unless you are served a subpoena. And you will do more damage than good to my family by continuing to insert yourself into this. Angela is gone and I am devastated.

Yeah right, I mean, he killed her. There is nothing that can bring her back, and I want to tell you of the details. So you can better understand what’s gone on behind the scenes with her. As if it’s her fault, like she’s been such a problem.

His Plea To His Dental Partner

Anne: There is so much that you don’t know that I wish you did. If you knew everything, this would make so much sense to you, but there’s no use in telling you right now. He then basically blames this guy for the trouble the kids had with seeing their mom pass away, which is insane. The dental partner did feel off; meaning, he told about the poison.

Then he says, I understand why you did what you did, I do. I get it, but if you had come to me personally, man to man. Instead of talking to everyone else about what you thought you knew. I might have let you know some details that would have made you less likely to cause this horrible storm. If you had only put me higher on your list of priorities, instead of putting everyone else’s opinions and gossip ahead of me.

This message is super, super long. I wanted to read this to you, because when I created the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop. I used five different abusers’ messages, and they sound exactly like this. And this might sound like your husband or ex. This is emotional and psychological abuse. This is what it sounds like.

No, of course, he never did tell the other dentist his “side of the story.” He had no other side of the story. You need to know the truth, was just lies. Let’s just suppose he talked to him and told his dental partner his side of the story. This is what his side of the story would sound like. My wife is crazy, and she has emotional problems. She’s the one who sent all that poison to the dental office, because she was thinking about suicide.

The Second Case: Michael Haight

Anne: He would have continued to lie and gaslight. If your ex sounds like this, your situation is extremely emotionally and psychologically dangerous. Especially if therapists, couple therapists, or clergy don’t recognize this as emotional and psychological abuse. That’s what it sounds like.

All right now, I want to talk about the murder in Enoch, Utah. In both of these situations, the murderer and the victim and their children were people who share my faith. So these murders were shocking for my community. The next murderer is named Michael Haight. He killed his wife and his five children, and also his mother-in-law. It was horrific and awful because. So many people in that small community have described this guy as a good guy. He went to church.

Tasha had been trying to get help for years. Because she felt off, she’d gone to her Bishop. She had talked to therapists, she’d done everything she could to get help. Her daughter had even filed a police report. He had strangled her, and the police did nothing. Finally, Tasha decided to file for divorce. When they found his suicide note, that explained apparently his reasoning. For why he murdered his wife and five kids and his mother-in-law.

He called himself an honorable, good man, and then he blamed his wife for their family troubles.

Feeling Off Means This Man Is Dangerous

Anne: He said, and this is absolute bull. This isn’t true. He murders his wife, and he’s going to commit suicide. He decides I will write a note to explain to everyone that I’m a good guy and that she was terrible. That’s going to be the last word on this. And he probably thinks people will believe it. Of course some people did. That’s the thing that’s so shocking to me. If anybody reads this article, and they think, oh, maybe he’s right. No, he is lying.

So he says, I’m an honorable good man. I would rather rot in hell than put up with another day of this manipulation and control over me. He said, this is nonsense, and I can’t handle it for one more day. I will not be a burden on society. I kept asking for help, and you wouldn’t listen. So let’s talk about the psychology of abusive, exploitative men. They literally think they’re being oppressed.

When the person they think they’re entitled to exploit, their wife. She blocks him from his ability to exploit her, she feeling off means she’s not sure. So an abusive man thinks his wife owes him sex, doing the laundry. She owes him whatever he imagines in his mind, she owes him. And if she’s not going to do that, and not going to give me sex. Even if I yell and scream at her and lie. If she’s going to call me out, even though I’m completely doing wrong things. I’m being oppressed.

Equality to them feels like oppression. They only feel equal when they oppress their victims. This is how abusers feel. In this case, he decided to murder her, and that’s why they do. They think I’m going to be oppressed my whole life.

Reputation & Appearances

Anne: Victims, on the other hand, are being oppressed, and we’re trying to get to safety. If you hear that kind of messaging from your abuser, your current husband or ex husband, know he has that exploitative mindset. He’s feeling like having to be accountable, responsible, or equal to you feels like oppression. Having to tell the truth, having you call him out on the truth, feels like oppression. And that is why most abusers tell other people they’re being abused and they’re not.

Understanding how these guys’ minds work is really important. One other part of this case that is relevant to you is that reputation was important to him. So he wanted to make sure everybody thought he was a good guy. Tasha Haight told her attorney that her husband had sold his Allstate Company. But conversely, several other friends and neighbors said Michael Haight was recently fired from Allstate and was going to start his own insurance company.

Either his wife did not know, or she felt it was safer to say that, I’m not sure. A friend of the murderer said the murderer had asked him to sign a non-disclosure agreement. About the fact that he was fired from Allstate because of impropriety in his books. So, he was also fired for being dishonest about the financial situation. And the police report reads, the suspect was worried about his appearance in every way.

He would do anything to portray a perfect life, both personally and professionally. One neighbor who frequently spent time with Tasha Haight said she had confided in her. Michael Haight was concerned about keeping up appearances, and had been mean to her for a long time.

The Danger Of Emotional & Psychological Abuse

Anne: She feelt off, because he was abusive, and that the abuse extended to the children. No known physical abuse to Tasha herself that I have seen. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, but the daughter had definitely been physically abused. So keeping up appearances and wanting people to think they have some inside scoop on why they’re doing it is also a concern. So if you’re seeing that type of emotional and psychological abuse, it is also dangerous to you.

When I say, even without the physical abuse, these women were murdered. But even if they weren’t murdered, let’s pretend it wasn’t ever physical. That type of emotional and psychological abuse is extremely dangerous to your heart, soul, psyche, mind, brain and personhood. It is emotionally and psychologically violent. So please, as you’re listening to this, think about some of those cues saying, Oh, you’re triggered. I’m so sorry. What can I do to help? You know, that kind of stuff.

When you think something’s wrong, trust your gut. Also, if you hear your abuser talking about how you are abusing him due to your desire for truth, justice, equality, and he’s feeling oppressed, like, no, no, no, no. In fact, he was manipulative beyond the grave, because when his family posted his obituary. They had the gall to write that he was such a great guy and a loving father. I’m proud of the people of Utah, because there was so much outcry that they removed the obituary.

But that’s how manipulative he was to his own family. They thought It was her fault and that he was a good guy.

When You Feel Off: Recognizing Exploitation & Oppression

Anne: That anyone in society would think that it’s appropriate for a man to feel oppressed. Because he has to do equal childcare, house or household tasks. Or answer his wife’s questions about where he is and what he’s doing. No one is oppressing him. He wants to exploit you. One of the things I’ve learned through this is that physical abuse does not just happen out of nowhere. These women’s murderers emotionally and psychologically abused them before the murders.

I mean, Tasha Haight knew she was physically unsafe. She did feel off, meaning she was afraid. And Angela knew he poisoned her. He severely emotionally and psychologically abused her, not because she’s stupid. She didn’t understand what was happening, and Angela stayed with her husband. So please consider emotional and psychological abuse as a serious, safety concern.

The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop will teach you strategies to see the truth. And then know what to do in a strategic way. In Angela’s case, reaching out to him for clarification didn’t help her. When she reached out for clarification. He wrote back more emotional and psychological abuse. So knowing the strategies is important. Especially, because it could be a lot more dangerous than you imagine.