If you, like many victims of betrayal are desperate for stillness and peace. It’s hard to find the perfect betrayal meditation to heal from your husband’s infidelity. Here’s what you need to know.

Did you know that infidelity is a form of emotional abuse, so you’re really healing from so much more. To see if he used any one of the 19 different types of emotional abuse, take our free emotional abuse quiz.

When You Need Peace & Healing NOW

We understand how exhausting and stressful it is to experience emotional abuse. You deserve peace. Anne Blythe, founder of BTR.ORG, developed The Living Free Workshop to offer peace and healing from betrayal regardless of your circumstances.

Here’s a link to the first betrayal meditation, you can listen to for free.

Transcript: The Best Betrayal Meditation To Heal From Infidelity

Anne: Three betrayal survivors are joining me today to talk about how meditation helped them heal. For me too, at some point in my recovery, meditation was the only thing that helped me. So even though I searched for meditations on YouTube or the library or other places, there weren’t any meditations specific to our situation.

We’re going to start with Pat. So Pat, how did the The Living Free Workshop help you heal?

Pat: I love the focus on safety. I don’t think we talk about our safety enough in our culture. I found myself during the meditations really contemplating safety in my life. And I appreciated the process of walking through the idea of safety in all aspects of my life. It opened the door for me to process. I realized that I have never felt safe in my environment ever, especially with my ex husband.

But I see how. It was a slippery slope, as I was numb to safety in my immediate environment during my marriage. I was conditioned to not feel safe as a woman in the culture. It was very helpful. I have four daughters, three adult daughters, and I still have one minor at home. Because I didn’t feel safe in my marriage. I subconsciously protected them from my ex husband, and now I know why.

Empowerment Through Meditation

Pat: After listening to the meditation, I’m feeling more empowered to help them. I noticed that they are also numb to experiences that risk their safety. Because they’ve been conditioned to not process their safety in their environment.

Anne: So did the meditations, help you also heal from the emotional abuse you experienced and all the ways your husband was holding you back?

Pat: Absolutely, the interesting thing about the meditation is that it’s not specific.

Anne: It’s general, because I wanted women to adapt it to their own situation. Did it surprise you how specific it was to you and your experience, even though the meditation itself was relatively vague?

Best Betrayal Meditation For Women

Pat: Oh, absolutely, there’s a part in the meditation where you go through many ways that we can feel unstable. Really at risk in our environments, and you name off lots of different areas. And the one area, it was just safety. Safety was huge for me. I had no idea it was so big for me. You know, I’m almost three years into this since D-Day.

I knew safety was big, but until that meditation. And you going through the process of using all the adjectives to name off different areas that we could be struggling. Or we could have this feeling of oppression, which felt heavy. The part that was very hard was when you said, now feel it in your body. And I was like, uh, my first walk through the meditation. I was like, I don’t want to do this. And then by the third time I was like, all right, I can do this.

And allowing that feeling in the body, and then having this white light release, it felt very uplifting. By the end of the meditation, I felt a release having the opportunity to release it, I felt peace.

The Importance Of Releasing Oppressive Feelings

Anne: Well, and the point of feeling all the ways you feel unsafe throughout your body. Everywhere in your body meditation is to help you acknowledge the emotional abuse, so that you can release it. Emotional abuse affects your body in profound ways, just like we’ve been in an abusive relationship and didn’t know it, we’re also unsafe in so many ways, and we don’t know it, but our body knows.

Pat: Yeah.

Anne: And if we tune into that, we can recognize it and then make some progress to release it. But also as we release it, it helps us make changes in our actual real life, not just in meditative form.

Pat: Yes, absolutely, you know, it’s like the onion. The first time I listened to the meditation, I didn’t even want to get into the onion. And then the second time it was like, okay, I can feel this. Even in some groups talking about safety, because safety seems to be the biggest thing, safety and oppression. I also recognize that I don’t like limitations right now. And I don’t like things pushing in on me.

I struggle with budgets. I struggle with calendars. Because I don’t want to feel that pushing in. I’m starting to feel that freedom of not having this oppression. And so when you went through the process of feeling the oppression, allow the feeling in your body. And I was like, this is the same feeling I don’t like about having requirements on me right now.

I need to feel that freedom in my life right now. And it felt like there’s nothing wrong with me for wanting to feel this, because the oppression is what I’ve lived with for so long.

When You Need Consistency to Heal From Betrayal

Anne: You’re just trying to figure out a way to live with a different feeling.

Pat: Yes, very much. And so that brought that up to the surface too.

Anne: So for our listeners, because there are so many topics covered by the meditations. She’s actually talking about going through the same betrayal meditation multiple times, which I recommend until you start peeling those layers back. So let’s talk about the process of going through the same meditation several times. What was the difference between your attitude or your experience the first time and the third time you went through that same meditation?

Pat: Going through it the first time, I didn’t know what to expect. I was very guarded. I felt cautious. By the third time, I knew what to expect. And it felt safer in my body, because I knew what was coming and knew I could process this in safety. Even though it was difficult to feel the feelings, I knew I could move through this.

Anne: Okay, so by the third time, you were like, this is safe. This is a good place for me to process these difficult feelings. This meditation will enable me to release them, and feel peace.

Pat: Yes, that’s exactly, exactly what I’m saying. I do well with journaling. So the workbook helped me take pauses, process in a legible way, documenting it, getting out of my body. So then it allowed me space to revisit when I had time after the meditation to navigate through the process of what I had just experienced.

Navigating Meditation With A Workbook

Pat: So it gave me space during the meditation to work through where I was at. And when I repeated the exercise three and four, where I wrote down what was happening in my body. It allowed me to get it out of my body. I could process my emotions and get it out of my brain. So I didn’t have to hold onto it and remember before the next step.

Anne: So for anyone who’s thinking, I want to lay down or I don’t want to sit. And I don’t want to fill out a form. What would you tell them about this particular healing meditation for survivors and this particular workbook?

Pat: For me personally, it was hard to write in the workbook the first time. I would tell them to move through with your gut. Maybe the first time isn’t the best time to write down things. Maybe for them, listening to the meditation is the best they can do at the time. That’s okay. It’s really for them. And when they get to a space where they want to actively navigate the meditation. And get things out of their body and brain, then use the workbook as a tool for their own healing.

Anne: That’s awesome that you said that, because that is the point that women use it, any way that is useful to them.

Pat: Yeah, we heal in different ways. The part where you went into all the different adjectives of possible oppression. I had to pause that. And so for some women, maybe they just need to process, and everybody processes at their own pace and time.

The Power Of Visualization In Meditation

Anne: Yeah, I agree. I would recommend they at least get as far as to release the oppressive feelings. Rather than feeling all the oppressive feelings and then being like, okay, I’m going to stop now. Because then they would be left with all of it in there. So see it through to the end. And especially because you said the second and third time you felt way safer.

Pat: Yes.

Anne: Would you mind sharing the things you wrote about the colors or shapes? Did it surprise you what you ended up visualizing about your trauma? For me, when I do it, like one time it felt like concrete, and then it just fell out. Another time it was black ink that dripped out. I hope women just go with their gut with whatever they see.

Pat: Mine was pain. Pain in my neck or tightness in my gut, and it felt like my shoulders were high. They weren’t relaxed. Taking a deep breath was helpful, because I relaxed. And I noticed my shoulders drop. I noticed my wrist had shooting pains through it. It can be very small. It doesn’t have to speak loud. Wherever your gut leads you to whatever part of your body you start thinking of first, there’s a reason why.

So it’s almost like, okay, so why am I at that part of my body? Is there something there that feels different than the other side of my body? You know, is there something tight? Is there a shooting pain? Is it itchy? Am I holding it? Am I not rested or relaxed in that space? Many times when you’re not trained to be in your body.

Betrayal Meditation Helped Me Set Boundaries

Pat: When this is the first experience of being in your body, it could be very subtle. But go with your gut, your first inkling, and the first time you go to that space, just be inquisitive and allow it to come up. It doesn’t have to be work or hard to figure out what’s happening there.

Anne: It also doesn’t have to be crazy creative, right? If I said, did a color ever come up for you? And you were like, no, it never did. And then someone else was like, yeah, it was this weird green goopy thing. Either one is fine.

Pat: Absolutely.

Anne: In terms of listening to the same healing meditation for abuse survivors three times, by the end of the third time where you’re like, Whoa, I actually feel like I deserve safety way more than before I started .

Pat: A hundred percent, I had different visions in the workbook. On one exercise, the space in me wants to say that I am a human being, and I exist. You know, just the fact that I’m here. I deserve safety simply because I exist.

I don’t have to do anything, be anybody. And I don’t have to be productive, kind, compassionate or forgiving to deserve safety. I deserve it simply because I’m a human being and here. Because I have the right to be here and have my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Also, I have my own experiences and story, and I deserve the right to fill up space.

You know, so much in my life, I felt like I had to be invisible. I felt I didn’t even have a right to be in the body that I have.

Impact Of Meditation On Real Life

Pat: Even some boundaries that I’ve been setting are, hey, I deserve to have a right to my own emotions. Because I exist and I’m a human being. What I realized was that safety resides within me. By the end of the meditation, I felt stronger in my ability to set boundaries so that I could feel safe within myself.

Anne: Have you noticed your real life waking, interacting with people, moving through the world? Have you noticed a difference since you’ve been through the betrayal meditations?

Pat: Absolutely, my dad came down to visit this past weekend and asked some very personal questions. And I didn’t have to over explain myself. You know, just because he asked the question doesn’t mean I need to give an answer. And also with my own children, my adult children, you know, they’re used to a mom that continues to give and give and doesn’t expect anything. You know, doesn’t expect to get upset when they take something that isn’t theirs of mine.

You know, they’re used to a mom that will continue to do for them without any kind of reciprocation and relationship. So that’s shifted, because I have a right to exist. I’m a human being, and I have thoughts and feelings. And giving them the opportunity to meet me in relationship now. Because I’m a human being and have thoughts and feelings. That allows them to have a different kind of relationship with me. There are growing pains for sure.

And that’s where I lean into the groups and your coaches. It’s good, because I’m now seeing them asking me, how was your day mom? Or, hey, can I do the dishes for you? Or you want to go for a walk with the dog?

The Role Of Community In Healing

Pat: Instead of wanting me to do for them, there’s a desire to meet me in relationship. You know, the biggest surprise to me was that I had a deeper understanding of the fact that I’m a survivor. It was in my head, the idea that I was a survivor just because of my situation, but it dropped into my heart and into my body.

The understanding that I’m here, I’m alive, and I deserve safety. And I deserve relationship, and I deserve peace. I deserve a voice, to have emotion, and I have a right to be here. I don’t have to be invisible anymore. And I would like the podcast listeners to know that there’s hope and healing. The meditations are a truly empowering opportunity to see a positive shift. It’s all about your interior world, and it will help you heal the trauma in a whole different way.

Anne: That’s why I did it. Because with me, I talk about this all day long. So going inside through meditation, yoga, or prayer is so much more helpful to me at this point. But it was also more helpful to me from the beginning. Knowing how useful it’s been to me, I thought we needed to do these specific to the Betrayal Trauma Recovery population. Because using other meditations, they weren’t gender specific. And so I didn’t feel super safe.

And, there were other parts that made me feel uncomfortable, because it wasn’t specific to this type of abuse. So creating this group of meditations for emotional abuse, basically myself and all of our community members has given me a lot of joy.

Betrayal Meditation For My Life

Pat: And thank you for your work. You saved my life. Your work saved my life. I am so grateful to you, and I love that you took something and paid it forward. You have been invaluable to me. So thank you for these meditations! Your workshop has completely shifted my life. Thank you so much.

Anne: Thank you. Thank you to all the women who have listened and been part of the community, because I feel like when one of us learned something, we all learn it collectively. It feels like as women, we’re just becoming more and more healthy.

Pat: Yes.

Anne: And it’s exciting.

Pat: So exciting.

Anne: I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. It goes both ways. So thank you so much.

Pat: Thank you so much.

Lily’s Experience With Meditation

Anne: So now Lily, another victim of betrayal, will share. Welcome Lily. The Living Free Workshop has 13 different meditations. I want to talk about how you felt when you did the same meditation three times. Just like Pat. How did that help you?

Lily: Yes, when I listened to it, I was also going through a rough week in my divorce process. And I found it very grounding to review and do the visualization. And then actually to have the same visualization. So while I was going through all the turmoil on the outside. The meditation, visualization, and process being the same actually provided some grounding for me. To be able to stay steady through it.

With the chaos on the outside, I found some peace and calm on the inside. And actually, I think having the same meditation made that possible. I was surprised at how grounded I felt. When I came into this process, I didn’t know that I could get away, because my situation is difficult. My husband went after my son. He’s very destructive. This meditation helped me go, okay, I can do this. I can get through this. I deserve this.

Because my son has an anxiety disorder at this point. So he feeds off of my anxiety. What happened was when I was calmer, I was more grounded. He’s less anxious. So that was really helpful.

Changes In Behavior Post-Meditation

Anne: Did you find that after the healing meditation, you were acting differently or thinking differently in ways that were new to you? That you didn’t have to work to do or think about doing that just came naturally?

Lily: Yes, I can be far more present and attentive to my son and stay in the moment. After the meditation, my thoughts were much calmer. The rumination was much less. And as I did the meditation more than once, the ruminating got less and less. So it was a cumulative benefit of repeating the meditation.

Anne: A lot of women, when they know there’s a workbook, it’s like, what? Uh, that’s not meditation. Meditation is like laying down and relaxing. So the suggestion is to sit and have a pencil and fill this workbook out. How did you feel about the workbook?

Lily: I found the workbook very helpful during the Betrayal Trauma Recovery meditation. Because it helped me write down my answers as I went along, and it really helped me stay grounded and present to the meditation. Once the thoughts and ideas were on paper, I was able to let them go and be fully present to the next part of the meditation.

And the other piece that I appreciate about it is that afterwards, as I reflect back on the three times I did it. I had different answers to different questions. And that’s useful feedback for my trauma recovery going forward. Especially identifying my stuck points in areas where I have challenges and old traumas to return to in my healing journey.

Healing With Group Support

Lily: One of the hardest parts of this journey was getting started, believing I could get to safety. And I’ve been participating in Betrayal Trauma Recovery groups for a long time. They have been helpful in that, they can give individualized coaching on my particular issues, and also hear other women’s situations and listen to the coaching they’re getting.

That also gives me lots of ideas on what I can implement in my own life. And what I appreciated about the healing meditation was that I used it to focus inwards on my heart and heal emotional abuse. And the things inside of me, and having a tool to examine it, process it and release it, really helps me take that next step.

The meditation works with the group, in that the group gives me the strategies, the ideas, and the actions to take. And then the meditation gives me the grounding, calmness, ability, strength, and clarity to take the steps. That I’m learning in group. So they work well together.

Anne: I am so glad to hear that. That’s exactly what I intended was for all of these resources to work together. And before we started recording, you mentioned that The Living Free Workshop also helped you. And it had helped you change the way you perceive him.

Lily: Yes, the graphic in Living Free of the circle of my life and all the things that I’m excited about going forward. The things that I’m rediscovering about myself, the fact that I love to sing, love music, I love to decorate.

Creating A Safe Space Through Meditation

Lily: All the things that make me feel alive and are life giving for me that I lost somewhere in this marriage. I’m rediscovering about myself to make that place a bigger part of my life. And through meditation relegate the emotional abuser to the periphery of it.

Anne: It’s cool, because on my own journey of healing. I’m just adding on these layers of healing and then creating the workshop with this meditation to help other women do it. It’s like so exciting that we’re all making so much progress. I love it. And I’ve only progressed as far as I am right now. And hopefully tomorrow, I’ll progress a little more. But also knowing that the things I produce, the content, the workshop and the strategies, are actually helpful.

Women are like, I felt better and could do it. It makes me so happy, because forever I went through the mess of pornography addiction recovery, which always made me feel worse. And I was just cycled through abuse over and over, or even couple therapy. I’m so proud of the stuff I create and share, because I feel like it’s working.

Lily: I agree, because I went through that cyclone, whatever that was, of codependency recovery and therapy. Yeah, it made me feel worse too. I couldn’t believe my pain, anger, and response to the heinous actions. The deceit was ignored and I was supposed to have all kinds of sympathy for this dude who had done it. And why am I shaming him? Oh, to have him be the center of attention as the identified patient. Like, wait a second, what about the collateral damage here?

All Betrayal Trauma Recovery Services Work Together

Lily: You know, it was so frustrating. I’ve been in your group for a long time. To see women come in, and not have to go through the meat grinder of the codependency recovery that I had to go through. So to see women come into your group now and get the right tools, the right advice, the right frame that this is abuse. I’m seeing them recover quicker. They’re getting through the process faster.

They aren’t getting dragged through the same therapy trauma I got dragged through. and their children aren’t getting dragged through the same trauma. And I’m grateful for that. Because of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, I’ve recovered now, and he hasn’t changed one iota, and I’m fine. And my kid’s fine. I discovered your podcast. It came up on the algorithm and then came to group and bit by bit, take the small steps.

Because for example, I was resistant to go no contact, because then I’m not going to know what he’s doing, and going no contact was the best thing for me. The coaches really walked with me through my process, my timing, and my reservations. Group upon group, and when I finally accomplished it, they were celebrating with me. Nobody pushed me. And I appreciated that. Yeah, It’s been life changing for me.

I honestly don’t know where I’d be. I just want to thank you for doing this, because Betrayal Trauma Recovery has just saved me, saved my brain.

Anne: Well, I’m so glad it was helpful and that The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions and the workshop work together.

Initial Hesitations In Using Meditation To Heal From Betrayal

Anne: The last betrayal survivor. Her name is Sammy, is talking about her experience. I want to pause here to tell you the details of The Living Free Workshop. In addition to covering emotional safety strategies, I wrote and edited, revived, and tested all the meditations in it. It includes 13 meditations, and they are all amazing. Each meditation will gift you something that you need. Like love or support or peace.

It is a specifically designed meditation for women who’ve experienced betrayal. Even though the beginning of each meditation is similar. There’s a topic specific visualization in each meditation. Women find it helpful. I’ve invited Sammy, another member of our community, to share her experience with the meditations today. Before you even listened to it one time, what were your expectations?

Sammy: I typically shied away from meditation because I’m coming from a Christian base. And I was afraid of I don’t know, new age meditations, for lack of a better definition. So I kept reading scripture prayer and my own meditation in communing with God so to speak. But I thought, well, this meditation is coming from a safe source. I’m open to this. I’ll see what I think. Oh, yes, a BTR meditation is safe, fine, and I always know that. Say I started, I can just stop.

I hadn’t imagined meditations where you would stop and kind of journal. At the same time, I thought, I’m going to go with what they say to do and see where it leads.

Anne: I bet that adventurous attitude has gotten you far in your life. Where did you hear about the Living Free Workshop.

Sammy: I think it was Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group. It’s been a lifesaver, yeah.

Anne: Talk about that first time you went through it.

First Experience With BTR Meditation

Anne: What did you think?

Sammy: It was in the middle of a day, which is unlike me. I normally would save this for either first thing in the morning or evening or bedtime. But I wanted to get started right away, and I knew I had a limited amount of time. I went into a room where I have a prayer area, and I just decided to follow exactly what it said to do. The first thing that came to mind actually surprised me. It took me back in my childhood, and I really didn’t think I’d go there.

So I just went with it. I mean, it makes sense. You know, that’s where some of my fears and lack of healthy coping mechanisms began. I relived it, but it felt safe at the same time. I had plenty to write about, where it would say stop and write. The first part about obstructions is knowing you deserve safety.

And then especially under the part where it talks about if the obstructions could speak, what would they say? I loved some of your prompts that helped get me going. I had no problem expanding. Experiencing that early life situation, I know I didn’t feel I deserved safety then, but I’m absolutely resolute that I deserve it now. I carry a lot of my physical stress in my jaw area, my neck and my shoulders.

I started that meditation aware that everything felt really, really tight. By the end of the meditation, I had noticeable, significant relaxing in those muscle areas. That was so encouraging in and of itself.

Continuous Healing

Sammy: I’m going to redo this many times. I have many different things to process in my brain, soul and heart. So I don’t try to force it, just whatever comes up comes up during the meditation. I want to be healed from emotional abuse. I know my Savior wants me to be healed. And He can work through many different things. And this to me feels like a wonderful inexpensive, almost a version of EMDR. Not even all that time consuming avenue that I can do any time.

I probably have done it five more times as recently as this morning. Every single time I listen to it, I hear something I didn’t hear the last time. And it’s usually something you’re saying because it’s so filled with such good nurturing words, information and message. Yeah. I just hear something different every time that makes it deeper and more profound, more meaningful.

One thing that has not changed every time I’ve done it is that place I go to in my mind, where I have total safety. All the sensations around me, and everything makes me have that feeling. That has stayed the same. I’m just going deeper and deeper in relaxing. It’s helped me be more mindful and relax. The other thing is that each time there are about three to five different parts of trauma that I’ve processed.

Each time they come up in a thought, they’re not as powerful. The power of their grip on me is lessening and lessening.

Anne: Yeah, I felt that way too. The more I meditated, it didn’t have the power it had when I was just going about my day.

Sammy: And it’s less than it was the time before.

Healing Meditation For Betrayal Survivors: Light & Safety

Sammy: It’s given me such a strong visual of that light that you talk about. I’ve experienced that in my mind’s eye. One time in particular, many years ago, when I wasn’t sure where I stood. I prayed for a sign that God had revealed to me that he is real. And it came in that form in a half awake, calm, relaxed state. It was the most beautiful, brilliant, warm, but not too hot, light and warmth. I’ve never experienced anything like that.

One time recently, a real blip of it. I didn’t ask for it. It just came. Every time you talk about that, in the healing meditations I go to that place, and it just feels so real. Still everything I need. I love imagining that light taking this pain and this trauma and just obliterating it. That helps me so much. And the more I do it, the more I keep remembering in real moments to try to do that. And then that force field that you talk about. I imagine like a circle around my whole body.

It’s an invisible one to everybody else, but it’s like my buffer and my shield, and that’s Jesus surrounding me. And specifically how you brought in angels. That’s always been something so important to me. I could go on forever about how Betrayal Trauma Recovery is changing my life.

Community Support & Gratitude

Sammy: I can’t even thank you enough, because I know it all began with you.

Anne: Well, thank you. Because without your support and all the women who have been supportive, listening to the podcast. And pushing that follow button, which helps the algorithm, donating so that I could keep going. Using the services and telling people how amazing they are. Without the community helping me, there’s no way I could still do this. This is my life’s mission, and I thank you.

Thank you, thank you for being here for me, so that I can continue to do this. I appreciate you so much. If you’re interested in doing the healing meditation for abuse survivors, click on this link, The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Workshop.