The picture book Trauma Mama Husband Drama is the best way to explain betrayal trauma to someone who doesn’t quite “get it”. Too often, they are ignored, dismissed, and blamed, and the pornography use is minimized and rationalized by those who should support them.

Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, wrote Trauma Mama Husband Drama for victims to give to family and friends who want to be supportive, but don’t quite get it.

Trauma Mama Husband Drama Is The Best Way To Explain Betrayal Trauma

The term “betrayal trauma” is not knows or misunderstood in many circles. Anne knows this and wanted to help women give a name to the mental, physical, and emotional symptoms that women suffer when their partners abuse them through betrayal. Using Trauma Mama, Husband Drama to understand and give a voice to the emotions they are experiencing may be helpful to victims of betrayal trauma.

Trauma Mama, Husband Drama Uses Illustration Where Words Aren’t Enough

Victims of betrayal know that the devastation of betrayal can surpass any attempt at verbal description. When words are too hard, illustrations can help victims process pain.

It was a lot harder than I thought to illustrate some of these concepts visually. One of the pictures is of Dad, and it’s this vortex of abuse where sometimes he’s sweet and sometimes he’s on a rampage. We were trying to figure out how to do that, and it was a difficult concept. A friend of mine said, ‘What about a tornado?’ so we did a tornado.

Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Furthermore, by making it a picture book, Anne made it easier for women in trauma to understand its contents and more accessible to clergy, family, and friends who might be less inclined to read a lengthy book about abuse.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Empowers Victims Of Betrayal

At Betrayal Trauma Recovery, we will never stop finding new ways to help victims of betrayal find safety and healing. We know that women need a safe space to process their trauma, share their stories, ask questions, and make connections with other victims who get it. The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group meets daily in multiple time zones, offering victims the validation, support, and compassion they need. Join today.

Transcript: The Best Way To Explain Betrayal Trauma

Anne: So today, a member of our community, I’ll call Jennifer is with me. She follows me on Instagram, where we interact quite a bit. She’s amazing, I’m so grateful for her. Welcome Jennifer.

Jennifer: Hi Anne, thanks for having me.

Anne: I wrote the book Trauma Mama Husband Drama, because all the abuse books are thick, big old books. And if you hand somebody, one of these books, like clergy or a therapist, or your mom. It’s so overwhelming. My book Trauma Mama Husband Drama is very simple.

It is the best way to explain betrayal trauma to someone who doesn’t get it, because it’s pictures and then there’s infographics in the back. I sent one of these books to Jennifer. And if you want one, you can go to btr.org/books. What did you think of it, Jennifer?

Jennifer: I first saw the cover, and the illustrations are beautiful. And of course, I read the title Trauma Mama Husband Drama. I kind of chuckled to myself, because I’ve read the Llama Mama, Pajama, whatever that book is, to my son a million times.

And I liked the simplicity of the text, but also the accuracy of everything. I felt like it portrayed exactly how I felt in my experience of betrayal trauma. I felt like it was a clear explanation for what it felt like to be going through betrayal trauma as the wife of an addict.

Traditional Abuse Books Are Not The Best Way To Explain Betrayal Trauma

Anne: So because I interact with thousands of women on Facebook and Instagram, YouTube and Tik TOK, women share their stories with me. They also obviously come on the podcast to share their stories. So I hear thousands of women’s stories. I continue to hear new stories every day.

So I have both a very broad overview of what it’s like to go through betrayal trauma, and then I understand it on a very specific intimate level because I went through it. But then I also hear all the details of other women’s stories. So my goal for this book was to explain betrayal trauma to somebody who might not understand it.

Jennifer: Absolutely, because you interact with so many women every day, you hear the stories of women with so many experiences and backgrounds. And I felt like this book captured the themes. I know that women with different experiences can still relate, even though the stories themselves can be so different. There’s so much overlap.

Anne: So I gave one of those big old abuse books that explains all the details about abuse to my ecclesiastical leader. And my big chunky non-fiction book will be coming out soon.

And I love reading books about abuse, and I love writing books about abuse, and I want everyone to read my non-fiction book. But I find that people who haven’t been through it aren’t like super excited to spend 10 hours reading a big nonfiction book about abuse.

Trauma Momma Husband Drama Is The Best Way To Explain Betayal Trauma, It’s Short & Simple

Anne: This book is so different, because it’s immediately inviting. You want to open it up and look at the pages. And I hope women will want to purchase multiple copies for their clergy, maybe for their therapists, maybe their local library. Because I think a book like this that actually illustrates the emotions with pictures. Is so much more motivating for people to read than a 400 page nonfiction abuse book.

Jennifer: I definitely think it will make a difference. Just being able to physically hand someone a book you can read fairly quickly. And like you said, you see the visual story happening, and the text is simple. Having a tool that’s simple and direct will make it easier to share with our friends, with our family, our clergy. And it will make it more likely that they’re actually going to read the book and understand what we’re going through.

It’s a simple message, and we just hand it over, and it makes it clear and concise for the reader.

Anne: This type of abuse is complex. When you explain it the first time, most people are like, no, no. They kind of roll their eyes and shake their heads. And they’re like no, no, this is not abuse. Pornography use is not abusive, whatever, and then maybe they think about it, and then maybe they come back.

In fact, all of us went through that same thing where we were like, “No, he’s a good guy, he just has this pornography problem. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” So this book enables people to suspend their disbelief enough to let it sink in a little bit more than perhaps a conversation might.

The Best Way To Explain Betrayal Trauma Uses Illustrations & Infographics To Make The Content Easy To Understand

Anne: This book includes a bunch of infographics at the end about why it’s abusive, really illustrating in visual ways this type of abuse.

Like there’s one infographic specifically on sexual coercion and what that means. There are infographics on the four pillars of abuse and the abuse cycle. Those educational pieces help tie it together in logical ways. Due to that, II think it kind of sidesteps what happens maybe in a conversation. When people hear the word abuse and put their guard up.

Jennifer: Yeah, I agree. It’s like a tool that they can pick up and read, put down and think about. And then go back and look at the infographics and think about them some more. And put it down, pick it back up. It’s like an ongoing process, because like you said, we all go through that phase of thinking, well, it’s not actually abuse. There’s no physical abuse happening here.

It must not be abuse. But then when you break it down, when you look at the core of what’s happening, it starts to shift and you start to realize, oh, this is abuse. And I am being abused. It’s just a great tool.

Anne: So I did not intend it to be a children’s book. I intended it to be a picture book for adults to help teach this complex issue. It’s been out at my house, and my kids love it, and they think it’s amazing. Of course, as the author of it, I’ve had the storyboard out and different versions of it.

It’s A Picture Book, Is It Appropriate For Children?

Anne: As the iterations progressed, my kids really, really genuinely love it. They love looking at the pictures. For me, this is my job. This is what I do all the time. And my kids, they’re familiar with this because I’m talking about it all the time. So for me, is it appropriate for my kids? I think yes. For women wondering, is this a book for kids or a book for teenagers? What are your thoughts?

Jennifer: I definitely think it depends on the situation, and I think each parent needs to decide if it is appropriate for their child specifically. Because every situation is different. I think that there is value in talking about our experiences with our kids. So the amount of detail shared may differ from one person to another. But I do think our kids are in tune with what’s going on.

They know that something is wrong when we are going through betrayal trauma, and when we’re going through abuse. They can sense that something is off. Even at a very young age, I think there is value in acknowledging that and maybe sharing some experience with them, so that they can make sense of what’s going on.

Why Would It Be Appropriate For Children?

Anne: If someone shares it with their children, the cool thing about it is that it’s appropriate. There are no graphic pictures. There’s no graphic language. Everything is kid friendly. There’s nothing explicit in it. Is it appropriate for children? Absolutely, is it a book for children? I don’t know. Parents will have to get it. They’ll have to look at it, and decide for themselves.

I think kids will really like it regardless. So if they picked it up, I think they’d think, Oh, these pictures are pretty.

Jennifer: Now that we’re talking about this, I’m realizing you typically interview. And I’m just thinking, Wait a minute, we’re sitting in the wrong seats. Maybe we need to turn things around, and I need to interview you and ask you questions about the book. What do you think?

Anne: Okay.

Jennifer: I just have questions that come to mind from my experience. What was it like to write this book?

Anne: Well, it was hard at first because I wanted to show every scenario that could ever happen. The first versions were really, really long. They were too long. In the beginning, there were lots more illustrations. And so trying to pare that down was hard.

The Best Way To Explain Betrayal Trauma Has Illustrations Showing The Vortex Of Emotions Victims Feel

Anne: One of the reasons why I picked Cristalwolf as the illustrator is that I sent one page to several illustrators, and some of them sent back pictures that actually had pornography on them. Like someone was looking at an iPad, and the iPad had pornography on it. And I didn’t want anything like that. I didn’t want it explicit. I wanted it to be friendly and feel wholesome.

When Cristalwolf sent hers back, I was like, “Oh, she gets it.” She didn’t include anything like that. It was clear. But then as we created the storyboard and went through, it was a lot harder than I thought to illustrate some of these concepts visually.

How does an illustrator explain these concepts through art? So there’s Trauma Mama, right? And then there’s Dad. It’s sort of this vortex of abuse where sometimes he’s sweet and sometimes he’s on a rampage. And we were trying to figure out how to illustrate that difficult concept. A friend of mine said, “What about a tornado?”

Anne: So Every single one of the illustrations Every single one went through multiple, multiple, multiple iterations. And then the words on every single page went through multiple, multiple, multiple iterations.

Trying To Capture & Make Clear That Betrayal Trauma Is Abuse

Anne: I wanted it to rhyme, and I wanted it to have a certain rhythm, to be the best way to explain betrayal trauma. I had this criteria that we had to use. So making everything fit within those parameters was a lot longer process than I thought. And I’m pleased with the result. I didn’t want to write a crappy book, I just didn’t. I wanted it to be good and help people immediately, because I thought if this isn’t clear, it’s not going to be helpful.

The main problem with betrayal trauma, and trying to explain betrayal trauma and this type of abuse. Is it so difficult to understand what’s happening?

Jennifer: I think you achieved that goal. I can’t stop looking at the pictures. The pictures are so pretty to look at, but it’s so validating to read. And it just hits home. Like it feels so accurate. Really good job. You did great. What was the hardest part of writing this book for you?

Anne: I think the process of writing this book was the same process that we all go through, in that we’re trying to figure out what’s happening and then trying to communicate that to someone else. So I’d say the hardest part of writing the book parallels, the hardest part of our experience of betrayal trauma. Which is that it’s difficult, even when you know what’s going on, to communicate it to someone else.

The Journey Of Trauma Feelings & Emotional Abuse Illustrated

Anne: Probably getting the emotions, right? The fear, the anxiety, and the worry. There’s a section where she sets boundaries, and figuring out the visual metaphor for what that would feel like took a long time.

The process of writing the book, which is the best way to explain betrayal trauma, and the process of iterating these illustrations, helped me go deep into what I felt. It was almost like explaining to myself what betrayal trauma felt like. So it could be the best way to explain betrayal trauma.

Throughout this whole experience, I had to close my eyes and remember how I felt. And then having to actually illustrate what that looked like for me and for all of us was like going back in time, emotionally. To make it the best way to explain betrayal trauma.

Jennifer: That makes sense. And the nice thing is now that we have the book, it helps all the women who are having a hard time communicating their experience to other people and what it’s like.

Now they have this great tool that they give someone and say, Please read this book. This is how I’m feeling. This is the best way to explain betrayal trauma. You’re helping other women go through that same experience. Many of the women you interact with daily are just discovering this addiction, or many have been in it for many years.

But many of them are just now learning that they’re not crazy, and that there’s something called betrayal trauma. They’re just now learning some language, and they’re just realizing that there are other people experiencing this. And that there’s help and hope ahead.

Trauma Momma Husband Drama Gives Women Relief & Validation, They Aren’t Crazy

Jennifer: And so this book would give them language, like the simple language, to narrate their story. And is the best way to explain betrayal trauma. When you read something that describes your experience, and you’re like, that’s what I’m feeling. I remember the first time I heard the term betrayal trauma, and I read a brief description of it. And I thought, wait, this is exactly what I’m feeling. This must be what I have or what I’m going through.

But I remember feeling. Like this wave of relief that like there’s a term for it. There are others who feel this way, there is hope, because that’s one thing that the book describes. Like the pain of the betrayal trauma and the pain of people not believing you. Then it does more than that, because it takes it to the next level of saying, “Okay, that happens. But look what happens as she sets boundaries and establishes safety in her life.” For the women in our community going through this.

They find the best way to explain betrayal trauma. I think that that could give them a lot of validation that what they’re going through is real, that they’re not crazy, and that there are other women who experience it. And it reminds them that this isn’t the end. They get to establish the safety in their life. They decide what their future looks like.

Anne: In the messages I receive every day and the comments on social media, I hear the panic, fear, and anxiety in women’s stories.

The Best Way To Explain Betrayal Trauma, Helps Every Woman Identify Psychological & Emotional Abuse

Anne: I welcome those stories, because I think the more we can amplify our voices, the more it helps other women who are going through it, who can’t find help. And then when they find Betrayal Trauma Recovery, and they have a book like Trauma Mama Husband Drama. That is the best way to explain betrayal trauma. Then they have language for it, and it’s easier to identify. It’s easier to talk about.

Jennifer: I definitely agree. And I want to reiterate that, it’s like I almost want to say a little prayer for every comment I see. You know, you can just tell someone understands what you’re talking about, or seek help to find the best way to explain betrayal trauma.

I am grateful that someone is willing to share something so personal, so private, and so precious with you and with Betrayal Trauma Recovery. I appreciate that you take that seriously. Every message you get, you want it. You’re so grateful that women are willing to be vulnerable and share with you. So thank you. What are your hopes for this book? Where do you see it going, and what do you hope it brings to the world?

Anne: The hope for this book is the same as the hope for Betrayal Trauma Recovery, to ensure that every woman in the world can identify psychological and emotional abuse and sexual coercion. And also create safety when they’re experiencing it. And find the best way to explain betrayal trauma.

So we do that through several mediums at Betrayal Trauma Recovery. Social media daily. the podcast, daily online group sessions, where victims can talk to other women going through it. With our amazing coaches that I trained personally.

Hopes For All The Women Of The World To Have Peace & Safety In Their Homes

Anne: There are many ways that we do this. This is just another way to educate people about this type of abuse, the best way to explain betrayal trauma. And until every woman in the world and every man understands sexual coercion. They understand that a woman who thinks her relationship is free of pornography and she’s not aware of her husband’s pornography use, that’s sexual coercion. They understand that the gaslighting and manipulating are emotional and psychological abuse. People need to understand.

And I think once that understanding is there, we can start making real forward progress for the safety of women and children, homes and families. It’s also the only hope for the abusive man. The goal of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, the goal of Trauma Mama Husband Drama, is world peace. Dare I sound like a beauty pageant contestant, but genuinely speaking, the end goal is world peace.

It is peace in homes, to have safe, peaceful, like genuinely happy, full, healthy relationships. With their spouses, with their children and with themselves. And that’s what I love about Betrayal Trauma Recovery. Yeah, we talk about dark things all the time, but what are we genuinely looking toward? It’s a world of peace.

Jennifer: Yeah, we want happy, peaceful families and a happy, peaceful world. I love that, thanks. Do we order this book through Amazon? Where can I get a printed copy?

Anne: You can find it on our website at btr.org/books. If you click on it, it’ll take you to Amazon, and you can order it from Amazon. And it comes just like all your other Amazon orders. You can also get it on Kindle.

The Importance Of Reviews To Help Women Be Safe From Emotional Abuse

Anne: When we talk about women finding this book, the more reviews this book gets, the more visible it is in the Amazon algorithm. So when you receive the book as a verified purchaser, go back to Amazon and review it. Give it five stars. That will help other women find the book. Because when you search for things on Amazon, the things that are the most popular, the things that have the most reviews, they tend to be toward the top of the list.

So they can find the best way to explain betrayal trauma. Please help us get this book at the top of the list. So many people when they’re looking for things about, like communication or marriage issues or relationship things, get stupid stuff that has not helped us. That has led us down the wrong path. Like the five love languages. So many women were like, okay, well, if this is his love language, then I’m going to do this.

And that did not help them when it came to abuse. So rather than finding books that. Don’t hit the abuse head on. I would like women to find a book like this right off the bat. When they’re looking for communication books, I would love them to see this and consider that or infidelity may be a factor and that they may experience emotional abuse.

It breaks my heart when women struggle to heal from their divorce. And they say, something like, you know, it wasn’t working. I’m just not good enough. I’ll say, “did he use pornography?” because that’s such a marker for emotional and psychological abuse. And she’ll tell me, “Well, yeah, but that wasn’t the cause, we just fought all the time.”

Women Often Don’t Know They’re Experiencing Abuse, The Best Way To Explain Betrayal Trauma Helps Them Find Out

Anne: And my heart just goes out to her, because I want her to know that she doesn’t have to feel guilt for anything that “contributed” to the marriage problems. If her husband used pornography or had affairs, or emotionally or psychologically abused her. Most of the time, women don’t see these markers, they’re experiencing emotional and psychological abuse. She wouldn’t even know that it was happening.

She might just think they get in a fight all the time. They don’t know the best way to explain betrayal trauma, or that they are experiencing it.

Once you know, the truth. You can start to make the decisions that are right for you. The reason I wrote Trauma Mama Husband Drama was to educate everyone. About abuse in general, and pornography needs to be part of this discussion, because pornography is abuse period. End of story. It’s a marker of abuse. And every person needs to know that if you use pornography, you’re going to hurt people.

Jennifer: When you were talking, I thought back to when I first discovered the pornography use and emotional abuse happening in my marriage. And I thought back to how I didn’t know what to do. And I had nothing, no tools. I wish I’d had someone hand me this book and say, just read this. And it would have been like a game changer from the beginning. And I could have avoided years of so much emotional pain. So I’m glad you wrote this book. Thank you so much.

Not Being Alone – Jennifer’s Discovery Of Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Jennifer: I can’t wait to order more copies. It is the best way to explain betrayal trauma. I’m giving them to my friends, even those with me during my experience, and empathetic to me. I want them to see it, read it and share it with everyone. Give it to my family members, church leaders, people I meet, who are going through something similar. People who have a passing thought might be going through something like this.

Anne: Before we go, would you tell listeners how you discovered Betrayal Trauma Recovery?

Jennifer: I would love to. Okay. So I remember this vividly. Years ago, I was sitting on my phone and looking for resources for women whose husbands use pornography. And I just had this thought, maybe there is a podcast about betrayal trauma. I looked in my podcast app, and I looked up betrayal trauma and there was nothing. And I was like, Oh, bummer. Then later one night I was thinking about it again. And I searched again, and I think it was only like a week later.

So I searched it again. And then your podcast popped up, and I got so excited. I was like, Oh, I have to listen to this. And I started listening. And I just remember feeling like, Oh, she gets it. Oh my gosh. It was like this moment of like, I’m not alone.

And then as I started to listen to the podcast more and more, I listened to every episode. And then, a group I attended, a support group I attended at the time, someone from that group had sent out a message. Like, Hey, I have a friend who started this podcast. She’s looking for some volunteers. She wants to get the word out.

Trying To Change The World

Jennifer: And I was like, Wait a minute, this is the podcast I’m listening to. I definitely want to help, because I love it and care about it, and this is the experience I’m going through.

And so I think she sent you my contact information, and you called me. I got too nervous to answer the phone because I was like, I don’t know, maybe it’s her. And then, and I heard your voicemail, I’m going to call her back. And so I called you back and I just remember hearing your voice, and I was like, Oh my gosh, this is the voice from the podcast. I feel like a, like a little bit of a fangirl, you know, at the time.

Anne: Yeah. It’s crazy. And now you’re like, Oh, it’s just Anne.

Jennifer: Normal, but also like creating great things, like the best way to explain betrayal trauma.

Anne: Trying, right? Attempting to change the world. I think that’s one thing I love about myself and hate about myself. It’s that I’m crazy enough to think we can do this, right? We can change the world. It will take a lot of time, effort, and whole army of us to educate everybody about this.

And also, they’re going to think we’re crazy and we have to keep going. Like we can’t let that stop us. We can’t let their eye rolls and their, “Oh, who’s she? What does she know?” Stop us from moving forward. It’s people like you and the amazing Betrayal Trauma Recovery coaches that enable Betrayal Trauma Recovery to grow the way it has, and I feel like people have come out of the woodwork. Yeah, trying right? Attempting to change the world.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Is On A Mission To End Ignorance About Psychological & Emotional Abuse

Anne: That’s one thing I love and hate about myself. I’m crazy enough to think we can do this. The Betrayal Trauma Recovery checklist is a great way to help women who get it, who felt sort of, I would say, “called.” They don’t want any other woman to go through it.

They’re thinking the same thing. I thought if I had this podcast and Trauma Mama Husband Drama, that is the best way to explain betrayal trauma. The Living Free Workshop, Message Workshop, Meditation Workshop and an amazing online Support Group that meets multiple times a day.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery is a team of women who’ve been through it, who understand it. And who are dedicated to eliminating the pain and suffering.

Jennifer: Yeah, I love that. I love the visual that we’re an army and we’re a team because that is definitely true.

Anne: You’re awesome, Jennifer. Again, you can find my book Trauma Mama Husband Drama, at btr.org/books. It is the best way to explain betrayal trauma. I appreciate so many of you who have given Trauma Mama Husband Drama, a five-star rating on Amazon. Every one of your reviews bumps it up the algorithm so other women can find us. I also appreciate your comments on Facebook and Instagram.

If you could please help spread the word about Betrayal Trauma Recovery, at least just comment on any of our social media posts, even if it’s like a heart. Find the post and put a thumbs up or clap emoji. It can be an emoji, which helps the algorithm. And some comment on every one of our platforms every day. It helps a ton. So those of you are doing that. Thank you so much. We need you, and so do all the women in the world.