Have you felt afraid, confused, embarrassed, or frustrated by your husband’s anger?
You may be wondering if what you’re experiencing is a normal part of a relationship, or if it’s actually abuse.
Anne is sharing her own experiences with her ex-husband’s abusive anger on the podcast. Read the full transcript below and tune into this episode for more.
What Came First? The Anger or the Abuse?
At BTR.ORG, your safety is the priority.
Trying to determine why your husband is so angry, or how to help him become a peaceful man is secondary to your own peace.
Abusive men can generally control their anger in public, then unleash it on their victims privately. When victims spend time and effort trying to diagnose or determine the root cause of the abuser’s anger issues, they rarely find satisfying answers, and instead experience more abuse.
BTR.ORG Can Help You Find Safety
Processing the trauma that has come from your husband’s anger is important – our BTR.ORG Group Sessions are a safe space for you to share your experiences, feelings, and ask questions. Attend a session today.
Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne. Have I often felt hurt, ashamed, or embarrassed by someone else’s anger? Or am I afraid to upset my husband for fear that he would leave me for me? The answer was yes. Have I sometimes found myself searching for clues about why someone is angry? Have you ever made threats? Yeah.
“I cannot take this anymore”
When the abuse episodes would happen, I would be like, I cannot take this anymore. I cannot take this. I won’t stand for this. I’d make threats, but I wouldn’t ever follow through with them. Have I ever tried to control someone else’s anger? Yes. Have I often lied to others or made excuses to myself about another person’s anger? Yes, I have.
“I didn’t feel emotionally connected”
Have I felt confused or unable to separate what is true and what is not true when talking with someone who is angry? Yes. My husband was abusive and I did use sex sometimes to smooth problems or to have peace in my family. I didn’t feel emotionally connected during sex, so there was a time where I set a boundary. I told my husband that I was not going to initiate sex anymore, which I was generally the one who did that, and that he was free to initiate and I would respond if I felt emotionally safe. He only tried to initiate twice during like a six month period, and both times it seemed completely inappropriate because I didn’t feel emotionally connected to him at the time. So that that question, have you ever used sex to smooth over your husband’s anger would definitely hit home for me in terms of both the sex addiction and the abuse.
Have you felt emotionally abandoned?
Have you ever felt abandoned emotionally because of your husband’s anger? Yes. Have you often thought that your angry husband’s behavior was caused by other people such as friends, his family, your family, your house, his job, religion, other things? The answer to that for me was yes.