When you think of pornography you think of a man sitting in front of a computer or his phone just looking at it. People do not envision him looking at their phone or computer while masturbating and basically fetishizing females bodies in these ways.
Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
In a society where pornography use is condoned and even considered healthy in some circles, BTR founder Anne Blythe and her mother take a firm stance. Pornography is abuse, and those who use it are committing adultery. Listen to the free BTR podcast and read the full transcript below for more.
Pornography Is Abuse. Period.
Many people have in their mind that it’s just this innocent thing on the man’s part. It doesn’t involve a real person in real time. But these women, a lot of them are either sex trafficked or forced into doing this by virtue of drug abuse or slavery.
Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
Pornography is anti-woman, anti-sex, anti-feminist, and anti-love. The pornography industry exploits and abuses women and children.
Pornography Use Is Adultery
When a man in a relationship uses pornography, he is committing adultery.
I think that a lot of the world just pictures “pornography use” in their own minds as guys looking at pictures. They don’t really think that it involves anything else other than just looking at pictures. But when they’re looking at those pictures they are real women that had their picture taken. They’re somebody’s mom, they’re somebody’s daughter, somebody’s sister. They are real women.
Betrayal Trauma Recovery Supports Victims of Pornography Users
At BTR, we understand the devastation that hits when others minimize the effect that your pornography-using partner has had on you. Pornography use is abuse and adultery.
You deserve support as you begin your journey to safety and healing. Join the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group group today and find a community of loving women who will offer you the support, validation, and empowerment that you deserve.
Anne: Welcome to Betrayal Trauma Recovery, this is Anne. I have my Mom back again today because my Mom has been on a soap box lately, just to me; because she doesn’t share this with the world, but she’s going to be sharing it with the world today about how she thinks, and I agree with her, that we should be talking more about how pornography isn’t just viewing pictures, that it’s actually virtual sex because it involves masturbation. It involves bonding with something else through the chemicals that you would release during sex. This came up because I am writing a book, which I’ll tell you about later, and I was asking my Mom to help me. She was thinking that somewhere in the book we needed to talk about masturbation being part of the equation. So, will you start with telling me about what your thoughts were and why you thought that was important?
Mom: Well, the reason I thought it was important is because we often just use the term pornography and I think that a lot of the world just pictures that in their own minds as guys looking at pictures. They don’t really think that it involves anything else other than just looking at pictures. But when they’re looking at those pictures they are real women that had their picture taken. They’re somebody’s mom, they’re somebody’s daughter, somebody’s sister. They are real women.
Ethical Concerns Over Porn Use And Adultery
The other thought I had is that usually in connection with the porn men masturbate. Just like Anne said in the opening; that involves the same chemicals, the same hormonal response that a man would have with a live woman. So, I just felt like instead of everybody just saying: Well, avoid porn it’s not good for you, blah, blah, blah; you need to call it virtual sex because that’s what it is. Back when I was younger a lot of men used phone sex and that’s what they called it. Phone sex. They would call on the phone. It was a real woman, but she was responding in real time to his comments and of course he would be masturbating at the same time. So, that was kind of where I was coming from. Then also the quote in Matthew, I think it’s in Chapter 5 and I believe it’s verse 28, where it says:…if a man lusts after a woman he has already committed adultery in his heart.
Anne: So, a lot of people don’t think that just porn use is adultery, but if you combine it with masturbation to create a sexual experience that someone is having or performing with another person or thing, in this case with a virtual scenario, then they actually are having sex with a computer. Mom: Yeah, yes. You wouldn’t say computer, I mean that conjures up all kinds of other issues. Anne: It’s not just a picture though it’s a video. Mom: A video of a real person, yes. They’re just providing their own physical stimulation.
Pornography And Virtual Sex Erode Trust
Anne: Through the masturbation part.
Mom: Uh huh.
Anne: My mom’s idea, and I kind of liked it, was for all of us rather than saying pornography to say virtual sex all the time. Which is going to be hard because everybody says pornography all the time and that’s really common, but I’ve started saying that and it’s actually been kind of cool. Like, the responses I received from the few people that I have said it too so far that virtual sex is adultery, and what includes virtual sex isn’t just VR googles that you would wear or something like that, but actually just viewing pornography and masturbating is virtual sex. That’s what it is. Why do you think people think that it’s not adultery?
Virtual Sex Is Adultery
Mom: I think they have in their mind that it’s just this innocent thing, on the man’s part I guess I should say, it doesn’t involve a real person in real time. But these women, a lot of them are either sex trafficked or forced into doing this by virtue of drug abuse or slavery. Anne: Well, regardless, regardless of how they got there Mom: Right. Anne: They’re a real person. Mom: Yes, they are a real person. It’s still a real person. Anne: Yeah, and the man is still having real actual sex. Mom: Uh huh. Anne: With that person that he doesn’t not know.
Adultery And Virtual Sex Are The Same Thing
Mom: Right. Anne: That has no name, that’s on the film. The other thing is that he is actually having real sex with himself. Mom: Yes. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe when people hear: He just uses porn all the time, they don’t view it as kind of this innocent just looking at a picture type of thing. Anne: Or a video. Mom: Or a video. Yeah. But I think, this is my soap box here, it really is virtual sex and we should call it what it really is so that there’s no confusion about it. Anne: When you think of pornography you think of a man sitting in front of a computer or his phone just looking at it. Mom: Right. Anne: People do not envision him looking at their phone or computer while masturbating. Mom: Right.
Porn Equals Adultery
Anne: I think that’s just a natural thing that people do because who wants to think about that? Mom: Yeah. Anne: No one. Mom: Yeah. It’s too awkward, it’s too uncomfortable. A lot of people have trouble even saying the word masturbation. Anne: Right. Mom: You know, it’s not a comfortable thing. Anne:. No. So, it makes sense that when you say pornography that’s what people envision. That they’re looking at their phone or at their computer. Mom: And a lot of people in the world, me not being one of them, think that that’s just fine. That masturbation is just fine. So, that’s the other issue. It’s not just that we don’t see them as maybe not having sex, but they don’t view that as “sex” when it really is. Anne: Right.
Adultery And Infidelity Because Of Porn Use Are Damaging
Mom: It involves the same hormones, the same body responses. Anne: Right. Because in essence their having sex with themselves. Mom: Yes. Anne: We want to know what you think about this. We would welcome your comments. Please go to btr.org, find this podcast episode. It will be called Why Pornography Use Really Is Adultery. We’re not going to put the word masturbation in there because then it might be blocked other places. We would like to know what you think. Do you think it is adultery and why? Mom: When it involves someone in a committed relationship. Anne: Right. If they’re not in a committed relationship is it fornication? Yes, in my opinion if you’re a religious person and you believe in the Commandments and the Law of Chasity then it would be fornication. Mom: Uh huh. Anne: It’s either fornication or it’s adultery but in neither of those cases, in my opinion, is it ok. Maybe you disagree. We would love to hear your thoughts on it. So, again go to btr.org, go to education, and then go to podcasts. You can find the transcription there. You can scroll down to the bottom and make some comments. We’d also like you to share this on social media. See what other people think. You’re going to get a lot of people who think that it’s crazy and that’s ok. That’s what we’re here for. To validate women who feel this way and let you know that if you do feel this way, we feel the same way too. You’re in good company.
Virtual Sex Is Adultery
Mom: Or bad company. Anne: Or you’re in very bad company. We’re such an evil influence. Mom: Dangerous. Anne: I know! We’re laughing because people call my ideas dangerous a lot of the time. So, it’s so dangerous to say that pornography use is adultery. When Christ himself said it in what, Matthew? Mom: Matthew Chapter 5. Anne: I love my mom. I’m super grateful that she came on today and I love her opinion that we should start just saying virtual sex rather than pornography and I encourage you all to try it.
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