In a society where exploitative media is considered fine, or even healthy in some circles. Betrayal Trauma Recovery founder Anne Blythe, M.Ed. and her mom take a firm stance. Pornography use is adultery, and men who are married commit adultery when they use it.
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Transcript: Why It’s Adultery
Anne: My mom is joining me today because lately she’s been on a soap box, an awesome soap box. That we should talk more about how exploitative media isn’t just viewing videos. Or pictures, but it’s actually virtual intercourse because it involves masturbation.
It involves the bonding chemicals that you release during intercourse. I have a section of this in my book that will be coming out soon, about how masturbation is always part of the equation.
It’s Adultery Because Of What He’s Actually Doing
Anne: Can you explain why you think that instead of using the word pornography. We should just say virtual sex.
Mom: Well, the reason I thought it’s important is because a lot of the world doesn’t think it involves anything else other than just looking.
But when they look at those pictures, there are real women who had their picture taken. They’re somebody’s mom, they’re somebody’s daughter, somebody’s sister. They are real women. The other thought I had is that, usually in connection with the it, men masturbate. Just like Anne said at the opening, that involves the same chemicals. The same hormonal response that a man would have with a live woman.
So, I just felt instead of everybody saying, well, avoid exploitative media, blah, blah, blah. You need to call it virtual sex. Because that’s what it is. Back when I was younger, many men used phone sex. That’s what they called it, phone sex. They would call on the phone, it was a real woman, and she was responding in real time. Of course, he would be masturbating at the same time. So that was where I came from.
Why This IS Adultery
Mom: And then also the quote in Matthew, I think it’s in chapter 5, and I believe it’s verse 28, where it says, If a man lusts after a woman, he has already committed adultery in his heart.
Anne: Many people don’t think that just it’s adultery. But if you combine it with masturbation to create a sexual experience. That someone’s having or performing with another person or thing. In this case, with a virtual scenario, they are actually having sex with a computer.
Mom: Yeah, you wouldn’t say computer. That conjures up all kinds of other issues, but no, I mean …
Anne: It’s not just a picture though. it’s a video.
Mom: A video of a real person, yes. They’re just providing their own physical stimulation.
Virtual Sex Is Adultery
Anne: Like the responses I’ve received from the few people I’ve said it to so far. That virtual sex is adultery. And what includes virtual sex isn’t just a VR, like goggles that you would wear. But actually viewing anything and masturbating is virtual sex. That’s what it is. Why do you think people think it’s not adultery?
Mom: I think they have in mind that it’s just this innocent thing. On the man’s part, I guess I should say, but it doesn’t involve a real person in real time. But these women, many of them, are either sex trafficked. Or forced into doing this by virtue of drug abuse or slavery.
Anne: Regardless of how they got there.
Mom: Right.
Anne: They’re a real person. And the man still has real, actual sex with that person. That he does not know, that has no name, that’s on the film. The other thing is that he actually has real sex with himself.
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Public Perception About What is Adultery
Mom: When people hear that he just uses this stuff all the time, they don’t view it as innocent, just looking at a picture type of thing.
Anne: Or a video.
Mom: Or a video, yeah. But I think, this is my soap box here, it really is virtual sex. And we should call it what it really is, so that there’s no confusion about it.
Anne: When you think of a man sitting in front of a computer or his phone. Just looking at it.
Anne: People do not envision him looking at their phone or computer while masturbating. Because who wants to think about that?
Mom: Yeah.
Anne: No one.
Mom: Yeah, it’s too awkward, it’s too uncomfortable. Many people have trouble even saying the word masturbation.
Anne: Right
Mom: It’s not a comfortable thing.
Anne: No, so it makes sense that when you say it, that’s what people envision. That they’re looking at their phone or computer.
Mom: Many people in the world, me not being one of them, think masturbation is fine. So, that’s the other issue. It’s not just that we don’t see them as maybe not having sex. But they don’t view that as “sex” when it really is. It involves the same hormones, the same body responses.
Anne: They’re having sex with themselves.
Mom: Yes.
Religious Perspectives On Virtual Sex
Anne: We want to know what you think about this. We would welcome your comments. Please go to BTR.ORG and find this podcast episode. Do you think it’s adultery and why?
Mom: When it involves someone in a committed relationship.
Anne: If they’re not in a committed relationship, is it fornication? Yes. In my opinion. If you are a religious person and believe in the commandments and law of chastity, then it would be fornication.
It’s either fornication or adultery, but in neither of those cases, in my opinion, is it okay. Maybe you disagree. We’d love to hear your thoughts on it.
Mom: Or bad company.
Anne: Or you’re in very bad company. We’re such an evil influence.
Mom: Dangerous.
Anne: I know. We’re laughing because people call my ideas dangerous a lot of the time. So, it’s so dangerous to say that exploitative media is adultery. Woo! When Christ himself said it. In what, Matthew?
Mom: Matthew chapter 5.
Anne: I love my Mom.
What We’ve Learned About Adultery
Anne: I’m super grateful that she came on today, and I love her opinion that we should start saying virtual sex.
If you agree with our stance, that it’s adultery. That it’s virtual sex. And it’s also emotional and psychological abuse and sexual coercion. If you agree with us, maybe because your husband has virtual sex with women online, and you need support, and you totally get it. You know what we’re talking about.
We’re here for you. There are many so-called betrayal trauma therapists, coaches or groups out there. But they don’t approach using exploitative media or infidelity, virtual sex as an abuse issue. Or they try to “treat” both the abuser and the victim in the same setting, which is unethical. BTR groups sessions are different.
We get it. We never victim blame, and we are here to support you. So if you relate to anything we said in this episode, check out our BTR group session schedule at BTR.ORG/GROUP. We’d love to see you in a group session today.
This is great. I completely agree that people just think of photos and videos when they hear about exploitative material. I think saying Virtual Sex instead says it like it is. Much more true to what’s really happening. And yes, it is adultery – no question. Thanks so much.
I’m so glad you found it helpful! These types of behaviors really are adultery!
My husband will never “remember” or admit this, but when he tries to have sex with me the first night of our marriage, he was really missing what he watches online. I could tell because he could not be aroused by me. Also, for 5 years I believed in his Christian image as he ignored me sexually. I don’t think he would have even noticed if we had sex or not the first 5 years until I found it. Do not tell me that isn’t adultery…
Im curious to if you believe that a woman watching sexual shows that may not be as extreme as pornography, but theres still nudity, and then never wanting to have sex with their spouse isn’t following the same ideology as a man watching porn. Maybe shes not masturbating to it, but it becomes like a switch that she isn’t going to get that kind of encounter in the sheets, so she decides to just shut off?? I would like to discuss this more.
Yes, I think anything that causes “lust” would be in that category and harmful to a marriage. My site is for women who have been harmed by male partners, however, that doesn’t mean that women can’t use dangerous, exploitative material as well. No one should use it.
Amen! I agree 100%!
It really is adultery – AND if this stuff is outside your sexual boundaries, it’s also sexual coercion!
Thank you for being so honest, straightforward and not sugar coat it.
I’m experiencing trauma from a narcissistic husband, his gas lighting, making me feel guilty, blame shifting, being so controlling sometimes, being hypocrite, when he himself has addiction to explicit stuff and has had an affair himself. He has been meeting with a white gorgeous 10 or 15 year younger woman than me near his workplace and they get on bus rides.
Hi! Thanks for this episode and all you do! I agree p*rn is adultery because Jesus said it. And because Jesus said if you “look lustfully” that is equal to adultery, since he made it clear it is just the lingering gaze to make someone else an object of your sexual desire. I love the liberty and respect for women that shows! So, by easy deduction, a viewing of p*rn is adultery. Whatever kind and however often and accompanied by any or no other acts. That’s my perspective!
Thank you for your support! I’m so glad you found it helpful.
Loved this episode!!! Waiting till my divorce is finalized before I post it on my Facebook page. It’s maddening when people say “it’s just entertainment” because I believe they are basically saying that I’m being overly insecure or jealous or controlling when I state that my stbx shattered my trust and my heart because of his online infidelity and other “innocent” situations involving other women. I have chosen divorce because of a combination of things, but am realizing that it’s partly because I chose not to stay until he was involved in a proven affair. All of this is adultery. Thank you very much for this episode. Your mom sounds so sweet as well as… I don’t know how to explain it, but I really enjoyed listening to the two of you together. Much love!
Thanks for the support! We appreciate you helping to spread the word:).
Wow!!! Absolutely! I never thought of it in those words before. This is 100% accurate. Emphasizing that the same chemical hormones are released through masturbation as in real life is the home run hit. It IS adultery! Truth is truth. Thank you for expressing and validating what I have felt but never had the words to express so clearly! Excellent! Thank you again!
I absolutely agree it is cheating and wrong – and I am an athiest! If you are directing your sexual energy outside of your relationship instead of engaging with your partner you are robbing your relationship of healthy intimacy and choosing to be with “other.” “Other” can take many forms but each of these is a betrayal to your partner and the life you are supposed to be building together. A solid partnership has a boundary around it that protects the partners & marriage from the outside world and when you start blurring that line it is a breakdown of your relationship. Devotion, commitment, loyalty, and respect are not old fashioned values they are essential to the survival of a marriage. If someone is single and watching exploited women it is still morally reprehensible; it is depraved indifference to the life and humanity of the women and children in the images. A good percentage of what constitutes this exploitative material is actually a crime being filmed or crime scene photos, that these men are then becoming aroused by and climaxing to repeatedly. There is something very wrong at the core of a person who can take the suffering of others and derive pleasure from it; in other words, it’s sadism. I left my kid gloves at home today, and I’m really fed up with the mainstream whitewashing of these issues, so I don’t care if there is backlash from standing up to this inequality. I’ll leave you now with one of my own “radical” views: this is adultery, because it is targeted against women as a group, and ignores the basic human dignity we all possess and reduces us to a product that can be bought and sold and used and discarded. Wipe, repeat. The US had slavery for 300+ years but exploitative material is just the newer, culturally glamorized and accepted version. Once the women’s movement comes full circle I believe people will no longer view any of this as “acceptable differences in point of view.” Anne you are NOT crazy they just don’t want you to shake up the status quo; you have stumbled upon the core of their false entitlements. #lundybancroft #dromarminwalla
Lisa! Thank you so much for your support:). Hugs!!
I honestly am applauding that the strip clubs in my town have shrunk, and can not wait for them to be completely eradicated. Too many other small businesses that could use the locations for something greater than “ok’d” prostitution.
Agreed on every front.
In the middle of divorce right now and his online choices were the gateway drug to everything else that caused our marriage to fall apart. He started there ( before we were married) and eventually was fully involved in addiction, and caused me immense amounts of betrayal trauma… which had all became part of the equation before it was over.
From the beginning I have always believed that masterbation was ‘sex with self’, and the online exploitation of women was just a tool to help in the foreplay of making that happen. I do not believe we are designed to have sex alone. Intimacy does not and cannot happen in a vacuum.
So in that sense I have struggled to fully ever calling it sex… but I know that through my husbands addiction I have learned that all the brain chemicals, all the triggers, all the same stimulation and gratification had taken place.
So yes. It is ‘sexual’. And yes, therefore adultry.
Terminology wise I kinda want to say that online infidelity is adultry because it is almost a faux-intimacy, false-intimacy, or something to that effect.
Still chewing on how to speak about it…
I appreciate your thoughts. The concept that online infidelity IS adultery is new and it’s a lot to process!
I can’t remember where, but I read somewhere that when masturbating while viewing it, the brain can’t tell the difference.
As he’s more than likely fantasizing that he’s the one with the woman on the screen, his brain thinks he’s actually having sex (or whatever he’s viewing) with her.
If that’s not adultery…
What is? Yeah. I agree.
We should be careful qualifying virtual sex/adultery as “viewing photos of a real person with accompanying masturbation.” This sentiment is too limiting and may minimize behavior outside of the definition.
Adultery can occur without a real person’s photograph—say, a computer generated image, or a painting, or just imagination. And, the chemicals which accompany sex, dopamine, oxytocin, etc., need not come through masturbation.
It’s not just nudity. It is *anything* extramarital that is used for arousal. Adultery is not a sex act with self or an extramarital partner. It is the *very seeking* of emotional and sexual intimacy outside of the marriage.
Adultery, and fornication can all happen in the mind. Christ taught that lust was the committing of adultery in a man’s heart. Nothing else is needed to label the behavior as adultery. Real or virtual, lustful behaviors betray the commitments made in marriage and with God.
By the way, I’m a husband in recovery. Thank you for giving tender wives the voice they deserve.
There is always hope with Christ.
Thank you so much for this! I totally agree:). I appreciate your perspective and support! There IS always hope in Christ!
Thank you for sharing. It is amazing to me that you seem to understand the pain wives feel when husbands are unfaithful and betray their trust. I felt I was not enough. My self esteem dropped to almost nothing. I had tremendous anxiety when we went anywhere there was attractive women he would stare at, and I later found out he was lying to me and going behind my back with other women. Many wives report the same feelings. I divorced him and am now gaining back my self esteem. It’s been a hard journey, but I’m finally starting to feel like myself again. I’m so grateful for BTR!
Hi Anne and Mom, love this episode thank you and completely agree.
Also, some computer activities involve websites where the viewer can be involved in mutual masturbation in real time. This is absolutely adultery in my view as well as with the videos. My former husband did this. Thank you.
Janine, I’m so sorry about the pain you’ve gone through. Thank you for supporting BTR!
Ah, no Hans. Anger is a healthy emotion that MAKES SENSE in the context of adultery. Even Jesus became angry sometimes calling people vipers or throwing them out of the temple. If a woman didn’t become angry when her husband abused her, she would be crazy. Anger is the appropriate reaction to abuse and infidelity. You’re clearly trying to silence your victim with that line of logic. See my post on legitimate anger when you’re a victim of abuse and infidelity, all taken from scripture.
Thank you Anne! My (ex)pastor used the exact line of reasoning as Hans when counseling my husband and myself. It was horribly traumatizing for me. But I couldn’t come up with an argument or response on the spot, because his words just shut me down completely and I could barely breathe, let alone find words to express.
This is the way my soon to be ex always manipulated scripture,to Darvo me. It is just as bad as the virtual sex, which IS adultery. I tell people that I trust that his girlfriends were “virtual”. I have done that for quite a while. I also believe that those people will be held accountable to Christ for what they have done, it’s spiritual abuse.
It goes even further than this now, which was bad enough (the photos and videos). Now there is this disgusting act of live, what they call ‘cam models’. Which is really just an innocuous way of disguising the fact that they are online prostititutes. The women go live on webcam, with the men watching them live on webcam or on chat, and they direct them to do things live on camera. How is that not adultery? I had no idea this existed until God revealed it to me that it did and that my husband used them. There is no denying that is adultery, and yes I agree that all forms of online exploitation are adultery.
Yes! It’s crazy to think that people don’t understand what really happens with p*rn. People are hurt on either side of the screen. The woman who is being abused through prostitution, and the wife who is being lied to, abused, and neglected at home.
I know I’m about a month behind but I TOTALLY agree. YES, it’s TOTALLY is adultery. I’ve really been struggling with this concept lately because my ex-spouse claims that the reason our marriage failed is that “we just didn’t work.”
It’s such a denial of truth and it hurts so much that he can’t even see what he did.
In his mind, I was crazy, needy, controlling, but he’s the one who cheated.
It gave me so much power to hear this episode. It gave me words that I’ve been scared to say out loud.
My husband cheated on me.
Thank you for giving me a voice.
Totally. Alisha, I’m so glad you found it helpful!
How about this? Using this stuff is a choice. I believe that if you truly love your partner and are in love with them, and the partnership is emotionally and sexually healthy…then there wouldn’t be the need and possibly not a choice for that man to use it? That sounds logical to me, but maybe I find that logical because I think this way as a woman. Not sure about how men think about this because I’m not a man, but yet I would find it logical if it would be like this with a man also. I am in love with my husband and have zero need to be sexually involved with anything or anyone else, and that includes online exploitative material. Does this then mean that if a man who is truly in love with his partner should feel the same way and not need it? I guess it all depends on what men use it for, but if it is for pure lust and interest in other women, then in my opinion this is betrayal of his partner and NOT true love. And if he is doing it behind her back then this is beyond betrayal and a complete disregard of the importance of respect and trust in a relationship!
Absolutely! It’s virtual sex, adultery, fornication, abuse!
Even if they don’t masturbate to it…it’s all those things. It releases the same chemical connection that happens between in person interactions.
So, I have been struggling with this with my fiance for some time period even before we made the commitment to be engaged, this has always been a problem with us. I’m also an sexual abuse survivor and a proactive feminist. I also am an empath and as crazy as this sounds electronics are affected by my mood as well as other things.
He tells me they don’t mean anything but he knows their names, what movies they star in, if there is a film with them in it, he recognizes their face and where he’s seen them. And he doesn’t just look up random women or actresses caught on tape (I drew the line at this and he’s stopped since I brought it up) but the point being, how am I supposed to receive this? How a I supposed to be cool with this kind of committed attention on women that aren’t me?
And the thing is he knows it makes me angry, that although I don’t ask for much, I demand loyalty so why still do it? Why not at least try to stop, instead of making excuses?
I’ve offered alternative activities, things that will help him feel better since he’s lived unhealthily in the past and he’s a little older now. “This helps me sleep” he says, but it doesn’t help him get any better at living his life.
In turn, I also watch virtual sex. I try my hardest not to and honestly if I have to do anything by myself it’s with my partner in mind, not another person. If I use virtual sex, same thing I’m imagining us. I view it differently than he does. I also try my best to make sure I don’t know who these people are. I figure abstinence is the only way I can move past this for myself but worried that that will make him worse.
He tells me he’s happy but if he is then why the need to watch?
I am currently in a divorce process after discovering my husband’s 8-year addiction to live cybersex/virtual sex in chatrooms and on Skype. He flies to see the latest performer (only cybersex though) buys the items on her Amazon wish list, bought her a $3,000 bracelet for Valentines Day, texts incessantly with her all day long. He is a 62-year-old who had wanted to be a minister. She’s 26 and looks like a supermodel. He said she “is like water “ to him—-he’s so addicted. I would discourage the use “virtual sex “ in the case of a lack of live relationship. I think addiction , compulsive exploitation of women, adulterous behaviors describe adequately what’s going on.
I’m so sorry you and all of your listeners are living this horrid nightmare. It’s a growing plague on our families and children. Thank you for all you are doing!
Mary, I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Thank you for sharing. Betrayal trauma is so hard!
I see a lot of talk about the more violent stuff out there. But even if the actors seem to be gentle it’s evil. It will destroy his self control and resistance to temptation. He may get pressured by his cravings to the point where he will go out and exploit a prostitute, only to come home with an STD which he will pass on to his wife if he gets married. If he is married, he may ruin his own health along with his wife’s health – especially her emotional health. He may resort to prostitutes, or get snared by an unscrupulous, manipulative woman who will twist him round her little finger and then chew him up and spit him out when she gets tired of him. The damage of exploiting women in this way is always destroyed trust, ruined family, ruined life.
Thanks for sharing!
It’s all exploitation. And yes it is adultery.
Smart. Yes, it’s all abusive exploitation!
It is 100% adultery. I haven’t even been married 4 years and he was using way before we got together and this is the 4th time around that I caught him ( I know there has been so much more that I don’t even know about ). He always says he will stop but on this last time he made the comment “what’s the big deal of me looking at a naked woman” and that I needed to chill out…well I have to tell you that was the last straw..I am now in the spare bedroom and making plans to leave as I do not accept this behavior nor do I have to live this. I think he is actually relieved so he can go about what he choose over me… Oh and I won’t miss going out in public with him and watch him ogle every woman that fits his fantasies.
My husband and I just recently started talking about our “struggles” You really are doing amazing things I thoroughly enjoyed hearing you and your mom talk about this. It’s adultery for sure.
Thank you for sharing. It is amazing to me that you seem to understand the pain wives feel when husbands use this stuff to satisfy themselves. I felt I was not enough. My self esteem dropped to almost nothing. I had tremendous anxiety when we went any where there was attractive women he would stare at. Many wives report the same feelings. I divorced him and am now gaining back my self esteem.
Thank you for sharing!
Yes! It should be called is virtual sex!!! It is adultery and fornication as my husband even writes these women’s names and circles and highlights the ones he really likes! I asked him why he does that and his answer was, he doesn’t even know them. And what I hate about all there is that when he gives me a birthday card, or any card: “mother’s days; anniversary- he doesn’t even write my name and his salutation is left blank and he just puts in his complementary closing remarks!
Disgusting!
Yes, I’m so glad you brought that up.
Yup. It’s adultery. Even if the person watching is not married, it’s still adultery. It violates the concept of marital covenant. It’s exploitative of the people that are being watched. It’s consuming human beings like they are objects to be bought/sold. I like the point made in this podcast that it creates a form of bond between the watcher and the people being viewed. There is a human bond/attachment made, even if there is distance through a screen.
So it’s still exploitative from one human being to another. It’s fueling exploitation because people are being raped and have been exploited. THey’ve been coerced or deception, or being under the psychological hold of someone who has brought them into the sex industry.
Or they are driven by perceived lack of options/circumstances/societal factors. People can be easily coerced to say something is their “choice” when it still may not really be if they knew the full truth or had other options. It’s not just neutral nothingness viewed through a screen that doesn’t hurt anyone. It creates a form of human connection that causes harm and damage to the people who are being viewed.
Hi there. We are 9 years into marriage. In year 1 of our marriage, I caught my husband with online mistresses. He was a sex addict. We went though a lot of counseling and healing. He has been sober for 8 years. Today, my father-in-law, who is by the book, passionately advocated to me that sex through videos and messaging (my husband’s was personal with people) was not considered adultery or infidelity; not grounds for divorce.
I came online to do some digging because this is not what I felt or experienced. I feel deeply offended that he doesn’t believe what happened was adultery. I have never felt so much pain as I did going through that specific betrayal. Thoughts?
I think, in a man’s mind, many things aren’t “real adultery” because they can’t impregnate anyone. They feel off the hook because virtually, they can’t father any children. They are not thinking about what they are taking away from you.
Finally what I believe and think is put into logical words that are formatted in a way that can easily explain when I can’t. Thank you so much for this- this subject is very triggering for me, but this makes me feel less alone and know that my thoughts are valid.
My husband has been involved in all the above exploitative stuff. Calling them and having sexual conversations. I have dealt with this for 25 years. I am not sure I believe he can ever get past this problem. I am getting myself set to file for divorce. He has robbed our marriage with this behavior.
Sex of any sort outside of the marriage is absolutely adultery! Visual or virtual or any kind. I find the double standard very telling here, because if we were all working as cam girls, no one would hesitate to call us adultresses, even though it would be “just virtual” or “wouldn’t mean anything” or “we didn’t even know their names.”
The really frightening thing about this, to me, is that the eraser of the woman’s humanity is exactly what attracts him! At least if he had an affair with “Cindy” down the street there would be some sort of at least faked human connection.
This idea of sex being entirely selfish and self centered, the idea that the ideal woman has no needs or desires or even real thoughts or identity, it’s frankly monstrous. You can’t have intimacy with a person who desires this sort of thing. You can only be exploited by a person who desires this sort of thing. If you are like me and assumed sex is an expression of love (which perhaps it could be with a healthy man), my heart breaks for you if you’re involved with an abuser. You have stumbled into a situation where this couldn’t be further from the truth. In many ways, I believe my sex addict husband actually finds sex to be the antithesis of love and respect. I don’t know if a man can ever fully heal from being that mixed up.
Amen, Anne and Anne’s Mom!
I have recognized that my marriage of 31+ years has been a sham. He has always committed adultery in this way. He has used magazines, videos, computer virtual sex, and sending inappropriate stuff with strangers. BTR has helped me in so many ways feeling stronger. Your interviews have led me on a path of better understanding my feeling, his problematic behaviors.
I am still navigating whether to stay or not now he is in treatment. I work on my strong protective boundaries and not holding myself responsible for his choices. Thanks so much Anne
Yes, I agree. It’s virtual sex for sure. Much more accurate description—just like phone sex, sexting, and oral sex all use the word for what is happening. Let’s be accurate in our description! I’m all for this.
Let’s also stop saying masturbation, and say self-sex instead!!!
It is absolutely adultery! First, this stuff is proven to alter the brain.
Second, if it is your spouse they don’t see you the same, you are cheated out of a present loving spouse – because of other “women” virtual or not.
It ruins relationships everyday.
So is reading smuth literature.not even looking at pics or videos, but women are different.
Times have changed a lot, and of course the context was looking at a real women(not girl, not virgin)probably a mother of children , married also.Lusting for her would mean disconnecting the emotional relationship with your own partner, messing up the mrriage of someone else and their children.The commandment is a protective and preventive measure against the enemy misusing our biology to destroy a family.
Of course its a picture or a video today, not a real person.But the matter is your own heart, thats very real.Someone could make the excuse of looking at cartoons, thats not a real person…..
But the one looking at it is, no matter if its fantasy world or a real person in front of you.
It divides the heart to a lie, and separates you from your partner….in your heart,therefore its adultery.
My husband makes so many excuses for “ecchi” I seen photos in his recently deleted folder and it was nudes that looked very real of the sexual body parts. He admitted to masterbating to it every so often. It’s only been 5 months in our marriage and today he decided to leave and stay at his mother’s house. I know God hates divorce and he also hates adultry. I forgave but it is hard to forget and seeing this direction he is going is very disappointing he blames me that I ask too much from him. He says he loves God but is in this nastiness. I cannot trust or see a future and I feel very unsafe and insecure to continue in marriage. It’s 4 a.m. and I have no peace that he is loyal. Please keep us in your prayers.