How To Be Centered When Your Husband Is A Sex Addict
A Sexual Addict Can Exhibit Narcissistic Traits That Create Chaos
Most people when they think about a supportive wife, think about what she is doing to help her husband. In most of the discussion about this, therapists or others are trying to help women learn to cope with the fact that their pornography addicted husband is in their center.
What I love about SALifeline, is that it provides the solution to this problem. Instead of just learning to cope with the problem, I have learned through grounding techniques to get my addict husband out of my center and to get God in my center.
For the first ten months, I didn’t even know what this meant. I knew I needed to get my husband who had emotionally abused me, physically intimidated me, and cheated on me, out of my center, but I didn’t know how and I didn’t even know what it meant. So many women go through this process. Trying to figure out what to do after your husband cheats is confusing and traumatic.
I put my faith in the process and started to work on recovering, not even knowing exactly what that would look like or where it would lead me.
Often I would call my sponsor in tears, in trauma, in so much emotional pain, and my sponsor would say, “I can tell that you have your husband in your center today. What can you do to get God back in your center?” Sometimes, I would pray and pray and pray and pray, and feel like I got nowhere.
But I kept working my recovery. Hoping that in my humility, God would help me understand what it meant to have God in my center, rather than my husband. Because dealing with an unfaithful husband takes so much energy, it often removes us from the love of God. If we are focused on learning how to check cookies, sorting through our husband's lies, wondering why our husband is always angry and irritable, we don't have time to feel God's love for us and use our relationship with God to solve our problems.
If you’ve listened to this podcast since I started, you’ll remember many episodes where you could hear my pain. Where I cried. Where I sounded so sad and hopeless - I can tell you that during those moments, my husband was in my center - not God. I knew that, but I didn’t know how to get my husband out. So I just kept working the steps.
To Get Centered, You Must Take Action
Now I look back, and realize that God replaced my husband as my center as a result of working the steps - but I really can’t tell you exactly how that happened. I just know that now I know what it means. Now I can say that God is in my center rather than my husband. And I feel so much more peace!
Some of you may hear this and think - well, that’s the answer, I just need to put God in my center. But I can tell you that’s not how it works. You must work the Steps and God will move into your center. Just deciding to put God in your center, does not do anything. And if you think you have God in your center, like I thought I did one year ago, after working the steps for a year, you will realize in humility that you didn’t know what you were talking about a year ago.
Working the Steps is inviting God into your life to change you, really change you from the inside out. He does this in His own way, in his own time. I don’t know how it works. I don’t know how He does it. But I do know that The Steps made it possible. That setting boundaries, focusing on my own recovery, somehow invited God into my life in a way that He could actually change me.
So I invite you all today to stop thinking about the WHAT. Stop thinking about what you need to do, and go to an SALifeline meeting and start learning HOW to do it. Until you start doing it, you won’t know how to do it.
You have to do it to learn how to do it.
Thanks to all the amazing women who are in recovery who have shown me HOW. Thanks to my sponsor who has led me through her own example to have a deeper, actually useful relationship with God.
And thanks to God, Himself. I haven’t said that yet, but I need to now. Thank you God for changing me. I don’t know how You did it, but I am starting to see it and I’m so grateful. You are amazing, and I don’t understand how You work, but I know it’s You. Thank you for leading me to start this podcast to tell other women that they can - without money and without price - learn HOW to become friends with you - a real, true, helpful friendship.
And thanks to God for making this all available to us, so He can bless our lives with peace and serenity.