Betrayal
Trauma
Recovery

3 Ways To Parent With Your Ex

by | Abuse Literacy, Boundaries, Parenting

How do I maintain no contact?

Many betrayal victims find that they are unable to reach a desired level of safety because of constant interactions with their abusive partner or ex-partner.

3 Tips for Emotional Abuse Victims

Women’s safety is the number one priority of BTR. The following tips are ideas that have worked for some women as they’ve sought a higher level of safety despite having to interact with abusive partners/ex-partners.

#1 Try Instituting Parallel Parenting (Instead of “Co-Parenting”

Tragically, the court systems are generally “Pro-Father” rather than “Pro-Safety.”  Abusive ex-partners and legal counsel encourage victims to attempt to co-parent. The concept of Parallel Parenting may help women navigate parenting with an abusive partner or ex-partner.

#2 Gain a Strong Understanding of Gaslighting

Abusers use gaslighting against victims. Gaslighting is used to distort reality and confuse victims. It helps abusers to get away with covert and sometimes overt abuse.

Boundaries are essential, but oftentimes, if we can’t see past the gaslighting, we’re just going to get confused about what’s actually going on, and why is this happening, then we get distracted. The thing that we need to understand about the gaslighting is, ultimately, the result is more important than how they gaslight us. What happens when we’re being gaslit? We get confused. We just get in that powerless place again.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Coach

Becoming empowered through knowledge about gaslighting and other abusive tactics can help women to find a higher degree of safety in their lives.

#3 Get Creative With Safety Boundaries

Some women find that by getting creative with their boundaries, they are able to enjoy a greater level of peace and safety.

 Boundaries are meant to make us feel safe and empowered. That’s what we’re looking for in situations: how creative can I get around creating safety and around the boundaries that I can implement?

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Coach

Here are some ways that women can get creative with their safety boundaries:
 
  • Ask a safe person to read emails from your abuser before you do, so that you can be prepared for the contents
  • Ask a safe person to read and respond to emails from your abuser, and only let you know logistical or legal issues (rather than all of the other junk abusers like to throw in)
  • Block your abuser’s phone number and let him know you will only have email contact with him
  • Use third-party technology for all email communication
  • When a situation where you must be in the same place as your abuser comes up, have an “escape plan” in place so that you can leave before the trauma becomes too difficult

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Supports Victims of Emotional Abuse and Betrayal

At BTR, we understand how frustrating, terrifying, and heart-breaking it can be to attempt to parent with an abusive ex-partner. Women going through this deserve support, validation, and love.
 
The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group meets daily in every time zone. Join today and find the community that you need as you begin your journey to healing.

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8 Comments

  1. anonymous

    Which podcasts new the continuation of the series please? What is the name and date of this series? Thank you.

    Reply
    • Anne

      We haven’t recorded them yet:). We’re still in the process of doing that. Stay tuned!

      Reply
  2. Tabitha

    This is my story, right down to the “pretend parenting” , constant gaslighting (triggers) and refusal to pay the child support as ordered through the court. He Likes to put it in my mailbox and gloat about it! Oh and porn abuse I witnessed for years!

    How do I find Sara’s groups?

    Reply
  3. L

    Thank you for this! I can really relate to concept of feeling like I am being mean just because I am setting boundaries. Very helpful podcast!

    Reply
    • Anne Blythe

      I’m so glad you found it helpful!

      Reply
  4. FlMom

    Excellent Podcast. Wish I could share with my last “collaborative” lawyer who was basically scared of him. So many women need this advice early on but don’t get it. It’s very hard in FL where they push coparenting communication at all costs. You have to find the right professionals and most importantly, stay the calm, quiet, non reactionary one through all of their crazy. 6 yrs, 3 pc’s, a Corrupt Gal, several professionals on my side and he just gets worse and worse. I stay silent and get stronger. Hardest thing is not defending yourself against crazy accusations. Keep moving forward.

    Reply
    • Anne Blythe

      I appreciate you sharing. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. So many more women need to know about what to expect so they can avoid at least some of the things we had to go through.

      Reply

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