Made A Decision To Turn His Narcissistic Behaviors and The Consequences Over To The Care Of God

The surrender process enables us to accept the things we cannot change. And with God’s help, know what we can and should change. When dealing with a husband’s narcissistic personality disorder, surrender is the first line of defense.

For most of us, the only peace we feel is when we live in the present moment, since the past is too painful and the future is too scary. Having lived with the affects of abuse, pornography use, and infidelity in our marriage, we have experienced a lot of pain.

To heal from the effects of our husband’s narcissistic personality disorder, we need to adopt new ways of thinking about ourselves and our problems.

Dealing With Narcissistic Personality Disorder In A Relationship

Overtime, we learned to accept . . .

1. Narcissistic personality disorder is a real thing. At first, many of us could not accept this idea. We thought it meant that our husband was somehow not responsible for his behavior, or that we weren’t entitled to our feelings of anger and hurt. But it doesn’t. For us it means that we see our husband’s as sick, not bad. We forgive them by not expecting them to do something they are incapable of doing. They are unable to have human emotion and care for others. As we forgive them, we are able to set boundaries to keep ourselves safe from their harmful actions.

2. The actions of the narcissist are not a result of something we did or did not do, and we do not have the power to control their behavior.

3. Our attempts to control or ignore the harmful behaviors, rather than set boundaries to keep ourselves safe led to a decline in our emotional health and kept us in harms way.

As we work toward accepting these ideas, we begin to see our problems in a new light. We realize we do have choices concerning our own behavior! This is the beginning of establishing safety in our lives.

It’s helpful to remind ourselves that we are powerless over the behavior of the narcissist and all actions and reactions of other adults. We ask god to hep us stop blaming and trying to control the narcissist and their harmful actions.

Knowing and using the surrender process helps in this endeavor. Because the behaviors of men with narcissistic personality disorder cause trauma, and betrayal trauma is similar to PTSD, we can get caught in obsessive thoughts that harm us. The surrender process helps us to recover from the betrayal trauma. We heal as we begin to rely on God for comfort and support.

The Surrender Process

The surrender process has four steps.

1. Write down what you would like to surrender to God. For example:
– I want to surrender my husband’s perceptions and behaviors to God.
– Or put another way, I trust God to worry about and deal with my husband’s perceptions of me.

2. Pray and surrender these concerns and worries to God.

3. Call your sponsor, coach or friend, and leave a message. “I want to surrender my husband’s harmful comments to me today.”

4. Put the paper you wrote on in your “surrender box”. This box can be anything you want. My surrender box is my ex-husband’s old sox drawer. When he moved out, I started putting my surrender papers in it. When I’m not at home, I use the trash as my surrender box, signifying that I am letting go of these worries and trusting God.

Repeat this process over and over until you feel the weight of the worry lift from your shoulders and onto God.

Some days I surrender multiple times. It is way of retraining my brain to put God in my center rather that my ex-husband or any other person. Keeping God in my center is how I maintain my emotional safety.

APSATS coaches can also help you figure out what things to surrender to God, while setting boundaries to establish your emotional and physical safety.

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