Dealing with divorce can be devastating and difficult. It involves all the emotions present within the grieving process. “Grief is a natural human reaction to loss. Grief is not a simple emotion itself, but rather is an instinctual emotional process that can invoke all sorts of emotional reactions as it runs its course. The grief process tends to unfold in predictable patterns” (MentalHelp).

Coach Gaelyn was going through a divorce while functioning as a recovery coach. This experience has offered her some unique insight and perspective. Acknowledging the fact that her clients may be wondering how she handled it, Gaelyn states, “I understand the questions people have for me as a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Coach are important. I want to honor those as best as I can.”

Divorce Is Painful And Full Of Trauma

Looking back Gaelyn describes several things that contributed to the dissolution of her marriage. Specifically she states, “My coaching work became something that was hard for my husband to handle during his work with his addiction. He watched my career grow with opportunities he was not getting and my growing identity became something that was difficult for him.”

Anne, found of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, adds, “This was true of my situation too. My husband be more abusive the more I became empowered.”

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One client asks, “What are some of the difficult points and the high points of your divorce?”

Gaelyn honestly answers, “I found myself questioning a lot of what I had accepted as reality. Grief can be overwhelming.”

Grief Takes A Front Seat In Divorce

In describing the grieving process, she says, “There were days when I was grieving. I didn’t get out of bad. I didn’t wash my face. I felt my feelings, and I let my recovery community soothe me.”

On the other hand, she adds, “Some of the gains of this process, is that once I have survived this, I know I can survive anything. I do not regret that I have increasing degrees of empathy for my clients and just other people in general.”

She also describes something very profound, “I have learned and come to know and believe that I am always at choice. I always have choices.”

Because grief is up and down and different everyday, the rollercoaster ride that it is can be exhausting. But it does bring closure eventually, even in little pieces.

It Is Possible To Heal From Divorce

Gaelyn agrees and states, “I have wondered and asked myself at times if I could have gone to my husband and fallen on my sword. But in reality, I realized that I could be in this situation years from now.”

It is important to have ways of coping with the emotions in healthy and productive ways. Mental Health America addresses this topic in their article, Coping With Separation and Divorce. They suggest things like, “…Don’t go through this alone. Share your feelings with a friend. Take care of yourself emotionally and spiritually. Give yourself a break…” (Mental Health America.)

When asked if she ever wants to be married again in the future, Gaelyn states, “Being alone is my safe space and my healing space for right now.”

Divorce Does Not Have To Be The End, It Can Be A New Beginning

She adds, “Just because my marriage to a sex addict, porn addict and abuser has fall apart, does not mean that I have lost the beautiful vision of what marriage can be. This is important for my clients and their husbands who are actively working on recovery to know.”

Summing it all up, Gaelyn replies “Divorce is difficult. I knew it would be agony and painful. I knew that moving on after divorce would mean picking up the pieces that shattered. But I also knew that I would survive it.”

For daily support with women who understand, check out our Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group. In addition, Individual Sessions are available with Coach Gaelyn and our other amazing APSATS coaches. We also appreciate your monthly donation to help grow and build our community. It is invaluable to women who need help navigating the process of recovering from the trauma they have experienced.

As always, stay safe out there!

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