Before Scheduling “Couples Therapy Near Me” Here’s What You Need To Know

Has your husband betrayed your trust, lied to you, or left you feeling confused about what’s really happening? Many women think, “Maybe we just need couples therapy near me to fix this.”

It makes perfect sense to want support when the marriage feels unstable.

But here’s what most women don’t learn until much later:

After interviewing over 200 women who experienced their husband’s betrayal, I discovered that couple therapy often makes things worse if he has a history of lying. Many women told me they walked out feeling even more confused than they were when they walked in.

Before you schedule couple therapy near me, here’s what you need to know.

Why Couple Therapy Near Me Often Backfires After Betrayal

Any couple therapy, whether it’s near you or if you do in online, is designed for two people who are honest, transparent. But when betrayal or deception happened, couple therapy sessions tend to shift in the wrong direction. Women describe:

• feeling talked in circles
• being treated as if both partners contributed equally
• having their concerns minimized or reframed
• leaving sessions with more confusion instead of clarity

Instead of addressing the real issue, his choices, his patterns, and his secrecy, therapy often redirects the focus onto “communication skills,” or “relationship dynamics.”

Meanwhile, the woman is still left without the one thing she needs most: Answers.

What You Need Before Looking For Couple Therapy Near Me

Before you sit in a room with a couples therapist near you and try to explain what’s been happening, you need a clear, simple framework for understanding:

• what his behavior actually means
• the signs that indicate whether therapy will help—or harm

That’s why I created the After Betrayal Clarity Kit.

It’s the resource over 200 women I interviewed told me they desperately needed before spending months or years in therapy that didn’t address the real problem.

The Clarity Kit helps you:

• understand the patterns behind gaslighting and mixed messages
• stop second-guessing what you’re experiencing
• see your situation clearly, without anyone minimizing it
• be confident about your next steps

If you’re trying to figure out whether couple therapy near me will help your marriage, the Clarity Kit is the essential first step.

👉 Get the After Betrayal Clarity Kit ($27)

Transcript: Considering Looking for Couples Therapy Near Me? What You Need To Know

Anne: I have a member of our community on today. We’re going to call her Ruby. Welcome, Ruby.

Ruby: Thank you, Anne. I feel privileged to be here and to help other women in my situation feel like they’re not alone.

Anne: Let’s start with your story.

Ruby: We met through a mutual friend who now completely sees what he is and feels devastated for me. He once told me he wanted to pursue someone else and realized I was easier to con.

Anne: Wow.

Ruby: Her parents were stable, and mine weren’t. She had an aware mother and a really good dad. For me, scripture influenced my choices in a way that made me believe I couldn’t leave my home unless I was married.

Anne: Looking back, you realize that wasn’t true?

Ruby: Correct. Technically I could have left, but heavy condemnation surrounded any thought of it. People insisted that leaving without being married “wouldn’t be of God.” We met when I was 19, and he used church language, God, and scripture to present himself as someone who wanted the same family life I wanted.

I thought I was choosing a righteous man. He acted fun, lively, and said all the right things. I had no reason then to imagine I might one day start searching for clarity or wondering if a couples therapist near me could help.

Early Red Flags Even Before Thinking About a Couples Therapist Near Me

Ruby: The long-distance relationship made his con easier because he controlled what I saw. He always said our time together was “time well spent.” That illusion made it harder for me to question things later.

Fourteen months later we married, and I became pregnant. He pressured me into premarital sex, something I never wanted because of my values. That pressure created shame that stayed with me for years.

Ruby: My family felt devastated, and people shunned me. He never carried any of that shame. That contrast should have warned me long before I ever wondered whether a couples therapist near me could help make sense of what was happening.

Anne: Many women describe that same pressure. They don’t recognize it as coercion until much later. The so-called “righteous man” eventually uses the shame against them for years.

Anne: Was that true for you?

Ruby: Yes. He used anything he could to break me down. He recognized my guilt and took advantage of it.

The Pattern of “Lucid Moments” That Created More Confusion

Ruby: Sometimes he had what I call lucid moments. Once he admitted our premarital sex was his fault. Weeks later, he denied ever saying it.

He always knew the truth, but he twisted it whenever it served him. Those moments confused me and made it harder to see the bigger pattern, something a couples therapist near me would likely misinterpret as miscommunication.

Anne: They sometimes drop a tiny bit of truth to manipulate. Then they pretend they never knew it.

Ruby: Exactly. He did that for years. He once told me the kids and I would be better off with another man, then denied it the next day.

His motives were calculated and passive-aggressive. He wanted me to look unstable.

Anne: Do you think he sometimes told the truth so you would be the one to take action and then he could blame you?

Ruby: Yes. He wanted me to feel responsible for everything while he stayed in control.

His Image vs. His Private Behavior

Ruby: Early on, he told me he’d been wild in the Navy but stopped drinking after waking up on a bathroom floor. That was fine with me because I wasn’t a partier. He wanted to look reformed.

He claimed he had never slept with anyone before, but then he hinted at inappropriate situations, like a coworker undressing in front of him. I believed him because he framed those stories as accidents instead of choices.

Later the military discharged him, and he tried to blame everyone else. Looking back, the pattern stood out clearly, and no couples therapist near me could have fixed a man committed to deception.

I don’t believe he was a virgin when we met. He used the idea of “we made this mistake together” to bind me to him. Now I see that as another lie.

Anne: That’s very likely.

Ruby: Yes.

What Ruby First Believed About the Problems in the Marriage

Anne: Let’s go back in time for a moment. What did you think the problems were back then? Did you believe he was stressed at work, overwhelmed, or dealing with normal marriage challenges?

Ruby: I thought the good outweighed the bad. He acted very family-oriented and talked about caring for his parents. So I assumed everyone had flaws, and as long as more things went right than wrong, we were okay.

Anne: Did you ever think it was your fault? Did you ever think, “If I do this better, maybe he won’t get upset”?

Ruby: During dating, no. He acted like the stable one and framed me as emotional or overly excited about things. He positioned himself as the grounding force in my life, someone steady.

Confusion Growing Before Ever Considering a Couples Therapist Near Me

Ruby: Looking back, he probably did things I couldn’t see, but he made it seem like he was strong and I was the one who needed correction. That dynamic made me less likely to question the confusion.

Anne: As the relationship progressed and you thought, “This is just his personality,” did you reach a point where you sought help? Did you consider counseling, clergy, or even looking up a couples therapist near me?

Ruby: Oh yes, absolutely. He’s adopted and has an adopted sibling, and he used that as an excuse to say counseling ruined him. He strongly insisted, “I don’t do counseling,” and blamed his parents for forcing him into it.

The First Attempts at Counseling and How They Failed

Ruby: I should have noticed the contradiction between how he presented himself as family-oriented and how he criticized his parents every day. He claimed I was “against them,” even though he constantly complained about them.

Our first counseling attempt went terribly. He resisted the idea from the start, and convincing him took a lot of energy. The couple leading the session didn’t have the skills to guide us.

They asked us to take compatibility tests, and I thought, “We’re already married. Why does that matter now?” Then they focused on our sex life, which felt intrusive and irrelevant. We ended up stopping because it helped nothing.

Many women don’t realize marriage counseling can actually worsen things, even before they search for a couples therapist near me. An abusive partner can twist counseling into another weapon.

He Finally Agreed to Counseling — And Used It Against Her

Ruby: When he finally agreed to counseling, he loved it because he controlled the narrative. He pretended to want help, but he shut down every real issue I raised. When I tried to talk about his behavior toward our son, he became angry and defensive.

When you go into counseling with someone who mistreats you, the counselor often assumes you’re dealing with ordinary “marriage problems.” They focus on communication or stress instead of harmful behavior. Their assumptions end up protecting him.

Anne: Exactly. They think you’re not communicating well or not having enough sex or that he needs anger management. They misidentify the entire issue right from the start, and once they do, the help becomes harmful.

Misdiagnosis and the Limits of a Couples Therapist Near Me

Anne: In my case, people assumed pornography addiction caused all the problems. That might have been part of it, but it wasn’t the thing destroying my marriage. Most therapists don’t recognize abuse even when you describe it clearly.

The average therapist misses the pattern, and even when they see pieces of it, they often don’t know how to respond. They default to generic couples therapy tools and say, “Let’s explore your childhoods” or “Let’s work on communication,” while the real issue continues unchecked.

You don’t know what’s actually happening, and the professionals you seek also don’t know. This happens constantly when a woman’s husband controls the narrative in therapy.

Ruby: Yes, exactly. They need to ask better questions.

Anne: Anne: That’s why I created the After Betrayal Clarity Kit. So women could know what to expect before they schedule with a couples therapist near me. The clarity kit includes what more than 200 women told me they wish they had known. It’s only $27 and gives answers years faster (and much cheaper) than couples therapy.

Religious Messaging Made Ruby Think Couples Therapy Would Help

Ruby: I heard my mom say many times, “I made my commitment under God, to God, in my marriage, no matter what your dad does.” That belief created such heavy bondage for her, and it breaks my heart when I think about it now.

Anne: When I first started podcasting, I felt scared and confused and fought to keep my vows at all costs. I prayed, fasted, and hoped things would change because I didn’t want to disappoint God.

Now I feel the opposite because I believe God wants women to separate from evil and harm. Many women say God nudged them years earlier, but clergy gave them poor advice that kept them trapped. I hear that pattern again and again.

This repetition is why I created the Clarity Kit—to help women understand what’s really happening before they ask clergy or even a couples therapist near me for guidance. Also, here’s an example of emotional abuse if that helps.

When Ruby Realized Couples Therapy Wasn’t Helping

Ruby: I remember driving home and dreading walking through my own door. I took the kids everywhere because being alone with him created constant anxiety. Even errands felt safer.

Around that time, we also got a puppy, and the responsibility overwhelmed me. I kept praying for direction because nothing made sense, and I felt exhausted trying to hold everything together.

Then he left on his own. He packed his car two days before Father’s Day and didn’t try to hide it. I begged him to wait because the kids had made him gifts.

He looked at me and said, “I don’t need any more meaningless crap,” and drove away. At the end of that month, God spoke to me clearly and said, “Enough. You’re done. Let him go.”

Something inside me shifted immediately. It felt like God lifted him out of my heart. I finally felt space to breathe.

In the beginning, everything felt raw, and I couldn’t see beyond that moment. I had just started seeing the truth of what I lived through. I didn’t yet realize how much clarity would come later—long before a couples therapist near me could have helped.

For Women Who Feel Guilty About Couples Therapy Making Things Worse

Ruby: For any woman who feels condemnation, I want her to know this: you didn’t break your vow. Your husband’s choices broke the marriage. You still have value, dignity, and worth.

You’re not damaged goods in God’s eyes. You never were. I speak out to help women stop blaming themselves for harm they didn’t cause.

You’re not breaking up your family. His choices already did that. Pretending everything was fine only deepened the damage. Staying silent gave him protection, not me.

As he grew more volatile and irrational, I grew more afraid of doing the wrong thing. He trained me to manage his world so he didn’t have to regulate himself. I handled the home, the kids, and every detail.

Because I carried that load, he told others I acted controlling. That projection confused me for years. No couples therapist near me could have revealed those dynamics without seeing the truth behind closed doors.

The Social Backlash When Couples Therapy Fails

Ruby: I think many of us fear that people won’t understand and will condemn us for doing the right thing. A friend of mine was labeled a “husband basher” simply for describing her reality. Their mutual friends didn’t want that truth.

I knew she wasn’t bashing him. She was finally naming what harmed her. But when others feel invested in maintaining a certain image of him, they reject anything that disrupts their version of the story. They want to believe you just didn’t complete the therapist’s assignments.

Anne: Or they simply don’t believe you. They believe the man who lies and manipulates because it’s easier. It happens far too often and leaves women feeling isolated. This is so common when you are dealing with your abusive husband’s therapist.

Healing Without a Couples Therapist Near Me

Writing became a meaningful part of your healing process. It let you express your pain. Even though we aren’t sharing your writing today, I know it helped you see truths you couldn’t say out loud yet.

Ruby: It really did. Writing helped me turn pain into something I could see and understand. For years I felt split because I tried to serve two masters and live two different lives.

I tried to serve God while staying united with someone who wasn’t walking toward God at all. Nothing he did aligned with God. That realization revealed how much confusion I carried.

When separation happened, something settled inside me. For the first time in years, I felt aligned with God again. A couples therapist near me couldn’t have created that shift because it required honesty, not mediation.

How Women Can Get Education Before Trying Couples Therapy

Ruby: Women should ask themselves: Are you living with constant turmoil? Do you feel torn between serving God and staying united with your husband? That inner conflict signals something deeper.

The clarity journey is long and exhausting, but essential. Building community supports you through the confusion. Strong community helps you stay grounded when things feel heavy.

Anne: Thank you so much. Your story and courage will help so many women who feel alone. Your willingness to share matters.

Ruby: Thank you for having me. It has been my privilege.

Hope for Women Moving Forward

Ruby: The only thing I want women to know is this: don’t assume this is the end. Your life isn’t over, even if it feels that way.

Anne: It’s true. Beautiful and meaningful things still lie ahead, even when the path feels difficult.

Ruby: Thank you. And thank you for giving women a place to find real answers before spending years in couples therapy.