Many women who’ve experienced their husband’s exploitation wonder how to prevent exploitation for all victims.

The first step to understanding if your husband exploits you, is to know if he manipulates your emotions for his own gain. To discover if you’re experiencing any one of the 19 different types of emotional abuse, take our free emotional abuse quiz.

If your husband exploits you through manipulating you to think it’s your duty or obligation, we’re here for you. Attend a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session TODAY.

Transcript: How To Prevent Exploitation

Anne: I have my friend Dawn Hawkins on today’s episode. She is the executive director of the National Center on Sexual Exploitation helps keep women safe in various ways.

Welcome, Dawn.

Dawn: Thank you, Anne. I’m so happy to be here. We love your podcast.

Anne: So I wanted you, Dawn, to talk about how my listeners. who are extremely interested in stopping the harms of inappropriate media can get involved in the fight. What do you need our listeners to do?

Dawn: I have a long list of things that people can do to help in this fight. But let me start by saying, I think one of the weaknesses in the fight to stop exploitation is that often we silo these issues, and they’re all interconnected. It’s important that we look at how inappropriate media is connected to violence against women. And how this type of exploitative content drives demand for human trafficking and prostitution, and how inappropriate media is connected with exploitation.

There’s so much intersectionality. And I think we do a disservice when we try to silo them out. So, if your listeners could take away from this, the need to talk about these issues as connected will help grow the entire movement to prevent exploitation. And I think it will foster more holistic solutions.

Anne: I could not agree more.

Personal Stories Highlighting The Issue

Anne: One woman I recently met is considering whether she should continue to date someone. And I know about his history of using exploitative media. She texted me and she said, “Do you know what type of exploitative media he used? Was it just with women? Or did he see it with children?” She wouldn’t ask this question if she understood this issue. It doesn’t matter what type someone uses. It’s all interconnected, there is severe betrayal trauma from all infidelity.

Dawn: Yeah, most definitely. I would agree with that building on that example. This is really sad.

A young woman that I know well, since she was like a preteen, reached out to me to explain to me her relationship was getting serious. She’s now in her early 20s, and she thinks it’s moving towards marriage, but he’s addicted to this stuff. And he disclosed that to her, and he disclosed he has purchased women for before, and she’s like, “He promises he’s better now.”

“But now what do I do?” She said, “He said he’s been “free” from exploitative media for three months.” So it’s not like he’s made a clear recovery. But also just that connection between inappropriate media and exploitation. And as we know, it often also equates to affairs and all these other types of things later on.

Anne: What she needs to understand and what every woman needs to understand is that any man who participates in exploitative media, when they’re participating in it, is participating in abusive behaviors. Every time you click, it’s abusive. It’s not just abusive to the women in the it, although it is, but also abusive to the person you’re dating or the people around you.

Recognizing Abusive Behaviors

Anne: It’s actually an abuse issue. Someone basically told her, “Well, I was abusive, but I’m not anymore.” She needs to learn about what those abusive behaviors look like, has he changed or not? And we have so many podcast episodes about that.

And she can come here and find how to know if my abusive husband is changing or how to know if he is not using anymore. So our listeners know that they need to set boundaries in their own homes. What can they do on a community level to protect all women or society from the harms of exploitation?

Community Actions To End Exploitation

Dawn: One is to challenge and oppose exploitation whenever and wherever you see it, and that might be nerve wracking, like you’re at the grocery store, and you see a explicit magazine, or you’re at Starbucks, and somebody’s watching exploitative media on their computer right there in front of everybody. Whenever you see exploitation, pointing that out and raising your voice.

It might be terrifying in the moment, but it is so incredibly empowering to know that you have a voice and is being heard. But I also want to share that when other people hear, they might be embarrassed or shy to speak up themselves. They tend to flock in support to help, so you certainly wouldn’t be alone, and others then find the strength to speak up. I think that’s a really important thing to do in your local communities when you want to end exploitation.

Our organization focuses on changing policies that we see as facilitating exploitation. Our work is often focused on corporate policies, but sometimes those policies are government related.

We could use so much help from the public. We need activists signing petitions and sending emails to executives. Just a few examples are Netflix. Netflix argues they’re appropriate for ages four plus. But as probably most of your listeners know, they’ve problematic content often paired next to cartoons that they’re recommending.

This content often has graphic depictions of gendered violence. They have originally produced shows that normalize trafficking of minors. Or domestic violence. We’ve got Instagram, for example, where so many of our young people spend most of their time. And that platform is rife with grooming, bullying, and exploitation.

Corporate Policies & Public Activism

Dawn: Perhaps your listeners could join some of these advocacy campaigns, targeting these big corporations and calling on them to make changes. And to just add a little hope, when we get real, real results. We’ve had huge victories. We got Google, for example, to kick all explicit apps out of Google Play and stop all explicit advertisements.

We got major hotels to stop selling it. And the most exciting thing I think with that hotel win was Hilton hotels. The executives called us and they said. “Can you please stop your campaign? We get 1,000 emails a week from people who are so upset that we’re selling this stuff.” And we said, “Well, we’ll stop it if you meet with us and hear us out.”

And they met with us. And after that meeting, they immediately changed their policies, and then three other major hotel chains also changed their policies. It’s 2 million hotel rooms around the world that don’t have exploitative media through the on-demand system. So I say your voice matters, and you can join these campaigns that we’ve got coming out every week to help create a safer society.

Anne: So how does someone get involved with these campaigns? Do they go to your website? Do they get on your email list? Tell us the process so that they can start taking part in those initiatives to prevent exploitation.

Dawn: If you could sign up for our email list, that’s the best. We send One or two emails a week. And most of the time they’re heavy calls to action and ways that you can get involved locally and on a national and worldwide level.

Fix App Ratings Initiative To End Exploitation

Dawn: Of course, we’re on all social media channels, and we try hard to push out the action alert through those. We’ve an effort called Fix App Ratings. Where we’re calling on the creation of an independent app review board, much like we have for video games. Or the film and television movement, where everything gets rated.

So that parents can make an informed decision about the content their kids watch. Right now, apps all self-rate themselves, Instagram said they’re appropriate for age 12 plus. Snapchat said they’re appropriate for age 12 plus, and yet there’s so much grooming. There’s so much bullying, exploitative media, prostitution and trafficking on those platforms. I found a VPN, a virtual private network. That’s rated E for everyone on the app stores.

You know why that virtual private network is used. All the reviews and comments on it talk about how great it is to watch hardcore exploitative media. And yet they’re saying that that’s appropriate for everyone. I invite your listeners to join that fix app ratings project. There are dozens of organizations behind it, and I think it’s going to win.

Anne: Yeah, that’s one thing I love about you, Dawn, and your work is that you get results. And it’s so hopeful and exciting. So many people, when they hear about trafficking, exploitative media, get kind of depressed. Because it’s so uncomfortable. You can be involved in a way that brings results with an organization like yours. And that’s exciting. Having action steps for people to take is so helpful.

Hopeful Anecdotes Of Change

Dawn: Anne, let me tell you. I think two of the anecdotal stories that give me lots of hope and excitement. One woman reached out to us. She was upset because she’s struggling with infertility issues. And she went to the doctor’s office with her husband to discuss her options.

Her husband went to the restroom. He told her, “There were tons of exploitative media in the bathroom.” And I want to point out that there is only one bathroom for everyone, male, female, and children use the same bathroom. And they just had this stuff stacked in there.

They argue men must watch it to ejaculate. She was upset, and said something to the nurse. Who looked at her like, “What’s the big deal? They need this. And said she would pass on her issues.”

So then she contacted us, and she was like, “I don’t know what to do. This is so wrong. Here we are trying to build a family. And yet it feels like there’s all this stuff that destroys our family right there in the other room.” I suggested she write a letter to the practice, which she did. She called to follow up, and they decided to get rid of the the stuff. It was with her voice. I think that’s so encouraging.

The Power Of Collective Action To End Exploitation

Dawn: Another woman called us frantic, because her little six year old daughter is obsessed with American Girl dolls. Which so many parents understand, and wanted to play a game on the computer. So she sat on her mom’s lap, and together they typed in American Girl doll games into Google.

And unfortunately, up popped horrible exploitative media that was teen themed, unfortunately the six year old daughter saw horrific things. This mom, after telling us the story, reached out to the American Girl dolls. And made sure they knew what was coming up when people typed their name into Google.

They were able to fix it, improve their search engine optimization, and create a bunch of other stuff to push all that stuff down to like the fourth page in Google. And so again, there’s just this encouraging story of a mom raising their voice and seeing results.

Anne: Because women have been so dismissed and abused when it comes to this, like, “Oh, why are you making such a big deal out of this?”

Their husband might say, or society might say that. It’s good to know that they’re part of a giant team working together to all types of exploitation. Rather than thinking they’re alone. Because when you’re alone and isolated in a situation, as my listeners are. Where their husband uses exploitative media, either behind their back and lying to their face or trying to say, “it’s not a big deal.”

Building A Supportive Community

Anne: “Why are you making such a big deal out of it?” You can feel really alone. And so that’s another reason why I wanted you to let women know. It’s not just you. There are thousands and thousands of people across the globe working toward a pornography and exploitation free world.

Dawn: Most definitely. I’m getting chills, because that’s how I feel too. For those who feel alone, it’s so wonderful that they found your network. There’s the Coalition to End this type of exploitation, which our organization directs. It has more than 300 organization members, and we regularly meet. There’s a summit each year, for example. You’re coming, right Anne?

Anne: Yes, I’ll be there.

Dawn: It’s all these people that come together, and it’s for a few days. We become empowered and encouraged, and we learn the research and get strategies. Then it helps buoy us as we go throughout the year, where we often are alone.

We’re fighting our fight where it seems like we might be the only ones. And so there is a community here. Really opposed to exploitation in all of its forms. We’re having so many wins and with more willing to come on board and add their voice or even silently support from the sidelines, it will help tremendously.

Personal Impact & Broader Goals To End Exploitation

Anne: And that’s why we are here at Betrayal Trauma Recovery to help support women in a very personal way, with a very personal situation. That’s what it’s about. What you are doing, really, is all about making individuals healthy, happy, and safe. It really comes down to how exploitative media affects individuals and individual families.

Dawn: Most definitely would agree.

Anne: So Dawn, I’m sure that now after listening to you and listening to these success stories, our listeners want to get involved. So I want you to repeat one more time your website and how they can join your email list.

Anne: Awesome. You’re amazing, Dawn. I’m so excited to see you at the summit.