You Are Not Your Husband’s Object

by | Abuse Literacy


Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta’s book, Married Sex, has raised some serious concerns in the world of domestic abuse. Trauma victims seeking counsel from the Christian community may feel confused by the damaging messages purported by this and other Evangelical marriage and sex books. At BTR, we want to make it clear that you are NOT your husband’s object: you are a human being.

Any book, sermon, or website that counsels you to submit yourself sexually to another person in order to protect yourself from betrayal is abusive.

You Are Not Responsible For Your Husband’s Fidelity

Are you responsible for your husband’s fidelity?

Absolutely not.

If your husband has told you or implied that if you do not have sex with him, then he will cheat on you – whether with another person or with pornography – you are being sexually abused.

Sexual coercion is sexual abuse.

Too many women are coerced into sex because they are afraid that their partner will betray them if they don’t comply.

When Church Leaders & Authors Tell You That You Are Your Husband’s Object

When this dangerous threat is condoned by religious leaders and authors, like Gary Thomas, women are severely traumatized and more likely to comply with their husband’s demands because they feel unsupported by their faith communities. They may experience:

  • Sexual pain
  • Illness, including STDs and STIs
  • CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
  • Rape Trauma Syndrome
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Suicidal ideation

Have You Been Told You Are Your Husband’s Object? You Are Not Alone

The devastation that women feel when they seek help from an organization, religious leader, or marriage book – and find only blame, traumatizing advice, and excuses for the abuser – is overwhelming and confusing.

And tragically, it’s all too common.

You are not alone if you have come across some truly despicable counsel in your journey seeking help and peace.

An Army Of Advocates

At BTR, we stand beside the brave voices (including Sheila Gregoire, Sarah McDugal, MaryEllen Bream, Patrick Weaver, and Andrea Aleksandrova) that declare that sexual betrayal is not your fault.

You are not your husband’s object.

Your body is yours.

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