When Your Partner Is Unfaithful

by | Boundaries

The immense grief you felt after discovering that your partner is unfaithful is indescribable. Anger, denial, self-blame, apathy, physical pain, fatigue, rage, paranoia, insomnia, forgetfulness – all symptoms of trauma and completely normal though truly tragic that anyone must experience such horrible things at the hands of another’s abuse. At BTR, we stand with you in your pain and will hold your hand through this journey.

Infidelity is Emotional Abuse

Yes, infidelity is abuse. At BTR, we consider any extra-marital, secret sexually perverse behaviors, including pornography use, to be infidelity.

Even while it is so difficult to form a coherent thought during this traumatic time, it is necessary for you, the partner of the abuser, to take set personal boundaries to make sure that you are safe.

Boundaries To Set When Your Partner Is Unfaithful

  1. Set an appointment with your OB/GYN to be tested for STD/STI’s. Unfortunately, abusive men lie. While your partner may never have acted out with another person, there is a chance that he has and has not disclosed or will not disclose that information to you. Your physical health is important.
  2. Make sure that your basic physical needs are being met, and if they aren’t, seek help. Often, women in trauma struggle to eat and sleep properly for a time. There are many ways to help the physical body “wake up” from trauma: massage, meditation, yoga, exercise, napping when tired, and even consulting with a medical doctor in cases of sleep disturbance and malnutrition. BTR coaches specialize in helping women navigate through trauma and its diverse, debilitating symptoms.
  3. Create a self-care plan that includes physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational care-taking.
  4. Set boundaries. Find support as you navigate your new reality: you will need to let your abusive partner know what is okay and what is not okay: you will need to protect yourself and your children by not allowing abusive behavior in your home or in your life. 

Betrayal Trauma Is Here For You When Your Partner Is Unfaithful

At BTR, we advocate for the safety of women and children. Boundaries are not fences that can be broken or jumped over: they are actions that you take to protect yourself from the abuse being able to effect you and your children. You may feel very numb and confused right now, that is normal.

Attend a BTR.ORG Group Session today for the community, validation, and care that you deserve. 

Remember, you are not alone.

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