If you’re searching up “what is a sex addict” because you’re wondering if your husband is a sex addict, here’s what you need to know.
What Is a Sex Addict?
A common definition of sex addict is someone who engages in sexual behaviors secretly, compulsively, and uses deception to coerce women into having sex under false pretenses.
When a woman asks, “what is a sex addict?” (thinking her husband might be a sex addict), Anne Blythe, M.Ed. always asks why. Most of the time, the woman responds by detailing her husband’s emotionally and psychologically abusive behaviors. Unfortunately, since she’s not educated about abuse, she doesn’t know to label it abuse, so she searches up “what is a sex addict”.
If a woman thinks her husband might be a sex addict, Ms. Blythe suggests first learning more about emotional and psychological abuse and sexual coercion.
To learn if you’re being abused in this way, take this free emotional abuse quiz.
What Is a Sex Addict: Common Traits
Here are the common traits of a sex addict, but it’s important to note that these behaviors are abusive:
- Obsessive Preoccupation: If he constantly thinks about women as sexual objects, and thinks women were created for his enjoyment or consumption.
- Compulsive Porn Use: Watching pornography excessively, and lying to his wife about how he spends his time. Because the pornography industry is an exploitative, abusive industry, viewing pornography fuels the demand for sexual coercion and sex trafficking.
- Lying and Deception: Gaslighting and manipulating his wife to hide pornography use, infidelity, or other sexual behavior outside the boundaries his she feels comfortable with.
- Escalation: Needing more extreme or frequent behaviors to achieve the same level of satisfaction.
- Lack of Empathy: Depsite the obvious negative consequences to his wife and children, he continues to engage in sexual behavior outside his wife’s sexual boundaries and lies to her about it.
- Disregard for a Mutual Sexual Experience: If a man is willing to hide information from his wife to manipulate her to have sex with him, he’s not allowing her to give consent. This is sexual coercion, which is a form of sexual abuse.
What Is A Sex Addict: How To Know If Your Husband Is Addicted To Sex
The following signs will not only indicate that your husband is likely a sex addict, but more importantly that he’s emotionally and psychologically abusive to you:
- Secretive Behavior
If your husband frequently hides his phone or computer use, has private social media accounts, or erases his browsing history, it could be a sign that he’s conceal porn consumption or sexual behaviors.
Living a double life and deceiving his wife about his true character is a form of psychological abuse.
To learn more about this type of abuse, listen to The FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast.
- Excessive Porn Use
If your husband prioritizes pornography use over quality time with you or his children, it’s a sign that he doesn’t view the marriage the same way you do. He’s likely married to exploit you, and maintains his ability to exploit you through grooming. This is emotional and psychological abuse.
- Mood Swings or Irritability
Addiction leads to emotional instability. If your husband becomes angry, defensive, or distant seemingly randomly, it might indicate he’s hiding secret sexual behaviors, including infidelity, from you.
- Neglecting Responsibilities
Persistent distraction or failure to fulfill work duties, house chores, or relationship roles due is a sign of sex addiction.
- Lack of Sex in Marriage
For a sex addict, erectile dysfunction is common because he masturbates to pornography so much he can’t get an erection from natural sex with his wife. If he blames his wife for being unattractive or any other reason, he’s likely a sex addict.
Understanding A Sex Addicts Impact On YOU
Sex addiction means he’ll be abusive to you. You’ll likely feel betrayed, inadequate, or like you’re competing with unrealistic expectations created by pornography.
These feelings are valid, and seeking help to create emotional and psychological safety for yourself will be the key to healing.
What You Can Do:
Since couple therapy is always contraindicated when abuse is present, avoid couple therapy until you know the extent of his abusive behaviors.
If you suspect your husband might be a sex addict, you’re not alone. Betrayal Trauma Recovery will walk with you as you determine what to do next.
This is the best article that defines what is a sex addict. The sex addiction recovery industrial complex doesn’t recognize that this is just plain old abuse. For decades, sex addiction experts enabled my husband’s abuse.