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What About Recovery For Me?

by | Betrayal Trauma

Healing from betrayal trauma

When intimate betrayal is treated as a couple’s issue, “recovery” can be a confusing term. Therapists, coaches, sponsors, and others may refer to the offender’s “recovery” more than the victim’s “recovery”.

At BTR.ORG, we know the immense devastation and damage that victims experience resulting from a partner’s infidelity. Our focus is NOT on the offender’s “recovery” (ie. behavioral changes or accountability), but on the victim’s recovery.

The Trauma Model

Because we view intimate betrayal as an abuse issue, we follow the trauma model.

Victims are encouraged to seek support, empowerment, self-care, and safety.

The Codependency Model

Traditional Sex-Addiction Recovery organizations often claim to use the trauma model, yet victims are encouraged to recover by following the same basic outline of the famous twelve-steps, including close self-speculation that is often harmful to victims.

Recovery Means Healing

Here at BTR.ORG, we view a victim’s recovery as true healing. We do not pathologize victims as “codependent” or as having attachment issues because we know that abuse and trauma destroy a victim’s safety.

Healing and recovery begin to happen as victims find validation, safety, and peace in the power of community. Consider attending a BTR.ORG Group Session today.

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4 Comments

  1. Sue

    Anne, I don’t see the date of the podcast. Would you consider putting the date’s of the podcast on here. I would like to go back to the podcast on my phone and play the podcast from there. The podcasts are in chronological order, so it would be helpful to have the date.
    Thank you Anne!! I love all you do!

    Reply
    • Anne Blythe

      Thanks! I don’t put the dates on since people listen to them in different ways. But you can always search by the title using the little magnifying glass at the top of the site:). Hugs! Thanks for your support!

      Reply
  2. Mysha

    Hello Anne
    I have posted on you 13 signs he is changing and 9 signs that he isnt changing. I am figuring out how I am all alone and my partner still laughs at your podcasts. He said yesterday that I need to own up to my conrtibirion to his lying anger and deception. He also said you sound like a b@$&t and that you must have caused your situation. I was appalled and I defended you. What he did and doing is destroying me. He also said yesterday that women get everything… I didnt understand and he stopped talking to me. I am beyond angry and still have daily fits of crying I have lost everything and it is SO scary. I haven’t been able to set boundries. I tried but he relapsed and he was headed to jump off a bridge – or dry fire a gun or choke me -or tear ligaments in my thumb.. I have deserved all of that because I started it by asking questions. I have tried to drop him off at his grandma’s or his parents but i come when he calls. He was abused as a child and I have empathy for him not wanting to be there. I haven’t left since then but I have tried. I have 4 children and I am accepting a job in another state. I told him i Did NOT put him on the rental application with me and he still feels I am unreasonable and he is the victim because i belittle him. I haven’t even got to full disclosure… He says “that’s all” but I always discover more. I started getting sex spam and he blamed my children. This is the hardest thing to leave and I know “right now” he isn’t capable of commitment, honesty, integrity or value. I asked him what he valued in a woman and he told me 5 physical characteristics and that she must have a job and a car… oh crap. I am doomed, is what I thought. This was last week. I still give sex but not as often ( used to be at least 1-3 times daily – including painful sex in my bottom and I did EVERYTHING A PORN STAR WOULD DO).
    I had to get sloppy drunk just to forget “my” issues so I could be intimate. So wrong of me and I cannot care for my kids if i become an alcoholic. Drinking also makes me stop raging/flodding/crying… I am horrible mother. I don’t believe in God (my bf wears a crucifix and raised in catholic school) but he used scripture to shut me up and then immediately watched porn. I am better than this mess of a woman… I will hopefully be able to separate my self and children from this. I feel that this will be all he needs to just go back to his ways. I am scared and I have too much proof I knnow he can’t get better me because I enable him… and I am sick of yelling. I feel horrible/guilty for telling him how this makes me feel.

    I want you to know this Anne: “You were hard to find but I am so glad someone understands. I am determined to survive for my children. I have horrible stories from birth on..but I can decide now that I am worth more than my physical body. I have strong visions – which are never wrong. They were what I needed to see. Someday, my story WILL give people hope. With all i have experienced…. if I can do this – then anyone can. I will let you know if I survive this.” Thank you for being here for us.

    Reply
    • Anne Blythe

      You don’t deserve to be abused. Please call the police and report his abuse. Please get yourself to a domestic violence shelter and tell them about the abuse you’re experiencing. You are strong. You are brave. You can do this!

      Reply

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