Have you spent endless hours and countless efforts trying to find a therapist that knows and understands what you are going through? What about the overwhelming cost involved with different therapies, treatments, and counselors? To top it all off, things still are not any better. You still feel unsafe, traumatized, and misunderstood. You are not alone in this struggle.

As one woman describes her experience of being manipulated, blindsided, abused, and lost,

“He was charming, handsome, and a doctor from 3 generations of physicians. I had a nice job with two great sons. My life was full. I didn’t see it coming. Things started out great, slowly transforming into emotional game playing, crazy-making, and gaslighting. I was blind to his substance abuse and pornography addiction up to post-heart attack when he couldn’t hide it anymore. Ending in my broken ribs and financial ruin. After strategic planning to get to physical safety without family or a support system the emotional turmoil and trauma came tumbling out. I’ve spent hours of therapy and reading to research my own issues of letting go and I was stuck. This was my life for the past six years.”

Betrayal Trauma Can Be Misunderstood But Untrained Professionals

Another woman recalls,

“I had spent over 10 years and $10,000 in and out of couples counseling. Even though my husband had been unfaithful and had a problem with pornography and masturbation they looked at our issues as a couple problem. The multiple therapists we saw had years of experience, but they knew nothing whatsoever about betrayal trauma, sexual integrity issues or addictions, or the emotional abuse involved. In fact, my husband was able to successfully gaslight one therapist to the point where he told me that if I would become a “safe person my husband would quit lying to me.” Unfortunately, even though my intuition told me otherwise I took what he said to heart and I worked so very, very hard to become safer. I bet you can guess the result of all my hard work. Yep, my husband lied to me again and again and again. It was never about me.”

So what can be done? What can save you from years of turmoil, trauma, and pain? BTR is here to help. The entire focus of Betrayal Trauma Recovery is safety for women. With safety as the aim, the goals change to reflect women’s remarkable strength and center around empowerment.

How Does Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Help Women?

One client states,

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group provides support, validation, empowerment, education, organization, consistency, safety, confidentiality, respect, kindness, acceptance, and love. I don’t use those words lightly. BTRG and all of BTR has been a lifeline for me that is indescribable. I like the fact that I can get help from home because I am unable to travel outside the home. The coaches provide helpful feedback, insightful feedback, they are knowledgeable, kind, patient, and have helped me to stay grounded in reality. The group members provide much-needed community and validation. BTR has been a godsend. That I can share what I’m going through with other women that understand, it’s amazing.”

One reason that BTR is so helpful is because of the vast knowledge base that already exists within our groups and among our coaches. A woman shares her thoughts on this phenomenon,

“Unlike beginning with a new therapist, I didn’t have to spend hours giving background because these women already understood what was going on in my heart and in my home. Gaslighting, DARVO, and emotional abuse were huge topics that had not been addressed in traditional counseling. The podcast covered topics that I found extremely helpful. I listened, pausing, jotting notes, then printing the transcripts of some episodes. This material deeply resonated with me and I used parts of it as a script to identify what I needed for safety.”

What Helps In Dealing With Betrayal Trauma

What do other women say about the services at BTR?

Recently, one client stated,

“With the amazing help of a BTR coach, support, and education I was able to set a very significant boundary that my husband get into recovery or I would begin the process of separation. The time frame from reading the article on gaslighting and hiring a coach and going to an intensive was only about 2 months. After years and years and thousands of dollars spent on traditional therapy, it took just 2 months to get the help we really needed. Why? Because I found someone who understood exactly what I was going through, named it, educated me, and provided support and contagious courage needed to help me find my voice and become empowered to stop the abuse.”

Another client agrees on the power of the group sessions,

“All of the women in Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group came from various backgrounds and bonded together to find solutions to the challenge’s women faced after the initial shock of disclosure and abuse when we were unable to make sense of reality. It was really an intimate group of amazing women that represented different stages of discovery and grief cycles. I recognize that the feelings attached to the experience of trauma are universal in nature, but that there are some unique heightened and very personal pain points around this particular addiction. I was able to sort out truth from fiction and find coping tools. The sessions were very informative and practical with examples, role-playing, and opportunities to apply what we were learning to our real-life situations in a safe situation with feedback and encouragement. If you’ve been betrayed, chances are gaslighting is or has been a significant part of your experience as well.”

Why Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Is Essential For Healing

The power of connection between women who have experienced similar trauma is undeniable. This is the goal of Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group. Finally, a client shared with us her testimonial of hope and healing:

“BTR has been such a validating and positive experience. The process has given me the courage to face some of my demons regarding triggers and issues with physical intimacy that I had been hiding from. It has also given me clarity about my next steps and ideas to improve my relationship. I have a clearer idea of how I want to integrate this whole nightmare into my life in a really positive way.”

We are always looking for stories of victims. If you would like to come on the podcast and share your story, please email us at anne@btr.org and share your story. The more we can share and get stories like this out into the light the more it helps all victims everywhere.

If this podcast and these types of materials are helpful to you, please make a recurring donation. Similarly, every single one of your ratings on any of your podcasting apps like iTunes or Stitcher helps isolated women find us so please rate the BTR podcast.

Until next week, stay safe out there.

Full Transcript:

Anne: Welcome to Betrayal Trauma Recovery this is Anne.

We always have women writing into us, telling us about how they’re feeling about betrayal trauma recovery and grateful for our podcasts and our services. So, today I’m going to read to you some of these and then I’ve also had random women read some of the testimonials. So, it’s not necessarily the women who wrote it is the one that’s reading it, and some of these women are the actual women but I’m not going to tell you whose.

So, we’ll just interchange between me reading some and then other women sharing theirs.

Testimonial 1: So, when I finally found BTR my husband and I had spent over 10 years and $10,000 in and out of couples counseling. Even though my husband had been unfaithful and had a problem with pornography and masturbation they looked at our issues as a couple problem. The multiple therapists we saw had years of experience, but they knew nothing whatsoever about betrayal trauma, sexual integrity issues or addictions, or the emotional abuse involved. In fact, my husband was able to successfully gaslight one therapist to the point where he told me that if I would become a “safe person my husband would quit lying to me.” Unfortunately, even though my intuition told me otherwise I took what he said to heart and I worked so very, very hard to become safer. I bet you can guess the result of all my hard work. Yep, my husband lied to me again and again and again. It was never about me.

Group Support Can Be Helpful For Betrayal Trauma

Thankfully, everything turned almost on a dime the day I read an article on gaslighting by one of the BTR coaches. This is one of the biggest ah-ha moments of my entire life. It was almost as if I could hear the angels singing in the background as 26 painful years of fog began to lift. I immediately set up a coaching appointment and for the first time ever found someone who got it immediately. I didn’t have to convince her, educate her, approve of things. She knew exactly what I was going through because she had been there too.

With her help, support, and education I was able to set a very significant boundary that my husband attends an intensive for sex addiction and get into recovery or I would begin the process of separation. The time frame from reading the article on gaslighting and hiring a coach and going to an intensive was only about 2 months. 2 months! After years and years and thousands of dollars spent on traditional therapy, it took just 2 months to get the help we really needed. Why? Because I found someone who understood exactly what I was going through, named it, educated me, and provided support and contagious courage needed to help me find my voice and become empowered to stop the abuse.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Offers Insight Into Establishing Safety

Anne- Testimonial 2: An intimate group of amazing women represented different stages of discovery and grief cycles. We came from various backgrounds and bonded together to find solutions to the challenge’s women faced after the initial shock of disclosure and abuse when we were unable to make sense of reality. When I recognized that the feelings attached to the experience of trauma are universal in nature, but (that) there are some unique heightened and very personal pain points around this particular addiction. I was able to sort out truth from fiction and find coping tools.

Testimonial 3: I was desperate for help and searched the internet for answers. I came across informed gaslighting. So, THIS is what I’ve been experiencing in my marriage for 26 years and there is a name for it?! It was literally a mind-blowing revelation for me. That led me to the BTR website where I went on a podcast binge and listened to everything I could get my hands on. The fog of gaslighting began to lift and with the help of one of the coaches, I gained the courage to set some significant and appropriate boundaries.

Get Help With Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group

Honestly, I thought I had a pretty good handle on the subject and didn’t expect to learn much more. Was I ever wrong! What I thought I knew about gaslighting was only a drop in the bucket. First sessions were very informative and practical with examples, role-playing, and opportunities to apply what we were learning to our real-life situations in a safe situation with feedback and encouragement. If you’ve been betrayed, chances are gaslighting is or has been a significant part of your experience as well.

Anne- Testimonial 4: This isn’t a cookie cutter group with an unmovable agenda. There isn’t one way to approach the challenge of boundaries. Sex addiction is real. Treat yourself to this healing experience. Transcend the past, move past the crazy, and stand in our own truth in sisterhood.

Testimonial 5: The BTR community is amazing. The support groups, everyone gets it. There is no judgment. There are no feelings of being victimized like with some therapists. I truly feel that everyone who participates validates our experience. They offer very helpful feedback and suggestions. Everyone is a wealth of information. I get great resources, different books, podcasts, YouTube videos, websites, therapy styles. All sorts of different pieces that I would not have necessarily found on my own and I appreciate that people will share what has worked and also what hasn’t worked for them.

Recovery From Betrayal Trauma Starts With Safety

I really appreciate the ease of use. Many different times during the day that you can connect with the coaches and with other group members. The response is really quick if you want to make an appointment. You don’t have to wait and you don’t have to travel. You can do it from your computer. Especially with the people with kids, the ability to quickly get an appointment and not have to find a babysitter. You can, you know, pop the movie in for an hour and get your needs met. Get that validation and that help that we’re all so, so searching for.

So, I strongly suggest people try it. The fee is nominal. It’s much less than you’re ever going to find anywhere else. You can use as many groups as you want during the month and I think it’s probably the best investment you can make in your recovery. I am a huge fan. I love the style, I love the program, I love the model.

Anne- Testimonial 6: BTR has been such a validating and positive experience. The process has given me the courage to face some of my demons regarding triggers and issues with physical intimacy that I had been hiding from. It has also given me clarity about my next steps and ideas to improve my relationship. I have a clearer idea of how I want to integrate this whole nightmare into my life in a really positive way.

Betrayal Trauma Can Be Handled Safely By Joining A Group For Survivors

Testimonial 7: BTRG has been life-changing for me. It challenged me out of my comfort zone and encouraged me to make the hard choices for the betterment of my family and out of love for myself and my husband. I have been deeply impacted by hearing of the other women’s struggles and victories, as well as having been able to learn from their stories and journeys. I made life-altering decisions out of the influences from this group.    

Anne Testimonial 8: When I was first introduced to BTR my world had turned upside down and I was lost in overpowering emotions. The coaches guided me to discover peace and advocate for myself. Thank you for our individual sessions and for the group. I have found a place of healing and strength.

Testimonial 9: I was very blessed to find BTR.org. The coaches are just wonderful. I was really desperate when I found BTR because therapists, like 3 of them in a row, didn’t work out. Joining the group meetings are just fulfilling in themselves but the individual coach meetings are also wonderful. Everybody is so kind and helpful and it gives me a lot of hope about what I’ve been going through. Thank you.

Group Insight Is Powerful When Handling Betrayal Trauma

Anne- Testimonial 10: Here’s one from a woman in Colorado. He was charming, handsome, and a doctor from 3 generations of physicians. I had a nice job with 2 great sons. My life was full. I didn’t see it coming. Things started out great, slowly transforming into emotional game playing, crazy-making, and gaslighting. I was blind to his substance abuse and pornography addiction up to post-heart attack when he couldn’t hide it anymore. Ending in my broken ribs and financial ruin. After strategic planning to get to physical safety without family or a support system the emotional turmoil and trauma came tumbling out. I’ve spent hours of therapy and reading to research my own issues of letting go. This has been my life for the past 6 years. I finally found BTR and it has been my lifeline. I write this with much gratitude and appreciation.

Testimonial 11: I just happened to find the BTR podcast in the midst of finding out my spouse had been lying and cheating again, actually number 6 that I know of. The deepest darkest moment of my life. Words can’t express how listening to the podcast truly saved my life. It made me feel like there are others out there, I wasn’t alone. The words of encouragement, education, support, and knowing that the situation was for real and I wasn’t crazy was so comforting. After searching the BTR site I noticed services were offered that could help even further. I decided now was the time and signed up. Words truly can’t express how this experience helped in my life.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Can Help Survivors Find Their Voice

I also joined the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group. Each story and experience shared from the others touched my life in so many ways. The encouragement, education, and knowledge received from other women will forever be a part of my life. I wish I would have found BTR sooner, but I know it was simply in God’s timing to bring this organization into my life. I look forward to continuing individual sessions. Thank you BTR and Anne for everything.

Anne- Testimonial 12: BTR helped me to calm down and refocus away from my problems and onto finding a genuine solution so that I can move forward.

Here’s another one-Testimonial 13: BTR coaches are in tune with the needs of victims. Learning about them and intuitively recognizing details and proactively offering creative and innovative solutions.

Here’s another one -Testimonial 14:

BTRG provides support, validation, empowerment, education, organization, consistency, safety, confidentiality, respect, kindness, acceptance, and love. I don’t use those words lightly. BTRG and all of BTR has been a lifeline for me that is indescribable. Thank you so very much. I like the fact that I can get help from home because I am unable to travel outside the home. The coaches provide helpful feedback, insightful feedback, they are knowledgeable, kind, patient, and have helped me to stay grounded in reality. The group members provide much-needed community and validation. BTR has been a godsend. That I can share what I’m going through with other women that understand, it’s amazing.

Women Can Be Empowered With Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group

Here’s one that came to me-Testimonial 15: Hello Anne, I just felt it on my heart to send you a letter of encouragement and gratitude. I heard about BTR through one of my dear friends that I met doing an intensive with her sex-addicted husband. After the 5-day intensive, I felt confused and alone. Especially when I came home to our small town with no support for the partner or even the addict for that matter. I followed the 12-step program and joined a program with our church. It was small and the leaders ended up having to shut it down. I wanted so badly to recover but I had no support group until I found you and BTR. My recovery and marriage have been so painful and so crazy. I had no idea what gaslighting was or that I was in a full-on abusive relationship. My boundaries and self-worth were low even though I presented myself as strong and confident. I lost my voice and gave away my choice. Since finding this group and the amazing coaches I have grown and discovered my inner strength and true voice. Thank you for what you are doing. Thank you for the love and time you pour into this ministry. You are a beautiful, glorious women and I hope to meet you in person someday.

Here’s another one-Testimonial 16: I stumbled across BTR and fortunately found myself in a session with coach Joi. I was the only one that attended that night and was privileged to have entered one of the safest spaces ever held for me since my world was turned upside down. The time I have shared with Joi since has been filled with compassionate truths and an endless amount of space and safety. Joi’s heart is in every word. The times I have felt the most alone and afraid Joi hasn’t hesitated to assure me that I am no longer walking through this journey alone. Her personal experience is invaluable but professionally Joi is in a league of her own. She has a vast knowledge of materials and has been able to provide personalized recommendations that fit me so perfectly. It is a true testament to her ability to actively listen and tailor information to the individual client. Thank you, Joi. You have changed my life.

Recovery Groups Can Help Greatly In Betrayal Trauma

And the last one -Testimonial 17: I was told about my husband’s sexual addiction in 2015. We sought professional help right away and he seemed to be in recovery, but it wasn’t until the summer of 2018 when I discovered BTR that I finally heard someone describe what I was living through as gaslighting and that there was something I could do about it. I’m not typically a person to call in, but after listening to the BTR podcast I recognized that I had more to learn. I scheduled an appointment with a coach and I realized that my husband had not been sober and that I had been emotionally abused. Then during a critical period, just before my husband moved to actively cast me off and discard our marriage and during the period when he was rapidly ramping up abusive behaviors, the BTR coaches were there with me with incredible empathy and profound insight. In a few hours, they validated my pain and taught me more about gaslighting than most people would know in a lifetime. They helped equip me to manage a situation that was about to rapidly unfold.

Unlike beginning with a new therapist, I didn’t have to spend hours giving background because these women already understood what was going on in my heart and in my home. Gaslighting, DARVO, and emotional abuse were huge topics that had not been addressed in traditional counseling. Also, the podcast covered topics that I found extremely helpful. I listened, pausing, jotting notes, then printing the transcripts of some episodes. This material deeply resonated with me and I used parts of it as a script to identify what I needed for safety. Thank you for what you do. You are making a difference.

Support Groups Are Available For Betrayal Trauma

I am so grateful for the women who are brave enough to share their insight and to send in testimonials to us. Thank you for being a part of our community.

I am always looking for stories of victims. If you would like to come on the podcast and share your story, please email me at anne@btr.org and tell me your story. The more we can share and get stories like this out into the light the more it helps all victims everywhere.

If this podcast and these types of materials are helpful to you, please make a recurring donation. Go to btr.org, scroll down to the bottom, and click on make-a-donation. Similarly, every single one of your ratings on any of your podcasting apps like iTunes or Stitcher helps isolated women find us so please rate the BTR podcast today; and until next week, stay safe out there.

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