If your husband has been unfaithful, here’s how to get sexual safety after betrayal.
1. Recognize the Trauma of Betrayal
Sexual betrayal is more than just breaking promises—it can be a type of abuse that deeply hurts someone’s feelings, body, and mind. Women who go through this kind of pain often feel many emotions, like sadness, fear, emptiness, worry, and rejection.
It’s critical to acknowledge these feelings. Your reaction is not an overstatement—it’s a natural response to trauma.
Betrayal victims often don’t feel safe because they’re not. You deserve to surround yourself with people and resources that validate you.
Take Action
Begin by determining whether emotional abuse was a factor in the betrayal. Take the Free Emotional Abuse Quiz to understand the true dynamics of your relationship. Awareness is the first step to reclaiming your safety.
2. Understand That Safety Comes First
At Betrayal Trauma Recovery, we believe that emotional and sexual safety must be the foundation for healing. If your husband tells you you should feel safe when you don’t, it’s likely manipulation—not true care or respect.
YOU are the only person who can determine when you feel safe, and you’re entitled to take all the time you need.
3. Avoid Sexual Contact Until Safety is Established
Women who have been through trauma can feel better by taking a break from sexual contact while they heal. Why? It takes time to rebuild trust and feel safe again, and starting intimacy too soon can cause more hurt.
Sexual safety also involves considering physical health. If infidelity has occurred, schedule appropriate medical testing to ensure your well-being.
Practical Steps
- Prioritize self-care by scheduling non-negotiable time for rest, relaxation, and emotional recovery.
- Focus on observing his actions, not words.
4. Build a Support System
Healing isn’t possible without community.
Finding a safe and supportive community is one of the most empowering ways to reclaim your confidence and safety.
Consider This
Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions are a safe and supportive place where women can talk to others who understand what they’re going through. These online sessions are led by caring coaches who make sure everyone feels safe and supported.
5. Educate Yourself About Trauma and Abuse
Understanding the nature of betrayal and its impact on your mental and physical health is empowering.
Emotional abuse, gaslighting, and manipulation are always intertwined with sexual betrayal. Learning to identify the emotional abuse you’ve suffered is the key to establishing healthy sex after betrayal.
Why It Matters
Many professionals, including therapists, don’t recognize betrayal as emotional, psychological, and sexual abuse. This can lead to more harm if you’re pressured to “move past it”.
Listen to The FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast to learn more about this type of abuse.
6. Allow Yourself Time to Heal
Healing is a process. Betrayed women often feel pressured to act or make decisions quickly—expecially about sex after betrayal.
Know this: There is no timeline for recovery.
Your healing is about YOU. It’s okay to focus on your needs without guilt or shame.
When you feel safe and supported, you can think about bringing closeness and love back into your life.
Encouragement
You may not feel it yet, but healing is possible. You never have to have sex again if you don’t want to.
7. Join a Community Focused on Healing
You don’t have to do this alone. People and spaces that focus on your well-being are essential to heal.
- Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions: Daily live sessions provide guidance and community as you work toward safety.
- Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast: Real stories from real women who’ve walked this path and found healing.
- The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop: Discover your husband’s true character and learn essential emotional safety strategies.
Choose Empowerment Over Isolation
Attending a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session has helped countless women feel validated. One client said, “I felt safe and supported while making hard choices that improved my situation drastically. This group gave me amazing insights.”
Reclaim Your Safety—One Confident Step at a Time
Sexual safety after betrayal is challenging, but it’s definitely possible with the right help and tools. Every small step you take toward feeling safe is a brave step forward.
Finding a safe support network helps victims heal and ultimately thrive. You don’t have to do this alone.
Finally I can read that I’m not crazy with my feelings and emotions. Thank you.
This is so spot on! My husband wants to have sex but I don’t feel safe. How could I after he just betrayed me?!
We recommend The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop to determine if he’s safe, to see if you can even have sexual safety after betrayal.
This discussion sheds light on several topics that have been rolling around my head for 20 months. I went from forcing myself to have sex with my husband once monthly to daily sometimes multiple times daily. I felt like such a champ at first, but when I discovered my husband still watched porn and masturbated during this time, my self-image sunk to new lows.
I still can’t put my finger on why, after I discovered (caught) my husband contacting divorce attorneys, why did I abruptly place the demand to stop several “activities” he’d done since we married? I always knew he was the safe guy at work at work that women could confide in. That’s why he and I started dating. Why did I become furious about porn use? I knew he watched porn. I didn’t like it, but I told myself with my husband when we dated that I would give up the losing porn fight. It was nice not discussing porn use. We avoided so many fights that plagued past relationships. Why did I do that? Ever since I placed those demands on him, our marriage has gotten worse and worse. 🙁 Not surprising. He still won’t stop. I want to return to how I accepted his infidelities prior to the attorney call.
Many women feel the way you do. I did too. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Stay on the path, there is light at the end of the tunnel! You deserve a completely safe and happy life. And the fact is, if he’s betrayed you with lies and infidelity with porn, he can’t provide sexual safety after betrayal unless he starts telling the complete truth.