Sexual coercion occurs most often in marriage.

Definition of Sexual Coercion

Sexual coercion is when someone manipulates you to have sex. The manipulation can be enjoyable, in the form of lies or other type of grooming where you think things are great and you’re not aware of the danger. Or the manipulation can be threatening, although the most common threats are so subtle, they’re almost imperceptible. In a nutshell, sexual coercion means that one person is manipulating another person to have sex when they either don’t really want to or wouldn’t want to if they knew the truth.

At Betrayal Trauma Recovery, we help women who have been sexually coerced know their options. If you’re experiencing sexual coercion, you need support. We have Group Sessions multiple times a day. We’d love to see you in a Group Session TODAY.

Although there are many good reasons you might not want to have sex with your husband, here are a few that also indicate you’re a victim of sexual coercion. It’s natural that victims of this type of abuse wouldn’t want to have sex. So if any of the indicators below are happening to you and you don’t want to have sex, that makes perfect sense.

3 Key Indicators of Sexual Coercion

If you’re wondering if your husband has been sexually coercing you, here are things to think about:

#1. It’s Sexual Coercion If You Feel Obligated To Engage In Sexual Activity

Do you have the feeling that you owe your husband sex? That sex is your duty to him as his wife? Do you feel like sex is something to check off a list, but not something that you necessarily enjoy?

Has your husband ever hinted or said outright that something bad will happen if you don’t keep up your end of the “deal”? Do you have the feeling that you’re obligated to have sex with him?

Did you know that you’re NOT obligated to have sex with anyone for any reason? Even if you’re married?

If you’re having sex out of obligation and not actual desire, it’s sexual coercion.

Beth, for instance, always felt guilty if she didn’t give in to her husband’s advances, believing it was her duty to keep him satisfied. Over time, this eroded her own sense of self-worth and made her dread intimacy.

#2. Your Husband Uses Manipulation To Convince You To Have Sex

Does your husband whine if you don’t want to have sex with him? Does he blame you if you don’t want to have sex with him, rather than look at the reasons why you don’t want to?

One of the most common forms of sexual coercion is keeping something important from you. For example, Beth’s husband was using pornography and masturbating. Beth realized her husband was coercing her to have sex. Due to Beth’s morals and values, had she known he was secretly using pornography, she never would have consented to sex.

Beth recalls nights when her husband would sulk or become passive-aggressive if she wasn’t in the mood, making her feel like she was failing as a wife. This constant emotional manipulation left her feeling cornered and resentful.

#3. Your Husband Subtly Threatens You

Does your husband suggest that he won’t be so cranky if you have sex? A subtle threat that he will be cranky if you don’t do it? Does he threaten to get his sexual “needs” met elsewhere if you won’t meet them?

Beth’s husband would often imply that their relationship would suffer if she didn’t meet his sexual needs, sometimes even hinting he might look elsewhere. These threats made her anxious and compelled her to comply, even when she didn’t want to.

Recognizing these signs and understanding that you’re not alone, just like Beth, can be the first step toward seeking help and reclaiming your autonomy.

If you’re experiencing sexual coercion, attend a Betrayal Trauma Group Session TODAY. We understand. We’re here for you!