Emotional Abuse: Is It Really Happening to Me?

Emotional Abuse: Is It Really Happening to Me?

Coach Gaelyn

Emotional Abuse: Is It Really Happening To Me?

Recommended Four 50-Minute Sessions with Coach Gaelyn

Individual Sessions $115 (Packages Available)

Abuse is a strong word—and because of that reality, most of us find it difficult to identify ourselves as survivors of abuse. For example, we recognize physical abuse (violence) as we see it portrayed on TV. However, we often fail to recognize more subtle forms of relational, emotional, financial, sexual and spiritual abuse—even if happens within our own romantic and family relationships.

Here at BTR, we understand that betrayal trauma is NOT limited to our loved ones’ addiction to sex and porn. Because of this understanding, we seek to support women who are healing from a broad spectrum of emotional and relational abuse dynamics.

During your first session, Coach Gaelyn will invite you to share your story, safely and openly. She’ll introduce techniques that are critical to grounding yourself through this period of abuse awareness work, and she’ll recommend specific readings from Lundy Bancroft and Dr. Omar Minwalla, each designed to increase your understanding of emotional abuse within your relationship. Common themes that clients explore include:

  • The Nature (and Mythology) of Abusive Thinking
  • Ten Types of Abusive Men: Do You Know Them When You See Them?
  • Abuse, Addiction and Male Sexuality: The Troubling Trifecta
  • Parenting (also Co-Parenting & Parallel Parenting) with an Abusive Partner
  • Living with an Abusive Man: How to Protect Yourself if You Stay
  • Separating from an Abusive Man: How to Protect Yourself if You Leave
  • Creating an Abuse-Free World: Let it Begin with Me
  • Thirteen Dimensions of Sex Addiction Induced Trauma

During your second and third sessions, Coach Gaelyn will invite you to process your response to these readings, dedicating time to explore highlights that resonate, validate, concern or confuse you. She’ll help you to normalize the emotions that accompany this process and support you through “connecting the dots” within emotionally abusive relationships.

During your fourth session, Coach Gaelyn will help you to summarize and solidify what you’ve learned, deepening the ways you’ve started to recognize and identify emotional abuse within your life and relationships. She’ll recommend focal points for further growth and coaching on this topic, including insights to explore within our next series of topic sessions, How Do I Heal From Emotional Abuse?

For more details, email Coach Gaelyn at gaelyn@btr.org

 

Not Sure How to Get Started?

This video gives you the basics we recommend to get started with your betrayal trauma recovery.

Grief: Why Do I Feel Like I’m Dying Inside?

Grief: Why Do I Feel Like I’m Dying Inside?

Coach Gaelyn

Grief: Why Do I Feel Like I’m Dying Inside?

Recommended Three 50-Minute Sessions with Coach Gaelyn

Individual Sessions $115 (Packages Available)

For women reeling from betrayal and abuse, grief is a frightening, confusing and unpredictable process. Grief involves facing losses that are immeasurable, irreversible and indeterminate. Some women heal alone in the aftermath of relationships that don’t survive, while others seek to heal in close proximity to their addicted and/or abusive loved ones. Both realities create complex internal and interpersonal dynamics—the kind that can be difficult to navigate alone.

The good news is, you’re are NOT alone! In these sessions, Coach Gaelyn will help you to understand why sexual and relational abandonment triggers such an acute and unique grieving process.

During your first session, Gaelyn will invite you to share your story, safely and openly. As you do, she’ll pause to identify and normalize indicators for abandonment grief and trauma responses, using the unique and effective SWIRL model—along with its easy-to-remember visual and verbal cues.

During your second session, Gaelyn will encourage you to utilize this recognition to improve self-awareness, increase self-compassion and initiate your healing from addiction, abuse and abandonment.

She’ll also answer your questions about betrayal trauma and grief, such as:

  • Are these feelings “normal?” Or am I overreacting?
  • Why do I miss him, even though he abused and abandoned me?
  • What if I “open Pandora’s box” and discover I can’t survive what comes flooding out?
  • Is grieving necessary? What if I’m NOT grieving, but feel like I should be?
  • Will grief actually help me? Or will I risk getting stuck in my pain from the past?
  • I thought I was done grieving! So why do I still get hit with these waves of it?
  • I’m grieving, but not healing. Am I doing something wrong?
  • Is grief recovery truly possible?
  • Is there a point when grief becomes unhealthy?
  • How do I grieve the bad stuff without losing the good stuff?
  • This pain feels like death, but it also feels different. What’s up with that?

During your third session, Gaelyn will teach you to leverage grief to your own internal advantage, using them to motivate, fuel and facilitate deep, lasting and meaningful post-traumatic growth. She’ll recommend focal points for further grieving and coaching on this topic, including insights to explore Mourning To Move Forward.

For more details, email Coach Gaelyn at gaelyn@btr.org

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Coach Gaelyn helped me realize how important it is for me to let myself feel all the emotions associated with the grieving process, including RAGE. I have denied myself that emotion for too long, and during this group, I finally gave myself permission to feel angry about my divorce and process that anger in healthy ways.

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Coach Gaelyn helped me to see a tunnel of light in my long journey toward healing after a heart-wrenching divorce. The grief tools she introduced are helping me to accept and process important emotions, including some I’ve needed to validate for a long time.

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You’re an angel to do such needed work. Thank you for your time and efforts. They are appreciated more than words can express. Again, thank you!

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Coach Gaelyn’s coaching style brings compassion and love into a difficult environment. She is well-versed in the topics she presents and emphasizes safety as her foremost concern, providing practical tips and tools that allow me to grow, heal and move forward.

Not Sure How to Get Started?

This video gives you the basics we recommend to get started with your betrayal trauma recovery.

How Can I Protect and Heal My Children?

How Can I Protect and Heal My Children?

Coach Gaelyn

How Can I Protect & Heal My Children?

Recommended Four 50-Minute Sessions with Coach Gaelyn

Individual Sessions $115 (Packages Available)

For most women reeling from the trauma of betrayal, one concern tends to rise above the rest: “How can I protect and heal my children from the impact of what’s happening?” The good news is, you’re not alone in your question. The better news is, we’ll help you find answers!

During your first session, Coach Gaelyn will invite you to share your story, safely and openly. She’ll ask you to identify your top concerns, and she’ll ask some thoughtful questions designed to increase your insight and confidence.

During your second and third sessions, Gaelyn will introduce the primary factors involved in protecting your children from the impact of pornography and other sexual acting out. She’ll share ready-to-use, age-appropriate tools for family conversations about healthy sexuality, developed in consultation with respected psychologist Dr. Jill Manning and CSAT/child mental health specialist Jessica Eidens. Gaelyn will address ways that parents can help children heal from the family impact of trauma, with resources developed in consultation with other APSATS colleagues.

  • What if my kids are exposed to porn while they’re with my husband or ex-husband? How can I prevent this from happening in the first place?
  • My children are misbehaving in ways they didn’t before discovering my husband’s addiction and abuse. Are those two things related? And if so, how do I deal with that?
  • Are my requests on this topic reasonable, or am I overreacting? Are my expectations realistic? What boundaries are appropriate under these circumstances?
  • Should my kids be in therapy? If so, how do I choose the right therapist?
  • I can’t afford specialized help for my family. Is any family counseling better than none at all?
  • My partner blames me for our separation and/or divorce—because I’m the one who finally said, “enough is enough.” Now, he’s telling the kids that I’m the reason our family isn’t together. How do I deal with that?
  • Though my husband is no longer acting out sexually, his attitudes toward me are still very abusive. How can I protect my children from internalizing his example?
  • I hate that my kids have been hurt by their father’s actions and my responses to it. How can help them heal from this family trauma?

During your fourth session, Gaelyn will help you identify your individual takeaways and goals for moving forward—action steps to implement the new information and awareness you’ve received through these sessions.

For more details, email Coach Gaelyn at gaelyn@btr.org

Not Sure How to Get Started?

This video gives you the basics we recommend to get started with your betrayal trauma recovery.

For Mothers: Helping My Daughter Heal

For Mothers: Helping My Daughter Heal

Coach Gaelyn

For Mothers: Helping My Daughter Heal

Recommended Three 50-Minute Sessions with Coach Gaelyn

Individual Sessions $115 (Packages Available)

Few things are more traumatic than discovering that your husband has a secret sexual life. But what if it’s NOT your husband’s behavior that shatters your heart into a million pieces? What if it’s your SON (or son-in-law) who’s now an identified sex or pornography addict? What if your daughter (or daughter-in-law) is suddenly a betrayed woman, aching from the internal wounds of her husband’s affair, addiction and/or abuse? And what if this whole experience reopens old wounds, triggering trauma from your own past betrayal?

Within these safe and supportive sessions, Coach Gaelyn will explore the ways that YOU can help your daughter (or daughter-in-law) heal from her experience of betrayal trauma.

Together, we’ll explore questions like:

  • How can I support my daughter (or daughter-in-law), without alienating my son-in-law (or son)?
  • How can I extend love, support and advice without being smothering?
  • Help! This is triggering my own betrayal trauma!
  • What if my children are setting boundaries—or not setting boundaries—that concern me?
  • How can I provide stability for my grandchildren, as their parents navigate this painful experience?

For more details, email Coach Gaelyn at gaelyn@btr.org

Not Sure How to Get Started?

This video gives you the basics we recommend to get started with your betrayal trauma recovery.

How Do I Heal From Emotional Abuse?

How Do I Heal From Emotional Abuse?

Coach Gaelyn

How Do I Heal From Emotional Abuse?

Recommended Four 50-Minute Sessions with Coach Gaelyn

Individual Sessions $115 (Packages Available)

Learning to identify emotional abuse isn’t easy. For survivors of sexual betrayal trauma, learning to heal from emotional abuse presents an even greater challenge. How can we advocate for ourselves when we’re terrified? How can we protect ourselves (and our children) from abuse that just doesn’t stop? How can we avoid getting sucked into predictable patterns? How can we share life with someone whose behavior continues to undermine ours efforts at peace and partnership?

Designed as a followup to Emotional Abuse: Is It Really Happening to Me?, these individual sessions will zero in on your own unique relationship dynamics, isolate one or more of your greatest challenge zones, then teach you how to become resistant and resilient to emotional abuse within those most challenging dynamics.

During your first session, Coach Gaelyn will invite you to share your story, safely and openly. She’ll ask questions to scope out the extent, severity, frequency and category of your emotional abuse, and she’ll recommend specific readings from Lundy Bancroft’s Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That? to help you become increasingly abuse resistant and abuse resilient.

During your second and third sessions, Gaelyn will invite you to process your response to one or more of these challenge zones, dedicating time to explore highlights that resonate, validate, concern or confuse you. During this work, Gaelyn will utilize Lundy Bancroft’s seven categories of healing reinforcement for abuse survivors:

  • Clarity: Recognize and understand your partner’s unhealthy behaviors, to keep him from confusing you or blaming you for his actions.
  • Surviving to Thrive: Manage the challenges of day-to-day life in your current circumstances, in order to build a better future for yourself tomorrow.
  • Healing: Restore your spirit after being wounded by your partner’s mistreatment.
  • Being Your Own Best Friend: Through kindness and patience, strengthen your belief in your own self-competence and goodness of heart.
  • Staying Connected: Break out of isolation, improve relationships with people other than your partner, and maintain connections with those who see and support you.
  • Guiding Children: Enjoy and value yourself as a mother, and help your children maintain the highest possible quality of life above-and-beyond abuse.
  • Each New Day: Focus on strength, inspiration and satisfaction, despite the challenges of dealing with an abusive partner.

During your fourth session, Gaelyn will help you to summarize and solidify what you’ve learned, reinforcing the strategies you’ve practiced to heal from emotional abuse within your relationship. She’ll recommend focal points for further growth and coaching on this topic, including insights to explore in future individual sessions, if desired.

For more details, email Coach Gaelyn at gaelyn@btr.org

Not Sure How to Get Started?

This video gives you the basics we recommend to get started with your betrayal trauma recovery.

Relapse Preparedness: What If The Chaos Returns?

Relapse Preparedness: What If The Chaos Returns?

Coach Gaelyn

Relapse Preparedness: What To Do If The Chaos Returns

Recommended Six 50-Minute Sessions with Coach Gaelyn

Individual Sessions $115 (Packages Available)

What if things are good for awhile, but slowly (or suddenly) his abusive behaviors come back again? How will I handle yet another hurt or heartbreak? Those are precisely the questions we’ll address in these sessions. Together, we’ll create an authentic, effective and proactive plan, developing an emergency response protocol to support you through the prospect of this painful possibility.

During your first session, Gaelyn will invite you to share your story, safely and openly, helping you to identify and express your feelings and needs in response to the idea of relapse. Together, you’ll begin to deepen you concept of relapse preparedness, addressing some of the common myths, facts and fears women face when confronting this topic.

During your second, third and fourth sessions, Gaelyn will coach you to develop your own relapse preparedness plan (RPP). She’ll help you to process any potential risks, roadblocks or vulnerabilities that could diminish the efficacy of your RPP, and you’ll discuss the pros, cons and challenges involved in sharing your RPP with others. Gaelyn will introduce the concept of “relapse redirection,” and will encourage participants to consider ways that relapse responsiveness can create momentum and leverage for proactive and positive life change

During your fifth and sixth sessions, Gaelyn will identify and validate the growth she’s observed in you, introduce the concept of “relapse resolution,” and invite you to customize and commit to honor your own relapse preparedness pledge.

To learn more about relapse preparedness, read Coach Gaelyn’s popular article on Covenant Eyes, How Can I Prepare for My Husband’s Next Porn Relapse?

For more details, email Coach Gaelyn at gaelyn@btr.org

 

Not Sure How to Get Started?

This video gives you the basics we recommend to get started with your betrayal trauma recovery.

Surviving & Thriving Through Divorce

Surviving & Thriving Through Divorce

Coach Gaelyn

Surviving & Thriving Through Divorce

Recommended 12 50-Minute Sessions with Coach Gaelyn

Individual Sessions $115 (Packages Available)

Surviving & Thriving Through Divorce is for any woman whose marriage does NOT survive the trauma of addiction, abandonment, and/or abuse. Unlike other topics that support all victims of abuse (regardless of their relationship status), these sessions focus exclusively on the needs of divorced, divorcing, and separated women. With advanced training in grief and divorce recovery coaching, Coach Gaelyn seeks to help women heal from the multi-layered impact of this experience: first, from the underlying horror of abuse and betrayal, then from the secondary (sometimes deeper) trauma of divorce itself.

During our safe and supportive sessions, participants will utilize original material written by Gaelyn, to address 12 key topics of divorce recovery for betrayal trauma survivors, including:

  • Discovery Day: The beginning of the end
  • Decision = The “D” Word: How did I decide to divorce? Or is this divorce something I don’t want, but it’s happening anyway?
  • Disintegration: How do I now relate to my soon to be ex husband or ex husband?
  • Detailing the Damage: What have I lost in this whole experience?
  • Death Spiral: How am I experiencing grief in response to my looming divorce? Or after my divorce was finalized?
  • Divorcing Homes, Divided Hearts: How is this divorce affecting my family and social relationships?
  • Does Divorce Equal Failure? If my marriage failed, what does that say about me?
  • Deconstructing Sex, Intimacy and Womanhood
  • Date Night? Where am I at with the idea of future romance?
  • Discovering Me—Who Am I, Anyway? What’s my identity in the aftermath of this experience?
  • Designing Our New Lives: What kind of post-divorce life do I want?
  • Declaration Day: How will I say goodbye to my once-married life?

For more details, email Coach Gaelyn at gaelyn@btr.org

Not Sure How to Get Started?

This video gives you the basics we recommend to get started with your betrayal trauma recovery.

Mourning To Move Forward

Mourning To Move Forward

Coach Gaelyn

Mourning To Move Forward

Recommended Six 50-Minute Sessions with Coach Gaelyn

Individual Sessions $115 (Packages Available)

Grief isn’t pleasant, ranging from mild (low-level misery) to severe (intense and unbearable anguish). “If grieving is so awful,” some women ask, “then why in the world would we want to focus on it?”

Coach Gaelyn’s experienced answer begins with this: “There are two different ways to grieve the losses we suffer from addiction, abandonment and abuse. You can either grieve actively (on purpose), pursuing a plan that moves you forward, or you can grieve passively (by default), delaying a non-plan that just keeps you stuck.” Utilizing her favorite collection of exercises, these topic sessions empower you to approach the grief process wisely, bravely and with professional support:

During your first session, you’ll be invited to share your story, safely and openly, identifying your unique experience of tangible, intangible, temporary and permanent losses. She’ll introduce techniques that are critical to grounding yourself through this period of loss and grief work, and she’ll assign specific exercises for use in sessions two and three.

During your second and third sessions, Gaelyn will review your initial excercises, allowing time to interactively process the pain surfaced by each one. Together, you’ll strategize small-yet-meaningful action steps, empowering you to make peace (or progress toward peace) with each loss.

During your fourth and fifth sessions, Gaelyn will prompt you to write, read and/or record a series of letters that “talk back” to the addiction, abandonment and abuse. She’ll also support you through drafting a series of “goodbye” letters, closing one chapter of life as you formerly knew it—for the sake of creating, concretizing and maintaining closure.

During your sixth session, Gaelyn will help you to design and share a custom grief ritual, along with a celebration of your courage to grieve through the pain—and toward the growth.

For more details, email Coach Gaelyn at gaelyn@btr.org

Not Sure How to Get Started?

This video gives you the basics we recommend to get started with your betrayal trauma recovery.

Who Am I Beyond Betrayal Trauma?

Who Am I Beyond Betrayal Trauma?

Coach Gaelyn

Who Am I Beyond Betrayal Trauma?

Recommended Nine 50-Minute Sessions with Coach Gaelyn

Individual Sessions $115 (Packages Available)

Do you feel lost or consumed within this world of addiction, abandonment and abuse? Do you wonder what’s left of YOU, the woman who existed before your world came crashing down? Are you weary from a life that revolves around betrayal trauma? Are you looking for a way to move your soul forward?

If so, these sessions are for YOU!

During each of your nine topic sessions, strategically spaced according to your preferred pace, Coach Gaelyn will help you to reclaim yourself—the self that has likely been buried a long time beneath the ruins of betrayal trauma. Through a collection of creative activities, bodily exercises and simple-yet-powerful reflection questions, Gaelyn invites you to RELEASE what no longer serves you, RECEIVE what you need to live fully in the present, and RETURN to your role within the world around you—not as a woman carrying the burden of sexual betrayal, but as a woman who survives and thrives BEYOND betrayal trauma.

During each of your nine topic sessions, strategically spaced, Gaelyn will help you to process these 21 topics, supporting you to:

  • Release your need to control the outcome
  • Release the expectation of a straight path
  • Release your old stories
  • Release your fear
  • Release what other people think of you
  • Release your tears
  • Release what no longer serves you
  • Receive the gift of darkness
  • Receive stillness
  • Receive healing
  • Receive the sacred
  • Receive your curiosity
  • Receive your divine assignment
  • Receive what you need for the journey
  • Return with generosity and patience
  • Return with your authenticity
  • Return with the sacred
  • Return with your power
  • Return with your original medicine
  • Return with your courage
  • Return with your open heart and ready feet

If you purchase a 12 session package to do these sessions with Coach Gaelyn, you’ll also receive a free workbook ($45 value) and additional original materials.

For more details, email Coach Gaelyn at gaelyn@btr.org

Not Sure How to Get Started?

This video gives you the basics we recommend to get started with your betrayal trauma recovery.

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