When abusive manipulators get inside your head, it takes everything to stay in truth, hold to reality, and remember your worth.
“I Will Not Comply”
When victims adopt the power phrase, “I Will Not Comply”, they are adopting a firm boundary against abuse.
Choosing to remove themselves from the “game” of abuse is an empowering stride toward safety.
“I Choose Community Over Isolation”
One of the most devastating tools of abusers is isolation. When abusers successfully isolate victims from family and friends, they are able to better manage the victim’s perception of reality.
When victims choose community over isolation, they are actively choosing reality over distortion.
“I Honor My Emotions And Deal With Them in Healthy Ways”
Anger, fear, frustration, grief, joy, and delight.
Abusers condition victims to believe that emotions are dangerous, stupid, and weak.
It takes courage and dignity for victims to choose to honor their emotions and express them in healthy ways.
Specifically, victims can choose to honor their anger.
“Someone might say, ‘Well, you’re so angry,’ and that is true, you are angry. But the implied thing is there’s something wrong with anger, and the truth is that anger is awesome. Your anger is welcome here at BTR because your anger is justified in this situation.”Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery
How Can Victims Honor Their Emotions?
Honoring emotions may feel like learning a new language. It may feel awkward and uncomfortable, or even morally wrong.
However, as victims practice honoring their emotions and practice patience and self-compassion, it can become a beautiful experience.
Victims can honor their emotions by:
- Accepting what they are feeling without judgment
- Journaling their experiences and accompanying feelings
- Sharing their trauma and associated feelings with safe people
- Expressing difficult feelings through creativity, exercise, or other physical activities
- Reporting criminal behavior
Betrayal Trauma Recovery Is Here For You
At BTR, we understand how difficult it is to reclaim reality during and after abuse. Complying with abuse, living in isolation, and ignoring your emotions – these are the endgame of abuse and it takes everything to fight against these tactics and get to safety.
That is why BTR is here – to help you. To support you. To believe you.
You are not alone.
You can do this. We are here for you.
I’m very confused. After doing BTR a few years ago I struggle what abuse really is. After a marriage of 18 years (7 cheating events) I’m not with a cheater. He was very loyal to his wife for 35 years. My concern is his anger. I have to add that I continue to make bad choices in my life. At 62 YO I’m afraid to make the same mistake again. Today was an eye opener. He totally went off when he was helping one of my real estate clients. I met him in my car and started crying and told him I was so humiliated. He laughed and told me to not be so dramatic. I froze and my adrenaline went really high. There’s so much more but this is not the first time it’s happened. I dropped him off at his house and came home. I’m emotionally drained from the flight factor and adrenaline rush. There’s so many good things about this man. He does so much for me. Am I being crazy by staying?
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Sounds like you’re a victim of emotional and psychological abuse. All victims can see the “good” things about their abusers. You’re not crazy. Have you considered joining our online support group to process what you’re experiencing?