Have you discovered that your partner is using porn? Your feelings of devastation and pain are justified. Porn use is emotional abuse. Read on to understand why.

Pornography Use Is Sexual Coercion

Women have the right to all of the information about their partner’s sexual behaviors before choosing to be intimately involved and committed to him. A man is not giving his partner the ability to make informed consent if he withholds information.

This is called sexual coercion and it is abusive.

An appropriate conversation would include the pornography user confessing his full history of sexual acting out before the relationship becomes committed.

Often, women find that they are in a relationship for several months or years with a pornography user before discovering his secret sexual acting-out behaviors. In this instance, for the sexual coercion to stop, he would need to fully share his entire history of sexual acting out so that the victim could make a fully-informed decision about her level of relational comfort.

Pornography Use is Psychological Abusive

Gaslighting, lying, and manipulation are all psychologically abusive tactics. Pornography users employ them to protect sexual acting-out behaviors. Psychological abuse differs from emotional abuse in that it is intended to make the victim question her own reality.

Often, psychological abusers will take the stance that they “didn’t do it intentionally” or that it “wasn’t calculated.” Perhaps they didn’t intend for their partner to become so depressed from their abuse that she fantasizes about suicide every day…. or perhaps they didn’t intend for their partner to become so unsure of her reality that she truly wonders if she is insane… but they were intentionally choosing to protect their sexually acting-out behaviors by not being honest and forthright. 

Every abuser is completely accountable for their every word and action. The consequences on victims can be overwhelmingly tragic and abusers must face the reality that even if it wasn’t “calculated”, it was still intentional. 

Pornography Use is Emotionally Abusive

Betrayed women suffer from Betrayal Trauma. Betrayal Trauma is a symptom of abuse, not addiction. 

Betrayal in and of itself is emotionally abusive. It creates feelings of immense anguish, rejection, terror, and grief. 

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Supports Victims of Abuse

At BTR, we understand that it’s not “just porn”. We understand that your world is crashing down around you. We are here for you.

BTR offers many resources for victims. The free BTR podcast is a powerful tool. Tune in to hear stories of triumph over trauma. Women just like you are finding peace and safety every day. You can too. You just need the right tools. 

The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Support Group offers community, validation, and support to women all over the world. BTRG meets every daily in multiple time zones. 

And remember, you are not alone.