This episode is Part 2 of The BTR.ORG Meditation Workshop Series.
Part 1: Brand New Meditations for Victims of Betrayal & Abuse
Part 2: Find Peace & Calm With Our New BTR Meditations (this episode)
Part 3: New Meditations: Are You Ready to Start Healing?
If you, like many victims of betrayal and abuse, are desperate for stillness and peace, there is a new resource available to you. Lily, a member of the BTR.ORG community, found peace in the tumult of trauma by utilizing the new BTR.ORG Meditation Workshop. Tune in and read the full transcript below for more.
Chaos on the Outside, Peace on the Inside
“With the chaos on the outside, I was able to find some peace and calm on the inside. And the meditations made that possible.”
Lily, Member of the BTR.ORG Community
We understand how exhausting it is to face the trauma of betrayal and abuse. You deserve peace – and some victims find it in the stillness of trauma-informed meditation.
Anne Blythe, founder of BTR.ORG, developed The BTR.ORG Meditation Workshop to offer you peace and healing regardless of what your circumstances may be.
BTR.ORG Is Here For You
Enroll in The BTR.ORG Meditation Workshop today – and experience the peace and calm that you have always deserved.
Full Transcript:
Anne (00:01): Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne.
Last week I interviewed Pat about her experience with the meditations that I’ve written. This week, I’m interviewing another member of our community, Lily. So she enrolled in The BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop and then she enrolled in The Meditation Workshop and she’s will share her experience.
Talk to me about how you felt progressively as you did the meditation the first time, the second time, the third time. Do you think that it benefited you to do the same meditation three times?
The BTR Meditation Workshop Enabled Me To Find Some Peace and Calm
Lily (02:03): Yes. I do believe it was beneficial to do it more than once. When I was listening to it, I was also going through a rough week in my divorce process. I found it very grounding to review and do the visualization and then actually to have the same visualization.
So while I was going through all the turmoil on the outside, in my circumstances, the meditation and the visualization and the process being the same actually provided some grounding for me to be able to kind of stay steady through it. With the chaos on the outside, I was able to find some peace and calm on the inside. And the meditations made that possible.
I Felt So Grounded Doing the BTR Meditation Workshop
I was surprised at just how grounded I felt when I came into this process, I didn’t know that I could get away because my situation is difficult. My husband, he, he went after my son when I got away. He’s very destructive. This meditation, it helped me go, okay, no, I deserve this. I can do this, I can get through this.
Anne (03:05): It helps you feel more calm?
Lily (03:08): Yes, my son has an anxiety disorder at this point, and so he feeds off of my anxiety. What happened was when I was able to be calmer, I felt more grounded. He’s less anxious. So that was really helpful.
I’m More Present
Anne (03:22): Did you find that after the meditations you were acting any different or thinking any different in ways that were new to you that you didn’t have to work to do or think about doing? That just came naturally?
Lily (03:35):Yes, I’m able to be far more present and more attentive to my son and stay in the moment. After the meditation, my thoughts were a lot calmer. The rumination was much less. As I did the meditation more than once, the ruminating got less and less. So it was a cumulative benefit of repeating the meditation.
Using The Meditation Workbook
Anne (04:01):mA lot of women when they know there’s a workbook, it’s like, what? That’s not meditation. Meditation’s like laying down and relaxing . The suggestion to sit and have a pencil and have this workbook out, did you feel that way in the beginning?
How did you feel about the workbook?
In conjunction with the meditation, the reason why the workbook is important inside of the meditation is because we’re asking women to get inside of themselves. To sort of process that, you need to be in this kind of state of mind where you can go inside yourself and imagine what you’re feeling.
It wasn’t separate from the meditation, it was part of it, but a way to document that and process it while you’re actually looking inward.
Identifying “Stuck Points”
Lily (04:50): I found the workbook actually very helpful to fill out during the meditation because it helped me write down my answers as I went along. It really helped me stay grounded and present to the meditation, the, the thoughts and ideas.
Once they were on paper, I was able to let them go and be fully present to the next part of the meditation. The other piece that I really appreciate about it is that afterward, as I reflect back on the three different times I did it. I had different answers to different questions.
That’s really useful feedback for my trauma recovery going forward, especially identifying my stuck points in the areas where I have challenges and old traumas. To go back to in my healing journey, one of the hardest parts of this journey was getting started on my path to safety, really believing that I could get to safety.
What is Meditation? Examine, Process, Release
(05:42): I’ve been participating in BTR Group Sessions for a long time and they have been very, very helpful. To be able to get individualized coaching on my particular issues and also hearing other women’s situations. Listening to the coaching they’re getting also gives me lots of ideas on what I can implement in my own life.
What I really appreciated about the meditation was using the meditation to focus inward to my heart and to the things inside of me that may be blocking me. Having a tool to examine it, process it, and release it really helps me to take that next step.
The meditation works together with the group in that the group gives me the strategies and the ideas and the actions to take. Then the meditation gives me the grounding and the calmness and the ability and the strength and the clarity to take the steps that I’m learning in the Group Sessions. They work very, very well together.
The BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop
(08:09): You mentioned before we started recording how much The BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop helped you. Did you also find that that worked in conjunction with it too? Like that your inner world and how you view him, which is that first part of the strategic thought tactics, right? Like learning how to see him differently that this helped with that as well.
Lily (08:31): Yes. The graphic in The Living Free of the circle of my life being big and all the things that I’m excited about going forward, the things that I’m rediscovering about myself. The fact that I love to sing, the fact that I love music.
The fact that I love to decorate all the things that make me feel alive and are life-giving for me. I lost somewhere in this marriage and I’m rediscovering about myself to make that the bigger part of my life and relegate the abuser to the periphery of it, the meditation help me to actually carry that out.
BTR.ORG Meditation Workshop Works – And That Makes Us Happy!
Anne (09:16): It’s really cool because as I am my own journey of healing am just adding on these layers of healing and then creating the workshops or this meditation to help other women do it. It’s so exciting that we’re all making so much progress. I love it.
I’ve only progressed as far as I am right now and you know, hopefully tomorrow I’ll progress a little bit more. But also knowing that the things that we produce, the content and the workshops and the, the tools are actually helpful.
It makes me so happy because forever I went through the mess of pornography addiction recovery, which always made me feel worse. They cycled me through abuse over and over or even couple therapy. I’m so proud of the stuff that we create and that we’re able to share because I feel like it’s really working.
The “Meat Grinder” of Codependency Recovery
Lily (10:12): I agree because I went through that cycle, whatever that was, of codependency recovery and all that therapy to recover from. In addition to what happened in my marriage. Because I’ve been in group for a really long time. I feel like, oh my goodness, I’m still here.
If they found BTR first they could avoid the meat grinder of the codependency recovery that we had to go through.
It made me feel worse too. I couldn’t believe that my pain, my anger, my response to the heinous actions, they ignored the deceit. I was supposed to have all kinds of sympathy for this dude who had done it. Why am I shaming him and why am I, you know, oh, it’s just to have him be the center of attention as the identified patient.
With the BTR Meditation Workshop “I’ve Been Able to Recover, and He Hasn’t Changed One Iota.”
Lily, Member of the BTR.ORG Community
(11:04): Wait a second, what about the collateral damage here? You know, it was so frustrating. To see women be able to come into group now and get the right tools, the right advice, the right frame, this is abuse . I’m seeing them recovering quicker, they’re getting through the process faster, they aren’t getting dragged through the same.
Their children aren’t getting dragged through the same thing as we got dragged through. I’m really, really grateful for that.
I’ve been able to recover now and he hasn’t changed one iota and I’m fine and my kid’s fine.
I discovered your podcast, it came up on the algorithm sometime in 2018, I guess it was. Coming to group, bit by bit being able to take the small steps. I was very resistant to go no contact, like really resistant because then I’m not going to be able to watch, see what he’s doing. I’m not going to be able to know what he’s doing and going no contact was the best thing for me.
BTR.ORG Is Here For You
The coaches really walked with me through my process and my timing and my reservations like group upon group. When I was finally able to do it, they were celebrating with me. Nobody pushed me at a pace faster than I was able to integrate and metabolize. I really appreciated that.
It’s been life changing for me. I don’t, I honestly don’t know where I’d be. I just wanna thank you for doing this because BTR has just saved me.
Why didn’t I realize in the beginning – I experienced continued emotional and psychological abuse the entire time. Was l stupid? Even when we were newly married, he tried to control where I went and where l worked.
I worked in NY City Executive secretary for prestige department store cosmetics. l got paid on commission. I’d been working there several years and loved it.
I guess that’s how went out night after night with other women, and I never knew. He would’t say were he was or where he was going, but since he had his “brother” with him, I didn’t ask too many questions.
We had an apartment, then later a beautiful home overlooking water. l wanted a baby, but he didn’t want children. So it never happened. I made friends and got the cutest dog and then my dog had puppies. I took them to dog school baby class. I sold some, and the two remaining became obedient champion and breed champion.
So to answer my own question – why did I not see it? He was out running around with other women. I was busy. One day, in our dream house, overlooking the water, he came home late (like he always did), and said, “I’m moving to Florida with or without you.” And that’s when I finally understood that I had seen the signs all along, I had warnings, but I was afraid to act.