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I JUST FOUND OUT MY HUSBAND'S USING PORN
I Just Found Out My Husband’s Using Porn

When you find out your husband has been secretly using pornography, you may feel devastated, shattered, and lost. One woman shares her story.

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I JUST FOUND OUT MY HUSBAND'S USING PORN

Did you recently discover your husband’s secret pornography use?

Are you confused, hurt, devastated, and afraid?

Maybe you’re repulsed and angry because you thought he was one person, but now he seems to be a completely different man.

You’re not alone.

A member of the BTR.ORG community shares her story on the podcast. Listen to The BTR.ORG Podcast and read the full transcript below for more.

BTR.ORG Is Here For You

At BTR, we view secret pornography use as an abuse issue. The significant trauma that you’re experiencing is real and you deserve a safe place to process your trauma, without having to coddle your husband’s emotions.

Our BTR.ORG Group Sessions are YOUR safe space. Attend a session today.

Full Transcript:

Anne (00:00):
Today we have a brave woman sharing her D-Day (“Discovery Day”) story. So here is one of my sisters sharing her story.

Anonymous (00:07):
I just kind of wanted to do a share about my D-day mostly because today is the three year anniversary of my D-day. So three years ago it was a Sunday. And I had been at church and at that time I had a young colicky baby. So church for me meant a lot of walking the halls and dealing with sad baby. But that particular day, the third hour of church they had a special kind of visitor come, I guess. And it was to missionaries from the LDS Church’s Addiction Recovery Program, specifically on pornography recovery. And they came and just kind of talked to the women and the men of my congregation, kind of about the addiction recovery program and about their stories. I only was able to hear a little bit of it since I was in and out with the baby, but I was just thinking at the time, Wow, I’m so grateful I don’t have to deal with that.

I had thought porn wasn’t even an issue before we got married

(01:10):
So we went home after church and we got the baby and my older daughter down for a nap. I was just talking to my husband. I said something like, geez, I’m really glad that that you don’t have that problem so we don’t have to deal with it. And he got this look on his face, just this like green, almost sick look. And I said, am I right? We don’t have to deal with that, right? And I had thought, I mean, I had thought it wasn’t even an issue before we got married. I had asked him about it. He had told me he was fine. And so in my mind I had covered that, but he hadn’t been truthful. So we had been living a lie. He told me his face goes green and he said, actually, I have a, I have a problem.

Shattered Trust

(02:03):
And went on to shatter my life. Honestly, it was three days before our three year wedding anniversary, which really pissed me off too, let’s be honest, because it just, I mean, I was looking forward to our anniversary. I can’t, I can’t even remember right now what we had planned. Probably just dinner, but it just changed the whole thing. And I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to do. And after that, I just froze. I felt like I couldn’t trust my husband anymore. He completely shattered my trust. I didn’t know where to go from there. I’m one who struggles, who has struggled with emotions dealing with sharing, with just feeling emotions. I grew up in a home where especially negative emotions were not okay. We, my siblings and I joke that we up in a, like our, our family’s British, we don’t talk about real things.

“I decided to stop focusing on him, and started focusing on me”

(03:03):
We don’t talk about negative emotion. We don’t talk about depression or anxiety or pornography, addiction. I didn’t know to how to handle it, so I just froze. It took me a long time to start my own recovery. In fact, it wasn’t until this year when my husband had another relapse and I just kind of was done. I decided to stop focusing on him and started focusing on me. And that has helped me to be in recovery. It’s kind of been neat for me to, to look back on this, the third anniversary of my D-day and see just the, the crushed person I was back then. Because he did crush me. So I guess I just wanted to share my experience at, at D-Day, those, those crushing feelings that I’m sure others recognize and just kind of where I am now, these three years later, that you can have good recovery and you don’t have to let one moment destroy your life.

recovering from betrayal trauma
Have you been lied to? Manipulated?

Discovered porn or inappropriate texts on your husband's phone?
Are you baffled by illogical conversations with him?

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