An Infidelity Couples Therapist: What You Need To Know
If you’re thinking about meeting with an infidelity couples therapist, here’s what many women wish they had known first.
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This quiz has helped over 90,300 women understand infidelity couples therapy before they schedule.
What You Need To Know About an Infidelity Couples Therapist
After his betrayal, your husband may suggest seeing an infidelity therapist. It’s easy to think that will help.
But few infidelity therapists understand betrayal trauma. Many women learn this only after months of therapy. Others don’t see it until years later.
Before you schedule your first session, here are the 5 things every woman should know about infidelity counseling.
1. Almost EVERY Infidelity Couples Therapist Gets Betrayal Trauma WRONG
Most therapists are trained to help with:
- emotional disconnection
- communication tools
- mutual responsibility
But healing from betrayal trauma isn’t about any of that. She wasn’t disconnected. She didn’t have communication issues. And she already took responsibility for herself.
Why Most Infidelity Therapy Doesn’t Work For Women
If a therapist says they understand betrayal trauma, ask what causes it. Most won’t say, “It’s caused by emotional abuse, psychological abuse, and sexual coercion.”
And if they don’t name those causes, they don’t understand what’s actually happening.
When they don’t understand this, it hurts you.
2. You Deserve Better Than a Therapist Who’s Learning on Your Dime
A lot of women tell me, “Anne, your podcast was the first place that actually described my situation clearly. I even had my therapist listen so she could understand what was really going on.”
I’m glad the podcast helps, but you shouldn’t have to teach a therapist stuff before they can help you.
Don’t Pay A Therapist To Educate Them
That’s why I created Betrayal Trauma Recovery. We understand betrayal trauma better than anyone else. If you use our services, you can use your strength to heal, not to teach.
3. An Infidelity Couples Therapist Can’t Get Him To Be Honest
Many addiction or infidelity therapists say their plan will teach him to be honest. These plans can cost a lot and take years. But wait, shouldn’t he have learned how to be honest in kindergarten?
The truth is, a therapist cannot make someone be honest.
When The Therapist Can’t See It
If your husband is defensive, image-focused, and manipulative, he might:
- charm the therapist
- say “all the right things”
- appear cooperative
- make you look irrational or “emotional”
4. The Truth Is Not Always “Somewhere in the Middle”
A common therapeutic approach is: “Let’s hear both sides.”
But after betrayal, this can be dangerous.
If one partner is lying and the other is telling the truth, the truth is not in the middle.
A therapist who treats this as a shared problem will unintentionally:
- validate your husband’s lies
- misinterpret your trauma as “dysfunction”
- pressure you to “do your own work”
The result? You feel blamed. He feels justified. And nothing changes.
5. Traditional Marriage Tools Don’t Work When There’s Betrayal
An infidelity couples therapist may rely on:
- communication exercises
- empathy practices
- conflict-resolution skills
- reconnecting tools
However, if your husband has a history of lying, trust isn’t possible right now.
If he’s still lying, traditional relationship tools will:
- give him more opportunities to twist your words
- make you feel pressured to “connect” before you feel emotionally safe
- increase your anxiety and self-doubt
You Need Clarity Before Sitting on a Therapist’s Couch With the Man Who Betrayed You
Here’s something most women don’t realize:
The therapist will rely on the frame you bring into the space.
If you’re not sure what’s happening, they’ll follow your lead. That’s not helpful when you’re paying them to help you.
This is why so many women say: “I went to an infidelity couples therapist looking for answers…and left with more confusion.”
Why Therapy Often Makes Things Worse for Women
If your husband betrayed you and now says therapy will fix everything, stop for a moment. Before you find a therapist to help him, you need:
- a clear understanding of what’s actually happening
- language to describe the patterns
- tools to recognize manipulation
- a sense of emotional safety
Without clarity, therapy with the man who betrayed you may make it worse.
A Quiz Before You Book an Infidelity Couples Therapist
Every woman I interviewed said, “I wish I’d known this before I went to infidelity couples counseling.”
That’s why I created this quick, private clarity quiz. It gives you what you need to know before you schedule with an infidelity therapist. It’s…
- only 60 seconds
- completely anonymous
- over 90,000 women have used it for clarity
- gives you your next step with zero pressure
What Do You Wish You Knew Before Infidelity Therapy?
One woman spent over $12,500 on therapy, but it wasn’t until she took this infidelity couples therapy quiz that she understood why things weren’t improving.
After 4 years of couples therapy, we hadn’t made any progress. That’s when I found Anne’s podcast and now I know why it wasn’t working.
Finding this quiz helped me see why therapy wasn’t working with my husband. I’m mad the therapists didn’t know this, but so grateful I found BTR.
This answered questions I’d had for YEARS that no therapist could answer.
Anne Blythe, M.Ed
Author, Founder & Executive Director
Anne is the Producer and Host of the The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast and the author of Trauma Mama Husband Drama
After spending seven years trying to make sense of her marriage and another eight years navigating the aftermath, Anne has interviewed more than 200 women who’ve experienced betrayal. Her work is grounded in their stories.
Anne knows exactly what women need when they’re confused, scared, and trying to hold their families together.
