The Problem: What it’s NOT
At BTR, we know what you mean when you describe that “icky” feeling. It’s your intuition. It’s your Sacred, Internal Warning System letting you know that something is not right.
The problem in your marriage is NOT:
- How you communicate
- Your physical appearance
- How frequently you are having sex with your husband
- Your homemaking abilities
- Your trauma from finding out about your husband’s pornography use (including asking him questions)
Emotional & Psychological Abuse and Sexual Coercion – The Real Problems
- Gaslighting and manipulation
- Chronic lying (which includes withholding the whole truth)
- Sexual coercion
- Intimidation
- Emotional withdrawal
- Passive-aggressive behavior
- Financial secrecy and control
Real Problems & Harmful “Solutions”
The Pornography Addiction Recovery Industrial Complex addresses pornography addiction by:
- Treating couples, as if the secret pornography use is a “couple’s issue”
- Pathologizing the spouse as codependent and/or controlling
- Encouraging sexual intimacy early and often
- Encouraging attachment therapy
Rather than addressing the inherent abuse, they treat it as a couple’s issue, and ultimately blame the victim for the “porn addict’s” behavior.
Real Problems & Real Solutions
At BTR, we use the Trauma Model.
We prioritize the physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual safety of the victim above all else.
Secret pornography use is an abuse issue. It must be treated as such.
YOU are not the problem.
Intimate betrayal. Emotional & psychological abuse. Sexual coercion. These are the real problems.
What Do I Do From Here?
Consider establishing safety boundaries to separate yourself from the harm as much as possible. The BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop can help you learn effective strategies for establishing and maintaining safety boundaries.
Our BTR.ORG Group Sessions are available to you every single day – attend a session now.
You are not alone, you can get safe and begin healing.
