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Is My Husband Gay?

by | Betrayal Trauma

Is my husband gay


Are you grappling with the thought that your husband may be acting out or in a relationship with another man? This particular form of betrayal trauma can come as a shock when you are in a heterosexual relationship with your partner – not because you are homophobic, but simply because you have known your partner to be heterosexual.

You’re not alone: the trauma of betrayal is indescribable and BTR can help you through this.

Is My Husband Betraying Me With Men? 3 Signs

Your husband may be acting out with other men if:

  • You have found gay pornography on your husband’s phone/device
  • Your husband is spending time at gay bars or sexual establishments
  • Your husband has previously had sexual relationships with men

However, the very best indicator that your husband is acting out with other men is your intuition. If you don’t have evidence or can’t find anything to back up why you have a feeling that something is off, trusting your gut is essential.

I Think My Husband Is Acting Out With Other Men: What Do I Do?

If your intuition is telling you that your husband may be acting out with other men, you may feel intensely betrayed, confused, inadequate, and/or angry. These emotions are completely normal and must be accepted and felt.

Understand that there is a difference between an individual who identifies as LGBTQIA+ and an individual who is simply escalating their sexual acting-out behaviors.

Either way, you need support.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Is Here For You

Women experiencing betrayal trauma can feel very isolated from others. Support during this time is pivotal.

Your unique situation may feel shameful, embarrassing, or unrelatable – but you’re not alone.

The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group meets daily in every single time zone. This community is comprised of women all over the world who have experienced significant betrayal and can understand and empathize with what you are feeling. Join today and begin your journey to healing.


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  1. Anonymous

    How do you approach a more thorough disclosure of a SA’s computer and phone history to rule out individual lying about other things. Can this be done legally or through the cooperation of SA therapist. I believe victims should have full disclosure.

  2. Sonja

    In 2002, I discovered my husband’s infidelity…again, but this time I found dating websites where he was looking for men. I asked if he was homosexual and he denied. But I always suspected him due to the fact of certain behaviors he made. For example, he would never look at my naked body; he would always gaze his eyes toward the ceiling and look away. He is the worst lover I have ever had, not that I have had that many, but he treated me like a whore. He NEVER allowed me to do anything during our sexual activity. December 15, 2013 I called it quits and stopped all sexual activity. He, however, did not; although not with me.

    October 28, 2019 (one week after the most recent discovery) I took the kids and animals and left before he got home from work. December 3, 2019 he finally confessed to having had over a dozen homosexual affairs over the course of our then 19.5 years of marriage. He says he is not homosexual, nor does he have attraction to men, but he does not know why he had those types of affairs.

    He is addicted to pornography of women (although in 2002 it included men), his online affairs were with women, but his physical affairs were with men. I do want to believe he is not homosexual, but he does not look at my naked body, says he is not, but cannot explain why he was with men. I am so confused about this.

    Do you have any suggestions? Does anyone have any suggestions?

    • Anne Blythe

      I recommend setting up an appointment with Coach. She’s a specialist in this area and supports wives who go through the experience of their husband having affairs and sex with other men. Click here to see her schedule.

    • Christina

      Sonya, I completely relate to your story.


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