Discovery is a Moment No One Can Forget
When a woman finds out that her partner has been secretly using pornography, her world is shattered and she is left wondering what she did wrong and why he has been lying to her. Often, the abuser used manipulation, gaslighting, and control to keep his secret life in the shadows from his partner. Pornography use is never a stand-alone issue, and a partner who has been subjected to the secrecy of pornography use is also a victim of other relational abuses, such as emotional, psychological, physical, spiritual, and sexual abuse.
Victims of Emotional Abuse Need Support
During this difficult time, it is essential for women to seek support from a safe person. A woman who has just gone through discovery is experiencing betrayal trauma and should not have to endure it alone. Speak with a professional today.
What is a Safe Person?
- Someone who will not blame you for your spouse’s abuse (including pornography use and other sexual acting out)
- Someone who will not tell you that you should keep your spouse sexually interested to prevent further acting out
- Someone who will not condone his acting out by saying “all men do it” or anything similar
- Someone who will not tell you to divorce him, or shame you if you decide to stay. This is your choice, and yours alone. You deserve the space to make that decision in your own time.
- Someone who will offer to help you carry out good self-care, including offering to take your children so that you can nap, or bringing lunch to your office to help you eat
- Someone who will offer to let you stay at their home in case you become physically unsafe in your home
Betrayal Trauma Recovery Can Help
Women in betrayal trauma often struggle to find others who can relate in a genuine way to what they are going through. The Betrayal Trauma Support Group meets daily to bring love, compassion, and support to women who are all on different levels of their journeys to healing.
BTR coaches are trained in helping women set boundaries, find safety, and get to a peaceful space post-discovery.
Remember, you are not alone.