Did you just find out that your husband is using pornography?
And everyone else is telling you that it’s somehow your fault, or that you’re overreacting?
Discovery is Traumatizing – You Deserve Support
Many folks don’t understand the emotionally & psychologically abusive nature of a partner’s secret pornography use.
That’s one of the reasons it’s so hard to find a safe person post-discovery.
Often, victims attempt to confide or find support from folks who appear to be safe and supportive, only to experience further traumatization when that person or people do not have the understanding of covert abuse necessary to offer the right kind of support.
What is a “Safe Person”?
It would be wonderful if every family member, neighbor, coworker, therapist, friend, and church leader were equipped to safely support victims. To determine if folks are safe, consider these questions:
- Do they overtly or covertly blame you for your partner’s behaviors?
- Have they declared themselves “neutral” in the situation, rather than offering you their full support?
- Do they believe that “men will be men” and try to persuade you to accept infidelity as a natural part of marriage or relationships?
- Is reunification with your partner their goal?
- Have they encouraged you to extend trust and forgiveness to your partner?
- Have they diminished the severity of your trauma by suggesting that only physical battering is a reason to separate yourself from your partner?
BTR.ORG Can Help
Betrayal trauma victims often struggle to find others who can relate in a genuine way to what they are going through. It can feel deeply lonely to navigate this path without at least one “safe” person beside you.
Our BTR.ORG Group Sessions meet daily to bring love, compassion, and support to women who are all on different levels of their journeys to healing. We’d love to see you in a session today.
