Feeling devastated from your husband’s narcissistic behavior? You’re not alone, and it’s essential to start your healing process with the right approach. Here are six steps to help you heal from narcissistic abuse.
What Is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse inflicted by someone with narcissistic traits, characterized by manipulation, gaslighting, and controlling behavior. This type of abuse can leave you feeling confused, invalidated, and doubting your self-worth.
Step 1: Acknowledgement
The first step in healing from narcissistic abuse is acknowledging the reality of the situation.
You’ve been subjected to gaslighting, manipulation, or emotional control, so recognizing the truth is crucial.
Step 2: Establish Safety Boundaries
Boundaries aren’t just statements or requests—they’re courageous actions taken to separate or distance you from harmful, damaging behavior. Safety boundaries are essential to your recovery journey. Consider asking yourself these questions:
- Are there areas in my life where I feel emotionally, physically, or sexually unsafe?
- What action can I take today to separate or distance myself from what is making me feel unsafe?
Step 3: Seek Support
Appropriate support is crucial for victims of narcissistic abuse. Sadly, many victims experience further traumatization when others minimize their experiences or blame them. Look for safe individuals and organizations that will:
- Believe you without judgment
- Not blame you for the abuse you endured
- Trust your understanding of the situation
- Support your recovery and safety rather than pushing for reconciliation
Step 4: Make Healthy Choices
Healing from narcissistic abuse involves making choices that foster your well-being. Focus on:
- Prioritizing self-care and nurturing activities
- Surrounding yourself with positive influences
- Engaging in activities that build your self-esteem and confidence
Step 5: Honor Yourself
Honoring yourself means recognizing your value and respecting your needs.
Practice self-compassion and allow yourself to heal at your own pace. Celebrate small victories and acknowledge the progress you make along the way.
Step 6: Align With Your Values
Healing involves reconciling conflicting values that may have been distorted from the narcissists manipulation.
Reflect on what truly matters to you, and align your actions with those values.
Rediscovering Self-Worth After Narcissistic Abuse
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is a challenging yet empowering journey. Each step brings you closer to rediscovering your self-worth and building a brighter future. Remember, you’re not alone—reach out for support when needed.
Our Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions meet daily to provide healthy, compassionate support to heal from narcissistic abuse. Attend a session today.
I need more experience, strength & hope in this area. I am married to this. Everything this couple had the courage & wisdom to share I could relate to & I am grateful. Thank you Ann for finding them as well & providing their assistance.
Should there be a link to a podcast in this article?
I think this one is just an article with no podcast.
Up until reading this article I am so sad to know that there are many of us that fit this category of a victim of Narcissistic abuse. Also I’m not alone I need to reach out to someone he told me he wanted to kill me today so he broke my car windshield.will he kill me next time?
You need to get to safety as quickly as possible. Contact your local domestic violence shelter asap.
How can we join the support. I need help. I have been healing for the past three years. You think it gets easier but some days all just falls apart.
Join our daily, online support group for victims of emotional abuse. Or schedule an individual session with one of our betrayal trauma coaches to help you further your healing.
Get FAR AWAY from him!!! Please.
This is my husband to a tee. He has abused me in every way, cheated and lied and tried to make me look crazy even pushing me to kill myself. Yet he says he LOVES me! Cheated like crazy, yet it is my fault he says. Extreme cheating and put downs in his childhood by mother. Making the connections finally. Father killed himself driving head on into 18 wheeler when he was 13. OM’s wife called my husband as child asking him to stop his Mother. Still, I am only faithful, true, loving woman in his life, yet he abuses and cheats on me? A very complex issue.
Yes, it’s so difficult to understand this type of emotional abuse – so many professionals don’t see the porn use or the infidelity as abuse issues – but they totally are. Thanks for sharing!
I just recently discovered that I have been living with a Narcissist and I would love to join a support group.
Nancy, when I was reading your response, I felt like you were telling my exact story.
Hi Kristin,
Thank you for sharing. Women do need support during these times. We offer an online support group for emotional abuse victims. Check out the support group schedule!
It worked for 15 plus years I have no family because I was adopted by much older people. Actually writing this just helped me understand that. He won’t by food or pay bills now whenever he does come it’s to do things nobody believes he’s doing from tainting my food to urinating in my laundry detergent. I had to stop taking my meds so that I didn’t have to sleep when he was around. I don’t know what he’s done or said or how long it’s been but I’ve actually been living in a state of fight or flight for at least 5 years. I have managed to document everything I also have a host of people still willing to make a sworn testimony. There’s plenty of medical evidence as well but for some reason I can’t get the appropriate individuals or agencies to follow thru and no lawyer will touch my case. I’ve researched filing on my own behalf but I know I only get one shot. I don’t ask for money just guidance. I’ve been victimized my entire life but I am no victim I am desperate to move past this and I have no problem doing what I’m asked. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this I just need help just a little. This is not a joke. I can’t even get the right words out if someone called. So please contact me via email I will send clips or highlights of the evidence. I don’t even need a person to take my word. I have myriads of irrefutable evidence more than 70% of that evidence is independently reproducible I’ve done almost everything. I’ll do anything as long ad it is clearly legal. I just want to live like a regular human being
Nancy, we don’t make calls here, so we can’t call you. I’m so sorry about your pain! We have the podcast so you can at least listen and know you are validated!! Know that you are loved!!
Staciemarie Williams-Cornish
Why can’t you move out of there? If it’s financial reasons find a shelter because that’s better than what you’re going through pleeeezzze. I’ve been there and yes I am too damaged to even pack my stuff, find a place, find a job and finish school, so I’m really not one to talk . . . My ex narc is hardly ever home which is awesome and when he is here I . . . stay away . . . yes I need to make a move also
Nancy please leave this monster as they NEVER EVER change. I’ve lost myself to one completely.
Totally agree . Mine never did change
I love how Anne described her ex as being very vulnerable at times. That was totally my ex. That’s why the narc rage and issues with them are so hard to understand because of the extreme mood changes. Nothing I have read has described the vulnerability act. Maybe that they act like they are always a victim and draw you in by making everyone else the enemy.
It’s so hard to spot when they act like that. They play on our compassion and kindness. I’m so glad you found it helpful!
Can a Narc abused with C-PTSD get well? I wish you wrote about how does one recover? Who cares about the abuser. Those of us with this damage, it is living in hell because of C-PTSD so everything triggers and normal people can’t understand. So please ASK – CAN the victims recover?
As a victim of narcissistic abuse myself – yes! A great place to start is a support group: try Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group.
I just found out I’ve been living with a narcissist for 14 years. I broke it off with him 7 months ago. But he still he lives 5 seconds away from me with his brother.
I’m just figuring all this out and suffering PTSD I dont know what the C means in front of it but I need help with this. 8 years of horror for me, 3months since disclosure. I have been watching your Podcasts Ann, your my shero the only sane person I have found anywhere in the world who gets me.
Have you considered joining our online support group for women victims of betrayal?
I will never be the same person I used to be, and I will NEVER have compassion for the man that did it to me, whether you call him sick or not. They do not change. They cannot process empathy. They need to be locked up before they ruin more lives.
I am currently separated and did not see that I was caught in an emotionally abusive gaslighting cycle with my husband! He recently got caught cheating and because of his ongoing gaslighting behaviors, I literally am struggling to believe that he really did it even though I saw him with the other woman!
We totally understand. It can be so hard to wrap our heads around what is really happening with our husbands. We recommend women join our daily, online support group for victims of this type of emotional abuse.
My forever Superman and my kryptonite
My darkest nightmares and my brighest light
My “Oh My God” and the worst kind of devil
My safety and tranquility to my unbalanced level
My gods given solace to my absolute worst pain
My biggest loss but my hearts biggest gain
My one, my person to my biggest foe
The greatest of heights to taking me to the very depths of low
My worst nightmares and my wildest dreams
My happily ever after to only What seems
My worst backstabber and my greatest lover
My dislikes in someone to a man I’ve loved like no other
My biggest mistake and my absolute soulmate
My complete brokenness and my most amazing fate
My body heat furnace and then to instantly cold and creul
My loss of belief and The reason why I drool
My incredible toxic love and my wildest desire
My ultimate fears and the ignitor of my fire
My tantric electric shivers and the one who has power over my soul
My belief in being the love of my life and the mindfucking that took its toll
My reason of so many smiles and laughter and the one who shattered my heart
My teacher to learn faith to the one who destroyed my core and ripped me apart
My completeness and contentness and to my empty, lost and only feeling numb
My being so proud of you and my finding out I’ve been a fool and made to look incredibly dumb
My one I would chose every day and the reason I lost all the others
My unknowing he was denying our relationship to my words that can’t even describe my absolute best lover
My every want in my future husband any my new actual reality if I even know you at all
My hearing you deny we were ever together to broken promises told for our future that you were in for the Long haul
My one who promised would never hurt me to the one who purposely and cruely got pleasure from abusing me the most
My one who says I’m the most amazing woman he’s ever met and my total smearing of everything I am when he suddenly disappears and suddenly ghosts
My instant euphoria when he holds my hand as we walk and my absolute emptiness when he continues to cheat and constant lying
My reason and want to keep living and the reason of my absolute losses where I feel like I’m dying
My going insane with all the unknown of if there was any truth on your part
That has made it impossible for me put back together the shattered pieces of my heart
My all in… my 100% Faith, Trust, belief, hope and dreams come true you constantly spoke
To my finding out nothing about us was real and a sick game to you.. all just for your crack to smoke
My one who still gives me butterflies turn my one who physically makes me sick
To my one who always pretended to be mine Prince Charming to the person who just abandon me and Now talks to me like the biggest dick
From praising me and adoring me and making me feel like an absolute Queen
To being the man that smears my name with lies and being cruelly mean
My nievity in trusting I felt I found my perfect partner for life
To finding out you denied even us being in a relationship let alone talking about being your wife
To my every good in my being being used against me just to get your next fix
To my learning I as a true empath and natural Giver to you being a sociopathic narcissist is a fatally toxic mix
All the psychological, mental and emotional abuse has destroyed me in every possible way
Back then to my getting the the love bombing and gaslighting just so you can continue to get your way
To you actually accusing me and blaming me for you leaving me like this and tell me just to pray
My begging you for over two years now just to let me go if you didn’t actually love me
To my absolute love for you and you telling me once we start to heal from our demons that you will come back for and to me
From being my absolute strength and safety to my ultimate weakness and absolute Danger
So my person who tells me I know him better than anyone to finding out nothing was true and who he is is actually a stranger
I don’t know up from down or left from right I feel looks like I’ve been your yo-yo
I’ve lost everybody and everything and then you smile asTurn and walk away and go
My craving for you just to give me a little more love and my finding out you’ve been cheating the whole time
Already having the next ones lined up because you know I gave you all and I am left without even a dime
To me being numb and Confused trying to figure out what the fuck happened and how I didn’t even see any of it
To you trying to throw it in my face how good you’re doing and happy you are even though I know all that’s just bull shit
The way you absolutely and intentionally truly destroy all the women you play
Doesn’t even phase you one second to feel any guilt or responsibility in any way
From your hands being the most incredible touch that I crave to feel
To having them around my neck choking me instantly dropping me to a kneel
To standing above me with your hand still on my throat and you do that evil grin knowing you have the ultimate control
Watching me as you make me beg for mercy taking the last little bit of my soul
How it gets you totally excited so you pick me up and start kissing me with those amazing lips
Which makes me give into anything you need knowing I’ll never be able to escape your horrific grips
To my roller coaster of I’m everything to nothing, from the most amazing woman to being a crazy bitch
You giving you take away to punish me and I instantly see the Jekyll and Hyde switch
To me now constantly doubting not just the person you are, but in myself in every aspect of my being
To my constant brain fog, confusion, and absolute turmoil and Trauma Bond to you makes it impossible for freeing
Your addiction to the crack and everything and anything you did to get more
Manipulating, using, lying, abusing completely destroyed the woman you used to adore
You constantly needed, asked, or just took what I found out later you didn’t already steal
Finding out all of that near the end killed me and is hurt me so badly that wound will never heal
You are so very calculated, cunning, creul.. yet so very Charming, you are always five steps ahead in all your planned deceit
You would literally leaving my bed in my house I’m go straight to hers without even missing a beat
I literally I’m not knowing if you truly care about me and love me or if you actually hate me and just continue to torture me even more
How you told me there would not be any other women and you would absolutely be walking back through my door
Your constant abuse, the and taking, hot and cold, the loving and the hating, grooming me and keeping me on the hook where I could never walk away
You have done this for so long to everybody in your life, you are the most narcissistic predator in every single way
My trauma bonding and peptide addiction to you that you purposely manipulated into of course our love would take
Even though my mind knows now I’m still processing how everything on your end was absolutely just fake
It keeps my head spinning each and every day, it keeps me in this internal Place worse than hell
I will never understand why… why and how you could willingly and knowingly continue to keep me under your spell
I’ve lost it all trying help you, love you, and fight through every battled you created from the way you made me believe you and I together were the ultimate deal
You’ve not only killed me in every way, you’ve destroyed my friends and my family so badly I don’t know they will ever heal
I hate you for so many things and I love you for so many more
I hate that I still say I love you and finding out who you really are is not any kind of man I would ever adore
I hate that you walk away so easily already into the next relationship leaving us all in absolute chaos with our head spinning
And you love how we react knowing exactly how confused we are so you call us all crazy and play the victim once again just to portray like you’re the one winning
I have so much self guilt and shame for not being able see clearly
And feel the need for the truth to be known so more people don’t have to pay so dearly
My loving you has killed me and taken away my whole life
All because you made me believe I would be
By your side as your forever when you made me your wife
The monsters in my life were never hiding under my bed or in my closet, they slept beside me in bed and told me they loved me
I hope they all forgive me for all the pain and hurt and are able to remember me as the woman I used to be
Kelly, I’m stunned and actually crying as you poured your heart out about the man you couldn’t resist as he was stabbing you in the back causing you such horrific pain and your words are exactly what I would say but not able to put together, I feel the exact same pain in the exact same way in every aspect of your words so I know how broken you are, I am too but you have got to remember time does heal and you will get better and one day you will wake up and that sick feeling you feel inside will be replaced with a overwhelming feeling of happiness as you look down at your sleeping husband that is EVERYTHING that sets yourheart beating like mad and a burning desire inside you, you will then be whole again and find out you are not broken you are strong because you survived the sheer terror and torment at the hands of a monster and you feel alive inside again. I truely hope you so much happiness and this pain becomes nothing but a distant memory. I hope to hear from you.
Love
Teresa
@Kelly… I have spent many years…10 somehow… I was 21yrs…and he was 31yrs old… I time spent & years wasted= 10 years…I’m almost embarrassed to admit that our song is your own”song”…same EXACT rhythms for every beat, melody (the highs&Lows) right down to his dance!(his behaviors)and the damn thing uses our faith also… I Googled the term, “psychological abuse…FIRST yada Yada I read this sites description and every one on that 1st page and went here… I NEVER THOUGHT that I would be writing one,, but I was only reading the comments because for a split second of this bad dream, I have others stories like my own to compare and to forget my own… consider that just maybe he’s not the same…but I haven’t been able to find anything ever until now. I was just wondering if I could or should continue to be used for the sake of my own 2 boys not losing the longest man and only father figure they’re used to having around and having a comfortable (stable) living situation…but you’re bio… was like reading my very own words and Autobiography if I didn’t…
How can we join the support. I need help. I have been healing for the past three years. You think it gets easier but some days all just falls apart.
I am interested in joining. It isn’t getting any better. I have been isolated and emotionally destroyed.
The best free resource out there is the Betrayal Trauma Recovery podcast:). You can listen here on the website, or subscribe on Apple Podcasts.
I was in a “relationship” with my narcissist for four years until last week when I finally filed a restraining order on him. He told me how much he hated my guts with every fiber in him and that he’d pay so and so to “take care of me” That was finally enough for me. He constantly cheated on me. I found out that I allowed this man to abuse me while he was confessing his love to his baby mama. That totally destroyed me. We go to court next week.