“If I was prettier, then he wouldn’t do that.”

“If I was thinner, then he wouldn’t say that.”

“If I was a better cook, then he wouldn’t look at that stuff.”

“If I was a better housekeeper, then he wouldn’t treat me that way.”

“If I was more _________, then he wouldn’t do this.”

“If I was less _________, then he wouldn’t do that.”

These thoughts, undoubtedly, have run through the minds of many women whose husbands have betrayed and abused them.

Anne, Founder at Betrayal Trauma Recovery, and Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery Coach, discuss how a betrayed abused woman’s self-worth gets destroyed and how she can restore it.

Betrayal Damages A Woman’s Self-Worth

As a Betrayal Trauma Recovery coach, Coach Sarah says that so many of her clients don’t realize how amazingly beautiful, brilliant, thoughtful and caring they are. The effects of the betrayal have left them doubting their very worth.

“Almost without fail, they don’t see themselves this way because of the trauma, the gaslighting, the comparison that women, inevitably, do to acting out partners or to pornography. They see themselves almost like damaged goods.” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

One thing she says these women struggle with is finding things they love about themselves. Most likely, there used to be lots of things they loved about themselves, but because of their husband’s abuse and betrayal, they have believed the lies he’s fed or implied about them.

“It breaks my heart that these women have gotten so disconnected from who they are that they can’t see how amazing they are.” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Society and culture, in general, have contributed much to sending messages to women to keep them down, says Coach Sarah, “They’re everything from how a woman should look, to how she should act, the way she should walk, what kinds of jobs we should have.”

Women tend to spend a lot of time comparing themselves to others, but Coach Sarah says, betrayed women are impacted on a more personal level. The cultural and societal comparisons are broad, women are being compared to women in general, but when betrayal occurs, it becomes personal. It brings the comparison home.

“That comparison goes from being out there to right in our face, to right next to us. Literally, right next to us. The betrayal can make it feel like we’re not being chosen. An image, or another person is being chosen over us.” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

It’s one thing to have a stranger on the street, a neighbor, or even a boss, choose someone over you, but to have your own husband choose another woman, real or an image, over you, is a crushing blow.

Not only has her husband been choosing another woman, but often he’s been pointing out or implying her “many flaws and imperfections.” Coach Sarah believes this is another major contributor to her damaged self-worth.

“When you’re in a relationship where everything about you is made smaller, you lose touch with that [thing you love about yourself] and you stop believing it about yourself.” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Since betrayed women experience so much abuse, they spend a lot of time focusing on trying to please others through superficial things, specifically their abuser. Coach Sarah wishes women could see how much they’re really doing.

“Our focus, as women, can often be on the wrong things. It can be about how we’re carrying ourselves, how we’re dressing, the image that we project, instead of this amazing beautiful life that we are creating through the way we love our children, through the way we love our friends, through the way we give to others.” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

No matter how long these women have spent in their relationship, the betrayal can send their self-worth reeling. They start listening to the wrong voices.

Your Self-Worth Takes A Beating From The Negative Words

The first wrong voice they’re listening to is their husband’s behavior or his words. His choices impact her worth more than anyone may think.

Even if he’s “only looking at pornography,” his behavior is telling her that she’s not enough for him.

Then there’s the lies and deceit. She’s not worthy of being completely vulnerable with, is what it tells her.

Coach Sarah says it’s tough for these women not to take the betrayal as a personal attack on their value.

“It’s really difficult to not internalize this as a worthiness thing. Like not thinking that our worthiness is reflective of how our person treats us. It’s harder to not internalize that, so we get used to it. We get used to not being loved well and we can settle for that.” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

There are other voices she may end up listening to as well.

If he’s groomed her, which is highly probable, then there are others, like his family and friends, perhaps, whom he’s convinced that she’s crazy or that she’s the abusive one.

They’re also probably telling her, directly or indirectly, about how lacking she is as a mother, a daughter, a woman, or even a wife.

Finally, a battle rages in her head between all these external voices blasting at her like exploding powder kegs and what little self-worth is left after all her husband has done.

Eventually, she gives in and they become her own voice constantly badgering her, nagging at her about what she “should” change about herself, what she “should” be doing better, what she “shouldn’t” say or what she “shouldn’t” be doing at all.

Coach Sarah says those voices and those two words are extremely detrimental to a woman.

“One of the major keys is being able to silence the negative voices, including your own, that are attached to the ‘shoulds’ or ‘shouldn’ts.’ Especially as it pertains to the things that we like about ourselves. It’s important to be aware of those two words and make a mental note any time we hear them or say them to ourselves. They can eat away at our self-worth because we’re trying to force ourselves to be something that we weren’t meant to be.” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

A lot of times, these women are even told how they should or shouldn’t feel.

Ask “Why” To Restore Your Self-Worth After Betrayal

Along with the messages that culture and society send, many people believe a woman “shouldn’t” have “negative” emotions, so she tells herself that too.

For instance, if she gets angry about her husband’s betrayal, she may try to stuff it down. This doesn’t help her deal with her trauma. It doesn’t help her heal.

Coach Sarah says that when a woman has an emotion or a thought that she’s uncomfortable having, she should ask herself why she feels or thinks that way, not to be judgmental, but to really find out why.

“When you get curious with yourself about why you think the things the way that you do or feel things the way that you do, it can bring a lot of insight.” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Anne has learned the value in feeling what she feels and why it’s important to do that.

“If you keep saying, ‘I shouldn’t feel this. I shouldn’t feel this. I shouldn’t feel this,’ then the processing never happens and you’re not able to come to a peaceful or happy resolution about how you want to choose to feel.” -Anne, Founder at Betrayal Trauma Recovery

When the betrayed woman can finally quiet down the negative voices long enough for what’s left of her tiny shard of self-worth to whisper through, she starts to see a glimmer of who she really is. She can finally start to heal.

Have A Paradigm Shift To Restore Your Self-Worth After Betrayal

When a woman starts hearing the whispers of her self-worth break through the wall of powder kegs, she begins to feel worthy of healing.

She starts standing her ground.

She starts setting and holding boundaries.

She starts finding her worth somewhere else, away from those people that left the powder kegs in her head.

She starts to find it in herself.

Coach Sarah says one of the first things she had to do to restore her self-worth, after her ex-husband’s betrayal, was to give herself permission to start liking herself.

“One of the major roles has been when I’ve gotten to the place where I gave myself permission to like things about myself and begin to name them and say, ‘I really think that I’m funny and I really love that about myself.’” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Once she was able to do that, she felt a shift in herself.

She gradually stopped needing approval from other people.

“It’s shifting from needing somebody else’s recognition, to enjoying and appreciating and being grateful for somebody affirming what we are already connected with ourselves. I think that strengthens it, but there’s a difference between needing it and appreciating it.” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Coach Sarah was able to turn things around for herself. She was able to restore her self-worth. She was able to recognize that she loved the life she was making.

Her passion is to help all betrayed and abused women see the same thing she does.

“We are creating beautiful lives. It’s like we’ve flipped things. Flipping them back is a huge paradigm shift and I love it. It was transformative for me.” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Coach Sarah affirms that when women can restore their self-worth, they find they are worth taking a stand for.

“The more connected we get to what we like about ourselves, the harder we are to control.” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Having a paradigm shift helped Coach Sarah and Anne restore their self-worth. This shift didn’t happen overnight and they didn’t do it alone.

Finding Support To Restore Your Self-Worth After Betrayal

One thing that both Anne and Coach Sarah have found priceless in their self-worth restoration process is support groups.

Anne found that, after being married to a man who belittled her personality, the women in her support group, whom she had grown to love, provided so much more than she’d ever had in her marriage.

“That’s one reason I think support groups are so important, because women in a support group see you for who you really are, and they have compassion and love. You start feeling that love reflected back to you. Being accepted and loved is such a different feeling than being hated or feeling contempt from your husband or feeling rejected.” -Anne, Founder at Betrayal Trauma Recovery

She points out that abusers can’t understand the woman he is abusing, so he can’t see her clearly, he just sees a reflection of himself.

Coach Sarah says this is one of the reasons a support group is so valuable. The women that get connected there can really see each other for who they are, and that is empowering.

“There’s power in being seen and known and valued and affirmed by somebody who can see those things in you. We need to be known and seen.” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Anne says that even though support groups are powerful, restoring self-worth is vital. Life happens and circumstances change, so loving yourself is extremely crucial.

“I think the key here is that you can’t experience or expect other people to do this all the time. You’re always going to be let down, so loving yourself fiercely is the answer to this. Because you can feel that love from other women and feel supported, and that can help you on your journey to loving yourself.” -Anne, Founder at Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Coach Sarah agrees. She also believes that when a woman understands her real self-worth, her real value, she won’t accept anything less.

“It’s my opinion, that once women really, truly connect with these truths, that no one can take this away from them again. Because, when we begin to know our worth, we won’t settle for less than being treated the way we’re worthy of being treated.” -Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Finally, she reminds women that their worth is not found in their husband or anyone else.

“Your worthiness is not based on someone else’s ability or inability to accept, appreciate or value you. You are worthy of being cherished and loved well. Start by loving yourself well.” – Coach Sarah, Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Anne knew she was on the right path when she found herself surrounded by friends who simply reaffirm her when she says what she likes about herself out loud.

Coach Sarah says that she has seen the things she’s talked about with the women in the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group sessions.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery wants to help you restore your self-worth so you can find the healing and peace that you are seeking. With more than 15 sessions a week, it’s easier than ever to find a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group session that fits your schedule without having to leave your home. Each session is led by a Certified Betrayal Trauma Specialist.

 

Full Transcript:

Welcome to Betrayal Trauma Recovery, this is Anne.

I want to welcome Coach Sarah today. She’ll be doing a live interactive webinar on Monday, August 28th at 8:30 p.m. Eastern Time. It’s called “Loving Yourself Fiercely: Healing our Self-Worth and Self-Image.” (This webinar is no longer available, however, you are welcome to schedule an individual session with Coach Sarah or Coach Jean, who also specializes in Healing Your Self-Worth.)

Anne: Sarah, thanks for being here today.

Coach Sarah:  Thanks for having me, Anne.

Pornography Damages Self-Worth On A Personal Level

Anne: Why is this topic of self-worth and self-image so important to you?

Coach Sarah:  I’ve met a lot of women, as I coach in this area. They are brilliant, beautiful, caring, thoughtful, amazing women. Almost without fail, they don’t see themselves this way because of the trauma, the gaslighting, the comparison that women, inevitably, do to acting out partners or to pornography. They see themselves almost like damaged goods.

It breaks my heart that these women have gotten so disconnected from who they are that they can’t see how amazing they are. One of my passions and deep desires is to help women see themselves differently, so that they can begin to recognize that they are forces to be reckoned with.

I want them to see that they’re loving, they’re giving and funny—so funny, I laugh so much with my clients, all the time—they’re intelligent and they can accomplish so much, that they’re beautiful.

It’s my opinion, that once women really, truly connect with these truths, that no one can take this away from them again. Because when we begin to know our worth, we won’t settle for less than being treated the way we’re worthy of being treated. I’m convinced that our self-image, the way we view ourselves, is directly correlated to our self-worth.

Anne: Going along with that, how is the self-worth and self-image of partners of porn addicts impacted differently than other women?

Coach Sarah:  Humanity, in general, we do a pretty good job of comparing already. Then you add on our society, our culture, and it does a really good job, unfortunately, of projecting messages and images that create a lot of inferiority complexes for women.

These messages, they’re everything from how a woman should look, to how she should act, the way she should walk, what kinds of jobs we should have. I think about the small, small amount of women that go into engineering, or why.

There are so many brilliant women that could be accomplishing so much, but there are messages, even to what kinds of interests we should have, hobbies. We already have that, as women in general, that we’re carrying around.

Where our women are impacted differently, is those comparisons are really broad. It’s not about you, in particular, Anne. You shouldn’t have the job that you have, it’s women in general should have certain jobs, or should look a certain way.

When we experience the betrayal that we experience, and the trauma, because of our spouse’s acting out partners, or the way they’ve been, potentially, fantasizing about people or pornography, it becomes very personal.

It’s not just somebody out there saying “an image is what we should be like or look like, or how we should be sexually with our person,” it’s our spouse entertaining these thoughts of somebody other than us, or actually being with somebody other than us.

That comparison goes from being out there to right in our face, to right next to us. Literally, right next to us. The betrayal can make it feel like we’re not being chosen. An image, or another person is being chosen over us.

When there’s an addiction component, it’s not always literally about choice, because of the compulsion factor, but that’s the way it still feels to us, or can feel to us. Many women struggle with connecting to that extra added thing of not being desirable enough. This can be a huge hit to how we value ourselves and how we see ourselves.

Anne: There’s a quote from Lundy Bancroft, who talks about abuse. He says that, “No woman can be understood by the man who is bullying her.” He just cannot see her for who she is, so his perceptions about her and the way he interacts with her, is not a reflection of who she really is.

Because, to him, she’s not a person. It’s a reflection of himself, so he can’t see her clearly. I think that’s one reason why women feel so terrible is because that’s how they’re perceived by their addict spouse.

Being Seen And Heard By Others Can Help Restore Your Self-Worth

Coach Sarah:  Yes. One of the things that has been extremely healing for me, has been the validation of people who see me and know me. We can, and we need to, get to the place where we are okay with self-validation, where I don’t need the praises of other people to believe that I am good and healthy and strong and intelligent and the things that I love about myself.

There’s power in being seen and known and valued and affirmed by somebody who can see those things in you. We need to be known and seen.

When we’re not, by our spouse, like you said in that brilliant quote because it’s so true, the impact that has on us when what’s being reflected back to us is this person who doesn’t see those things and doesn’t affirm those things, what choice do we have, other than to start to think, “Okay, they’re not seeing this in me. Why not? Is it not really there?” That’s the gaslighting effect there, I think, too.

Support Groups Can Help Restore Self-Worth

Anne: That’s one reason I think support groups are so important, because women in a support group see you for who you really are, and they have compassion and love. You start feeling that love reflected back to you. Being accepted and loved is such a different feeling than being hated or feeling contempt from your husband or feeling rejected.

I love our support groups that help women to start feeling that, so they can start gaining that self-love again. I think it’s really hard, when you’re isolated, to do that. For you, was there one thing that stands out that played a major role in helping you get to this place of loving yourself fiercely?

Coach Sarah:  Yeah. Anne, I feel like I need to comment on what you said in the lead-in to that question, because that is a major thing that contributed, and played a role in me getting to the place where I could love myself fiercely. I see it all the time in my support groups.

I love my individual coaching. I get to dig in deep and do some amazing work with women, but I can’t replicate the energy and the healing that happens in a group context, because of what you just named, because of women hearing how other women see them. There’s such healing in that and I see it all the time.

I see it group after group after group, where we hear each other and we see each other with loving eyes, with true eyes, with eyes that don’t have an agenda, with eyes of clarity. When we reflect back to each other how we see each other, that takes root in our hearts and it begins to strip away the damage that the lies have done to us.

Absolutely, for me, one of the major roles has been when I’ve gotten to the place where I gave myself permission to like things about myself and begin to name them and say, “I really think that I’m funny and I really love that about myself.”

Anne: I do too, and I also really love that about you.

Coach Sarah:  Thank you. My friends would be like, “Duh, yeah. We love that too,” and have that affirmed. Because, when you’re in a relationship where everything about you is made smaller, you lose touch with that and you stop believing it about yourself. Absolutely, the groups that I’ve been a part of in my own personal healing have been completely huge and instrumental in that piece.

The only other thing I’ll name right now—I’ll get into it more in the actual workshop—there’s a blog by Glennon Doyle. It was a huge paradigm shift for me. It’s one that helps me see, specifically, how beautifully, not necessarily that I am, but that this life that I’m creating is, that our focus, as women, can often so be on the wrong things.

It can be about how we’re carrying ourselves, how we’re dressing, the image that we project, instead of this amazing beautiful life that we are creating through the way we love our children, through the way we love our friends, through the way we give to others.

We are creating beautiful lives. It’s like we’ve flipped things. Flipping them back is a huge paradigm shift and I love it. It was transformative for me.

Anne: Awesome. Hopefully women will register for your webinar so they can get more information and have the same epiphanies that you had.

Coach Sarah:  Yes.

Self-Worth Means Knowing That You’re Worth Being Loved Well

Anne: When, in your coaching, did this particular concept of loving yourself start to be something that you focused on?

Coach Sarah:  Early on, in my coaching here in Austin, I did a retreat for my ladies. As I was putting it together, I started picturing each woman. I was writing them some welcome letters. I was picturing them and picturing their relationships and the struggles that they had been through and one thought kept playing over and over and over in my mind.

The thought was, “She deserves to know what it feels like to be loved well.” Just that thought that so many of these women did not know what it felt like to be loved well in the little things. I remember one of the things I did was I welcomed them with a little basket with chocolate-covered strawberries that I had made, just little pampering things.

The way that, when you’ve been missing that, how huge that is for your self-esteem, for your self-worth, “I’m worthy of being loved like this?” Like, “Wow. This feels amazing, I want more of this.” This whole dot-connecting thing started to happen for me.

The connection of the dots led to, even if our person, “the addict,” is involved in a legitimate recovery, and is working hard, it’s often a very long road. Sobriety usually trumps the relational work. Which we all, yes, we want them focused, “Please, be sober, don’t act out,” but what that means is that the relational stuff can get pushed back.

The woman is often still left feeling very lonely, often still not loved very well, because empathy is something that takes a long time to develop. A lot of the relational considerations take a long time to mature in for the addict, who’s often stuck at a very young age emotionally.

It’s really difficult to not internalize this as a worthiness thing. Like not thinking that our worthiness is reflective of how our person treats us. It’s harder to not internalize that, so we get used to it. We get used to not being loved well and we settle for that, or we can.

Again, this often translates to our worthiness. This was when I first started connecting with it, seeing how the way that women are being loved can, inadvertently, lead them into accepting a level of worthiness that is not accurate. If that makes sense?

Anne: Yeah.

Coach Sarah:  That’s when I started focusing on very intentionally building my clients up, helping them really connect with and discover their worth, and that they’re worthy of being loved well.

Anne: Yeah, and I think the key here is that you can’t experience or expect other people to do this all the time. You’re always going to be let down, so loving yourself fiercely is the answer to this. Because you can feel that love from other women and feel supported, and that can help you on your journey to loving yourself.

One of my favorite friends in one of the groups I’ve attended, she said, “I bought myself a wedding ring. I decided that I’m going to be my best partner and I’m going to love myself like I’ve always wanted someone else to love me.” She bought herself this ring and I think she bought herself some chocolates.

She just started being like, “I’m going to take care of myself.” The change I’ve seen with her—she’s still in the process of recovery, but just that little shift, I could see some brightness in her eyes, and some happiness that she hadn’t felt in a long time.

Coach Sarah:  Yes. The analogy that I use to explain the difference is that, if I’m getting ready to go out for girl’s night, and I’m putting on my new outfit and do my hair and my makeup and I look in the mirror, and I look in the mirror and I’m like, “Dang, I look good! I’m ready to go.”

Then I see one of my friends and I’m like, “Thanks, I feel really nice.” That’s me feeling good about myself, my self-worth, my self-image, but yet enjoying and appreciating the validation and the praise of somebody who recognizes that.

Anne: But that core is coming from yourself.

Coach Sarah:  Exactly. There’s a huge difference. Same scenario, new outfit, doing my hair and my makeup, going to go out for girl’s night. I look in the mirror and I think, “Do I look okay? I think I look good, but I’m not sure.”

I don’t vocalize this but, internally, I don’t know if I’m okay with the way that I look or feel until somebody praises me, until I get out with my girls and one of them says, “Wow, you look really nice, Sarah.” Then I say, “Thank you. I appreciate hearing that.”

To me, that’s the shift. It’s shifting from needing somebody else’s recognition, to enjoying and appreciating and being grateful for somebody affirming what we are already connected with ourselves. I think that strengthens it, but, again, there’s a difference between needing it and appreciating it.

To Restore Your Self-Worth, Quiet The “Shoulds” And “Shouldn’ts”

Anne: Yeah, absolutely. What would you say is the key to self-worth?

Coach Sarah:  One of the major keys is being able to silence the negative voices, including your own, that are attached to the shoulds or shouldn’ts. Especially as it pertains to the things that we like about ourselves.

Going back to that “funny” thing. I think I’m funny and my sense of humor is very different than somebody else’s sense of humor. That other person—we’ll just hypothetically say it was my ex—had a very different sense of humor and minimized my sense of humor, like, “You shouldn’t think that that is funny,” or, “You should think what I’m thinking is funny.”

Those kinds of voices, they can eat away at the way we view ourselves, “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t think that’s funny,” or, “Maybe I should think that’s funny, but it’s not to me,” trying to fit ourselves into these things that we are, or we aren’t, based on the shoulds or the shouldn’ts.

It’s really important to be aware of those two words specifically and make a little mental note anytime we hear them or say them to ourselves, “I shouldn’t think this,” “I shouldn’t like this,” I shouldn’t feel this way,” “I should like this.” Those can eat away at our self-worth because we’re trying to force ourselves to be something that we weren’t meant to be.

Asking Yourself The Curious “Why” Can Help Restore Your Self-Worth

Anne: I think, for the disturbing emotions that we feel, or the disturbing thoughts—let’s just pretend, hypothetically, that we hate someone, and we’re disturbed by those feelings. It’s not fun for us to feel that, so we think, “Well, I shouldn’t feel this.” Rather than trying to deny the feeling, actually accepting it so you can process it and heal from it is really important.

Coach Sarah:  Yes.

Anne: Because, otherwise, if you keep saying, “I shouldn’t feel this. I shouldn’t feel this. I shouldn’t feel this,” then the processing never happens and you’re not able to come to a peaceful or happy resolution about how you want to choose to feel. You might say, “I want to choose to feel this, but right now I can’t.” That process is what a coach is for, right?

Coach Sarah:  Yes.

Anne: That process of choosing and creating the life that you want and creating the feelings that you want to feel takes a support group. It takes a coach. It takes work, so it is possible. I don’t want people listening to think, “Oh, well they’re just saying that Hitler really felt the way he felt.” No, it’s not okay that he felt the way he felt. The way he felt was wrong, but he processed the wrong way.

Coach Sarah:  That’s a little bit of a different section of talking about “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” because, of course, you shouldn’t kill somebody.

Anne: Right.

Coach Sarah:  There are definitely absolutes. One of the things that I love, that you just hit on, is what I label the “Curious Why.” Why can be a question of judgement, “Why would you do that?” or it can be a question of curiosity, “Hmm, why would you do that?” Just the tone, just the intention behind the “why” can bring freedom versus judgement. That goes in line with what you were just talking about.

If I hate somebody, to use the example that you did, instead of trying to say, “I shouldn’t hate somebody,” to come in with the curious “why” and say, “Why do I feel like I hate this person?” That is one of the most powerful things that we can do for ourselves, because it helps us dig down deeper and understand, “Okay, well, I’m feeling hatred towards this person because they hurt me.”

Really, this is a hurt response. You get to understand what’s underneath it. Or, “I wonder why I like this? Maybe I think I shouldn’t like dark chocolate because nobody else in my circle of friends likes dark chocolate. I wonder why I like…”

When you get curious with yourself about why you think the things the way that you do or feel things the way that you do, it can bring a lot of insight.

Start Loving Yourself After Betrayal

Anne: If you could say something to the women listening right now, regarding self-worth, what would it be?

Coach Sarah:  I love this saying, and I use it in my workshop because I think it’s so, so powerful, “Your worthiness is not based on someone else’s ability or inability to accept, appreciate or value you. You are worthy of being cherished and loved well. Start by loving yourself well.”

Anne: That’s a skill that women can learn.

Coach Sarah:  Agreed. It has to start with giving ourselves permission—I think a lot of us feel like if we start naming things that we like and love about ourselves, it can almost feel like we’re being prideful or arrogant.

It’s really not, but we can feel that way, so it feels weird to say with confidence, “I like this about myself,” and not feel like you’re trying to get attention or some of the other negative things that have been said, in my opinion, to keep women feeling small.

Because the more connected we get to what we like about ourselves, the harder we are to control. Often, we have to start by giving ourselves permission to say, “I like this about myself.”

Anne: You’ll know when you’re on the right path—at least I knew I was on the right path, when I would say it out loud and my friends would say, “I do too!” That’s how I determine safe people from non-safe people. Unsafe people just look at me strange or be like, “Um, okay,” like, “Oh, who’s prideful now?”

My true friends, who can see me and enjoy that with me and I can enjoy it with them, they could say, “I’m good at that, too,” and I can say, “Oh, we’re both good at that. That’s so great!” That’s when I knew I was on the right track, when I was attracting those types of women into my life, who could support me, and I could support in a healthy way.

Sarah, thank you so much for being here today.

Coach Sarah:  Thank you, Anne, for having me. Always a pleasure.

Anne: This podcast is brought to you by your donations. Please, if this podcast is helpful to you, go to btr.org, click on our Donate button and donate today.

Also, if this podcast is helpful to you, please rate it on iTunes. Each rating increases our visibility on search engines and helps women, who are isolated, find us. We appreciate your help getting the word out to other women.

Until next week, stay safe out there.

Translate »
9 Steps Checklist

The checklist we wish EVERY WOMAN experiencing betrayal trauma had

Subscribe to download the printable 9-step checklist with ACTIONABLE steps you can take TODAY.

Check your inbox for the checklist from Anne from Betrayal Trauma Recovery. We know this checklist can change your life, just like it's changed the lives of thousands of other women!