Gaslighting: Manipulated Love Isn’t Love
Gaslighting In Relationships
Our APSATS coaches will help you discover your husband’s gaslighting and how to deal with it. Coach Sarah is APSATS trained and an expert in helping women find safety in when faced with gaslighting in their relationships. Click here to register for her group Detecting & Confronting Gaslighting.
I’m realizing how early I am in my recovery, and how much I don’t understand about betrayal trauma and all the complexities of recovery. I’m grateful that you have been with me as I’ve shared my recovery process with you in real time. Sometimes I feel peace and have hope, and other times I’m upset and hopeless. Good days are beginning to outnumber the bad days.
Luckily, I get to associate with the Betrayal Trauma Recovery APSATS coaches regularly, and I learn so much from them!
If you are struggling with gaslighting in your relationship, you can schedule a free consultation with one of our coaches.
What Is Gaslighting?
I interviewed Coach Sarah about examples of gaslighting in the podcast.
Coach Sarah: Gaslighting definition: anytime someone attempts to manipulate your perception of reality, your beliefs, your thoughts, your feelings. Someone who is gaslighting is going to try and convince you that your feelings and thoughts are invalid. To truly understand what gaslighting is, we need to look past what is happening to us and focus on how we feel. Gaslighting is what we experience, so the experience of gaslighting is being confused, the inability to understand the truth, a lack of clarity.
Examples Of Gaslighting
Confusion is a big red flag of gaslighting. One example of gaslighting is that when we try to describe our reality, a gaslighter will redirect – so if you accuse your gaslighter of something, the gaslighter will turn around and accuse you of the exact same thing. There’s two reasons why:
1. If someone isn’t in active recovery, they turn things around to hide their compulsive sexual behaviors or they want to get your attention off of themselves so they don’t have to be accountable for their actions.
2. If someone is in active recovery, they might gaslight when their shame is triggered.
If someone is still exhibiting gaslighting behaviors after a year or two of recovery – something is wrong. They may have a personality disorder, like narcissism, or they may be lying about their recovery.
What Does Gaslighting Mean?
Anne: I’ve started to realize that being focused on the reason WHY the gaslighting was happening, isn’t as important as learning to recognize the gaslighting and establish boundaries to keep myself safe. But in a nutshell, if you are experiencing gaslighting tactics in your marriage, you are not safe – and that means that you need to get help to know what boundaries to set to keep yourself safe.