When women find out they’ve been betrayed by their husband, they usually have a mess of emotions. Among these are conflicting feelings about wanting to be with their husband but wishing him away at the same time.

Sex is an important part of marriage and establishing safety for sex in the wake of betrayal is a puzzle for many women.

Anne, Founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, and MJ Denis, a certified sex therapist, talk about establishing sexual safety during this critical time.

Betrayal Puts Emotional, Physical & Sexual Safety At Risk

MJ talks about why this is such a confusing issue for women who have been betrayed.

“When we are in a relationship and they have secretive behaviors, whether with another person or with pornography, this betrayal registers as a safety risk. Our brain registers it as a matter of life and death.” -MJ Denis, Certified Sex Therapist

This betrayal is life-altering. Their reality is no longer their reality. Their safest person is no longer safe. For one woman’s experience with betrayal trauma, please read here.

MJ mentions that many women have physical reactions to this discovery. They often experience the conflicting emotions and want to turn to their husband for safety, but with betrayal, their husband is the source of their pain.

Often, women will experience what MJ calls “come here, go away” syndrome.

She says it’s like they’re saying to their husband, “Come here, my husband, come here for safety… but wait, you’ve betrayed me and lied to me. You’ve cheated. Go away for safety… wait, where are you going… come back for safety.”

Establishing Safety In The Wake Of Betrayal Is Priority

Women want to find emotional, physical and sexual safety with their husband, and the betrayal puts them at risk for safety in all three of those areas.

For women who choose to stay with their sexually addicted husband, they are choosing to stay with their source of pain. They are putting their safety at risk.

MJ talks about the difficulty these women have of trying to navigate everyday life with someone they don’t trust and trying to figure out how to “maneuver physical and sexual intimacy.”

Anne shared her own experience with setting a no-contact boundary to establish safety.

Anne says, “Once I realized my husband was not safe, I set the boundary until I could see that he was safe enough to be able to communicate with. All I observed was him taking money away, not seeing the kids, accusing me of things. He was not trying to establish safety.”

“The trauma comes in both cases, when a person decides to stay and a when a person decides to impose intense boundaries, which often leads to the other person attacking. In both cases, determining safety is the first step.” -Anne, Founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery

At Betrayal Trauma Recovery, the first of the 9 Steps to Heal from Betrayal Trauma, which can be found here, is Open up to a Safe Person.

Establishing safety is your number one priority. For more information on how to establish physical and emotional safety when you’ve been betrayed, please read here.

Compromising Values Will Not Prevent Further Betrayal

Some may wonder why a woman would want to stay with someone who has betrayed and hurt them so badly.

MJ observes, “She isn’t staying because there is something wrong with her or she is broken. She is staying because this is her person and she is attached to him.”

Most often, she is married to him, has children with him, or simply wants to make the relationship work. In any case, she is choosing to stay with the one who has wounded her, so she needs to learn how to maintain her safety.

Some women will attempt to establish safety by having sex with their husband, believing that doing so will keep him from cheating again.

Even more devastating is that some of these women will compromise their own values and do things, sexually, that they would, otherwise, never do.

Unfortunately, this does not work. A woman will not become safe, physically, emotionally or sexually, by having sex with her husband.

3 Conflicts Women Face In The Wake Of Betrayal

When betrayed women consider having sex with their husband, they may need to take a step back and determine if he is even safe enough to have a conversation with.

Once safety is determined, MJ talks about three conflicts that might arise for women, when it comes to being intimate with their husband.

3 Intimacy Values Conflicts Women Face After Betrayal

  1. She wants to be a good and loving wife. She believes that she needs to be sexual to do this. At the same time, she values her safety, so she wants to pull away from her husband because he isn’t safe.  
  2. She wants to maintain an intact family unit. She wants to keep her family intact and believes she needs to be sexual to do so. She also has children to consider and may want to keep them safe from the affects of the addiction and abuse, so she may also value a separation.
  3. She wants to honor God. She believes that she needs to submit to her husband sexually to honor God. She also believes that she needs to protect the body and the heart that God gave her to honor Him.

When women are faced with these values conflicts, it can become very confusing and they may struggle to know what to do.

Being sexual with someone is an extremely vulnerable act, especially for a woman.

“When we take our clothes off and get naked with someone, that leaves us tremendously vulnerable. For women, especially, the sexual act is one of our most vulnerable times ever. They are allowing someone to be close to them, so they must feel safe with their sexual partner in order to be sexual.” -MJ Denis, Certified Sex Therapist

3 Don’ts To Establish Sexual Safety In The Wake Of Betrayal

Both Anne and MJ encourage women to remain honest with themselves and to maintain their safety before attempting intimacy.

For women who choose to stay with their husband, MJ recommends three things not to do to establish sexual safety after betrayal.

3 Don’ts To Establish Sexual Safety In The Wake Of Betrayal

  1. Don’t Compare Yourself To Anyone- MJ says, “Comparison is dangerous for us, no matter what, because we are at risk either way. If we compare ourselves and we are better than, we risk arrogance. If we compare ourselves and we are less than, we risk shame and self-condemnation.”
  2. Don’t Compromise Your Values– MJ warns, “When women get scared and become sexual after betrayal, sometimes, they end up compromising their own values and find themselves doing things they never wanted to do but are now doing out of fear and desperation.”
  3. Don’t Be Afraid To Say “No”– MJ observes, “Sometimes women have a fear of further betrayal and it keeps them from saying ‘No’ or causes them to hesitate to say ‘No’ to being sexual. There is a whole list of fears that get in the way.”

If an addict chooses recovery, it’s best to use caution. MJ has observed that addict quits acting out long before he changes his abusive behaviors, so maintaining boundaries is vital for safety.

Safe Sexual Intimacy Should Be Approached In 3 Phases

MJ offers another perspective to help women understand why sex may not be safe.

“We can view sex addiction as an intimacy disorder. In-to-me-see disorder means not working. People who experience an intimacy disorder tend to not know how to be close and connected well, authentically.” -MJ Denis, Certified Sex Therapist

When a woman’s husband is working recovery from sex addiction, MJ recommends a period of abstinence. During this time, she recommends working towards safe sexual intimacy in phases.

3 Phases Of Safe Sexual Intimacy After Betrayal

  • Phase 1: Create Emotional Intimacy. During this phase, the couple learns how to become close and connected emotionally.
  • Phase 2: Practice Non-sexual Safe Intimacy- During this phase, the couple builds on Phase 1 by reestablishing, or establishing for the first time, safe, non-sexual touching.
  • Phase 3: Learning Safe Sexual Intimacy- During this phase, building on Phases 1 and 2, the couple works learns how to have safe sexual intimacy. They learn about each other’s boundaries and to respect them.

Safe sexual intimacy only comes from true uncoerced consent from both individuals. For more information on coercion and consent in marriage, read here.

Women who have been betrayed want to feel emotionally, physically and sexually safe with their husband. For more information on signs that an addict is changing, please read here.

Sexual Safety Can Be Established

Sex addicts believe that sex is their most important need, and that they will die without it.

“There must be a retraining of the brain to help someone with a sex addiction wrestle with this, to help them learn that sex is not their most important need. Quite frankly, we could live without sex. Someone who is not sexual is not going to die or spontaneously combust!” -MJ Denis, Certified Sex Therapist

As an addict works recovery and their mindset changes, they begin to become safe. Even though the addictive behaviors stop as they work their recovery, it’s important to watch for the abusive behaviors to make sure you are safe.

Anne and MJ both observe that the change in abusive behaviors take longer to happen, but they can stop. They recommend women trust themselves and proceed with caution as they work on establishing safety and stability in their relationship with their husband.

For the rest of Anne and MJ’s conversation on sexual safety, please read here.

At Betrayal Trauma Recovery, our Certified Betrayal Trauma Specialists provide validation and guidance for women who are trying to find safety and healing. If you are confused and looking for help, please schedule an individual session with one of our trained coaches here.

If you would like to join one of our BTRG sessions, you can find a group meeting that fits your schedule here.

 

Full Transcript:

I am so honored and excited to have MJ Denis with us today. She is a licensed professional counselor, a licensed marriage therapist associate, a certified sex therapist, and she is APSATS certified as a clinical partner trauma specialist in Austin, Texas.

She works in private practice at Crossroads Counseling Associates where she counsels individuals and couples who have experienced or been affected by sex addiction. Today we are going to talk about safe sex after sexual betrayal. When we say “safe sex,” we mean emotional, physical, and sexual safety. 

Anne: MJ, in thinking about this topic, where do we even start?

Sexual Safety After You’ve Found Out About Your Husband’s Lies, Porn Use, & Abuse

MJ: We are very much in the “buddy system” when we choose our spouse. It’s really a matter of, “Hey, I’ll get your back; you get mine. I’ll keep you safe and you keep me safe and we’ll look out for each other.”

When we are in a relationship with someone and they have secretive behaviors, whether with another person or with pornography, this betrayal registers as a safety risk. Our amygdala—the part of our brain that helps us detect danger and threat—registers betrayal as danger. Our brain registers betrayal as a matter of life and death.

Anne: It sure feels like that.

MJ: Yes. In working with partners, I often hear stories about how they discovered their partner’s sex addiction or their betrayal behaviors. Ladies will tell me when they found out about the betrayal, it took them to their knees. Some women throw up. Some women can’t breathe.

Some women can’t get off the floor. Because their person is their person for safety and, when they are betrayed and their brain says, “I’m not safe; I’m not okay in the world,” they really lose their ability to function. Many partners report that they get sick, they lose weight, they can’t go to work. This discovery registers as a crisis, as a danger, as a matter of life and death.

Anne: I felt that, right after my husband’s arrest, when I realized things were as bad as they were because before I did not understand my true situation with his addiction and then related behaviors. I lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks. I couldn’t eat or sleep. It was really bad, especially realizing that my person who I was relying on was never safe. I just didn’t know it until that moment.

Betrayal Is An Extreme Safety Risk

If our spouse betrays us and it registers as a safety risk, how can wives of addicts ever feel safe with an unfaithful spouse again?

MJ: People really experience dissonance when their spouse betrays them. Going back to us being in a relationship that registers to us as safety—“I’m your person. I’ve got your back. I’m with you; You’re with me.”—we turn to our spouse as a source of safety. When there is betrayal, the person who was supposed to be safe is the source of pain.

Many times, in the aftermath of betrayal, ladies will tell me they will experience a “come here, go away” syndrome. “Come here, my husband, come here for safety…but wait, you’ve betrayed me and lied to me; you’ve cheated. Go away for safety…. wait, where are you going…come back for safety.”

This can happen emotionally, wanting to go to our husband for safety, so he can understand us and hold us emotionally. We can also go towards our husband for sexual safety, for physical safety. We are so vulnerable when we are going to be sexual with someone.

When we take off our clothes and naked with someone, that leaves us tremendously vulnerable. For women especially, the sexual act is one of our most vulnerable times ever. We are allowing someone to be close to us; it doesn’t get more vulnerable than that. Women must feel safe with their sexual partner in order to be sexual.

After the ravages of betrayal trauma, and from being in a relationship with a sex addict, someone with chronic betrayal behaviors, partners often need to feel safe in order to show up sexually. For partners who choose to stay with their sexually addicted spouse, this means they are choosing to stay with the source of pain and the source of their safety risk.

These ladies then try to navigate, not only how to function daily with someone they don’t trust, but they also do this tough job of trying to figure out how to maneuver physical and sexual intimacy.

Anne: It’s interesting that you talk about when they stay with the spouse. On the other hand, when a person has been betrayed similarly to my experience, once I realized my husband was not safe, I set a no-contact boundary with him until I could see he was safe enough to be able to communicate with.

Then, all I observed was him taking money away, not seeing the kids, accusing me of things. He would tell people that he couldn’t do anything because I wouldn’t talk to him, I wouldn’t have sex with him. He would say that because I wouldn’t interact with him, he could not do anything. He was not trying to establish safety.

The trauma comes in both cases—when a person decides to stay and when a person decides to impose intense boundaries which often leads to the other person attacking. In both cases, determining safety is the first step.

This is why I love the trauma model of training. The first phase is safety and stabilization to make sure the level of safety is apparent before moving forward, even in just having a conversation with them, let alone having sex down the road. Am I making sense?

Emotional Safety Is Necessary To Establish Sexual Safety

MJ: Yes, I agree with you. Establishing safety and stabilization has to be the first step. We cannot allow ourselves to be that vulnerable with someone unless we know we are safe with them. It makes sense to me that you needed to establish a no-contact rule so that you could reestablish safety.

Anne: Many women may be thinking about sex when perhaps they should take a step back and determine if they are emotionally safe to even have a conversation.

MJ: In my experience working with partners who initially have learned their spouse is cheating on them, betrayed spouses will frequently become really fearful that more betrayal will happen again. Sometimes partners will choose to be sexual with someone with a sex addiction to try to keep him from cheating again.

Women will often compare themselves to their husband’s affair partner, be it a pornographic image or a prostitute. Betrayed spouses will compare themselves to that affair partner and wonder what is wrong with them and why they don’t measure up to the affair partner.

Sexual Safety Cannot Be Established While Pornography Is In Use

Anne: Which is so sad because we cannot compete with pornography. If a person tries to compete with it, they will always, always lose.

MJ: Always. Comparison is dangerous for us, no matter what, because we are at risk either way. If we compare ourselves and we are better than, we risk arrogance. If we compare ourselves and we are less than, we risk shame and self-condemnation.

Either way we go with comparison we really come out on the losing end. Sometimes partners who make the decision to be sexual with their spouse who has betrayed them are really at risk of compromising their own values.

When women get scared and become sexual after betrayal, they may feel like they need to do this so he won’t cheat again or so he won’t leave, and, sometimes, they end up compromising their own values and find themselves doing things they never wanted to do, but are now doing out of fear and desperation.

I think that’s really heartbreaking. I know it happens and sometimes women really experience distress from this.

Anne: It’s sad too, because the only thing they are trying to do is establish safety for themselves. This attempt at safety will not get them what they want.

MJ: Yes, thank you for bringing it back to why would we have sex with someone who has betrayed us? It goes back to safety. “If this is my person and I go to them for safety, I might be sexual with them in the aftermath of betrayal because they are the person I go to for safety and I’m trying to maintain it.”

When I am working with partners, they often ask me, with despair, why they want to stay with him after he has hurt them so much…in this place it is important to realize she isn’t staying because there is something wrong with her or she is broken. She is staying because this is her person and she is attached to him.

Often, I hear ladies saying it’s their fault that they have been betrayed. It must be. “If I had been thinner, sexier . . . If I had been more, or less, asked less questions, not shared my opinion as much, not stuck up for myself as much, etc.”

Anne: In my world it was “if I had been smaller…”

Safe Sexual Intimacy Requires Safe Emotional Intimacy

MJ: Really, there is nothing you, or another betrayed partner, could have been or done or acted like to keep the betrayal from happening.

Someone with a sex addiction who is active in their addiction, not working recovery, will make choices to betray and that is their choice. It’s not because you, the betrayed spouse, did or said something wrong or weren’t enough or were too much. It’s because that person chose to betray. That’s on him.

Anne: In this case, the only thing we can do is get support and reach out.

MJ: Absolutely. I’m a big proponent of a care team. I believe that recovering from the impact of sex addiction really takes a team. We need a safe support system, like a therapist, a coach, a support group, they can all be instrumental in helping partners to heal after they have been impacted by their partner’s sex addiction.

Anne: When I get into a group, where I hear women speaking about similar behaviors in their spouses, and then I look at how each woman is so different—for me, it was that I asked too many questions, shared my opinion too much, and “too controlling.”

For others, it is that they didn’t say enough. Then I realize that it doesn’t matter what we are like, the behaviors of sex addicts are very similar and they use the same tactics, regardless of what their spouse is doing.

MJ: Yes. I recently had a client who joined a support group and she said there were women of all shapes, sizes, ethnicity, ages, educational and socioeconomic backgrounds; it didn’t matter the differences. What she recognized is that they were all betrayed by someone who had a sex addiction.

It proved to her that it didn’t matter how she showed up in the world. She was in a relationship with someone with a sex addiction who was active in his addiction. She was going to experience betrayal and that was not her fault.

Safe Sexual Intimacy Is Emotionally Safe

Anne: What, typically, keeps partners from saying no to their sexually addicted spouse when he is not in recovery?

MJ: Partners get really scared here and often wonder if it is ok to say “No.” I think what gets in the way of saying “No” is a list of fears. Sometimes women have a fear of further betrayal and it keeps them from saying no or causes them to hesitate to say no to being sexual.

Women fear being criticized for saying no or being condemned by their spouse. Women have a fear of being a bad wife or of being alone. There is a huge list of fears that get in the way.

Anne: One of those fears could be that her partner would say she isn’t giving him sex….in society this isn’t acceptable. Society says a sexless marriage means it’s the woman’s fault…they don’t understand all of the reasons why I might be saying no. Just the fact that a partner can use the weapon of, “She refuses to have sex with me” is terrifying to women.

MJ: Yes. Addicts tend to use this as justification for their betrayal. It isn’t fair or accurate. He will choose to betray not because she is or is not sexual with him.

Anne: Yes. It doesn’t matter. Let’s talk about values conflict in this situation.

MJ: In thinking about why partners feel scared to say no, sometimes they experience values conflicts. For example, on one hand, she might value being a good and loving wife and she might tell herself that being this kind of wife means she is sexual, or she shows up sexually.

A conflicting value that might happen, at the same time, is that she values safety and wanting to pull away from him in order to be safe. On one hand, she values that she thinks she should show up sexually and, in the same moment, she values that she thinks she should not show up sexually. Do I go toward him or do I pull away from him?

Another example: Women often tell me they value keeping an intact family unit. They have a high value on a cohesive family. They might also value separating, so the kids are not exposed to sex addiction, or abuse or gaslighting, or other safety issues in the home.

She might feel like she has to have sex to maintain an intact family. At the same time, she values safety and feels like pulling back from being sexual with him.

Another value that some women talk about is honoring God. For some women, they think that honoring God is submitting sexually to their husband. A conflicting value that often happens simultaneously is they may feel they are honoring God by being authentic and protecting this body God gave me, by protecting my heart that God gave me….so now what do I do?

Am I honoring God by being sexual when I don’t want to? Am I honoring God by not being sexual and protecting myself?

Anne: I think it comes down to being honest. Honoring God by being honest with myself about how I really feel.

Boundaries Can Help Establish Sexual Safety

MJ: It gets confusing.

Anne: It does, especially when so many are distanced from their emotions because they have been so concerned about our addict husband—how does he feel, what can I do to help him, what can I do to help our family stay intact?

Sometimes we are distant from feeling unsafe. So many women have told me they didn’t even recognize that they felt unsafe; and that they don’t even know what that means. I don’t even know if I’ve felt emotionally safe.

With all of this being said, why do you think it’s okay for betrayed spouses to say no to sex after betrayal—or even before? If they feel unsafe, do you think it’s okay to say no?

MJ: I do think it is okay to say no. I would like to talk about saying no after discovering sex addiction is impacting the relationship. Let’s start there.

We can view sex addiction as an intimacy disorder. In-to-me-see disorder means not working. People who experience an intimacy disorder tend to not know how to be close and connected well, authentically.

There is real value in taking sex off the table during sex addiction recovery, for a purposeful period of abstinence. The purpose of this period of abstinence is so the couple can work on establishing emotional intimacy.

As safety is building, the couple can begin to take steps to reestablish—or establishing for the first time—safe, non-sexual touch, then establishing safe sexual touch. I think there is an order to sex addiction recovery for the addict.

The order involves creating emotional intimacy, being close and connected emotionally, then learning how to have non-sexual safe intimacy; then learning how to have sexual intimacy.

Boundaries Around Sex Can Show You Where He’s At

Anne: This is very interesting to me because about six months before my husband’s arrest, I decided I needed emotional intimacy and that I was going to stop initiating sex. I told him that I didn’t feel emotionally safe and that I was not going to initiate sex.

I told him that he was welcome to initiate, if he wanted to, but that I would not be initiating. I told him I needed to see more from him in terms of being emotionally connected. Nothing happened.

He didn’t attempt in any way to reestablish emotional intimacy. In fact, I had purchased a workbook and we started it one night. He said he was so excited. I told him that he would need to be the one to pull it out and get us to work on it. I needed this to feel emotionally safe.

He never pulled out the workbook. Not once.

I think this type of boundary is also helpful in seeing where they really are…I am establishing abstinence to determine if they are really going to work towards emotional intimacy…or are they going to say, “Oh well. She won’t have sex with me so what can I do?” 

MJ: I’m glad you’re bringing up this kind of dynamic. There is something called excess versus deprivation. Let’s apply this dynamic of excess versus deprivation to sex addiction. Imagine in a relationship the husband has the sex addiction and within his marriage, deprivation is happening.

Let’s imagine he is not reaching for his wife; she is not having emotional or physical intimacy–not to the degree she would hope for. Instead, he is acting out sexually, having excess sexual experiences outside of the relationship.

Pornography Use Doesn’t Promote Safe Sexual Intimacy

During attempts to change this, maybe before recognizing the sex addiction, he might make attempts to not be sexual outside the relationship—”I’ll do a workbook; I’m going to try to not have excess outside of the marriage”—and very often what happens is he might shut that down but it doesn’t teeter-totter and make the intimacy within the marriage get better.

I see this with couples I work with. When they are in the first stage of creating safety and stability and making sure that sexual betrayal is not happening outside of the marriage, the hope for the marriage is if excess is shut down, will it teeter-totter and we’ll now have intimacy inside the marriage? This isn’t typically what happens.

Usually, there is now deprivation across the board and sexual behavior is not happening inside or outside of the marriage—because he still has an intimacy disorder. He still does not know how to be intimate.

The couple has to go through the process I will describe later on of moving through emotional intimacy with non-sexual touch and then on to physical intimacy. Sometimes sex addicts are learning this for the first time.

Anne: That being said, MJ, I imagine some couples worry about when they will start having sex again. What is the process for this?

MJ: One of the common beliefs of someone with a sex addiction is that sex is their most important need. There has to be a retraining of the brain to help someone with a sex addiction wrestle with this, to help them learn that sex is not their most important need. Quite frankly, we could live without sex. Someone who is not sexual is not going to die or spontaneously combust!

While we want couples to be both friends and lovers, we want to help the couple to initially create safety in their relationship—this is the part where we stop the acting out behaviors and betrayals…

Anne: And also stop the emotional abuse and the gaslighting and the related behaviors that go along with it.

MJ: Absolutely. I see that sometimes this is harder to change for some addicts who can stop the betrayal behaviors and sexual acting out but changing their emotionally abusive behaviors such as how they show up in conflict and how they use humor—that takes more time.

It’s a relearning of how to communicate and how to respond to their person. This takes a lot of work. This is part of the recovery after sex addiction.

First, we achieve safety and stability. Next is disclosure and transparency which I think is so important because disclosures that are done a little at a time takes a spouse back to ground zero, takes her to her knees.

There can be real trauma in getting little bits of information of betrayal at a time. Ladies need to know what they’re dealing with, so they can make choices about whether or not they want to stay and work on the marriage.

A therapeutic disclosure where the couple is being kept safe and being walked through about how to disclose all the information is very necessary. There must be transparency before communication can be worked on.

Anne: We recommend that women, in conjunction with a therapeutic full disclosure, consider a therapeutic polygraph as well.

MJ: Yes. This can help to make sure all information is out. It can help partners really feel another degree of safety with the person who has betrayed them.

Anne: When we get to the communication phase, one of the things I have been learning about abuse is that it is really a perception issue. The reason why it happens is because the abuser perceives his victim in a certain way, which continually causes the emotional abuse. Changing these mental processes is going to take a really long time.

If these abusive behaviors are happening, couples’ therapy is contraindicated until about two years after the last abuse episode. From a sex therapist point of view, can you talk about this? What is the process of someone deciding they are not going to be emotionally abusive anymore, in the context of sex addiction?

MJ: When it comes to sex addiction, I find that many addicts exhibit profound gaslighting behaviors because they are trying not to get caught, they are trying to get their spouse to back up and not find out about their secret. They will be manipulative, bullying, mean, and say critical and contemptuous things to get the wife to back up.

In recovery from sex addiction, there is this period of teaching them how to recognize how they respond to being questioned, to having conflict. They have to learn how their brain wants them to gaslight. They have to challenge that and learn how to respond differently.

It really is a process and validates again why, in some ways, they might have more immediate success in stopping the betrayal behaviors, the sexual acting out, and then it could take a long time to learn how to respond kindly, not defensively, being able to accept influence.

This goes a long way to helping the couple start moving toward reestablishing a sexual relationship, the safety has to come first.

BTR Can Help When Your Sexual Safety Is At Risk

Anne: If you feel isolated, confused, or you are trying to cope on your own and things are not working, your therapist doesn’t understand, you’re not making progress, please schedule an individual session with a BTR coach to determine what next steps to take.

Our groups are specifically for you with Certified Betrayal Trauma Specialists. We know there are individual differences and that each situation is unique, but we have all had similar challenges. Everyone at BTR is going through what you are going through and we understand.

BTRG is an inexpensive option for those who need the flexibility of an online support group. With group sessions scheduled multiple times a day, there’s one that will work for you.

If you are interested in immediate assistance through a peer-to-peer group join our Facebook community. The BTR Secret Facebook group is peer-to-peer, and not coach-led, but is a good place to start. 

MJ, thank you so much for your thoughtful responses. I appreciate the time you have taken to talk with us today. We are going to have MJ on next week to discuss healthy sexuality after betrayal!    

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