Divorcing an emotional abuser is a complex and challenging process, especially since courts often do not recognize emotional abuse. If you are a woman going through this difficult period, it is crucial to seek support and take steps to protect yourself. Here are six essential steps to keep in mind.
1. Build a Safe Support Network
When divorcing an emotional abuser, it’s vital to surround yourself with a safe support network. Many victims receive damaging advice from well-meaning friends, family, or professionals who may not fully understand the nuances of emotional abuse.
Safe Support Tips:
- Attend a Betrayal Trauma Group Session: Attending an online group session at BTR.ORG will connect you with other women who understand your situation.
- Identify Safe People: Choose supporters who are trauma-informed, do not contact your abuser, and support your decisions without victim-blaming.
2. Prioritize Self-Care When Divorcing An Emotional Abuser
Self-care is essential during the divorce process. Emotional abusers often condition victims to neglect their own needs, so relearning self-care is crucial.
Self-Care Strategies:
- Nourishment: Ensure you eat at least one healthy, filling meal daily.
- Hydration: Carry a water bottle and stay hydrated throughout the day.
- Rest: Trauma can disturb sleep. Rest during the day if you can’t sleep at night.
- Peace: Practice deliberate relaxation techniques to regain a sense of calm.
3. Educate Yourself on Emotional Abuse Protection Strategies
Knowledge is power. Since the legal system won’t protect you from emotional abuse when divorcing an emotional abuser, learn how to protect yourself.
Educational Resources:
- BTR.ORG Workshops: Participate in The BTR.ORG Living Free and Message Workshops to gain valuable insights and strategies to protect yourself both in and out of family court.
4. Learn New Life Skills
Divorcing an emotional abuser often requires learning new skills to rebuild your life.
Skill Development:
- Financial Independence: Take courses or seek advice on managing finances independently.
- Legal Knowledge: Familiarize yourself with legal processes and rights.
- Abuse Knowledge: Listen to The FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast to understand more about emotional abuse, how it impacted you and how to protect yourself.
5. Separate from Unsupportive Influences
It’s crucial to distance yourself from people the emotional abuser has manipulated into thinking you’re the problem.
Separation Tips:
- Limit Contact: Avoid interactions with individuals who support your abuser.
- Shut Down Social Media: To prevent further abuse, deactivate social media accounts where your abuser or his enablers might reach you.
6. Get a Good Divorce Coach When You’re Divorcing An Emotional Abuser
A knowledgeable divorce coach can make a significant difference in your journey. They understand the tactics emotional abusers use and can guide you through the legal system effectively.
Coaching Support:
Divorcing An Emotional Abuser Will Be Worth It
Divorcing an emotional abuser is a daunting task, but with the right support and strategies, you can find peace, empowerment, and safety.
For personalized assistance, consider Scheduling a session with a BTR Divorce Coach today and start your path to recovery and independence.
Your podcast helped me so much over the last two years.
I found out that my husband was imagining he was a woman and then imagine raping himself – along with all the pornography he consumed. I did not know this for 14 years of my marriage. The discovery and the after story is even worse.
My husband love bombed me after I discovered what he was doing and said he asked Jesus into his heart and was baptized. Because of that, I decided to stay with him. Plus, he promised to seek help/therapy and I got pregnant. At the time, our son was nine years old. I believed him until about three months later I found out there is no help for dissociation behavior, narcissism and lying. I stayed for 7 months after my little girl was born and then made the ultimate decision to leave.
When I filed for divorce he was already in another sexual relationship with in 10 days.
I would love to come on The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast!! You’ve helped me so much. The whole year it took to finalize my divorce has been sooo hard. But the hardest is having to send my children to my ex husband’s girlfriend house with unsupervised visitation. My ex husband has at least 3 of the 6 mental behavior issues that my children should be protected from, but the courts will not see him for the abuser he is. I have copies of his journals stating what he does. He didn’t know I took pictures of it before the divorce, but I did thinking it would help me protect my kids. I ended up settling my divorce 5 days ago instead of going to trial.
Tiffany! Yes, I’d love to have you come share your story. Contact my assistant kari@btr.org to set up an interview:). Hugs!