Many victims of betrayal and relational abuse are faced with enduring a custody battle with a narcissist. Here are 3 things you must know when starting the process of battling for custody when your husband is a narcissist.
#Intimidation And More Abuse In A Custody Battle With A Narcissist
A Custody Battle With A Narcissist
He warned me that if I ever mentioned divorce or attorneys, he’d take everything. He said no one could make him pay child support .
Isabelle, member of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Community
When victims of narcissistic abuse start a custody battle, the narcissist might . . .
- Turn family and friends against you, saying you’re crazy, abusive, a bad mom, etc.
- Shame you for putting the children through a divorce
- Threaten to take the children
- Cut off financial support
- Put cameras in your home, car, etc
Expecting more emotional, psychological, and even physical abuse is a must for every woman in a custody battle with a narcissist.
BTR has Certified Divorce and Mediation Coaches, supervised by Anne Blythe, M.Ed. Executive Director of BTR.ORG who can help you through the process. Attend a BTR Group Session TODAY.
#2 Lies, Lies & More Lies In A Custody Battle With A Narcissist
Divorcing a narcissist means dealing with lies and manipulation. It can be frustrating to hear the falsehoods and out of the courtroom. Narcissists lie to judges, attorneys, police officers, colleagues. They’ll even lie to your boss, family, friends, and children.
Understanding why they do this is crucial. The BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop explains their behavior and offers strategies to protect yourself during a custody battle.
I had to prove what he had done to me and disprove that I was a delusional liar.
Isabelle, member of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Community
It’s especially hard when a narcissistic abuser lies to the court. Women often find themselves defending against things they haven’t done.
#3 Understand That Courts Will Often Favor The Narcissist
Most courts don’t take narcissistic abuse seriously. Many women are treated as if they are crazy, lying, or exaggerating. Knowing this can help women plan ahead.
Victims can:
- Hire a lawyer who understands abuse and trauma
- Talk to a divorce expert, like a BTR Coach, for advice on how to act in court
- Take The BTR.ORG Living Free & Message Workshops
At BTR, we understand the fear that comes with a custody battle against a narcissist. The fear of losing your children can get intense.
Every victim deserves a safe place to ask questions, and connect with others who understand. Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions meet daily in every time zone.
We’d love to see you in a Group Session TODAY.
I can’t thank you enough for these wonderful and incredibly helpful podcasts. Thank you for your bravery and efforts to share and research all this. One thing I feel I would like to comment on (and I mean absolutely no offence or disrespect) is that I am not Christian and I sometimes find it difficult to feel akin to when you use the words Christ, Satan, God etc. but I do not consider myself to be unspiritual so, during your podcasts when you refer to these I replace them with: the Light side, the Dark side, or the Force which I find easier to connect with – don’t laugh! ?
I love it! I’m so glad you shared:). Yes, I don’t want to alienate non-Christians, and I appreciate the patience and generosity you show when you allow me to describe it from my faith paradigm. Thank you. Would you consider coming on the podcast to talk about this? I love to hear all perspectives:). Email my assistant kari@btr.org and she can schedule the interview:).
Wow! I just listened to both parts of Isabelle’s story. I was really hoping that Isabelle’s husband would end up in jail for multiple consecutive life sentences. So that didn’t happen, but I am very happy to hear she got full custody of her children and that she was healed miraculously from her physical and psychological pain.
What I am still very worried about is her children who, while they no longer have to be abused by their father, are most likely completely traumatized by their experiences growing up.
It is unfathomable that raping and physically abusing a women in the way she described for so many decades would not be against the law. While I am not in government or a lawyer, it seems to me that the laws are due for some major changes in those eight states. It also made me really angry that the court appointed representatives who where supposed to help your children also, further traumatized them. G-d willing, some brave Sheros will help to transform these messed up systems of law to better serve abused women and children.
Yes, as it currently stands, the custody laws see the abuser and the victim as equals in terms of custody. Unless there is significant proof that he has physically or sexually abused the children (or in jail for something), he is seen as an equal in the eyes of the law when it comes to custody. It’s extremely sad and wrong.
When I went through my very similar divorce, I wasn’t able to find this type of encouragement. I frequently research narcissism because of the trauma, and I believe my daughter may have some traits as well. The experience was a waking nightmare. I was so naive, ignorant, blinded that I didn’t fully see the truth until he completely removed his mask after almost 20 years of marriage and 3 kids.
My situation called for miracles, and it was the most painful thing I think I’ll ever experience. He tried to get me to leave the marital home, I’m sure to give the appearance of abandonment. Instead, he left and took the kids with him. Thankfully, the most grievous loss was the kids, so his affair and abandonment didn’t affect me as much. I was the primary caregiver, a stay at home mom, and very close to my children. I was in disbelief and bewildered. I think others, including my own family, were perplexed because he tried very hard to charm them.
I do remember finding an article about a mom who lost custody because her ex had strong political ties. I believe she lost her children when they were small and had not seen them still as they were approaching adulthood. This story was horrifying. I usually don’t comment but feel compelled because I lived it and wish to give others desperately needed hope.
I magnify and Glorify the Lord because He loves me so much. He provided everything I needed. He fought the battle because I couldn’t. I tried hard to make sound decisions, but I just seemed to encounter so many of the problems that were warned about on this podcast. It was the fight of my life, and I wanted to die. I couldn’t seem to win, and perhaps it was so others could see the impossibility of the situation and realize the Greatness of God. Gods still untangling the mess in His timing 10 yrs later. Friends, invite Christ into your life. Hand it to His father and trust Him to fix it and heal you perfectly. Prepare yourself to be provided for and loved in unexpected ways. He will show Himself mightily through your trial and you will grow closer to Him. You’ll learn a lot, and it will be so much more than OK!!!