Connecting With Children After Betrayal Trauma

by | Parenting

Creating family connections

Victims of betrayal and emotional abuse may feel overwhelmed when they think about connecting authentically with their children. When even the smallest of tasks feel insurmountable, it is no wonder that many women suffering from betrayal trauma struggle to connect to their children.

Here at BTR, we want to support you as you begin to create healthy connections with your children. 

Victims of Betrayal Trauma Can Choose “The Power of Talk”

When a woman’s life has fallen into pieces at the hands of an unfaithful and abusive partner, she may feel that she can’t handle even one more thing – especially if it’s vulnerable and authentic conversation.

However, as victims take small steps toward connection, they will see big results. One of those small steps is having simple but authentic conversations. Choosing “the power of talk” can be a wonderful first step for women hoping to connect with their children.

Children Benefit From One-On-One Attention

Another simple step that victims of betrayal trauma can take, is to give their child(ren) a few moments of one-on-one attention as often as possible.

Conversation With Parents Help Foster Trust

Authentic conversations between parents and children can help traumatized children learn to trust again. Of course, parents must be safe individuals in order for authentic and healthy trust to be established.

Betrayed women may find the following ideas helpful:

  • Schedule regular one-on-one time with children to facilitate healthy conversations.
  • Invite and encourage children to come to you with questions or worries.
  • Let children know that no topic is off-limits.
  • Connection To Family Members Is Essential For Growth


Honesty Helps Build Connection

Some trauma victims feel trapped when it comes to authentic connection because they are afraid or uncomfortable with honestly explaining what their partner has done to them.

It is important to understand that while civility is an important practice, honesty is what builds connection. Mothers can withhold gruesome or disturbing details, while still maintaining the truth in conversations with their children.

Connection Can Be Easy And Fun

After trauma, connection and authentic conversation don’t have to always be serious and somber. 

Mothers can seek opportunities to enjoy activities like board games, bike rides, and cooking together, to facilitate connection in fun and light-hearted ways.

Texting Is Not A Replacement For Connection

In this modern world, children and adults may find themselves using their phones more than they would like it. As traumatized women put their phones down and make eye contact with their children, they are forging important connections that will help children learn how to use technology in healthy ways. 

Screen Free Time Helps To Foster Connection

Some emotional abuse victims find that scheduling time without screens, for themselves and their children, is helpful in developing healthy habits relating to technology.

Dinner times, before bed time, or weekend breaks may be helpful.

Sharing Feelings Is Important For Development

Traumatized children often have difficulty expressing their feelings and processing their trauma in healthy ways. 

Encouraging and allowing space for children to share their feelings, however unpleasant, is important in establishing connection after trauma.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Supports Victims of Betrayal and Abuse

At BTR, we understand how difficult it can be get up in the morning, let alone have meaningful, authentic conversations with children and teens.

Victims of betrayal and abuse deserve a safe place to process trauma, express feelings, and feel validated and supported. The journey to healing is long and difficult, but is made easier by having a community of women who understand.

The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group meets daily in every time zone. Join today and find the validation, support, and empowerment that you deserve.

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